Wayne's World Feat. Skulduggery: A Whole New World - The 2012 Brand Split

[zzzorf]

Welcome back one and all to the weird and wonderful world that is my mind. Now even with the warning I gave the other week about how messed up my mind is, today I find myself with a special guest taking up residence with me. You all may remember that half of me went over to join half of Skulduggery earlier this month for his column Half Luck, Half Skul: And Half zzzorf! A Brand New (and Improved) World. Well today it’s time for my other half to host Skul’s other half while we bring to you A Whole New World.

In Skul’s column we travelled down memory lane back to the 23rd day of March, 2002, the day that the WWE went through its initial brand split. Between us we redid the draft from that day but the choices we made were based not on their position at the time but what they offered to the company in the ten years that followed.

After handing him his ass with my superior roster I thought I better give him a chance to redeem himself, but while living in the past can be fun the future is always brighter so they say. This is why I invited Skul here today, I had a little scenario that would take us out of reliving the glory days and move towards a bright new future.

The scenario before us was that the 1,000th Raw was in fact a whole new brand split. All superstars bar the World Champions were available to be drafted. As for the champions they stayed where they are, meaning CM Punk is the Raw champion and Sheamus the Smackdown Champion. Established Tag Teams could be picked as a whole or split as needed but no new teams could be made or old teams reformed for the sake of the draft.

Reprising our roles from the previous draft I represent Smackdown and Skul represents Raw. Since Smackdown had the first draft last time this time the initial draft spot was given to Raw but I would have given it to him anyway so he got the head start and had nothing to complain about when I picked the superior roster once again. We both had 10 picks each on the telecast with the rest of the roster being left to find out on the web. So with that all done let’s look at Raw’s first pick.

1. Raw Pick 1: John Cena
As far as the “Let’s Go Cena”-”Cena Sucks” seesaw is concerned, I consider myself pretty close to the fulcrum of neutrality. I don’t hate the guy, but I’m not his biggest fan, either. However, I think I’d be crazier than the lovechild of Heidenreich and AJ Lee if I passed on Cena. Jorts has proven to be a draw, he can easily fit into the top championship picture (or, as we’ve seen this year, his own “Cena league”), and he may even play a big part in putting a deserving superstar over. He has veteran leadership skills that pale to only a few; yet it’s not too wild to think that he could be full-timing for another 5-8 years, considering his passion for the business.

2. Smackdown Pick 1: Randy Orton
Always taking the obvious pick aren’t you? Can’t think outside the box can you? I’m about to do the same thing aren’t I? We couldn’t really call ourselves fans if we didn’t pick these two first. They have been the major stars of the company for the last few years and injury and drug use permitting they will be the leaders for many years to come. OK so the easy picks are out of the way, time to impress me Skul.

3. Raw Pick 2: Dolph Ziggler
My first pick was for a guy who is huge presently and should be impactful in the future. Captain Charisma says, “hit the switch”, so now I select a guy who is impactful in the current day and should be a mega-star in the very near future. Ziggler is fairly young, athletic, and his charisma is improving. He could easily create great storylines and better matches with my champion and my first pick. Everyone who has even peeked at an episode of RAW should know that the Show-Off has a selling ability that could evoke jealousy in the beer guy at a 30-degree (Celsius) football game. Dolph could possibly be my top #Heel for years to come, although his match with Swagger a few weeks back indicated to me that he could, one day, be a believable face.

4. Smackdown Pick 2: Daniel Bryan
So both Money in the Bank contracts are in your grip interesting ploy, very interesting. But I am not sweating it, when Ziggler cashes in and loses to Sheamus all will be fine in the world once more (Wayne turns and cusses at the wall for a couple of minutes). Anyway on to my next pick I will take one of the biggest stars of the current product Daniel Bryan. This one is as much personal favourite as it is a strategic pick but I think that it’s justified as Bryan has proved himself worthy. Wrestlemania aside Bryan has had a pretty good last year having great matches and being a main event mainstay. Bryan has proven he can hang with the big boys and will be around that top echelon for years to come. While he has unfinished business with Sheamus it is the potential feud with Orton this choice gives me that has me salivating in anticipation.

5. Raw Pick 3: Wade Barrett
Forgot about this guy, anyone? Not I...not I. I’m actually quite glad that you took the American Bandwagon. While my overflowing logic dictated that Bryan would be a wise next pick (if he was still available at 5), I am in what is probably a minority because I am not a fan. Thus, I am elated to select his former NXT cohort. This is one bad-ass Brit who has all the tools for a WWE future brighter than both Damien Sandow’s mind and tights. Wade possesses size, strength, and mic ability; he can also put on a very good match given the right opponent. Because I plan on loading my roster with “right opponent”s, Barrett will be a great asset to RAW.

6. Smackdown Pick 3: Cody Rhodes
Your rosters shaping up nicely so far, as nice as a two-dollar hooker on her rags. Anyway now that you’re finished with your Pommy love it’s time for me to continue on. Now that I have my past and present main event stars sorted out it is time to pick my main event star of the future. Last year Cody Rhodes proved that he has improved his game tenfold and he continues to show improvement today. He has already proven he can throwdown with my previous picks and pull of a good match and at the right old age of 27 he can offer Smackdown many years of service.

7. Raw Pick 4: Christian (Intercontinental Champion)
Improving your game tenfold when it started out as a 0.6 on a scale of ten only gets you so far . Time to bring a bit more of a veteran feel to my roster, although the Cap’n is far from over the wrestling hill. He had arguably the best year of his career only last year, and is only a snap of the finger away from another stint in the main event scene. Simultaneously, Christian is perfectly fit for delivering in the upper midcard with guys like Ziggler and Barrett. Christian is one of the best in the game at playing both a face and a heel extremely well, he consistently puts on good matches, he’d be a great guy to put over young talent, and he oozes charisma. Retrieving the IC title is a bonus in this pick that’s partially made to add some Canadian talent to the RAW roster.

8. Smackdown Pick 4: Kofi Kingston/R-Truth (Tag Team Champions)
I knew leaving Christian to pick 4 was going to be to my detriment but I needed to have my other choices before him. Well played for getting a good pick in before I could and a prestigious title to go with it. Anyway for my next pick I am going to use a little loophole in the system and pick up the Tag Team Champs. While the titles themselves remain co-branded for now as there is not enough teams to have a belt on both shows I see this as picking up two top superstars for the price of one, by choosing them as their tag team instead of individually. My plan is once they have lost the titles and had their obligatory rematch and maybe one or two more I will see them quietly go their own ways having Kofi be the leader of my midcard and have him venture to the upper card when needed and R-Truth can move into a basic mid to low level star.

9. Raw Pick 5: The Miz
Damn, I’m going to miss Kofi - but you are more than welcome to keep R-Truth the hell away from my show. Moving on to my fifth pick, I proudly select The Miz. Despite his recent look that suggests a five-year aging overnight, Mizanin is still young enough to be a solid player for years to come. He’s already proven that he can successfully run with both midcard and main event championships and can provide much-needed sardonic mic work into any situation. I have a strong feeling that his late 2011 to early 2012 slip is merely a temporary speedbump gone wrong. The Cleveland Screamer has the ingredients to once again make it into the main event bakery; he just needs to add said ingredients in the correct manner. Potential feuds with CM Punk and Christian could do wonders for the formerly fauxhawked one.

10. Smackdown Pick 5: Santino Marella (US Champion)
Well hopefully Miz’s luck will change for you and he becomes an asset to your brand but I see the entire cast of The Jersey Shore getting PhD’s before that is likely to happen. Now for my next pick I will do something I wished to avoid but your previous pick of Christian has forced my hand. For pick 5 I pick Santino Marella, or more importantly I pick the US Title. I could not afford for you to steal both midcard titles and leave my roster with jack shit. In his defense though Santino will bring his special charm to the table but same old same old is just not good enough, that is why Santino will turn heel once more. The feud that will eventually happen between Santino and R-Truth will be pure gold, being great comic relief from the seriousness of my other picks, even if no one will be able to understand what either of them are talking about.

11. Raw Pick 6: Rey Mysterio
The number of young up-and-comers that actually have proven themselves is dwindling, so time to mix it up. Sure, Mysterio’s old and he doesn’t quite have the speed he once did. Meh. He can still put on a great match and is a perfect fit swapping between the main event and the upper midcard. You know those midcard guys with boatloads of talent? Those guys that really need a rub from an established star - but beating a Big Show, John Cena or Undertaker just isn’t believable? Mysterio fits into that “established star” section like a key in a lock (see Rhodes, 2011). Additionally, Batman draws big numbers from kids and the Latino community; he sells a pile of merch, and other than Ziggler and Punk, Mysterio has a plethora of fresh feuds to enter with my roster. The only asterisk on this pick is that, as GM, I’m invoking my “Jeff Hardy rule” - no mic work is allowed.

12. Smackdown Pick 6: Drew McIntyre
Enjoy your couple of months with ReyRey they will be very entertaining but of course his body will give way once again quicker than Sin Cara takes to botch a move. For my next pick I am going to go a little left field and pick someone for who I am a big fan of and who I think has potential to be somewhat of a minor star. Joining my mid card division is Drew McIntyre who of course is no stranger to that division being an ex-Intercontinental Champion. When he was champ his potential was just starting to show but has since been smothered and now I will give him his chance to shine. Oh and getting to hear that theme song once more isn't going to hurt either.

13. Raw Pick 7: Chris Jericho
OK, if The Miz is unlikely to turn his career around, then Santa Claus will shave his beard into handlebars, curbstomp Rudolph, move to Neptune and become a hitman before McIntyre even sniffs the level of success Miz once had. Although, you’re right, Drew’s theme song kicks seven kinds of ass. I already foresee the geriatric jokes coming, due to my last pick being Mysterio and this pick being Jericho, but hear me out. Jericho has proven match in and match out over the last few months that he can still deliver a classic. He has history with Christian, Miz, and Barrett; and he has a potentially amazing feud on the rise with Ziggler. Jericho has quite possibly the best range of character in WWE today, and his mic skills are damn near untouchable. The only minor downfall I can see in this pick is that he is getting up there in age, and has a second career. Fortunately, I plan on offering him an immense contract in order to ensure he stays on RAW for quite some time .

14. Smackdown Pick 7: Kane
Well you definitely are stacking your roster for the immediate future aren't you but just like Rey is going to get injured quicker than Cara can botch, Jericho is going to leave again quicker than Mick Foley trying for a cheap pop. Now since we are looking at older stars who can help put over the younger stars then I will lay claim to The Big Red Machine. Kane has still got a few good years left in him and he could go a long way to helping put some of my younger guys over. On top of that though he is also a credible name to add to the main event scene when needed.

15. Raw Pick 8: Jack Swagger
I think I’ve got my quota of veterans for the time being; time to dip back into the fountain of youth. Swagger’s become a bit of a joke recently, but I’m not convinced that the punchline will be his career demise. The All-(American) ^3 still has a great wrestling background and pedigree, and he has the potential to shine pretty brightly between the ropes. There’s no need for him to dangerously go anywhere near the main event scene, but he can easily be a big time player in the midcard. Once he gets his head refocused and rids himself of that ‘50s ‘do, RAW will see Jack get his Swagger back.

16. Smackdown Pick 8: Antonio Cesaro
A bit of a joke, come on man, Doink The Clown is jealous of the joke that Swagger has become. Filling your roster up with has beens and wannabes, is this really how you want Raw to look? For my next pick I have chosen someone whose WWE career is just starting. Antonio Cesaro is a potential star if the future. He is another independent star who has made his way to the company to make a bigger name for himself and if the current trend is going to continue then the IWC will have him a star before you could mentally undress Aksana. Also there is always the chance that Kassius Ohno joins my roster on call-up and reunites the Kings of Wrestling thus strengthening my tag division.

17. Raw Pick 9: Ryback
Antonio...I’m sorry, who? Anyways, my next steal is the man formerly known as Skip Sheffield. This monster has done a rare thing; he has become well-liked by the crowd and the IWC without even going near a microphone. As many have mentioned before me, Ryback is impressive partly because he varies things in his squashes; they are not Xerox burials. He brings incredible power to RAW and has a grand future ahead once he eventually steps up to the plate in the majors. But for now, I'm good with him continuing to crush balls in batting practice.

18. Smackdown Pick 9: The Usos (Jimmy & Jey)
Um Skip Sheffield is Ryback? You pulling my leg? That cowboy went to the future and came back a Terminator? Well you can have Goldberg’s double, you need something for all the jobbers on your roster to do. So now the main event and mid-card parts of my roster have got the basis sorted out it is time to give my tag team division a little boost. But why the Usos? Well this just comes down to personal preference. I think they are the best tag team in the WWE at the moment. They have a great look and can get it done in the ring. They have the whole brother/twin thing going for them plus the pedigree as well. Plus their entrance is one of the best I have ever seen but I could be a little biased there. Living in Australia I have seen the Siva Tau performed many times by Samoan Rugby League and Union teams as well as the Kailao from Tonga, the Cibi from Fiji and more commonly the Haka from New Zealand. I have always enjoyed these and marked out the first time The Uso’s performed the Siva Tau.

19. Raw Pick 10: The Rock
Nothing like mirroring a perfect pick, and that’s exactly what I plan on doing for my final selection. When re-doing the 2002 draft in Half Luck, Half Skul: and Half zzzorf!, I went out with a bang by selecting one of the all-time greats in The Rock for my final selection; here in 2012, I do the same. Granted, he’s not a full-time performer; he only makes rare appearances, and yet – his incredible stardom makes those rare visits very worthwhile. Dwayne is already booked for a WWE championship match at the Royal Rumble; I’d bet my entire roster that he’ll be making some sort of appearance at WrestleMania; and there can be little doubt that he’ll be showing up on RAW for weeks to hype those events. With my star-studded roster, I’ll have no trouble convincing the Great One to stick around for more matches after Mania. Not to mention, my champion and my first pick? CM Punk and John Cena. Add Rocky to that mix, you could have some fantastic yet credible rivalries in the near future.

20. Smackdown Pick 10: The Undertaker
Seeing as though I was going to do a similar thing here that you were going to do I don’t have much to say except that you don’t seem to have an original bone in your body. My last pick here is my first pick from the draft ten years ago, none other than the Sultan of Smackdown himself, The Undertaker. I have spoke a few times over the last couple of months about how important Taker has been to the blue brand and it would be good once again to see him appear where he belongs. While his appearances are few and far between when he does show up it is always something special.

Wrestlers to be drafted: Alex Riley, Big Show, Evan Bourne, Epico, Triple H, Curt Hawkins, JTG, Brock Lesnar, Michael McGillicuty, David Otunga, Primo, Tyler Reks, Mason Ryan, Zack Ryder, Tensai, Alberto Del Rio, Brodus Clay, Camacho, Damien Sandow, Darren Young, Ezekiel Jackson, The Great Khali, Heath Slater, Hunico, Jinder Mahal, Johnny Curtis, Justin Gabriel, Mark Henry, Sin Cara, Ted DiBiase, Titus O’Neil, Trent Baretta, Tyson Kidd, Yoshi Tatsu, Beth Phoenix, Eve, Kelly Kelly, AJ, Aksana, Alicia Fox, Kaitlyn, Tamina Snuka, Layla (Divas Champion), Natalya, Hornswoggle, Kharma, Percy Watson


Final Roster Recap:

Raw: CM Punk, John Cena, Dolph Ziggler, Wade Barrett, Christian, The Miz, Rey Mysterio, Chris Jericho, Jack Swagger, Ryback, The Rock

Smackdown: Sheamus, Randy Orton, Daniel Bryan, Cody Rhodes, Kofi Kingston/R-Truth, Santino Marella, Drew McIntyre, Kane, Antonio Cesaro, The Usos, The Undertaker


Well that wraps it all up folks, there is the basis for our brands going forward into the future. While I may regret giving Skulduggery the first pick for a couple of times he stole who I wanted I will have to say that once again I have chosen the superior roster.

Thanks for inviting me to do this, zzzorf. Sorry I had to crush your hopes of redeeming yourself after the ‘02 draft. As it is, I’d say my roster is slightly better than yours. However, when Orton gets strike three and Bryan gets fired again for choking himself with a tie, SmackDown is headed for dangerous waters. In all seriousness, though, this was once again a blast.

Orton gets done for his third strike, I would have to say Rey is even closer to that happening than him. And of course when looking through those rose-coloured glasses of yours, your roster does look better but when reality kicks in mine will always be the superior roster.

So who really does have the best roster? Has Raw pulled some skulduggery into making you believe that they are the superior brand or has Smackdown shown you the Truth which will have you screaming Yes! while the Brothers of Destruction bury the raw roster alive in their coffins filled with Cobras and Vipers. Then we can all do the Siva Tau on their graves followed by playing a good old game of Rugby Union before going to the local pub and grabbing us a pint of Guinness while we listen to some Bagpipes play and put on some fake Jamaican accents while having a puff. Now won’t that be a Dashing good time?

Thanx for reading,

Wayne Little (and Skulduggery too)

[Mizfan]

My favorite part is that nobody picked Del Rio.

I think Raw looks like the better show to me, but only by a bit. You know I'm not much into fantasy booking type stuff, but I do enjoy a good draft so at least you picked an interesting place to start. It might have been nice to have somebody who was a bit more willing to go off the beaten path though, both of you guys more or less followed the common line of thinking here. Even so, you guys have sufficient chemistry that this was a decently entertaining read. If you try this little team up again, maybe it'd be better to look for something a little more outside the box? Something to think about, guys.

[Calb]

Yeah, Raw for me too. Punk, Cena, Ziggler, Barrett, Jericho, Ryback, Rock? Nice right there. Miz, Swagger, Christian, Mysterio are good too, but those guys alone are great.
Smackdown? Sheamus, Bryan, Rhodes, Truth, Kofi, Uso's and Taker are nice, but Cesaro, Santino, Drew Mac? Not proven, could've picked better! Replace those three with Mark Henry, Tyson Kidd and Brodus Clay, oh, and someone in there maybe for Sandow..
I like this, well done guys, love the collabs around here.

[zzzorf]

Mizfan: Ah Del Rio, the love for him is endless, has the ability but we are all just so bored of him. I thought I went off the beaten path with a few of my picks but oh well I tried. Outside the box you say?

Calb: So Cesaro, Santino and Drew aren't proven yet Tyson, Brodus and Sandow are proven? I think you need to think about that a little bit.

[Skulduggery]

Guess I'll do a bit of feedback...

Mizfan - Del Rio. Meh.

Yeah, I guess 9 out of my 10 picks live right in that beaten path, but I think Swagger was a bit of a left fielder. The poor guy has a losing streak a mile long, but I still see a lot of potential in him.

Thanks for reading, bud! Always an honor.

Calb - Raw raw raw! Haha. Thanks for the read and the vote of confidence!