Ranking The Markouts @ #Raw1000
Ranking The Markouts @ #Raw1000
‘Sup, CF? Well for the second time in about 8 days the WWE have made me totally put my seemingly endless writing of the Ultimate June PPV on hold thanks to a great bit of TV. Just like this time last Monday, I had absolutely zero intent of writing about what I have just finished watching before I started watching it. WWE really brought it however with the 1000th episode of Raw. My immediate reaction is that I had more markout moments in 3 hours than I did in the last 3 years. Obviously that is a bit of an overstatement but the fact is it was an episode of nostalgic kicks as well as well as a decent amount of storyline progression and creation. Whilst I have seen that not everyone was quite as enthused about the show as I was, and I do understand the reasons why, I still thought I would give my thoughts on the action. Instead of ranking the talent today though I will be raking my top ten markout moments of the show...
10. Marketing at its Finest
Anyone who has read a lot of my work or known me from the forums for a decent amount of time will know that despite brief infatuations with the odd diva here or there, the woman that really does it for me is Steph. Now when her music hit I got excited but I have to say that I was half expecting Mr Levesque to be looking a bit ropey. Boy was I wrong. Steph looked absolutely stunning and it’s cool that as I have matured (well, sort of), she has become top MILF as opposed to daddy’s little princess. More importantly however, she is not just a pretty face. She has that McMahon blood which seems to come with a built-in gene for being a great on-camera talent when it comes to wrestling. There are certain people she really clicks with and it just so happens that a certain Paul Heyman falls into that category. Whilst it isn’t everybody’s cup of tea, I am very much looking forward to Triple H and Brock Lesnar headlining SummerSlam, but Steph and Heyman helped up it a notch. Stephanie tricking Paul into taking the match was pretty basic stuff but here is a secret, if you do the basic stuff well in wrestling, you don’t need much more. The slap attacks were fun too and overall they definitely upped the anticipation for the match. Between markout moment one which was Steph arriving and markout moment two where Trips sent Lesnar flying out of his ring, it was just a fun segment building to a massive match.
TV Markout Equivalent: Locke’s Dad throwing Locke out a hotel window (Lost)
9. Indecent Proposal
We all knew that the wedding of D-Bry and AJ was going to end as well as Billy and Chuck’s but most people were thinking it was Bryan who would throw us the swerve. That was a little naive considering AJ is totally fucking bananas. I guess that is how a hot chicks can mess with your logical thinking. It was AJ who bailed on the wedding and even more surprisingly, she did it to accept the post of Raw General Manager. Some will see it as a strange choice but I thought it was a great idea. Putting her cuteness to one side, she has been absolutely brilliant on TV over the last few months and deserves a shot at another big storyline. Now is where we really get a chance to see just how well she can adapt to something new. Can she play other characters aside from the doting girlfriend who flipped out after getting dumped and become the strongest female in the company since, well, Steph, or will she just end up a high profile Taryn Terrel?
TV Markout Equivalent: Mel leaves Ian (Eastenders)
8. A Moment of Glory
This one is a nice and simple one. Vince McMahon came out to start the 1000th episode of his TV show and thanked the audience, to which they responded (as did most watching on TV, at least in their heads) with a “Thank You, Vince”. There’s not much more I can add. He may be extremely frustrating in his decisions at times but you cannot deny the fact that he is still here, all these years later, putting out a (generally) good show. Whilst I haven’t watched every episode, I have watched all the way through Raw’s epic run and nobody deserves to lap up the glory more than Vince.
TV Markout Equivalent: Mr Feeny sees his “children” move on (Boy Meets World)
7. You’ll Never get Nothing in the End
Slick is often overlooked when it comes to the greatest managers of all time and that may be a little unfair. That said, that is not why I marked out when he made his entrance to officiate the Bryan-AJ wedding. I marked out because the guy simply has the best theme music in WWE history. This is not the first time I have posted Jive Soul Bro in a column, and I am pretty sure it won’t be the last. It is a must-watch if you have never seen it.
TV Markout Equivalent: Frankie Valli appears as Rusty Millio (The Sopranos)
6. Brothers of Destruction
It has come to a point that if you haven’t seen The Undertaker for a month or more, hearing a bell toll on WWE programming is just like auto-markout. I loved the fact that he got to clear house once more with his “brother” too. I mean yeah, they could have had something a bit more high profile to do than take out six jobbers but, as I alluded to earlier, if Taker shows up it’s a big deal. Plus, it was a fun moment as they hit their chokeslams and tombstones pretty much in sync.
TV Markout Equivalent: Joey Moves Back in with Chandler after getting rid of Eddie (Friends)
5. A Handy Return
Storyline continuity is never really a big issue for the WWE writing team but if Mae Young (who is looking damn strong still) turning up with her now grown up hand didn’t make you at least smile, you seriously have no soul. As someone who actually liked the original storyline (yes, there are some out there) I thought it was a very tiny touch of pure genius. The smartest thing about it is that it can be just as appreciated by somebody who hated the original storyline too. As Hustle pointed out in his running diary, all it needed was a bit of interaction from Mark Henry. If he asked Mae to give back 12 years of child support this might actually have actually been the number one moment in this column.
TV Markout Equivalent: House hires an child actor to pretend to be Wilson’s son (House)
4. #Losing and #Winning
Raw 1000 was a busy old night for Daniel Bryan. He got left at the altar, freaked out about it all, was insulted by not only CM Punk and The Rock, but also Charlie Sheen. On the upside though he had the privilege of being interviewed by the man in the photo above. The appearance of Sean Mooney was probably the strangest markout moment of my evening but that happens when an obscure name from your childhood pops up out of nowhere. But enough about that guy. D-Bry was pretty much the butt of a joke between the Rock and Punk but he equipped himself well in very prestigious company but then the real markout moment came when it sort of maybe appeared that Charlie Sheen possibly challenged Bryan to a match at SummerSlam. Now of course there is a long way to go before that happens but if it does it will be huge. I am not just talking for Bryan either but the whole WWE and it will be a vote of total confidence from management if they trust Mr Danielson with the job.
TV Markout Equivalent: Ashton Kutcher joins the cast of Two and a Half Men
3. One Man Headstand, Bay-Bay!
So a lot of people were expecting the culmination of this fun little storyline to be two big old middle fingers and a Stone Cold Stunner. As such, a lot of people will be disappointed (by which I mean pissed) that it was a moonsault from a surprisingly good looking Lita. To be honest, I didn’t miss Austin at all on the show. Sure, he is probably Raw’s biggest star but I am honestly tired of him coming back, hitting a Stunner and going again. Leave that to the lesser stars. If you are a megastar in the industry, why bother showing up until you have something worth your status to do. For all the criticism The Rock has taken over the last year and a half, at least his end game is main eventing big shows. All Austin has been in the last five or so years is a dancing monkey. I was definitely more excited to see an extremely in shape (no homo) JBL show up. Still, that in itself wasn’t my mark out moment. Nor was it Ron’s “Damn”. It was in fact the Clothesline from Hell. Not the fact that Bradshaw hit it, but the way Heath Slater sold it. I swear he actually hit a headstand. Don’t believe me??? See for yourself.
A MOTHERFUCKING HEADSTAND! I double dare Dolph Ziggler to sell that any better than the OMRB. The angle is probably over now and whilst Slater is definitely not coming out of this looking like The Legend Killer V2.0, I really hope he can use it as a platform for bigger and better things and he has really risen to the challenge of working with some of the best in the history of the business.
CPR Markout Equivalent: Barney gets Slapped by Marshall on Various Occasions (How I Met Your Mother)
2. Turn, Turn, Turn?
So we were all expecting some kind of turn at Raw 1000. Hell, D-Bry and Jericho were both already looking like they were moving over to the good side but I don’t think many people saw the WWE champion becoming evil. It could end up being an inspired idea that moves CM Punk from main-eventer to megastar (at least until Trips has it squashed). He had some good interaction with The Rock and D-Bry early on in the evening where it was announced that The Rock would get a WWE title shot at the Royal Rumble. That in itself was markout worthy but the real deal didn’t come until later on. With the ref down in his match against Cena, The Big Show knocked out his challenger. Punk mulled over the wrongs and rights of the situation before going for an unsuccessful pin attempt. It didn’t really matter however as he soon retained his title by DQ as Show got involved again. Punk declined to make the save for Cena and it was in fact The Rock who ran in to stop the beatdown. However, as he was about to hit Show with his trademark People’s elbow, Punk took him clean the fuck out. He followed it up with a GTS that Rocky took as well as anyone I’ve seen take the move and voila, the WWE champion seems to be a baddie once more, and just as exciting, seemingly on a collision course with The Brahma Bull for January.
TV Markout Equivalent: Nucky Kills Jimmy (Boardwalk Empire)
1. DX in Full Effect
First off, caption competition time with this photo. This being at number one probably won’t come as a shock to most of you. I mark for Trips, I mark for the Outlaws, I mark for DX, but I have been waiting for this moment for years. This is exactly how I wanted to see the group have one last moment. Shawn’s DX + Hunter’s DX - Chyna = WIN! When Trips and HBK brought out the others it was the markout moment of the night for me. Hus mentioned that these guys seemed to really have a good time and when that comes through onto TV, it will do for their fans too. As a fan I absolutely loved their segment from start to finish despite how washed up they all looked (Waltman has really let himself go). That said the mark in me is still extremely confident that a final Outlaws run would be a huge success. Got to give Mr Sandow credit for playing his part as “whipping boy” extremely well too. All in all it was a real feel good nostalgia kick to open the show which really set the tone for a fun evening.
CPR Markout Equivalent: Will, Simon, Jay and Neil go Camping (The Inbetweeners)
And there you have my top ten markout moments from Raw 1000. Of course there were some things that didn’t make my list. Mick dancing with Brodus seemed a waste. He would have made a decent substitute referee for the main event to be honest. A bit more continuation of the Jericho-Ziggler situation would have been nice but at least they managed to squeeze some storyline advancement in. Obviously there were some more people I would have liked to have seen but it was already a jam packed 3+ hours. I did enjoy the fact that Bret Hart was totally marginalised and not even mentioned later on when Lawler was going over the names of WWE greats who had shown up. It doesn’t quite make up for no Batista appearance but what are you going to do? And I think I will leave things there for now. With all the festivities done and dusted, hopefully Raw can remain fun to watch as we build to SummerSlam. I am sure I will have something to say that after it happens but until then, Peace!
Originally Posted by kingzak13
Quote of the Year
The selling of the Clothesline From Hell by Heath Slater was my favorite moment of the night. People used to shit all over that guy, but he's actually become quite entertaining. He deserves a little push after all of his interaction with the legends if you ask me.
As for the column, I was thinking about all the markout moments, and for me, I think The Undertaker takes the cake. Something about that damn entrance, and even though I saw it coming from a mile away, when the bell gongs, I never cease to get excited about it. Other markout moments included Slick (I was laughing throughout that entire wedding), and when Triple H bagged on HBK for losing his smile.
All around a great RAW1000 and a great column from you. Glad to see you're still putting out the high quality stuff we expect out of you.
Man of 1,000 Columns
Nice twist to your rankings columns Mazz. For me, I loved Lita's return (and the return of her twins, which looked amazing), and seeing Stephanie back. I think she's gold on the microphone and that whole segment was beautifully crafted if you asked me. Slater sold that clothesline like a damn champ. Overall it was a really entertaining Raw 1000. I watched it without the usual critiques in my head and just had fun. Of course everyone's going to put this list in a different order based on personal preference, but the fact that there were that many moments says a lot.
Nut up, or shut up.
There were only a few things that could have improved the nostalgic parts of Raw, for me. As mentioned by several people, some sort of involvement for Mark Henry in the Hand Boy segment would have been amazing. I'd have preferred to see JR commentate on Cena vs Punk than the pretty average opener. The fact that Chris Jericho didn't even get to speak was crazy, given that his debuts tend to be featured on every single Raw nostalgia clip video going. They had three hours - all they got to further the feud between he and Ziggler was slap to the chops?
But the segment that had the most wasted potential? The one with Trish Stratus. Her stood behind a bent over Triple H, Haitch complaining it was too tight...if Chyna had walked in at that point and offered her best 'you're-not-doing-it-right' look, I think I might have died laughing.
For a list column, this was pretty good. It'd be nice to see you challenge yourself every now and again - the majority of your columns are quite formulaic these days, even if the formats themselves are fairly innovative. It seems the challenge for you rests in coming up with a fresh format every now and again rather than writing a brilliant column - something you are more than capable of, by the way. This isn't a criticism as such, more an observation and food for thought. Someone's gotta do it...
The King of Stats
While Mick dancing was not that spectacular just the fact that it was Dude Love had me marking like crazy, we always see the other faces of Foley show up, this was different. Between that, Steph and AJ being named GM were my big markouts of the night. DX would have been as wellbut your sig gave it away to me before I saw it (Australia gets Raw close to 30 hours after the live telecast)
The D-X bit was OK. Kinda overlong, but beings as the whole show was overlong, I guess you can kind of forgive it. But yeah, not sure I'm that big a fan of a group of old men jacking themselves off, or a couple of multi-millionaires pretending that they are 'degenerates'. Kinda sad.
I'm not sure about this CM Punk turn at all. I'm trying not to second guess it, but can't shake this feeling that it's a big mistake.
Won't lie, quite like Slater's segments of late. I'm a convert.
Seeing Sean Mooney was actually a lot of fun. In many ways, he is one of the 'voices of my childhood' because he used to provide the links between storylines on their TV shows (and on a lot of videos, too) so that was great. Was kind of tinged with a bit of sadness too, because it occurred to me that he actually improved the segment, and that they won't carry on using him (or even someone in that role) after that night. Which is a shame.
On Mae Young's hand... well, I guess I have no soul, and to be honest if liking that mindless fucking angle is what I have to do to get one, I'm really OK with that. I'd have much rather she'd have tried to get it on with Mean Gene again...
Brothers of Destruction thing... hmm. Obviously, for anyone of my generation, seeing Taker is a markout thing in itself. Seriously, in my case, he doesn't even have to have gone away - every week and there's a bit of a markout going on. That said, I'm pretty sure the last time that these two were together Kane was burying 'Taker alive and had recently put him into a comatose state. Now, all of a sudden, they are all matey again? That took the shine off it for me. I know you can think this is kind of killjoy-ish, but I think if you are going to praise them for some semblance of continuity in the Mae Young thing then you've got to criticise them for the lack of it here.
Slick... that might have been my number one moment of the night, actually. Just hearing that music would do it.
I'm not sure I'd characterise WWE programming as 'generally good' for well over a decade now. They do manage some strong shows, and occasionally can string a few together, but I'm of the opinion that, certainly since the start of the Invasion, it has been far more miss than hit. And besides, for a myriad of reasons, most of which relate to his war on pro-wrestling in favour of 'sports-entertainment', and his complete disinterest in anything in the business that he didn't create, I'm much more inclined to chant 'fuck you Vince' at him.
No complaints about the AJ thing. It's a wrestling wedding so it's going to be a bit ludicrous before you start, and it kinda works, so... yeah. Happy enough there.
Lastly, thought it was a real mistake to have Hunter send Brock from the ring. I mean, obviously, I can't speak for the whole world, but I know my interest in seeing the match was slightly cooled by that, and I'd have had Brock going into it looking invincible. Probably would have wanted D-X members having to carry him from the ring, something like that. I'm not saying my version of this is definitely better, but since it makes me want to see the match less I wonder how many other people out there feel the same way. Oh, and pretty big disagreements on Steph, too. Mainly due to her looks actually. I'm not one to slam a woman for the way she gets older, but I'm surprised to see you saying she looked great when the words 'Brazilian transsexual' were what immediately occurred to me. I also didn't rate her performance as highly, but then I think she's been a one-trick pony, and outside of her work with the McMahon-Helmsley faction I don't think there's been much I've enjoyed.
I know this will kind of read like I was down on the show, but I don't think I was really. It was decent enough, but like all of these celebration shows it lacked a bit of substance. It was probably the best show that they've put on for a while.... but yeah, it was more good than great.
I enjoyed this, though I'd have changed the order of the list. That's a subjective issue I could debate all day, but I'll simply say this: the column was entertaining and easy to digest. Much like RAW1000 itself, it was hardly ground-breaking, but at least in your case it wasn't meant to be.
I'm not singling you out as I notice this a LOT on LOP, but why type (no homo) after writing something that could be perceived as homoerotic? Is it some kind of American cultural reference I'm missing? It makes the entire site look homophobic and low-rent. "Homo" is an offensive a word as "faggot" and in 2012 should not be used in any other context except maybe satire.
It's Natural to be Afraid
When the Heath Slater angle started, I wrote a column about him saying I didn't understand why he was getting a push. Fuck, the kid deserves it. He's been great.
And thank you for acknowledging that Rocky took the GTS like a champ. I can't remember the last time CM Punk had an opponent take it and sell it like an actual finisher. All in all, fun column about a fun night.
Oooh, now this is gonna be a fun F2F, it's been a while...
I was very close to putting Heath at 1 but the DX mark in me wouldn't let it happen. He has definitely grown a lot since NXT (where I couldn't stand him) and I think there could be good things ahead for him in a couple of years. I was never Taker's biggest fan, but I can certainly see why he is for some and why that entrance is markout material every time. Slick was superb and Shawn and Hunter's best interation is always when it is kayfabe breaking (or bending). Good to see you about, bro.
Originally Posted by kingkervin
I often go back and forward on Lita's looks but last night was definitely a positive. It definitely had that feeling to it that you could watch it with a lot less critique. A fun night. And yeah, the order of them is very personal, I would guess that 100 people would have slight differences.
Originally Posted by TripleR
JR should definitely have got the main event and I didn't really think about Jericho yeah, he should have had a Raw 1000 is Jericho moment. That Trish bit was a bit bizarre seeing it was all she did (could at least have had her second Lita or something). Whilst Chyna would have been hysterical, it would have been a massive reach. I gotta say I was surprised Steph didn't show up there though. As for the formulated columns, definitely a fair cop. I am not sure why I never feel like going into a different zone in normal column writing circumstances. Come tourney time I am sure I will try something out of the deepskyblue and red headings and footers. That is if sheep ever remembers he is meant to be doing one of course.
Originally Posted by JoeyShibobi
It was a bit corny, just not my cup of tea but again I see why people would like it. Not giving Mick a mic though was criminal. Ha, yeah, the sig was probably a give away but I am always going to mark most for DX.
Originally Posted by zzzorf
Phew! Maybe we could have collabed this up! We'd probably still be writing now though. Even I will admit they did look absolutely ridiculous is the DX gimmick with most of them showing ridiculous signs of aging (and Waltman looking like a sex criminal). Time will tell with Punk. He is in one of those weird situations where he never actually really did anything to become a face in the first place so it might work easier. Mooney rocks, "Baaah" to hand-hating. I see your point on Taker-Kane but they have thrown those back and forths for no apparent reason so many times during their run, once more wasn't going to bother me. As for Raw, my main point there is that I have generally enjoyed it whether they were better or worse episodes. Even for the bad ones I have very rarely thought I had wasted my time watching. I am not sure I am with you on the Brock thing, obviously my joy was as a Trips mark but I assume there will be more moments of oneupsmanship in the next couple of weeks and it will be billed as a close to call encounter rather than one man trying to stop a more dominant one. With DX there though it would have made sense for them to be used in that storyline somehow. And as for Brazilian transexual *BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP"*
Originally Posted by Prime Time
Yeah, the order is always going to differ person to person. I'll definitely take "entertaining and easy to digest" as that is pretty much what I aim for with these columns to be honest. As for the "no homo" debate, I don't buy into PC at all. I don't believe any word on its own to be offensive, but the intent of the word. Obviously some people might be offended by certain things but I am not going to be changing up my writing or speaking style because lots of people don't want to distinguish between figures of speech and real prejudice.
Originally Posted by Sidgwick
I remember the column. The bandwagon was already growing at that point but I think Heath has won almost everyone over. I guess your point of why he deserved it in the first place still stands though. And yeah, Rock does love to sell a finisher but was particularly impressed with the GTS as it is a struggle to sell at the best of times.
Originally Posted by Dropkick Murphy
Originally Posted by kingzak13
Quote of the Year
The Slickster made me mark out all of the way through that segment. His facial expressions when AJ left Daniel Bryan at the alter were priceless. I miss managers with personality, AW can stick that radio mic up his ass, we may hear something more entertaining