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    CSI 2012 Tournament Review

    CSI 2012


    This is necessarily an incomplete record, as I am trying to proceed from internet archives, and I don’t believe the entire tournament has been saved for posterity. With that said, I still think it’s worth saving what I can. If anyone can add to what I have been able to find here, whether that is Sheepster or one of the other competitors, then please, be my guest.


    First Round


    The Judge: No Longer Overshadowed – The Story of How Owen Screwed Bret
    Dropkick Murphy: Murphy’s Delirium – What the Hart Wants
    Wacco Zacco: Through the Eyes of a Child – The Mat
    Uncle Leo: The Winner, and NEW Divas Champion…. Antonio’s Girlfriend
    ElDandy: Sittin’ Pretty with eldandy – Beyond Nothing: A tale of Blood, Sweat, and SprayTan
    Jackster: Royal Rumble 26 – Suhr, Swog was a Logical Choice
    Oliver: Kid Rock – The Greatest Worker Alive
    Zzzorf: Wayne’s World – Protecting the Wrestling Ring’s Seedy Underbelly
    Sixxisking: Who Screwed Bret?
    Skulduggery: Half Luck, Half Skul – Horny for the GM
    Iron Fist: Straight Outta K’un L’un – Why Don’t You Sit Down, and I Shall Tell You A Tale
    JoeMurphy: Irish Whip – Heath Slater is Money!
    Mazza: Power for Struggle 2012
    KingKervin: The Lucky Leprechaun (More Than Just a Slot Machine)
    TheMaskedNewton: Indecision
    Golden: Oscar Nominated 2013: Feud of the Year - Heath Slater vs Undertaker
    Sidgwick: Undead Wendy
    JStar: The Grand Courtship of Lady Bell
    Fenixx: I'm Too Old For This Shit
    Shee: Green Eyes: Sak Ana?

    There were also columns in this round – with titles that seem to have been lost – from Xanman, and CalB.


    The possibility exists that there was another round in between this first and sweet sixteen - possibly a collaborative round - which has since been erased and can't be found due to an ill-timed board reset.




    Sweet Sixteen


    This round saw the winners of the previous matches square off against the seeded, invited columnists, and had a 1980s theme. Here was the scenario from Sheepster:

    Hey, dudes! This round is, like, totally rad! The date is 31st December 1989. Reagan is president, Thatcher is prime minister, and the Berlin Wall fell less than two months ago. Hulk Hogan has been the WWF champion for nine months. WCW is currently producing shows under the NWA banner while Ric Flair is still doing his thing with his seventh run with their title.

    But there is no topic here. You all have an open choice to write about whatever you choose. The only drawback is that the last 22 and a half years haven't happened yet. You cannot reference them in any way. No comparisons, no nothing. Ric Flair isn't yet an 11-time world champion and Montreal is still just a mediocre Canadian city. Any reference to events from the '90s or beyond will simply confuse the judges. Apart from that, have fun! Let your imaginations run wild! Enjoy the relative freedom!

    Be careful though. This round is also a race against time. If your opponent posts their column first, you'll get stuck with certain limitations. Slowcoaches, read the rules carefully.

    (1) Whatever topic you choose, you must not reference anything from the future. For every anachronistic reference, you will lose 10pts from your final score.

    (2) If you post your column before your opponent, you can use as many words as you wish. If your opponent has already posted, you will be limited to 1700 words. For each word over the limit, you will lose 0.5pts from your final score.

    (3) If your opponent has already posted before you, you must not use the words ring or but in your column. For each infraction of this rule, you will lose 2pts from your final score.

    (4) At this stage, spelling and grammar should be perfect. For each mistake I see, you will lose 5pts from your final score.

    (5) The three judges will score your efforts out of 100 and an average will be taken. After penalty deductions, the highest score wins and goes through to the Elite Eight.


    The Results:


    El Dandy, ‘title lost’ beat CalB, ‘A clockwork Wrestling; Style revamp’, by 23 points
    Mazza, ‘Those in the Know (1700 Butts Through the Ringer)’ beat TheMaskedNewton, ‘And then there were none’, by 8 points
    Prime Time ‘title lost’ beat Xanman, ‘title lost’ by 1.5 points
    Mizfan, ‘A Tale of Two Rickys (AKA The Changing World) beat DaShee ‘Power Pete's Power Slam’ by 8.5 points
    Mavsman, ‘My Dinner With Andre’ beat Oliver, ‘title lost’ by 8.5 points
    TripleR, ‘title lost’ beat Sidgwick, ‘An Excerpt from the December 1989 Sharp Shooting Newsletter’, by 25.5 points
    Fenixx, ‘The Flying V [5] - Falls Count Anywhere’, beat Plan, ‘title lost’, by 5.5 points
    Freeman, ‘title lost’ beat Golden, ‘title lost’ by 43.5 points



    Elite Eight


    For reasons that are unclear now, though he lost to Fenixx both men posted a column for the Elite Eight and ‘Plan continued in the tournament. Oliver, too, was back in after defeat for reasons that are now equally unclear. It was also revealed at this stage that ‘Freeman’ was actually Shinobi.



    Prime Time: 'Prime Time on Wrestling - One-hit Wonder' beat Mizfan: 'The Subtlest Man in the Business'
    Mavsman: 'Cynical Fallacies' beat TripleR: 'Chair Shots - The Devil and Daniel Bryan'
    Eldandy: 'Sittin Pretty - How To Succeed At Wrestling Without Really Talking' beat Mazza: 'Maz Debating Special: Shoot with The Cerebral Assassin'

    Then, in the fatal four way to resolve the problems of the last round, ‘Plan progressed with his 'Subtlety In Pro Wrestling: An Exploration'. The three columns he beat were:
    Fenixx: The Flying V - Whispers As Loud As Shouts
    Oliver: It's the little things they do...
    JoeyShibobi: The Man With The Dragon Tattoo (One Day Son, You'll Understand)


    The Final Four


    This was a controversial round. I was the only person to follow a key stipulation and so progressed immediately in the final. The remaining three rulebreakers then squared off in a triple threat match to see who would join me.

    ‘Plan: Iconography
    Mavsman: Infinity
    Eldandy: Sittin Pretty with eldandy - The Jesus of Wrestling

    And, having survived one elimination already, ‘Plan progressed to the final – though the results are now lost.


    The Grand Final


    This was a best of three affair between ‘Plan and Prime Time, who were also neck and neck in the columnist of the year voting for 2012 – which gave the final a certain amount of interest even though Prime Time had twice advanced on technicalities and ‘Plan had already faced an exit once before.

    The first round was set by Xanman who, after being eliminated, had replaced one of the judges, and had a Star Trek theme, the specifics of which are lost to history. ‘Plan triumphed here, as his ‘The Industry on the Edge of Forever’ beat out PT’s ‘Who Mourns for Ortonais?’

    The second challenge was set by ‘Bear, was called ‘The Bear’s Necessities’ and carried a Disney theme. Here, PT’s ‘SnoWWE White’ carried the day over 'By The Fireside with Planny'.

    Information on the decider has been lost. But the final result was decided by a spelling mistake, as ‘Plan confused the word ‘stalk’ for ‘stork’. He made this mistake a multitude of times and early indications were that he could have lost as much as 30 points for it, but in the end the decision was made to treat it as one infraction. It was, however, enough to give Prime Time a very close victory, tipping things back his way by the narrowest of narrow margins.

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