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Thread: Kingzak Presents: PPV-Star of WrestleMania

  1. #1
    Senior Member kingzak13's Avatar
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    Sep 2013

    Kingzak Presents: PPV-Star of WrestleMania

    Zak’s note: I know my banner ad promised “winter 2017” and while technically it is 2018, I would argue that this is still the 2017 winter. Winter 2018 doesn’t start till November.

    Welcome to the longest series in the CF history ... probably

    What’s up guys, Kingzak is back in action with the long awaited PPV-Star WrestleMania. Well it’s long awaited by me anyway, I had this idea in 2015 and have been thinking about doing it since, and eventually we reached a point where I lacked the fucks enough to work on it and with it started my OCD took over and now I have to see it through (I don’t have OCD, I might but I haven’t been tested for it). You know, I reckon it’ll be fun to take a look back at a time when I gave more of a shit than 2017 left me giving, and learn some new things about the world before I watched.

    As always, for those of you new to the series or those in need of a quick refresher on how this series works, here’s a quick guide. As you probably know or have heard of, wrestling matches are rated on a star guide up to five stars (any more than five stars is frankly ridiculous in my opinion), so what I do for PPV-Star is take a look at all of a superstars performances in a time frame, (this time just WrestleMania’s usually for PPV-Star it is the year that has just passed) add them up and find their average rating.

    Superstar A competed at four PPVs and scored a total of 12 stars across those four shows. So his score is 12 divided by four, which gives him an average of 3 stars.

    So simply put, the superstar with the higher rating beats the previous superstar. However is it fair that a superstar with two good WrestleManias beats someone with ten average ones? No, that superstar worked their ass off to some degree and deserves recognition for their somewhat hard work (and getting ten WrestleMania’s under your belt is hard) so I have a balancing system. What I do is balance the superstars matches and add the matches to a superstars score by increments of 0.1 (It makes a difference)

    Superstar A has two PPV matches averaging at 3 stars.
    Superstar B has nine PPV matches averaging at 2.5 stars.
    So Superstar B has 7 points on Superstar A, adding 0.7 points to Superstar B’s score, giving him an average of 3.2 when compared to Superstar A.
    If two superstars have the same score after I adjust the scores, the superstar with more matches wins.

    So superstars are compared and compiled into a list, and the number one superstars is the official King of WrestleMania. There are also smaller prizes for highest average and most stars total.

    One problem I have come across in this series more so than any other time I have done PPV-Star is ties. If I were just going by stars there would be about 10 superstars sharing some spots, so I have devised a series of tie breakers that are listed below

    Wins/losses, the superstar with the better win-loss ratio gets the higher ranking
    Time: when two are tied on wins and losses, the criteria moves onto who cumulatively had the longest matches and thus spent the most time at WrestleMania.
    Main Eventer bonus, typically this is used when times are close, a WrestleMania Main eventer gets the win ... anything up to a minute and a half is added per main event.

    Does it make sense to you yet, if not, here is one of last years

    If you still don’t get it, that is fine, you’ll pick it up as we go, it isn’t that complicated really.

    Now I have come to the realisation that I have 400 superstars to get through. So it is 100% likely that WrestleMania 34 (and probably 35) take place before this series ends. Well I have made the executive decision that 34 will be included in the stats, I will adjust peoples places with the stats gathered from the show and move people about accordingly. WrestleMania 35 won’t be included since I hope I’ll be near the end by then.

    One last thing before we begin, as always, I will be doing a one hit wonder section to remove various undeserving names from tarnishing the main list. This section quickly ballooned out of control to contain just over 150 superstars. So a single part for one hit wonders would be unreasonably long and this coming from the guy with a 10,000 word ABC entry, so I am splitting it into chunks as we work our way through the heaps of shit until we reach something that resembles well known wrestlers.

    So without further ado, I present to you, the very worst superstars in WrestleMania history.

    Giant Gonzalez
    WrestleMania IX: vs. The Undertaker -1.25 stars
    Total stars -1.25 Stars

    Anyone shocked at him taking last. I’m not; this is one of the worst matches in WrestleMania history. There is so much wrong that I could talk about, the lack of action, the DQ ending, the incredibly shit outfit, but I feel that has been done to death. Gonzalez would go onto one more match with Undertaker where Undertaker would be victorious and move on to better things … feuding with a fake Undertaker. Meanwhile Gonzalez would compete in the Rumble and then be out of the WWE for good, and a merciful sigh of relief was uttered from the audience.

    Fun fact: Take this match off of Undertaker’s record and he moves up a space (Expect to see him much later on the list).

    The Kat
    WrestleMania 2000: vs. Terri Runnells -1 Star
    Match Time 2:25L
    Total Stars: -1 Star

    Just narrowly avoiding last place, The Kat makes her nest here. This was a catfight, which meant it was a two person battle royal, couple in Mae Young and Moolah as managers and Val Venis as referee, and there was minimal hope for this one, but it still sucked. Eventually Terri won the match, but in classic 50/50 booking, Kat and Mae Young would attack after the match, including Mae Young giving Moolah a bronco buster … that’s probably why this is in the minus, no one needs or wants to see that.

    Fun Fact: This woman had sex with Jerry Lawler … That just baffles me.

    WrestleMania 22: With Booker T vs The Boogeyman -1star
    Match Time: 3:52L
    Total Stars: -1 Star

    In fairness to Sharmell, she is a manager, not a wrestler. Her WWE record is pretty bad; having lost all three matches she was involved in. Her one PPV match would take place at WrestleMania 22 teaming with Booker T to take on The Boogeyman. Boogeyman used his worms to take Sharmell out of the match and then beat Booker. Not a lot else to say on this one.

    Fun Fact: If we remove this match from Booker T’s score, he moves up more than 30 places. Wow.

    WrestleMania 15: vs Sable -1 star
    Match Time: 5:06L
    Total Stars -1 Star

    So far, three of the bottom spots have been occupied by women, really goes to show you what a good place women’s wrestling is in at the moment … even if it does have the likes of Natalya and Naomi around the main event for most of the year.

    As for this match, I can’t say much, both ladies couldn’t wrestle, the ref sold a crossbody by clutching his groin, Sable got the win after interference took out Tori. 5 minutes may not seem a lot but this is a rough match to watch.

    Fun Fact: I am out of fun facts now.

    Terri Runnells
    WrestleMania 2000: vs The Kat -1 Star
    Match Time 2:25W
    Total Stars: -1 star

    Simply put, the only reason she is considered better is because a win is considered better than a loss, the time is the tertiary splitter while the win/loss is secondary (star average is the primary splitter, but with single match superstars you don’t get as much of that) for any thoughts on the match, scroll up to The Kat’s entry.

    The Boogeyman
    WrestleMania 22: vs Booker T and Sharmell -1 star
    Match Time: 3:52W
    Total Stars: -1 Star

    I was genuinely surprised that Boogeyman only had this one WrestleMania, he was in WWE for about three years and this is his only appearance, I always felt he was kinda prominent in WWE for his time there, but only one appearance, colour me surprised.

    Joy Giovanni
    WrestleMania 25: Miss WrestleMania Battle Royal -0.25 Stars
    Match Time: 0:16L
    Total Stars -0.25 Stars

    Serious question: Who the fuck is this?

    Seriously aside from this battle royal I have never heard of this lady mentioned anywhere in wrestling. Does anyone know who the fuck she is or ever watch a match aside from this one?

    WrestleMania 25: Miss WrestleMania Battle Royal -0.25 Stars
    Match Time 1:31L
    Total Stars -0.25 Stars

    Again, I have no idea what this person did. I remember that people talk about her being in the Attitude era and being hot, but once again, I don’t know of anything she did other than be wank material.

    That all said, she lasted longer than Joy so at least she’s got that going for her.

    Jillian Hall
    WrestleMania 25: Miss WrestleMania Battle Royal -0.25 Stars
    Match Time 3:01L
    Total Stars -0.25 Stars

    Hooray, someone I recognise. Sure she is a jobber but at least I know who they are. Jillian got thrown out the battle royal just after three minutes by Gail Kim. I don’t think Jillian did anything else of relevance in her career, so onward we go.

    Zak’s note: Came back to this a couple days later, I remembered she won the Divas title once.

    WrestleMania 25: Miss WrestleMania Battle Royal -0.25 Stars
    Match Time 3:21L
    Total Stars -0.25 Stars

    Another relatively forgettable lady, still she had a few notable moments, she was ECW general manager at some point and then she had a good match in TNA against Gail Kim and she divorced Drew McIntyre. That is all I remember about her career. I guess she was in the match too, but she didn’t last long or make any memorable impact (but then again, the whole match is pretty forgettable aside from Santino winning it)

    Katie Lea Burchill
    WrestleMania 25: Miss WrestleMania Battle Royal -0.25 Stars
    Match Time 4:04L
    Total Stars -0.25 Stars

    Ok, I am going to use this space to do something important.

    Seriously guys, where the fuck was the incest with the Burchills? I watched WWE intently at the time and I don’t remember any incest. Did it happen when they went to ECW, because I was unable to watch that (Came on to late at night and the player didn’t work on my old computer for some reason). Can someone just link me something that shows any kind of incest between the two, I have been confused for about 6-7 years at this point, do the right thing.

    Side note … they should bring these two and their apparent incest back. Game of Thrones is a good show and that had plenty of incest. Star Wars has its fair share of sibling love and it is iconic. Incest is an indicator for greatness as far as entertainment products are concerned.

    Side side note. Kingzak and the rest of the Royal Court do not advocate incest in real life. I would like to stress this part. DON’T HAVE SEX WITH YOUR RELATIVES. And if you do, don’t blame me, you were fucked up way before you read that last paragraph. Prove me wrong pervert.

    WrestleMania 21: vs Big Show -0.25 Stars
    Total Stars: -0.25 stars

    This is the sumo guy Big Show faced at WM21 remember? A low point for both men I imagine. Still Akebono won his bout putting him ahead of all the ladies in the battle royal and everyone else on a negative star ... this is our top one hit wonder with less than 0 stars, and our first celebrity entry I guess … if you count Sumo wrestlers as celebrities, I guess technically it is a special guest who is well known in another country, so sure, that can be a celebrity.

    And thus we are up to the one hit wonders who made a zero star score … but that is for next time. We have a lot to get through everyone, so expect another piece soon, we are going to be here a while.

    And that is all for today’s entry, wouldn’t want to exhaust you with stats on the first entry, this is a marathon, not a sprint (I am using that phrase right I think). So it is time that I bid you all a fond farewell. As always I hope you have enjoyed today’s column and I will see you all next time

    Zak’s facts: If you need proof we are in an age of quality wrestling, the last time WrestleMania featured a negative starred match was at WrestleMania 25, that is 8 (hopefully going to be 9) years without one. The longest time prior was the 5 shows between IX and XV.

    Royal Inquiry:Who is the worst wrestler in WrestleMania history in your opinion?
    Last edited by kingzak13; 01-04-2018 at 06:41 PM.

  2. #2
    RI: For me, Giant Gonzales. There have probably been worse if you account for women etc but they weren't meant to be good wrestlers back then. They were there for one thing. Hi Kat

    Hope the fun facts come back, even if not for every entry they're a good addition to the column.

    This is a good start, hope I manage to keep up with it till the end. Always respect when you guys do something this big.

  3. #3
    King of Stats zzzorf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Kempsey, NSW, Australia
    Yeah I have to agree the fun facts were good but then they just seemed to stop dead, they either need to be consistent or not at all.

    Like the idea of the series Zak but as I say every year with your straight forward PPV star of the year, is there really any need to start all the way back at the last entrant. You run the risk of the series getting stale before we make it to number 1 (which won't be Taker as you gave away that one already).

    The Burchill incest angle never ended up happening. The idea was there and I think slight little hints were offered but they never ended up going there because of reasons.

    Royal Inquiry - hmm you could have a few different names here. Names like you mentioned above easily fit, Sharmell, Kat and so on, plus you get names like Michael Cole and Vickie Guerrero. But lets go with a more proper wrestler look at things shall we. Sycho Sid comes to mind, but there may be others, say like Dino Bravo could be one as well.

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