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Thread: Kingzak presents: Hell in a Cell 2017 Predictions

  1. #1
    Senior Member kingzak13's Avatar
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    Kingzak presents: Hell in a Cell 2017 Predictions


    I tried some new formatting stuff, but you still get these amazing captions


    What’s up guys, Kingzak is back in action with another column. Last time I was seriously questioning what the fuck is the point of all this, mostly because once again we are being forced down a path that no one wants to walk with Brock vs Roman locked in for WrestleMania. I don’t often pray for injuries but if someone could just break Romans arm or something they would be literally saving the world right now. I don’t need another year where I don’t give a shit about the world title match; it will be three in a row if Brock/Roman II takes place (part one I was interested to see if we would get Seth to save us … which we did). The only improvement has been my attitude to the Cruiserweight division. It is a shame to see Neville lose the gold after he was so great all year but the way the story is going actually has me interested so I am content. If both brands could fix the main event scene WWE would be literally perfect.

    I will admit I feel a bit better than after No Mercy, I took some time and went and did some work on some wrestling stat projects and found those very soothing (feel free to call me a nerd if you want), and in fact I will be announcing one of them later on in the column, see now if you want to find out you have to read the whole thing, mwhahahahahaha. … or just scroll down to the end. But you should read the whole thing because unlike the apathy towards No Mercy I was feeling, I am actually optimistic about Hell in a Cell. Wrongs are looking likely to be righted and we have what looks to be a pretty solid card, this is the same thing that used to be said about SmackDown PPV’s before the shakeup, so being able to say that again is exciting.

    So without further ado, let’s begin.


    Chad Gable and Shelton Benjamin vs. The Hype Bros


    We start with the tag team pre show match I didn’t even know had been announced. Chad Gable and his step father take on The Hype Bros who are apparently still a thing. I doubt that carries on for much longer, in fact this could be the point where one (or both) of them turns heel and heads onto more interesting things, the turner is always the more interesting of the two, FACT. Go ahead, try and prove me wrong.

    As far as the match actually goes, I don’t see any way that Shelton and Chad lose this one, depending on how the tag title match goes, they could be up next for the shots while The Hype Bros are splitting soon. So a pretty easy pick to begin with

    Zak’s Fantasy Booking Bit:Gable and Benjamin remain a tag team until the next draft when they end up on Raw, Jordan is still Angle’s kid at this point. It is then revealed that Angle isn’t Jordan’s father but Shelton is, Angle and Shelton start fighting while Chad and Jason look on. Jasons eyes begin to well up as he remembers NXT, he breaks down in tears and Chad consoles him … leading into a kiss from Chad. Jason is stunned for a moment before returning the kiss with passion, Chad reaches inside Jason’s singlet and slides his hand down … the show cuts to commercial as the two old men continue to fight and Chad gives Jason a rusty trombone.

    I don’t care what you think, that is a more entertaining outcome than wherever this Jason Angle angle is heading.

    Zak: Gable and Benjamin
    Brother: Gable and Benjamin
    Dad: The Hype Bros, Because anyone with Zak wins
    Dog: Gable and Benjamin
    Mum: Hype Brothers because they sound like fucking clowns


    The Fashion Files


    Ok, I am not going to give predictions on the Fashion Files, but I do want to give a shoutout to Tyler and Fandango, who have been a light on the turd that SmackDown has become since Randy Orton started main eventing again. No other star has been this consistently entertaining for me, some of you may say they don’t wrestle amazingly, but we have a whole roster of people that can do that, it is nice to have something different. So let’s just take this time to appreciate the great work that Tyler Breeze and Fandango have been laying down this past half a year.

    Zak: I will enjoy the fashion files.


    Natalya vs. Charlotte Flair
    SmackDown Women's Championship


    I remember about a year ago being excited to see how the feud between Becky Lynch and Alexa Bliss was going to go. Since then we have regressed to this, the match that crowned Charlotte the NXT womens champion way back in 2014, and took place just over a year ago on Raw. This match isn’t a step in the right direction, this a leap backwards. I don’t give the slightest of fucks about this one, can we just get the title off of Natalya, she was great back in the days of models wrestling, but now that we have actual wrestlers she is pretty much bottom of the list, the only superstar I would put below her is Lana, Natalya and Naomi are kinda tied, and Tamina has the advantage of being bigger than the other ladies, making her a semi-credible threat no matter the situation (though that is just a kayfabe perspective, from the logic point of view, all three share the same spot).

    I am going to say this is a carbon copy of their match last year from either Payback or Roadblock (the pre-Mania one), both were roughly three stars and took about 12 minutes. As for the title, can we get it off Natalya and onto someone interesting, I don’t care whether it is Charlotte, Carmella or someone else just wins it somehow, just not Natalya.


    Topic of the womens MITB came up
    Brother: So really you have to predict the cash-in
    Zak: Exactly
    Dad: I reckon they’d fight harder for the handbag if it were Gucci or Prada, I’ve seen the January sales.

    Zak: Anyone but Natalya.
    Brother: Champion retains
    Dad: Nutella
    Dog: Charlotte Flair
    Mum: Charlotte Flair


    AJ Styles vs. Baron Corbin
    United States Championship


    I have been trying to get interested for this one, it has been built well, Tye has been a nice addition to keep things fresh and both AJ and Baron have done well to build up this one too. The only problem is that logic is in the way. Just take a look at these two superstars, one of them got the shit kicked out of them by John Cena without even breaking a sweat, while the other has multiple wins and has taken him to his limit every other time. This gap in logic really makes things look very one sided, had Corbin been given a new more vicious attitude to make up for the loss, I could have brought it, but this is the same Corbin that lost the Money in the Bank and was made John Cena’s bitch, nothing is different.

    If you can look past the logic there, then what you have is a decent midcard match. While there are a number of matches I could come up with that I would rather see, you could say that about any match really. I think what we see here is a solid modern midcard match, what that means is good-great wrestling, about 12 minutes and one chant that really doesn’t fit the situation/match.

    As for the winner, the logic is just too much to overlook, while I am willing to say that AJ is going to lose the US title before years end, this is not the time for that. Corbin is damaged right now and needs something to fix him, title’s don’t fix, they resonate with a superstars inner greatness. If you aren’t great, titles won’t help, you need wins, character change, moments that prove that you are a dangerous superstar or one to watch. AJ is keeping the title here.

    Zak: AJ Styles retains.
    Brother: AJ Styles
    Dad: Baron Corbin
    Dog: AJ Styles
    Mum: Baron Cobrin


    Bobby Roode vs. Dolph Ziggler


    I have enjoyed this feud quite a bit if I am honest, Dolph’s new gimmick is actually pretty great, though does come a bit hypocritical when you remember his days as the “Show off”. However it is definitely an interesting new direction for him. Meanwhile Roode has continued to be glorious on SmackDown, did have a few weeks where he wasn’t on and everyone was sad, but now he takes the NXT rite of passage, a feud with Dolph Ziggler. This one covers all the basis, it is a decent feud, it is a guaranteed good match, and it could continue without being thought to be dragging on.

    So like I said above, this could be a good match, I am actually willing to say that this could be match of the night if the tag team HIAC fails to live up to the hype. Based on both superstars history I would say a 3.75 star minimum is expected, but that would depend on time, the match may not live up to that. I am going to say if it is less than 15 minutes, then it will be around 3.25-3.5, if it goes longer than 15 then it will reach 3.75 … unless some unforeseen bullshit takes place of course.

    As for the winner, I can see this going two ways, either Dolph gets the win to help build the new gimmick, but the feud is not over. Or Roode wins and the feud is over as he goes on to feud with someone else (I reckon Baron Corbin might be an interesting opponent). I wouldn’t mind the feud continuing but I think we get a win by Roode, it is a bit too early to end his winning streak yet, I reckon he will make it out of 2017 with his SmackDown undefeated streak intact.

    Zak: Bobby Roode
    Brother: Bobby Roode
    Dad: Dolphin Juggler
    Dog: Bobby Roode
    Mum: Dolph Zeigler


    Randy Orton vs. Rusev


    I don’t trust this match. After SummerSlams shit heap of a match (more of a segment really) I don’t think I can trust this one to not end with an instant RKO again. Honestly if WWE were trying to make the internet folks all turn against the OVW Class of 2002, they couldn’t have done a better job, Brock half asses everything, Cena buries talent enough that he can be hated despite the good bits, and Orton has just been shitting the bed constantly since his match with Luke Harper. That said Batista and Shelton are still in good standing with fans.

    If there is a match I am hoping exceeds my expectations on the show, it is this one. Both men are capable of great matches but Rusev is pigeon-holed into being generic foreign villain while Orton is all over the place with his matches. I reckon a good 3.5 stars; 15 minute match will redeem the SummerSlam debacle and start both on a path to being back relevant.

    Onto the winner and I am really torn on this one, Rusev should win because so far this year he has just been fucked over repeatedly, while Orton is likely to win because Rusev got his win back a couple weeks back on SmackDown. I want Rusev to win, but I just can’t shake the inevitable feeling of Randy winning again. So I am going to pick Randy but I am praying for Rusev

    Zak: Randy Orton
    Brother: Rusev
    Dad: Rusev
    Dog: Randy Orton
    Mum: Randy Orton because Dad’s gonna say Rusev


    The New Day vs. The Usos
    SmackDown Tag Team Championships
    Hell in a Cell match


    It is amazing how many times these two teams have faced off since the draft took place and yet we aren’t sick of it yet, they faced at Money in the Bank to mild disappointment, Battleground to rave reviews, SummerSlam to rather positive reviews and a few weeks ago in a street fight that was very enjoyable, four matches in a feud usually is too much for any feud, but with this feud we are still happy to watch it. It is almost odd to see a feud which people don’t get sick of.

    As I have said above, this should be match of the night, after all the work the two teams have done against each other it is hard to say they lack chemistry and they are all quality workers. If I had to guess, this match should go 20 minutes at the very least and I would hope that these two teams could hit the four stars mark, the cell only adds to a match really so if they can hit it without the cell, they should easily hit it with.

    Onto the winner and I am genuinely torn on this one, these two teams have passed the title back and forth so much that I don’t know who is coming out of this feud as the champions. My logic looks at this and say, The Usos came into this with the titles so they aren’t going to be coming out of the feud with the titles too, but then what heel teams are there on SmackDown, that can be said about The Usos and face teams, but at least they have FaBreeze to face and feel somewhat fresh. I am going to say The New Day wins, because that feels like the logical ending to this one.

    Zak: The New Day
    Brother: The New Day
    Dad: The Ouzos
    Dog: The Usos
    Mum: The New Day


    Jinder Mahal vs. Shinsuke Nakamura
    WWE Championship


    Just let it end.

    Jinder is a failure, he has drove down business, made some racist joke at Japanese people, and discredited the actual world title to the point where the Universal Championship has more value to it than the real world title. Ever since his push started, SmackDown has been in the shitter, if you are a fan of Jinder then I have lost all respect for you as both a wrestling fan and a human being. Jinder fans don’t count as human anymore to me, that is how bad it has gotten. Some may say this is him being a great heel, but a great heel makes you want to cheer a hero and adds to the product, this past half year has been things just rotting like a carcass.

    Just let it end

    Zak: Shinsuke Nakamure
    Brother: Jinder Mahal
    Dad: Jinder Mahal
    Dog: Jinder Mahal
    Mum: Shinsuke Nakamura because that name is funnier


    Shane McMahon vs. Kevin Owens
    Hell around the Cell match


    Usually I would put the world title match as the main event, but I think we can all agree that this is getting the main event slot, because not only is it a Cell match while the other isn’t, this feud has been the main event while the world title has been in the background. While that does annoy me, at least this feud has done good to earn the spot, it feels like a genuine blood feud (or whatever the PG equivelant is), Owens has truly stepped it up another level and Shane, for his part time status and lack of wrestling ability, has always managed to bring the intensity. This is one time I am okay with the world title not being the main event.

    I don’t know how this one is going to go, the smart move would be a whirlwind ten minutes of nonstop brutality, but Shane’s matches do tend to be long and any main event under ten minutes is both shit and a slap in the face of the live fans. So I am think around 18 minutes for the match, and the match as a whole will likely be around 3.75-4 stars, that is assuming Shane jumps off the cell, without that, I am thinking 3.5.

    As for the winner, I think logic dictates that the full timer should be the one to win, especially since this feud has the potential to get Owens up from the upper-midcard/lower-main-eventer role he has been in since joining the WWE, this could get him to main eventer status, and SmackDown needs a top heel very soon. And Owens should be that top heel. Shane winning would work since he is the good guy avenging his father here, but Shane seems to be in the WWE for the long haul, so him going over talents isn’t a great business plan. So I expect an Owens win

    (Dad saw the poster for HIAC a few days back on TV, this was his reaction)
    Dad: It’s Matt LeBlanc vs some fat extra off EastEnders

    Zak: Kevin Owens
    Brother: Kevin Owens
    Dad: Kevin Owens
    Dog: Shane McMahon
    Mum: Shane McMahon




    Dog Predictions


    You know the drill by now

    AJ and paper
    Randy and Paper
    Picked Charlotte and her paper, spat paper out and it got stuck on his paw.
    Managed to get Jinder and Shinsuke simultaneously but only ate one ham.
    Just a personal observation, he drooled on my hand a lot more than usual today.


    Zak: Any last thoughts
    Brother: No
    Mum: No
    Dad: Nah, I’m alright for comments


    All things considered, this is actually looking like a good show, unlike the previous few where just a couple matches were interesting there is something to each bit of the show, some things may annoy me but are still there and actually add to the show, Hell in a Cell is looking good but depending on how much Vince is involved this could go horribly wrong, so I guess what I am saying is proceed with caution.

    And that is all I have to say on the show, now it is time to turn things over to the fans, what are you most looking forward to at Hell in a Cell? Which champions do you hate with a passion? Leave your thoughts in the feedback as it is time that I bid you a fond farewell, as always I hope you have enjoyed today’s column and I will see you Monday for the Royal Recap. Until then.


    Because where else would put up with me and my mediocre writing.

  2. #2
    Senior Member SirSam's Avatar
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    I'd be all for a live 'celebration' of the American Alpha reunion. Even if they go a more conventional way I hope they don't run a story about how Jordan 'betrayed' Gable, down the line when they are ready to do something again just have him apologise and say he had to follow his heart and he knew that Gable could fend for himself. Does it seem strange how they haven't really acknowledged how they just slipped Shelton basically into the same role as Jordan? it is almost uncanny how similar the two are, even down to the Angle allegiance.

    I actually hope Corbin wins this feud so AJ can leave the midcard and head back towards the top. Even if it is via a feud with Roode, Orton or Russev.

    For the tag match, I can't actually think of a better tag team feud in a long time, perhaps you could say Shield v Evolution but that had other things going on and was more a stable v stable, these two teams have just been going straight at each other for months and blowing the roof off on all faces. How do you think it ranks historically?

    Also you should check your dogs teeth if he is drooling a bit more than usual, can't have the star predictor out of action.

  3. #3
    Senior Member kingzak13's Avatar
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    Royal Recap: Hell in a Cell 2017

    Feedback time

    @SirSam: I agree, I don't want a feud between those two because one went to find his father, that just feels odd.
    I never thought about it till you mentioned it, Jordan and Shelton are pretty similar, though I guess that's where the "Shelton is his real father" thing works even better.

    AJ vs Roode, not yet. AJ vs Orton, if Orton can get his shit together sure. AJ vs Rusev, sure sounds fun.

    I wouldn't count Shield/Evolution because as you said it was more stable.
    Honestly I am unsure where to rank this feud, since if we are going with all of history this does have to include some of their matches from 2015/2016 which while alright aren't quite at this standard. I guess we just have to wait and see.

    And don't worry about the dog, it wasn't so much that he was drooling more, he was just making sure to wipe it on my hand more.

    Thanks to everyone for the reads, hope you all enjoyed.





    Hooray, I am feeling optimistic about wrestling for once


    Whatís up guys, Kingzak is back in action with another column. Hell in a Cell was last night and despite one glaring issue, the rest of the show delivered in a big way. I am genuinely looking forward to SmackDown instead of dreading it, and that hasnít happened in a fair while (that said we still have Raw to get through tonight) so I guess the show has done its job. So without further ado, letís take a look back at the night that was Hell in a Cell.

    Chad Gable and Shelton Benjamin beat The Hype Bros (Pinfall)


    I am not surprised about anything here, the only slight surprise being that no turn occurred here, Iíll assume it is being saved for on SmackDown or at Survivor Series (though how the Hype Bros get on the Survivor Series card is beyond me). I like Chad and Sheltonís tag team finisher, I always enjoy a good powerbomb and that could work as a finisher going forward.

    Zak: 1-0 (Gable and Benjamin)
    Brother: 1-0 (Gable and Benjamin)
    Dad: 0-1 (The Hype Bros)
    Dog: 1-0 (Gable and Benjamin)
    Mum: 0-1 (Hype Brothers)

    The Usos beat The New Day (Pinfall)
    New Champions


    Honestly I would have been happy however this match ended, both teams have given it their all these past few months and this was most likely going to be the ending, it didnít matter which team won, both teams came out looking amazing, and that is rare for a match. I can see them having one more match in the tank as The New Dayís rematch, but I reckon that this was the last big match; I am expecting something different come Survivor Series.

    Zak: 1-1 (The New Day)
    Brother: 1-1 (The New Day)
    Dad: 1-1 (The Ouzos)
    Dog: 2-0 (The Usos)
    Mum: 0-2 (The New Day)


    Randy Orton beat Rusev (Pinfall)


    Iím not mad, Iím disappointed

    #Rusevdeservesbetter

    Zak: 2-1 (Randy Orton)
    Brother: 1-2 (Rusev)
    Dad: 1-2 (Rusev)
    Dog: 3-0 (Randy Orton)
    Mum: 1-2 (Randy Orton)

    Baron Corbin beat Tye Dillinger and AJ Styles (Pinfall)
    New Champion


    Gonna be honest, I reckon if this were advertised as a triple threat, I would have picked Baron to win. Tye gives a way for Baron to win without AJ looking weak, and keeping AJ strong is one of the few things WWE has been doing right this past half year. I expect a rematch to be won by Corbin in underhanded means in a few weeks and then I pray that AJ is pushed to the main event and saves us from the torture of Jinders existence.

    Zak: 2-2( AJ Styles retains)
    Brother: 1-3 (AJ Styles)
    Dad: 2-2 (Baron Corbin)
    Dog: 3-1 (AJ Styles)
    Mum: 2-2 (Baron Cobrin)


    Charlotte Flair beat Natalya (DQ)


    Sure, I already donít care about the SmackDown women; letís do nothing to fix that. Natalya, if you are reading this, everyone appreciates your work in the womenís division over the years, but it is time you retired. WWE donít need you anymore. Just let the world move on from the days of divas, you are keeping us trapped there.

    Zak: 3-2 (Anyone but Natalya.)
    Brother: 2-3 (Champion retains)
    Dad: 2-3 (Nutella)
    Dog: 4-1 (Charlotte Flair)
    Mum: 3-2 (Charlotte Flair)

    Jinder Mahal beat Shinsuke Nakamura (Pinfall)


    Remember when Shinsuke had an undefeated streak and was regarded as the hardest hitting person in WWE? No I donít either, his run on the main roster has been crap and it is far from the fault of his own, he has been booked terribly. Shinsukeís gimmick is simple, he is the king of strong style and can beat anyone and if he canít, he will just get stronger and better till he can. That isnít a hard character to work with. Jinderís gimmick is ďI am brown, boo meĒ. The India tour is apparently not far off, so hopefully WWE get through it and get the title away from him as soon as possible. Honestly I hope the tour is a disaster for WWE, that would just make me smile and is honestly the only saving grace to this shit heap anymore.

    Zak: 3-3 (Shinsuke Nakamura)
    Brother: 3-3 (Jinder Mahal)
    Dad: 3-3 (Jinder Mahal)
    Dog: 5-1 (Jinder Mahal)
    Mum: 3-3 (Shinsuke Nakamura)

    Bobby Roode beat Dolph Ziggler (Pinfall)


    I was wrong, this feud is continuing and Roode got the win. The match wasnít as good as I imagined but part of that can be put on this being the pre-main event match, when was the last time WWE had a good pre-main event match that wasnít a co-main event? I am interested to see if this does continue, realistically it should since there isnít much for either elsewhere, long term I would say Roode vs Corbin for the US title at WM and Dolph vs AJ for the world title at December PPV or the Rumble. I think that works for everyone.

    Zak: 4-3 (Bobby Roode)
    Brother: 4-3 (Bobby Roode)
    Dad: 3-4 (Dolphin Juggler)
    Dog: 6-1 (Bobby Roode)
    Mum: 3-4 (Dolph Zeigler)


    Kevin Owens beat Shane McMahon (Sami Zayn)


    I had seen Theories of Zayn turning here, but I had dismissed them, I knew Zayn and Owens were once friends but I figured it was a long shot. I am interested to see whether WWE are going to go full heel with Sami or if he just has an issue with Shane/didnít want his rival to die. I would joke and say this leads to Zayn vs Shane at Survivor Series but I think he is done wrestling till WM. Instead I imagine Team Shane vs Team Owens/Zayn at Survivor Series.

    Zak: 5-3 (Kevin Owens)
    Brother: 5-3 (Kevin Owens)
    Dad: 4-4 (Kevin Owens)
    Dog: 6-2 (Shane McMahon)
    Mum: 3-5 (Shane McMahon)

    All in all this was a pretty alright show, not quite back to the 2016 SmackDown but this is a step in the right direction, we still need to get two of the titles off of the least talented superstars in their division (Womens and World titles for anyone wondering) but a quality showing from all involved here, so canít complain too much Ö more than I already have.

    And that is all I have to say on the show, so it is time for me to bid you all a fond farewell. But before I do, I realise I forgot something.

    During the predictions I promised a teaser for my upcoming series. It is an idea I have had for a little while now and I think there is a good chance you guys may enjoy it. So without further ado, Kingzak presents


    I hope you are as interested in reading this as I have been working on it. No date confirmed for the start yet, but it will be soon. This is just a teaser, which means for now it is time that I bid you all a fond farewell. As always I hope you have enjoyed todayís column and I will see you next time.


    Because where else would put up with me and my mediocre writing.

  4. #4
    Weed General D.O.N's Avatar
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    All in all I have to agree with you that this show was pretty alright. I actually enjoyed this show more than most people did. With some of the developments on this show hopefully a few things will now change to make Smackdown more entertaining. Last year SD caught lightning in a bottle and I don't think they will be able to recreate that magic, especially with the booking team not fully invested in the blue brand. Decent prediction score you had here.

  5. #5
    Senior Member kingzak13's Avatar
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    Feedback time

    @D.O.N: I haven't seen many people complaining about the show, only person is Tito and he hates everything that isn't The Shield so it doesn't count.
    I don't think we will be seeing anything as good as last year, but there is a decent amount of space between where they have been and where they were last year. There is a lot of middle ground.
    I think that is the expected sort of score for me, I know the goings on for WWE and unless they are being super unpredictable I should be able to score well.


    Thanks to everyone for the reads and double thanks to Sam and Don for the feedbacks.


    Because where else would put up with me and my mediocre writing.

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