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Thread: The Life & Times of Bobby Heenan: The WWF Years, 1986

  1. #1
    The Brain
    Join Date
    Sep 2013

    The Life & Times of Bobby Heenan: The WWF Years, 1986

    It's a new year, and a new thread! Let's get right to it!!

    January ‘86
    Segment of the Month

    Bobby Heenan plays “Baffle the Brain”
    January 24th, WWF Tuesday Night Titans

    What has two thumbs and is the greatest manager of all time?

    If you want to watch along, you can do so here:

    We start at about 21:00.

    Vince brings Heenan onto the show once again, and informs the audience that Lord Hayes has made up a segment called “Baffle the Brain”. Heenan doesn’t trust them, but agrees to play along. Turns out it’s wrestling trivia, they want to test the limits of the Brain’s brain. Vince is already giving Heenan a hard time, Vince, you’re such a dick as a babyface. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. Heenan actually does really well even though Vince and Hayes give him an incredible amount of shit. At the end, Alfred Hayes asks Heenan if he can name the two managers on the inner cover of the new Wrestling Album. Heenan claims it’s Jimmy Hart and himself. Hayes reveals it’s actually Hart and Albano. Heenan first insists they’re lying, then when they show him the inner cover he makes a bunch of excuses and ends up insisting he said Albano all along. Hayes smugly denies all his excuses, one after another, with such conviction that Heenan gets flustered and storms off the set! Pretty damn fun interaction. I enjoy that Hayes and Heenan are still feuding so many years after their issues in AWA.

    We’re not quite done though! A brief segment to watch at 37:00.

    Heenan shows up for a segment with the godforsaken Hillbilly clan. Probably not the safest place for him, considering his history with Jim. Vince asks the Hillbillies if they ever eat weasel. Turns out, wouldn’t you know it, the Hillbillies hate weasels back on their farm. Heenan agrees that weasels are terrible, and oh by the way did you know he’s not a weasel and doesn’t know anything about weasels? Vince scoffs at this to end the show on a humorous note.

    What I like about this segment is that it’s nothing but character development for Heenan. No feud is being directly advanced, no big match is being built up to. It’s just a chance to see fun characters interact, to build them up organically so that fans can get to know them, get to understand who they are and what motivates them, and how they react in different situations. It baffles me that this is a lost art, seemingly. It’s a lot of fun, at any rate, and well worth a watch.

    Heenan Quote of the Day:

    Don’t try to make a fool out of me out here! I don’t need that, I can do that without you! …WAIT I don’t mean it like that!

    Match of the Month
    Bobby Heenan, King Kong Bundy, & Big John Studd vs. Andre the Giant & Hulk Hogan
    The Spectrum, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
    January 11th, WWF Philadelphia

    If you want to watch along, you can do so here:

    Jump to 30:00 for this one!

    Well, Hogan & Andre underwhelmed as a teamin the past, but if you add Heenan to the actual match and then factor in the house show element, hopefully this will be a huge turn around!

    We get a very good sign at the start, all the big men all go at it immediately, even before introductions they are throwing down with considerable enthusiasm! The heels end up bounced out of the ring, and the officials try to regain control and do proper introductions. Andre adds a line to Heenan’s introduction, and calls him the weasel of the year! You really know how to get ‘em where they hurt, Andre. The finally get started for real and… Andre slams Studd!!! He just straight up slams him! The moment Heenan sees it coming he rushes into the ring but he’s too slow, and the moment he sees it’s too late to stop it he bolts back to the apron, haha. That was a brilliant sequence. Studd tries to regroup and… Hogan does the same thing!! Complete with Heenan’s attempted interference failing again, and it’s even funnier the second time. The crowd is going nuts, they are eating this up. After so much build up on someone slamming Studd, all the trash talk by Heenan, this is like double Christmas for the fans. I love it.

    Even better for the fans, this time Hogan gets his hands on Heenan, who ends up taking an INSANE bump to the outside! Before long, Hogan is going at it with Bundy again. Hogan is once again hitting some better than average offense, at least for him. Really great high knee, of all things, at one point. Hogan tries to get the slam on Bundy, but Heenan is able to get in there this time, and he pushes them both over so that Bundy lands on top of Hogan! Nice, I feel that’s a subtle way to reinforce that Bundy is now a greater threat than Studd used to be. This allows the Family to isolate Andre, and they have got him down when Heenan wants to get tagged in. Heenan goes after a downed Andre with everything he’s got… and while he’s on the attack, Andre casually stands up and brushes him off! Hilarious spot, I love it. Heenan gets the chance to do some more godly bumping before Hogan and Andre clean house, and in the end Andre pins Heenan easily after a big boot.

    What a great match here, once again the addition of Heenan is pure gold. The addition of some comedy allowed Andre to take it a little easier, and he seemed less lethargic here too. Hogan was also his better self, and they did a lot of work to portray the heels as threats, particularly Bundy, unlike the SNME match. Just a super fun one, I strongly recommend it.

    After the match, the Heenan Family goes back on the attack and they trap Andre in the ropes again, which seems to be super effective against Andre. While Andre is tied up, they grab Hogan and Bundy splashes him. The heels clear out as soon Andre gets free, but the damage is done, and Hogan is selling the splash big time.

    Awesomeness Rating: ****¼

    The Rest of the Month

    Please feel free to click on the bolded headers to watch along with anything that sounds interesting!

    Heenan’s first match on commentary!
    Roddy Piper, Cowboy Bob Orton, & Jesse Ventura vs. Hillbilly Jim, Cousin Jr, & Uncle Elmer – 1/4/86 WWF Saturday Night’s Main Event

    Two tuxedos and a circus tent. WWF has a weird dress code.

    This one is on the Network, and starts at about 4 minutes in.

    Jesse Ventura is your normal color commentator for bigger events at this time, but tonight he has to step out for the first match, because he’s in it! BUT he has found someone to replace him while he is in the ring! And lo and behold, it’s Bobby Heenan, doing his very first (to my knowledge) official commentary gig! Historic day indeed. He’s clearly still getting used to the role but he does a pretty good jobhis first time out. He must have impressed Vince a bit, because it definitely won’t be his last chance! The match itself isn’t much, it’s three guys who suck against two guys who prefer to do promos and their lackey, but it’s not all bad. Piper is fun at least. Ventura still blows in the ring, but he’s basically retired at this point. The heels win via shenanigans, but the real winners will be the fans who get to listen to Heenan for years to come.

    Match Awesomeness Rating: *½

    [Orton hits Cousin Jr with his cast]

    McMahon: OH, did you see that??

    Heenan: Oh, he must have tripped. Lost his footing.

    King Kong Bundy (w/Bobby Heenan) vs. Richard Krupa – 1/25/86 WWF Maple Leaf

    Bundy just absolutely murders this poor guy, even by squash standards this is very squashy, but in a very good way. He throws him around and crushes him and, my god, I do love a good squash match. Totally fun. Heenan goes to commentary and yells back and forth with Monsoon about whether he was manager of the year or not. I literally can’t wait until they start hosting Prime Time together, the chemistry between them is already through the roof.

    Awesomeness Rating: **¾

    Big John Studd (w/Bobby Heenan) vs. Paul Orndorff – 1/27/86 WWF MSG

    Holy SHIT, the crowd is really hot for this, and why shouldn’t be? This is actually the first time Heenan has sent a Family member directly after his former client since Ken Patera was still around (miss you, Ken!). It feels like it’s HOT STUFF! Heenan spits at Orndorff at the start, and Orndorff gives chase! They run around crazily for a bit before Studd cuts off Orndorff. Studd can’t keep a good Orndorff down though, and soon he’s back and throwing offense that looks AWESOME here, really cracking away at Studd. Orndorff gets more out of Studd than almost anyone else has, another credit to this severely underrated guy. The finish comes when Orndorff is about to slam Studd, and Heenan rushes in and pulls him down, causing the DQ. Orndorff cracks Heenan a few times for good measure, and the heels bail. That bounty is still up for grabs, everyone!

    Awesomeness Rating: ***½

    I think the biggest takeaway we can see in January is that Studd is now getting seriously de-emphasized. Despite being around from day 1, there can be no doubt his often plodding ring work didn’t exactly inspire confidence most of the time, and he’s taken enough losses to Hogan and Andre that I can see why it was time to freshen it up. They are doing a great job of making Bundy look strong so far, with a couple minor exceptions he looks like a credible threat at all times, a real force to be reckoned with. I’d love to see Orndorff and Bundy get a chance to go at it. The other big story is, of course, Heenan getting his first crack at commentary. I think it will be a while before he gets a permanent spot, but it’s definitely on the horizon now. Exciting times, and Wrestlemania is still just around the corner!

    That’s it for today, humanoids. I’ll be back soon with the next entry, until then don’t let the ham-and-eggers get you down, and stay awesome!
    Last edited by mizfan; 05-05-2017 at 01:53 PM.

  2. #2
    Wet Dream Machine SkitZ's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Another thing I love about Heenan is his willingness to take bumps. The guy will do whatever it takes to help a match or segment which I feel is a huge bonus since a lot of managers nowadays don't really get their hands dirty. Pretty sure Paul Ellering would turn to dust if he took a bump here in 2017 so I'll cut him some slack. The rest of them are softies though and could learn a thing or two from watching old Heenan tapes.

  3. #3
    Man this stuff is enjoyable. Get rid of Raw and bring back TNT. Long live the Andre caught in the ropes spot! Reading the analysis on Andre calling Bobby weasel of the year had me laughing. Pretty childish of the big man but he's still one of my all time favorites. I guess the Beverly hillbillies popularity spilled into WWF tv. I can definitely see the tide turning with Bundy and Studd...i think he may hang around to be Bundy' s tag partner for awhile after mania 2...but I may be getting my timeframes mixed up...another enjoyable read, my man

  4. #4
    The Brain
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Skitzoid! The thing about Heenan’s bumps is I’m pretty sure there’s not a wrestler alive today that couldn’t learn something from them. The man is an absolute master on par with any great bumper in history. Managing used to be a game for guys who had something left in the tank. This is why I’m pulling for guys like Chris Jericho to revive the role. I could do without seeing too many more full length Jericho matches, but if he could marry that character to some limited ring interaction and transfer heat to a series of clients, my god what a world it could be. Thanks for the read man, always good to hear from you.

    Benny Butts! A TNT revival sounds not only awesome but extremely doable, in today’s “The Network Needs Content Now” era. Andre really is an all time great, not just for his size and how he used it but for the fact that he also projected this huge personality. We’re still getting to it but the transition he makes in his personality when he turns is both subtle and hugely effective. God, those hillbillies… there will be more before there will be less, I’m afraid. I do think Studd is going to vanish rather suddenly at some point but we’re getting ahead of ourselves now. Really glad you’re enjoying, another month coming at you right now!

    February ‘86
    Segment of the Month

    Bobby Heenan, on European vacations
    February 1st, WWF

    When you beat a Frenchman back to France

    If you want to watch along, you can do so here:

    Heenan & Bundy are on the Body Shop, with Jesse Ventura! Ventura marvels that Andre hasn’t been around for weeks, and they surmise he’s gone back to France for good after being beaten up too many times. Yup, that’s gotta be it. Bundy says his new goal is to not only win the world title, but get rid of Hulk Hogan once and for all in the same way. That ’Mania main event is looming, while the Andre feud continues. Hell, it’s never really stopped since Heenan got here! A short one but a good one here.

    Heenan Quote of the Day:

    Ventura: I haven’t seen that big Frenchman Andre the Giant around in ages!

    Heenan: Well Jesse, if you had your butt kicked and whupped every night like he did at the hands of Studd and Bundy, would you show your face?

    Match of the Month
    King Kong Bundy (w/Bobby Heenan) vs. George Wells
    Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
    February 17th, WWF MSG

    If you want to watch along, you can do so here:

    Our match starts at about 52:00.

    Hmmmrph… I’m not particularly happy with this selection. I don’t know what’s up with this footage drought. I guess I shouldn’t complain after picking over such miniscule scraps in the AWA section, but still. Well, here we are.

    I don’t necessarily mind putting a squash in this slot, but the problem is George Wells suuuuucks. He doesn’t really bump or sell very well, so he’s poorly suited to make Bundy look better. On the up side, he is a bit of a bigger guy for Bundy to bulldoze, so Bundy looks a little stronger in that direction. Plus, Bundy puts the hurt on him so bad that they almost have to stretcher him out of the match, after he suffers the corner splash/jumping splash combo at Heenan’s direction. Monsoon also mentions on commentary that Hogan once had to be taken to the hospital after being attacked like that, so clearly the upcoming Hogan/Bundy ‘Mania match is on everyone’s mind, even if it hasn’t been officially announced yet. Anyway, even by squash standards this isn’t that good, only watch it if you are really dedicated to watching along.

    Awesomeness Rating: *½

    The Rest of the Month

    Please feel free to click on the bolded headers to watch along with anything that sounds interesting!

    King Kong Bundy (w/Bobby Heenan) vs. Hulk Hogan, WWF Championship – 2/8/86 WWF Philadelphia

    This one is right around 2:07:00.

    So, after seeing them lock up and do a pretty damn good job together in ’85, I was looking forward to this… but wow, I really should not have been. Really bad compared to their previous match. Every lazy Hogan trait you can think of. Way too much sitting in holds, really boring ones too. And just bizarre structure too, at one point Bundy corner splashes Hogan then just stands around like an idiot until Hogan recovers. Even the face commentators are encouraging him to actually DO SOMETHING. In the end Hogan is about to win, so Heenan gets on the apron with brass knuckles. Hogan throws him into the ring and tries to take the weapon away, until Bundy hits him from behind. Even though Heenan didn’t actually do anything yet, the referee throws the match out anyway. After the match Bundy throws the ref around and tries to attack Hogan, but hits Heenan by mistake! Hogan punches Heenan and he does a crazy bump, and Bundy bails with his manager in tow. Decent post match but the match really did kind of suck, I guess it wasn’t a total disaster but a real big let down compared to what they can do together. Hogan did this with Studd too, at one event it would look like they could have a decent match no problem, then a little while later they would stink up the place. I just hope the good Hogan (such as he is) comes to ‘Mania.

    Awesomeness Rating: *

    Heenan and the old bag – 2/15/86 WWF All Star

    Did he steal Andre’s hoodie?

    This segment pops up at around 13:00.

    Before I talk about this show, can we talk for a minute about how many fucking shows WWF has at this time? Championship Wrestling. All American. All Star. Tuesday Night Titans. Prime Time Wrestling. Special shows for New York, Boston, Philly, Toronto, and more. Not to mention dividing up their roster running three consecutive house show tours. I don’t know if there’s ever been a more prolific time for the WWF, all things’ considered. Ok, I just had to point that out. Ridiculous but sort of awesome. You’d think I could find a better match for this month than Bundy vs. fucking George Wells!!

    Okerlund and Heenan, together like it was always meant to be. Heenan has a huge bag with him. He claims it’s Uncle Elmer’s lunch pail and he carries all his stuff in it, including his grandma and his dogs. He says Bundy will take care of the Hillbillies personally. He then rushes off to take a phone call, but returns when it turns out to be one of Gene’s girlfriends. Gene runs off and Heenan signs off for him. I’m going to count this as the first appearance of Heenan’s infamous phone. If you don’t know what that means, just wait until Heenan starts co-hosting Prime Time Wrestling!

    Okerlund: I see you’ve got that old bag with you again.

    Heenan: Speaking of old bags, where you’d drop her off at?

    Another quiet month, with Andre temporarily out of the picture, most likely resting his (sadly) rapidly deteriorating body, and while they are still on track to clash with Hogan on a big stage, we don’t yet have a big hook like the Family did last year, specifically the haircut with Andre. What does Heenan have up his sleeve to give the coming ‘Mania match that extra bit of spice? I have a feeling we’re about to find out!

    That’s it for today, humanoids. I’ll be back soon with the next entry, until then don’t let the ham-and-eggers get you down, and stay awesome!

  5. #5
    Man that Heenan old bag line to Gene. Yeah, that fucking shit. That made February worth it!
    Man, that line about even the face announcers encouraging Bundy to do something. Those were black and white times, cat, where lines were drawn so thick ,brother, even the announcers found themselves on one side or the other. This series is always a pleasure!
    Last edited by Benjamin Button; 05-09-2017 at 03:34 AM.

  6. #6
    Weed General D.O.N's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    That “Baffle the Brain” segment sounded like fun and it makes sense considering the his “The Brain” and all. On that brief segment at 37:00, that's the first time I noticed Heenan really flustered. Was surprised by that.

    By the time January ended it definitely looked like they were phasing Studd out, and losing to Hogan and Andre continuously surely didn't do him any favours. I wouldn't be surprised to see Bundy take out Orndoff to make him look stronger for the Hogan bout.

    Damn, talk about getting straight to the point in February. On the first day of the month Bundy is already making his intentions known. But damn, is that Andre feud ever going to end?

    With regards to that Bundy/Hogan match, it's like Hogan only wants to have a decent match when he feels like it. Very unprofessional. Unless they saving their best for 'Mania.

    Seems like you breezed through 84' and 85', Mizzie. You just keep rolling on. Awesome!

  7. #7
    The Brain
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Benny Butts! Finding random witty lines like that make this whole project worth it, I love doing it. Funny thing about those commentary lines, they never really went away did they? Always a pleasure to read your feed man, I appreciate it!

    Donny! I think anyone would be flustered if they found themselves in the midst of a wild swarm of hillbillies. Bundy taking out Orndorff would be an excellent twist, but is WWF willing to really put a big name like Orndorff on the shelf at such a key point in their national expansion? One thing I like about this era is that feuds rarely just “end”, rather both parties remember their beef and it can pop up again at any time, even if they just see each other it will all come flooding back. It’s something I’d like to see more of in the modern era, quite frankly. Hogan… yeah, your assessment has a lot of truth to it. Hogan was working a ton at this time so perhaps fatigue is part of the question as well, there are many times where he might wrestle more than once on the same day just so WWF could draw those big crowds. I’m picking up the pace, so I love you keeping up with the flow! More on the plate, right now!

    March ‘86
    Segment of the Month

    Bobby Heenan and the Greatest Music Video of All Time
    March 1st, WWF Slammy Awards

    If you want to watch along, you can do so here:

    Okay, so if you want to check the ceremony that’s all well and good, jump to about 3:00 minutes in on the link above, BUT there’s a better way to see the thing that puts me right over the top.

    For the love of god, drop everything you’re doing and watch THIS:

    What is it, you may ask? If you’re asking that, you haven’t WATCHED IT, so watch it! It’s like 4 minutes long, and oh so worth it!

    Just in case you weren’t able to watch (and if you can’t, find a way!) what your eyes just beheld was the WWF version of the song “Land of 1000 Dances”, and it is glorious. and it’s one of my favorite things ever. It’s, like, the entire damn WWF roster singing a rendition of this song and adding their own stuff to it. You’ve got Vince McMahon auditioning for the roll of “person most into clapping in all of history”, you’ve got Paul Orndorff kissing his muscles to the beat of the song, you’ve got Missing Link wandering around like he’s on a bad trip… honestly I don’t think I can do justice to the beauty of this thing with words. Heenan gets a couple lines in, because of course he does, and then when Roddy Piper loses his shit and tries to start a brawl, Orndorff runs in and tries to smash him with a piece of the drumset! Piper throws Heenan in front of him and he gets his head smashed into the drum! Everything breaks down into a huge brawl. Okerlund tries to apologize for everything but is pulled backstage into the chaos.

    For the love of god, WATCH THE SONG. It’s just a ridiculously fun time.

    I’m not sure what could possibly top this, but in the original video you can indeed see Heenan again at around the 10:00. It’s Bundy and Heenan, with some MTV interviewer backstage. Heenan claims he voted 10,000 times for Bundy to win a Slammy and he should have won, and says there is a conspiracy against them by the likes of Hulk Hogan. Bundy’s statement is much simpler, he just wants Hogan!

    Heenan makes his point, as Bundy is distracted by Gene Okerlund making weird faces (probably)

    Match of the Month
    Don Muraco (w/Bobby Heenan) vs. Hulk Hogan – WWF Championship
    Veterans Memorial Coliseum, Phoenix, Arizona
    March 1st, WWF Saturday Night’s Main Event

    The Brain is ready to manage Muraco and his huge tits.

    If you want to watch along, you can do so on the WWE Network.

    Immediately following a Bundy squash (which we will cover shortly), Okerlund is backstage with Don Muraco, who has a title shot. Muraco claims his usual manager, Mr Fuji, has the flu. Gene says it’s the Asian flu, because racism was cool with WWF back in the 80s. Obviously. Muraco says Fuji found him the wisest manager out there, Bobby Heenan!! Heenan shows up and puts over Fuji as his friend, and claims it’s always in his interest to see Hogan lose the title. This should be fun.

    Immediately following that, we go direct to the match! Hogan is in full bully mode, he rakes Muraco’s back incessantly and punches out Heenan at the first opportunity. Muraco seems kind of fat and slow but he has a lot of presence nonetheless, and he and Heenan seem to have good chemistry, gesturing to each other and interacting a lot to rile up the fans. In the end Hogan is about to win, so Heenan does the natural thing and charges in to kick Hogan in the head. Hogan starts choking Heenan until Bundy shows up, and all three heels start beating up Hogan! Muraco holds Hogan in the corner and Bundy does a bunch of splashes in a row. Hogan is laid out as fans pelt the heels with trash. Eventually, the British Bulldogs (of all people) come out and the heels take off. Hogan is in bad shape though, he has to be stretchered out. They show him being taken away an ambulance.

    So the match was nothing to write home about, but this angle was pretty damn effective. We’ve seen Hogan shrug off so many attacks, for him to sell on this level clearly resonates with the fans. That’s the upside of having a superman type character, when he does get taken down it’s a huge deal. Clearly this is the angle that will feed into Wrestlemania, as nobody in the series to date has taken Hogan down to this level, and it shows that in the right circumstances Bundy can definitely take Hogan out. This has got me pumped, can’t wait to see that feud continue!

    Awesomeness Rating: **¼

    The Rest of the Month

    Please feel free to click on the bolded headers to watch along with anything that sounds interesting!

    King Kong Bundy (w/Bobby Heenan) vs. Steve Gatorwolf – 3/1/86 WWF Saturday Night’s Main Event

    This one is found on the WWE Network, at about 16:00.

    Before the match, Okerlund interviews Heenan and Bundy backstage. All they want is Hogan, which makes sense considering they will take him out later in the show. Heenan says he will sign a contract for anywhere, anytime for the title. They completely blow off Gatorwolf, and with good reason. We go directly to the match, and Bundy just murders the guy of course, no offense whatsoever. Bundy demands Hogan on the house mic after the match.

    Awesomeness Rating: *½

    Heenan, on the musical talents of King Kong Bundy – 3/1/86 WWF

    I love how many “rogue’s gallery” shots I can get in this series.

    Piper’s Pit, with Bundy & Heenan. Piper is off his rocker ecstatic about what they did to Hogan. He wants to give them an award for curing Americans who were vomiting every time Hogan came on the screen! Oh Piper. You so crazy. Bundy talks about feeling Hogan’s bones break and Piper looks like he wants to kiss him because he finds it so beautiful. Piper puts over Heenan for masterminding it and they are just having a ball. Fun stuff.

    KKB: Each and every time I could feel a bone seem to give way and crack, it was great!

    BH: Sounded like Liberace playing the piano!

    King Kong Bundy & Big John Studd (w/Bobby Heenan) vs. Michael Saxon & Steve Gatorwolf – 3/1/86 WWF Championship Wrestling

    I enjoy how even some of the lowest jobbers still have a gimmick in this era. For instance, Michael Saxon is doing a Michael Jackson thing (go figure) and Steve Gatorwolf has got a Native American thing going on. It does stop them from getting stomped completely flat here of course, but as squashes go it’s a pretty fun one. The crowd is all over Heenan, of course. Bundy flattens Saxon with a splash for the dominant victory.

    Awesomeness Rating: **

    King Kong Bundy (w/Bobby Heenan) vs. Hillbilly Jim – 3/16/86 WWF MSG

    This one starts about at about 10:00.

    Hillbilly Jim, just… just go away. This is predictably slow, but at least Bundy is way better than Studd at this point, so the result is not actually that offensive. Jim puts up a fight but in the end Heenan only has to distract him momentarily, and Bundy is able to hit the splash combo for the win. Heenan announces Bundy as the next world champ, and it can’t be denied he’s on a roll. Taking out a Hogan ally is just a bonus in this case.

    Awesomeness Rating: **

    This month gave us a clear idea of what the hook will be for Wrestlemania. Hogan was put down hard at SNME, only about a month before the big event. Heenan is pouring all his energy into making sure Bundy is as prepared as possible to take down Hogan and finally pry that title off of him and bring it to the Family. Andre and Orndorff and all their other issues have been put aside, even Big John Studd gets very little attention. Everything revolves around that big title match, and I’m very excited to see it. Hopefully it’s not a let down like last year’s Andre/Studd. I know Hogan and Bundy are capable of something good, and with all eyes on them it’s time for them to dig deep and show it. We’ll see on the next entry!

    That’s it for today, humanoids. I’ll be back soon with the next entry, until then don’t let the ham-and-eggers get you down, and stay awesome!

  8. #8
    That WWF song video is a real acid trip, man. Great find! Wonder if we'll see Hogan wrapping up his ribs after that Bundy attack. The one time out of 4 yrs he gets his ass kicked, you know he's gotta milk it. I remember the first time I was introduce to the Rock Don Muraco. It was a best of the IC title VHS. Liked him back then. Looks like he helped lure the Hulkster in here.
    Another good one. Cool reading how the road to Wrestle-Mania worked back then.

  9. #9
    The Brain
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Benny Butts! If you weren’t already one of my favorite people around here, you’d sure be winning me over with this awesome feedback string. I must have watched that music video half a dozen times, there’s something so surreal and hypnotic about it. Hogan knows how to sell big when he wants to, I think eventually in this series we’ll see him squashed by guys like Earthquake and Yokozuna, though that’s a long way off. I like the vibe of Muraco a lot, even with (or because of?) his enormous tits. The road to ‘Mania has changed a lot since then, but I’m not sure we had any segment this year go over as strong as the Hulk getting stretched out, that crowd was crazy hooked in. Love the feed man, I’m so fired up I’m gonna crank out one more day before I take a couple days off!

    April ‘86
    Match of the Month

    King Kong Bundy (w/Bobby Heenan) vs. Hulk Hogan – Steel Cage, WWF Championship
    Los Angeles Sports Arena, LA, California
    April 7th, WWF Wrestlemania II

    I am really starting to wonder what Bundy is always looking at.

    If you want to watch along, you can do so on the WWE Network. Our man comes into play at about 2:37:00.

    At long last, the big day has arrived! We being backstage, with Heenan and Bundy being interviewed by Ventura. Heenan puts over how big the match is, and he’s not lying. Ventura still injects a bit of comedy as he frets over what could happen to Bundy’s “pretty” face. I like Bundy, but there can no doubt that he looks like the Pillsbury Dough Boy’s obese uncle. Bundy says Hogan always ends up laying flat on the mat when they meet, never more so than when he was recently sent to the hospital. All three men feel Bundy is primed and ready to be the next world champion. So let’s do it already!

    The match itself is, thankfully, actually relatively good. I realize that probably goes against popular opinion, and let me say clearly that it’s by no means a contender for an all time great ‘Mania event, but it is exactly what it is, a good match that tells a simple story and pleases the crowd immensely. Both guys are putting in a lot of effort, Hogan included, and are landing some pretty good shots on each other. Bundy also gets decently bloody, which always raises the stakes and puts over how hard Hogan is fighting to keep the belt, to say nothing of keeping himself from going to the hospital again. Heenan is great from the outside of course, poking through the cage bars and interacting with both client and champion at every opportunity. After a pretty well fought battle, Hogan eventually wins via escape from the cage, going over the top as Bundy tries to go out the door and beating him to the floor.

    Heenan tries to stop him as he’s about to drop down, so once Hogan hits the ground he chases Heenan around the ring! Heenan tries to flee into the cage but Hogan goes right in after him, and Heenan can’t get over the top before Hogan catches him! Some great comeuppance here as Hogan lays a satisfying beating on the man who had schemed to put him in the hospital. It’s very nearly redundant to say at this point, but of course Heenan takes some spectacular bumps and sells like he’s being truly pulverized, much to the crowd’s pleasure.

    All things considered, I would say this is honestly one of the better Hogan matches I’ve seen. That’s not an incredibly high bar of course, but outside of stuff from Japan or going against a super-worker like Bockwinkel, this is top Hogan stuff as far as that goes. It wasn’t overly formulaic, it featured an element of real tension, and everyone just worked really hard to make it a success. With guys like Savage and Steamboat running around, it’s not likely to win even WWF match of the year, but it was the best one I saw in April, so that’s something.

    One thing that must be mentioned is that Elvira is, of course, an extremely crappy guest commentator for this match.

    Awesomeness Rating: ***½

    Segment of the Month
    Bobby Heenan is now your host!
    April 28th, WWF Prime Time

    Together at last.

    If you want to watch along, you can once again do so on the WWE Network.

    Yes!! Finally, Heenan and Monsoon are doing Prime Time together. Since there are lots of segments on these shows, I’m going to cover them running diary style. For anyone unfamiliar with the PTP format, Heenan and Monsoon are in the studio and they watch a series of matches over the course of each episode. Many of them are from the recently televised house shows out of MSG, Boston, Philadelphia, etc, repackaged for the national audience, which is a pretty smart use of footage if you ask me. Occasionally they also watch matches from farther in the past, or cover major angles or storylines happening in the company at that time. The twist is, of course, as soon as Heenan and Monsoon took over, their between-match banter became the best thing on the show! If you have time, it’s great to watch through all the segments on a show as they often build on each other or have some goofy thread running through the show. Let’s check out the first one, running diary style!

    0:00 We open on Heenan and Monsoon doing Prime Time together, for the first time! Gorilla says Heenan is “sitting in” for Jesse Ventura, who is filming a movie. I believe he’s off doing Predator, far and away one of the best films a wrestler has even been involved in. Plus, if he didn’t go off to do that, who knows if Heenan would have gotten this opportunity?

    12:00 Heenan puts over Ernie Ladd, who was doing commentary on a match. Monsoon talks about how Heenan’s tends to recruit giant men for his Family, and predicts they will be at risk for knee problems, just like Monsoon himself was during his wrestling career. Monsoon also hints Heenan may be thinking of managing Jake Roberts! Heena won’t confirm or deny. Jake hardly needed a manager, but it’s an appealing thought nonetheless.

    22:00 Monsoon claims Heenan doesn’t like snakes, so he might not be able to manage him. Heenan says he doesn’t hang out with snakes but he likes what Roberts does, using his snake to intimidate people.

    25:00 Heenan makes fun of Tito Santana’s accent. He finds it hilarious, and Monsoon scolds him.

    32:00 Monsoon says Heenan hasn’t been trying to get Bundy a return match against Hogan after his loss at ‘Mania. Heenan blusters and says he’s dealing with a lot of stuff with Andre and Hogan, and claims the cage itself should be investigated!

    51:00 Heenan calls Lanny Poffo a punk and Gorilla scolds him. Monsoon points out Bundy can’t do high flying moves like Poffo and Heenan blusters about how Bundy is a different kind of wrestler.

    1:01:00 They discuss Professor Tanaka, a classic WWWF wrestler. Heenan claims he is training some guys they may see soon. I have no idea who he might be talking about. Heenan marvels that wrestlers from Samoa and surrounding islands don’t know about shoes.

    1:09:00 Monsoon mentions that Iron Mike Sharpe has had an “injured” arm for 9 years, causing him to wear that suspicious brace that he tries to use in matches. Heenan objects that he knows people with life long arthritis, so it’s basically the same.

    1:18:00 Heenan lectures about what should and shouldn’t be a DQ. Monsoon says he’s the least qualified person to explain that to people. Heenan says he only interjects in matches when there is bad officiating and would never do anything against the rules… except maybe cut someone’s hair, or put them in the hospital.

    1:22:00 Monsoon scolds Heenan for getting Kirchner’s branch of service wrong. Heenan says they’re all the same! Monsoon scolds him some more. Their chemistry is really ridiculous. I have a feeling they were pushing backstage to work on something together for quite a while.

    1:31:00 Heenan explains Kirchner is not in the same class as guys like the Iron Sheik. Monsoon scolds him about it. Monsoon thanks Heenan for being less obnoxious than expected! Heenan promises to be back. Oh boy, and how!

    Heenan Quotes of the Day:

    Monsoon: From the 82nd Airborne, Corporal Kirschner, we’re gonna go back to…

    Heenan: All those years in the marines, and he only made it to Corporal.

    GM: Well, what are you gonna do sometimes.

    BH: Yeah!

    GM: Hey, you don’t know how many years he was in the marines!

    BH: Well, an hour and half was probably too long for our country.
    BH: What’s the difference? Marines, airforce, army, army surplus, cub scouts, boy scouts, brownies, it’s all the same. People who wear clothes that are given to them.

    GM: Obviously you were never in the service.

    BH: I’d have been a general. Or an admiral.

    The Rest of the Month

    I say that, but there’s really only one thing… even so, please feel free to click on the bolded headers to watch along with anything that sounds interesting!

    King Kong Bundy & Big John Studd (w/Bobby Heenan) vs. Hulk Hogan & Hillbilly Jim – 4/22/86 WWF MSG

    Jump ahead to about 2:01:00 for this one.

    I truly can’t understand why Hillbilly Jim is the go to tag partner for all these babyface main eventers. Is Ricky Steamboat really so busy? Tito Santana? Hell, isn’t Orndorff supposed to be Hogan’s bro now? Oh well. It’s not the worst match ever or anything but it’s pretty dull much of the time. There is a fun moment early on when Hogan slams both Studd and Bundy in succession and Heenan gets to throw a fit about it, but it gets crazy slow after that. Jim is useless, of course. Heenan causes the DQ when his guys are about to lose, but the faces end up throwing Heenan in front of a Bundy corner splash and he gets crushed. Hogan and Hillbilly pose to close the show. I can barely understand why people like to see Hogan pose so much, but Hillbilly Jim… come on Vince! I guess we’re lucky Vince never discovered a really muscular hillbilly, he’d still be champion to this day.

    Awesomeness Rating: *¼

    So April saw two major events take place. Bundy’s loss at ‘Mania is a blow to the Family but, of course, we knew that would happen. The beauty of Heenan (and of all managers, to be honest) is that the failure of one client often leads to the rise of another. I’m not sure how long that might take, but knowing Heenan he’s already on the hunt. In the meantime, I’m sure he’ll find something for Studd & Bundy to do. Maybe take a run at the tag titles, now that they are held by the British Bulldogs? I could see that happening, and the match would certainly be interesting. The other major event is, of course, the pairing of Heenan and Monsoon, who would find themselves inextricably linked onscreen for nearly a decade, an impressive accomplishment that pales only in the face of the life long real friendship these two men would share. Lots of good stuff on the horizon, and it’s a long and bumpy road to the next ‘Mania, the big one. Can’t wait to go down that road together, mizfan fans!

    That’s it for today, humanoids. I’ll be back soon with the next entry, until then don’t let the ham-and-eggers get you down, and stay awesome!

  10. #10
    Weed General D.O.N's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    March - You sound so excited about that first bit that I'm jealous I can't watch! But I'll definitely find a way to check it out because all the must-see stuff I checked out from you were all great.

    I was super surprised to see Hogan having to be stretchered out. I never in a million years thought it would happen to Hogan of all people. But you are right, because of that very fact it had more impact.

    April - Man, its hard keeping up with you! I was also wondering why KKB always stares off into space. I'm glad Heenan finally got his comeuppance at the hands of Hogan. How dare I say such a thing, you ask? Because Heenan is great at being a dastardly heel dammit. These days not many fucks are given when a wrestler finally gets their hands on a manager. Then again, stories of today aren't really played out as lengthy and intricately as stories back then.

    I like the idea of the running diary for Prime Time and I hope you continue with it. Truly amazing work you've done with this, Mizzie.

  11. #11
    I don't know if there's a better way to present Bobby Heenan than with yellow font and hi-lighting his incredible add-lib wit. After all these years, someone has finally revisited wrestling history and praised Bobby the Brain for his heel tactics as long as their funny and chastised Hogan for his scratching, biting, and shitty matches. With that said its cool to hear Mania 2 put on a good show. Been a really long time since I watched it but those first Manias really work together to tell a story. Watching the event on VHS at a young age as part of a wrestle-mania box set made the 3 arenas feel fun. Obviously there's tons of downside to it and there's reasons they never did it again.

    Borash and Mathews should be forced to watch hours of how Monsoon and Bobby interacted.

    Good read as always, man. This series has been a blast for me.

  12. #12
    The Brain
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Donnie! Hope you do get a chance to watch that video, it's quite hilarious. Once in a blue moon Hogan would sell something, and in his defense it always did make it mean more. I am trying to cut a quick pace so I am not doing this series for 10 years instead of just 2 or 3! My god, that's something to think about. Anyway, these days there are not many managers for wrestlers to get their hands on, but when they do it right it still gets an enormous reaction. Look no farther than Mascarita Sagrada and Famous B in Lucha Underground! I definitely will continue with PTW, so thanks for the great feed, I always appreciate it!

    Benny Butts!! I try to do justice to the man. Hogan is the biggest cheater of all time, but Monsoon always finds a way to excuse him, cunning ape that he is. There's something about these early Manias that is appealing to me right now. I think you touched on in a recent LU column. These feel like events that are built around big matches that MUST happen, as opposed to a date on a calendar that has to come up with a bunch of matches whether they are willing to come or not. The three venue thing was an interesting experiment. Vampira on commentary was not. And yet shitty celebrity appearances is the trope that continues to this day. Ah well. At this point I'd be happy if Borash and Matthews were simply left in that room, with Prime Time playing, for the next several years, though it's probably too kind a fate for them. Thanks for the read and feed, it's been great hearing from you lately.

    Back to the show!

    May ‘86
    Match of the Month

    Randy Savage (w/Miss Elizabeth) vs. Tito Santana – No DQ, WWF Intercontinental Championship
    Maple Leaf Gardens, Toronto, Canada
    May 4th, WWF Maple Leaf

    If you want to watch along, and by GOD you should, you can do so here:

    Start at about 39:00 for this one.

    So here’s the nice thing about Heenan starting to do more commentary, I get to cover matches like this one. All I can say coming off this one is WOW!! I would quite honestly put this on a similar tier with the much more famous Steamboat/Savage match from a year later. Tito is the former champion trying to get his title back after losing it by nefarious means on the part of Savage, and it is a HOT, HOT match! They not only get it done in the ring with spectacular aplomb, but they also brawl all around ringside and up on the raised ramp and even into the crowd! The action is fast and furious, and only elevates further when Tito blocks a top rope dive to the floor with a chair in an especially brutal spot. Savage ends up bleeding all over late in the match. In the end there’s a ref bump as Tito gets the visual win, but Savage is able to win by pulling the tights when the ref comes too. AWESOME, you should absolutely check this one out. Finally, a match in the series up to the level of what Nick Bockwinkel was putting out. Seriously, it’s nice to find random good matches in the WWF undercard, but I do miss watching classic after classic match in the AWA section.

    Heenan, to his credit, does a great job here, putting over the match as a great one while at the same time keeping his own views and quirks, at one point making fun of Tito’s hometown in pretty funny fashion. Obviously he’s not the focus here but even so, this match is so, so, so worth checking out.

    Awesomeness Rating: ****¾

    Heenan Family Match of the Month
    King Kong Bundy & Big John Studd (w/Bobby Heenan) vs. Dynamite Kid & Davey Boy Smith
    Mid-Hudson Civic Center, Poughkeepsie, New York
    May 17th, WWF Championship Wrestling

    If you want to watch along, you can do so here:

    I’m introducing this section now that Heenan is going to be in the booth a lot more, because I want to highlight the best matches but also not lose touch with Heenan’s personal wheelings and dealing, of which there are still a tremendous amount.

    Non title match, for whatever reason, but a pretty fun one regardless. The Bulldogs are, as expected, very explosive, and manage to look good despite a truly staggering size difference, especially with Dynamite. Studd and especially Bundy look good as well, smashing the smaller guys whenever they get the chance. No telling how high this one could have gone, but Studd gets frustrated with these little guys and ends up decking the referee, prompting the obvious DQ.

    After the match, Bundy is very displeased to have lost to the much smaller tag champs, which may cost them a chance to actually wrestle for the titles in the future. He takes issue with Studd’s action and even shoves him as he delivers some harsh words! Studd won’t back down either! Is there dissension in the Family? Cooler heads prevail here with the help of Heenan, but the Brain is going to have to make sure these giants don’t end up trying to tear each other apart!

    Awesomeness Rating: ***¼

    Segment(s) of the Month
    Bobby Heenan attacks Andre the Giant in a new way
    May, WWF

    If you want to watch along, you can do so at the following links.

    So I made an unusual selection for this month’s segment. All through the month of May, Heenan would briefly appear at the commentary booth and inject himself into the conversation. His topic? None other than old Heenan Family nemesis, Andre the Giant. Over the weeks, Heenan slowly unveiled his plan to take a new kind of action against Andre. Here’s how the story unfolded:

    Heenan suddenly joins commentary during a Jake Roberts squash match. Vince asks him if he knows anything about Andre the Giant, who hasn’t been seen recently. Heenan claims Andre is scared of the Famliy, and was never the same after they cut his hair and beat him up. Heenan demands WWF take action to find out where Andre is and why he hasn’t been showing up to wrestle.

    Heenan joins commentary again for a brief moment, the following week. Heenan reports that due to his actions, WWF President Jack Tunney is now looking into Andre’s status and whereabouts. Heenan thinks Andre should be thrown out of wrestling for not showing up to work. He calls Andre a coward, and says his attorneys are working to have him barred from the WWF for his conduct.

    Two weeks later Heenan appears once more, and this time he’s got a big bomp to drop. Heenan states he has met with Jack Tunney and confirms, Andre the Giant has been suspended from wrestling, due to no showing a recent match. Heenan is filled with glee over this development. In fairness, it’s rare that he actually gets a break like this! And, after all, he’s been trying to put Andre out for years.

    These segments are very short, but they really felt like a big deal to me, especially that last one. I’m sure it’s mainly a tool to allow Andre to rest, but we can’t help but realize that we are now less than 1 year away from Heenan and Andre standing side by side. How will we get from here to there? And how long will Andre be out? The short segments belie how big a deal this is, and ultimately I think it’s much better than a 20 minute talking segment, which is doubtless how it would be handled today. It’s a great heat builder for Heenan as Andre rests up and hopefully comes back with one good last run in him, though I sadly suspect he might not even have that much. I’m ready to be wrong though!

    The Rest of the Month

    Ok, we’ve officially reached the point where the amount of content per month is going to go into OVERDRIVE, so please don’t feel obligated to read everything. If you prefer to skim and look for high rated matches or funny quotes, I won’t be offended at all. Between hosting Prime Time and all the new commentary opportunities, Heenan is all over the product now, which is awesome, but it’s a lot to cover in an unabridged series. So, just, don’t burn yourself out, dear reader! As always, please feel free to click on the bolded headers to watch along with anything that sounds interesting!

    WWF Saturday Night’s Main Event – 5/3/86

    It’s the first full event for Heenan commentary! And it’s right there on the WWE Network. You definitely see him getting more and more involved in the company as the series goes on. Thank god for Predator getting Ventura out of the way for a bit! Heenan really throws himself at commentary this time, his guns are blazing full force with the witty lines we would come to love. Obviously I’m not going to cover every match in detail, but I will give a brief overview of each and include any great lines or pictures I pick out!

    Buckle up for a decade plus of great commentary!

    Early on in the show, we get a clip of Heenan attending the “weigh in” for King Kong Bundy vs. Uncle Elmer. My god 80s Vince, what the hell are you trying to do with me? Elmer weighs in on a giant scale, while holding an enormous bucket of “pig parts”. If white people were ever systematically oppressed, this is what the offensive stereotypes would look like.

    That just goes to show you, you take 200 lbs of manure, 200 lbs of cellulite, 30 lbs of pig parts, and you get the biggest hillbilly living in the world today.

    If you think you can come up with a caption more ridiculous than the picture itself, have at it.

    Terry & Dory Funk Jr vs. Hulk Hogan & Junkyard Dog

    Surprisingly good, mostly thanks to some herculean efforts by the great Terry Funk. How a man can bump that much on concrete and not break down until so late in his life is one of life’s amazing mysteries. Heenan has some unkind words for Hogan, of course.

    Awesomeness Rating: ***¾

    King Kong Bundy vs. Uncle Elmer

    About as bad as it sounds. Elmer sucks. By the grace of Bundy, it’s not a complete dud, but it’s pretty damn close. Heenan is ballistic for his man on commentary.

    Awesomeness Rating: ¾*

    Paul Orndorff vs. Adrian Adonis

    Adonis is, of course, full on “gay” at this point. Before the match we see him drooling over a cardboard cutout of Orndorff. Orndorff’s character seems to be very insecure about such things and is enraged. It’s kind of an uncomfortable gimmick but not that functionally different than Goldust trying to bone Scott Hall a decade later. Putting values dissonance aside, this match is incredibly high energy and both guys go a mile a minute. Orndorff eventually throws the referee down and prompts the DQ because he’s so gung ho to beat up Adrian. In fairness they play it in such a way that the crowd is really responding. If they had just come up with a different reason for Orndorff to be so pissed off, this would be easier to rewatch 30 years later. Still, the match is good, and Heenan cheering for Adonis to take out Orndorff is a good time.

    Awesomeness Rating: ***¾

    We are supposed to get Steamboat vs. Jake Roberts next, but the Snake ambushes Steamboat and gives him a crazy DDT on the concrete. If I recall, the move actually knocked Steamboat unconscious for real. Roberts, unaware I’m sure, still throws the snake on him before he has to be stretchered out. Steamboat’s wife is there and very upset, which Heenan finds very funny.

    Davey Boy Smith & Dynamite Kid vs. Iron Sheik & Nikolai Volkoff, 2 out of 3 Falls, WWF Tag Team Championships

    [On Nikolai Volkoff’s singing] Well it’s not the kind of music you would want to dance to… or listen to… but it’s not bad!
    Amusing Heenan-isms notwithstanding, unfortunately, the match is disappointing. Davey does 99% of the work, and I’m not exaggerating, because Dynamite is still recovering from an injury he got doing a ridiculously unsafe spot at ‘Mania. So, it’s a lot of UnAmerican offense, and that really doesn’t take you that far. I appreciate the semblance of story, but it’s just not very exciting. Dynamite works his 1% of the match and then Davey comes in without tagging and wins illegally in the 3rd fall.

    Awesomeness Rating: *¾

    Heenan and the Australian prime minister – 5/3/86 WWF Superstars

    Okerlund knows Heenan has won this round. You can see it in his eyes.

    Brief segment found at about 39:00.

    Okerlund is backstage in a weird hat that he claims is Australian, with Heenan. Heenan makes fun of his hat, because, come on, how could you not? Studd & Bundy join the group, and Studd says Okerlund is what’s known as an ugly American. Studd calls out Hogan, Andre, Orndorff, and ups his slam challenge to $30,000! Pretty bold from a guy who has now been slammed as much as half a dozen times, haha. I’m not sure if he just doesn’t know when to quit, or if some of those slams were not “canon” due to the weird televised house show rules. Meanwhile, Bundy suspects Okerlund himself had the cage door cut too small for him to use at ‘Mania, just to screw him! Heenan just can’t stop making fun of his hat. Okerlund says it was a gift from the Australian prime minister. This one is pretty funny, I recommend giving it a watch.

    Okerlund: You look like the doorman at the Plaza, and you’re laughing at my hat!

    Heenan: Yeah, and you look like a boomerang salesman out of work!

    WWF Maple Leaf – 5/4/86

    Heenan and Monsoon are on commentary for this house show! Will be interesting to watch more matches from this era, besides just Heenan clients. Monsoon calls Heenan a “special guest” on commentary. Monsoon, you don’t know how special!

    Tiger Chung Lee vs. Don Kolov

    So, apparently on house shows they would have a match or two where two enhancement talents fight each other. That probably sounds boring as hell, and I’m sure sometimes it is, but on the positive side it does make it more meaningful when big name guys squash these guys flat. It also gives you a weird sense of hierarchy that is sorely lacking today. There is a real difference between a “jobber” and a “jobber to the stars” in this era. I doubt modern crowds are patient enough to recreate this dynamic fully, but there is something to the idea.

    At any rate, Tiger wins this one without too much trouble. Heenan calls Kolov a ham and egger!

    Awesomeness Rating: *¾

    Scott McGee vs. John K-9

    Scotty McGee, I like the name. Sounds like an out of work bagpipe salesman.
    Not bad, short-ish competitive match. Both guys bring a little something, though not anything to specially write home about. Heenan says K-9 hails from the pound.

    Awesomeness Rating: **½

    Bret Hart vs. Jim Brunzell

    Well well, the future world champion of the company has shown up, and he’s still got two “t”s in his first name. We’ve got a long way to go, I would never guess Bret would be a world champ based on this. Bret gets himself DQ’d by dumping Jim’s nuts on the ropes, which is an unusual thing to get DQ’d for. Nice to see Brunzell again, another guy scooped from the AWA. Heenan is really hung up on the name “Killer Bees” and thinks it’s pretty stupid.

    Awesomeness Rating: **½

    Jim Neidhart vs. B Brian Blair

    A dull match. Your instinct might be to blame Neidhart, but I put the blame squarely on Blair, who is pretty clearly nowhere near as good as Brunzell. Heenan is still getting used to the position and is commenting on what he can see from ringside instead of on the monitor. Monsoon scolds him and tells him to watch the right way, but Heenan says he doesn’t care what the people at home see. Blair wins with a roll up but afterwards the Harts beats up the Bees.

    Awesomeness Rating: *½

    Dory Funk Jr & Jimmy Jack Funk vs. Lanny Poffo & George Wells

    So George Wells wears football pants because he’s a former football player? Lanny Poffo is a former child, is he in a diaper?
    Lanny Poffo has a pre-match poem, because that’s his gimmick, about pulling Jimmy Hart’s pants off. That said, this match was WAY better than expected. Even Wells was not bad, he did a freaking superkick. I would have laid money down that he wasn’t capable. The highlight of the match has got to be Dory attempting to actually murder Lanny by brainbustering him on the raised wooden ramp. I’ve seen Dory as rather dull in some settings, but he brings something unique to this setting, and Lanny shows signs of actually being quite good. At the booth, Heenan conspires with Jimmy Hart about the location of Terry Funk, which is a bit disingenuous since I’m pretty sure his run with the company ended after SNME. In the end the Funks, the fake one and the real one, pick up the win.

    Awesomeness Rating: ***¾

    Harley Race vs. SD Jones

    You know when Lou Albano goes to a restaurant, they don’t give him a check anymore. They just look at the front of his shirt to see what he had.
    Here’s the first that we’ve seen of Race since he popped up two years ago in AWA. I’ve got to say, he looks so much better that it’s shocking, you could be forgiven for thinking it was a totally different guy. Clearly in tremendously better shape, he gets literally 100%of the offense but for some reason SD kicks out over and over and over and over again. It never goes anywhere, he just… kicks out of everything, until finally he loses. I’m glad Race is doing better, but it’s kind of sad that he’s here. From everything I’ve read, Race was really looking forward to retiring and running his St Louis territory, but his retirement corresponded pretty much exactly with the WWF doing everything their power to kill every territory in sight. So they put him out of business, then put him in the ring. At least they allow Heenan to really puts over Race on commentary, calling him a legend and referencing (albeit vaguely) his years of experience and accomplishments.

    Awesomeness Rating: **

    At this point Ken Resnick takes over as Monsoon’s partner, presumably so Heenan can get ready to manage in the main event. Now that’s one hell of a downgrade. There’s a Dan Spivey vs. Adrian Adonis match in the interim that I didn’t watch, because my god have you seen how long this series is already???

    At about 1:35:00, Heenan reappears to manage!

    King Kong Bundy & Big John Studd vs. Hulk Hogan & Junkyard Dog

    Naturally, Hogan slams both guys a little ways into the match. It’s less charming than it was the first couple times, but in fairness there’s still a huge pop. Also a clear sign that Bundy has already dropped down to be Studd’s equal and is no longer the threat that he was before. In a great moment, Heenan can be heard yelling “don’t let him HIPTOSS you again”. That aside, this one is pretty dull all things considered. JYD has a certain charisma and throws a solid punch, but doesn’t seem to be able to do much else. Heenan runs in and gets the DQ finish right before his men are about to lose, as usual. A brawl breaks out after the match and Heenan once again gets thrown into a Bundy splash, which seems to be a popular spot in this little moment in time.

    Awesomeness Rating: *

    WWF Prime Time Wrestling – 5/5/86

    Remember when I made an offhand comment about WWF have a ridiculous amount of programming in this era? This is the fourth show I’m covering in a three day span. Good grief!

    As always, Prime Time can be found on the WWE Network!

    GM: It’s gonna be tough to get any intelligent answers from Bobby the Brain Heenan this week.

    BH: Well, if you’d ask some intelligent questions…
    0:00 Heenan is still “guesting” but I’m pretty sure the format was so popular that they never looked back. Gorilla compliments Heenan on his stable (Family!), but warns him they can indeed be slammed, as we have seen. Heenan mentions he doesn’t like women’s wrestling, he thinks they should be at home or at most sewing wrestling trunks. Oh, you heel you.

    9:00 Gorilla and Heenan argue about the way the Bulldogs won the tag titles. Gorilla gives Heenan a surprise, they look back on his first WWF wrestling match, the one with Salvatore Bellomo that we covered way, way back when.

    22:00 Heenan wants to watch his first match over again when they finish. Gorilla compliments him on the skills he does have, but he still wishes he would leave as co host, haha. He would rather have Miss Elizabeth. Don’t do it Gorilla! Have you heard her on the mic??

    25:00 Gorilla talks about B Brian Blair’s technical ability. Heenan mentions Gorilla’s ability was anything technical, and he admits it was his nature to be rough when he was in the ring.

    40:00 Gorilla asks Heenan what a manager does. Heenan claims he does a lot, and makes sure his men get a fair deal. Monsoon notes he also runs for his life a lot.

    GM: I notice most of the time you’re running for your life out there.

    BH: Well, that’s called strategy, Monsoon.
    49:00 Monsoon and Heenan talk about recent title changes. Monsoon asks about Bundy’s eating habits, Heenan starts blustering and Monsoon cuts him off.

    53:00 Heenan doesn’t have much to say about the laides match. Monsoon gives him a hard time.

    GM: You just don’t enjoy girls wrestling as much as I do.

    BH: NOBODY enjoys girls wrestling as much as you do!
    1:00:00 Heenan theorizes that a Hispanic women’s wrestler is Tito Santana’s aunt. Monsoon gives Heenan a hard time about Bundy losing at ‘Mania. Heenan blames the small cage door again. Heenan makes fun of Tony Atlas and implies that he’s dumb.

    1:06:00 Monsoon asks Heenan about Johnny Valiant, and the Bulldogs winning the titles. Heenan says they share concerns about all the bad officiating that led to that outcome! Heenan says the Bulldogs are very beatable, unlike his team.

    1:14:00 Monsoon says Heenan and Jimmy Hart have problems with each other, Heenan denies it and talks about the deal that gave him Bundy. Heenan complains about Gorilla giving him a hard time, and Monsoon wishes that Ventura would come back! They argue about which of them might get fired next week. They will host this for so many more years. Monsoon says he doesn’t mean to insult him, but the truth hurts! Monsoon talks up Ted Arcidi and thinks he can slam Heenan’s guys. Heenan admits he’s strong but he has no ability so he could never get it done.

    1:21:00 Heenan claims Ted Arcidi steals moves from his guys, and theorizes that Arcidi could have a career carrying cars around. Heenan talks up his guys and says small guys can’t beat big guys when they are as good as his. Monsoon gives him a hard time again and Heenan feels like he is being threatened!

    This actually leads right into a Heenan Family match we have not seen yet…

    King Kong Bundy & Big John Studd (w/Bobby Heenan) vs. Jim Powers & Michael Saxon – 2/16/86 WWF All American

    It’s a pure squash, obviously. The crowd chants for Andre as Bundy and Studd have a bit of fun crushing the little guys.

    Awesomeness Rating: *¾

    Heenan wants to watch the match over again. Gorilla compliments the team and Heenan takes it as a matter of course. He says he could make anyone a world champion and insults the fans. Monsoon scolds him again. Heenan claims he doesn’t mind Monsoon’s company, even if they don’t agree. Gorilla warns him he won’t be here when Ventura comes back, Heenan theorizes he and Ventura will live next door in Beverly Hills and be stars together. Heenan begs to watch his match one more time as the show ends.

    WWF Prime Time Wrestling – 5/12/86

    As always, Prime Time can be found on the WWE Network!

    Bobby “The Houseplant” Heenan

    0:00 Ventura is still in the opening credits, but I really don’t think he’s coming back, not to Prime Time at least. This is pretty obviously a superior pair for this format. Heenan makes fun of the “Killer Fleas”.

    10:00 Heenan marvels at the number of animals in the WWF.

    BH: We’ve talked about an animal, about bees, about snakes, and I’m sitting here with a Gorilla.

    GM: Are you going to be funny again this week?

    BH: I just know you’re going to bring up weasel, so I wanted to get it in before you did!
    18:00 Monsoon theorizes Bret Hart can’t work without Jimmy Hart. Heenan says he just misses his partner.

    24:00 Heenan thinks Gorilla uses words too complicated for the fans. Gorilla says their fans are very smart. He asks him about Bundy & Studd and Heenan says to just wait and they’ll be around soon.

    GM: You know anything about Greek mythology?

    BH: Nah, I don’t like them restaurants.
    27:00 Heenan says he has all of Fuji and Muraco’s special films in his collection. Good for you!

    36:00 Heenan loves Fuji Vice. Monsoon says it was trash. Gorilla begs the producers never to roll that footage again. Heenan says he’s jealous.

    51:00 Heenan is hiding behind a potted plant to make Corporal Kirchner feel at home in his camo. Monsoon theorizes Kirchner needs a good tag partner. Heenan suggests a cub scout.

    54:00 Heenan is impressed by Jake Roberts. Gorilla insists Heenan is afraid of snakes but Heenan denies it.

    1:05:00 Monsoon relates a story of asking Jake Roberts what DDT means, and Roberts says it means “The End”. Heenan fondly remembers when Steamboat was DDT’d on the concrete. Gorilla says Steamboat is now back in action after a couple weeks. Heenan puts over Freddie Blassie. Monsoon says he’s a thief.

    1:13:00 Monsoon shows Heenan a copy of WWF magazine and points out Jimmy Hart has a big story. Heenan scolds him for trying to cause trouble and says he will be the centerpiece next month. Heenan starts ripping through the magazine and is disgusted that he’s not even mentioned!

    1:30:00 Heenan makes fun of the Killer Bees for losing their match. Monsoon has found Heenan in the magazine, it’s a picture of him being beat up by Hulk Hogan! Heenan claims it’s actually Freddie Blassie!!! Holy shit, that gave me flash backs to researching Heenan videos for this series. Do you know how much those two guys look alike in low definition? Heenan says Fuji Vice was his favorite part of the show. Heenan promises to be back next week and they argue about whether to watch Fuji Vice again or not.

    Hercules vs. Terry Morgan – 5/18/86 WWF All American

    Hercules is gonna squash this jobber, with Monsoon and Heenan on commentary. Blassie is managing. Hercules murders him as promised with some pretty entertaining offense, and racks him for the win!!

    Awesomeness Rating: **½

    Some people like to listen to music. Me, I like the sound of a guy hitting cement.

    WWF Prime Time Wrestling – 5/19/86

    As always, Prime Time can be found on the WWE Network!

    0:00 Ventura’s name may be in the credits, but this is Heenan’s world now. Heenan makes fun of George Wells, but is then startled when he hears they are going to watch a midget match. Yeah, the WWF was doing those at this time.

    13:00 Heenan tries to talk about Dan Spivey but says it’s hard to talk about a loser. Monsoon says Jimmy Hart must have trouble going through customs, what with the Funks’ branding irons and Adrian’s perfumes and a week’s worth of batterys for his megaphone.

    22:00 Monsoon talks about how WWF has become selective about who they let in because there are so many applicants. Heenan fantasizes about throwing certain people out of the company.

    25:00 Heenan makes fun of the Killer Bees some more.

    BH: How you would like your daughter to come home and say she’s got a date with a killer bee?

    GM: Well, what if she said a hitman?

    BH: Or a gorilla?
    39:00 Monsoon feels cheated that Bret got himself DQ’d in his match. Heenan claims it was accidental. Monsoon thinks he’s nuts.

    42:00 Heenan says you’ve seen one bee, you’ve seen them all.

    53:00 Heenan says it’s not whether you win or lose, it’s whether you hurt your opponent for next time.

    1:04:00 Heenan doesn’t like midgets because of the Haiti Kid, who runs with JYD. He complains that he doesn’t have a “mascot”, so why should other wrestlers?

    1:12:00 Heenan makes fun of Scotland, because he can.

    1:31:00 Heenan makes fun of George Wells some more, because you can really never do that enough.

    King Kong Bundy (w/Bobby Heenan) vs. Tony Atlas – 5/19/86 WWF MSG

    First we get a segment at about 1:03:00. Gorilla interviews a couple of baseball(?) guys. Yeah, I’m bad with sports, especially random 80s sports. Bundy shows up and is actually nice to them. Their baseball manager shows up and Heenan joins in to make fun of him a little. Bundy & Heenan leave and the baseball guys challenge everyone to a fight. That was… a little segment.

    Jumping ahead to about 1:28:00, something a little more relevant.

    King Kong Bundy vs. Tony Atlas, oh lord. Pretty dull but I’ve seen worse, by the Atlas standard it’s damn near a miracle. Bundy squashes him in the end after some back and forth, much to Heenan’s pleasure.

    Awesomeness Rating: *

    King Kong Bundy (w/Bobby Heenan) vs. Tony Atlas – 5/24/86 WWF Boston

    At about 26:00, we are “treated” to this match again. The things I do for you people! This time Heenan offers to shake the hand of Atlas, but he refuses. Too bad, he might have picked up some contact charisma. Atlas is just too dull, this is pretty much the same as before. He does headbutt Heenan at one point, which is different, but Bundy wins just the same.

    Awesomeness Rating: *

    Harley Race (w/Bobby Heenan) vs. John Centeno – 5/24/86 WWF Championship Wrestling

    Ah, is Race joining the Heenan Family? Or is this a bit of an experiment? We shall see. At any rate, it’s their first WWF pairing, one that we will eventually see a lot more of. Race mauls the guy, of course. Can’t believe how much better he looks now. He’s billed as “Handsome” Harley Race. Race kills the jobber with a cool slingshot brainbuster thing.

    Awesomeness Rating: **

    Tito Santana vs. Terry Gibbs – 5/24/86 WWF All Star

    Heenan joins Monsoon on commentary for this one. I like Santana, but Terry Gibbs sucks, he does nothing but slow this match down. Tito mercifully beats him with the Figure 4. Heenan would like to see him wrestling with a sombrero on.

    Awesomeness Rating: *

    Judy Martin vs. Candice Pardue – 5/25/86 WWF Superstars

    First women’s match I’ve seen, though they have been running them semi-frequently from what I’ve seen. Heenan & Monsoon on commentary. Heenan heeling it up along gender lines, as usual. I won’t go on a long tangent, but the action is very decent. Judy wins with a nice powerbomb. I’m willing to wager there were plenty of perfectly good female wrestlers in this time, and sometimes they even got a chance to show it. Another thing that is not quite the modern innovation we are led to believe.

    Awesomeness Rating: **¾

    BH: What is the redhead’s name?

    GM: Candice Pardue.

    BH: Sounds like something you’d see on the menu next to chocolate mousse.

    Dory Funk Jr & Jimmy Jack Funk vs. Jim Powers & SD Jones – 5/25/86 WWF All Star

    Monsoon & Heenan on commentary. Heenan speculates on where Terry Funk is, and brings Jimmy Hart over to find out. He claims Terry could be anywhere at any time. Not sure where he was, but he sure wasn’t there. Dory makes Powers tap to a Texas Cloverleaf without all that much trouble.

    Awesomeness Rating: **

    WWF Prime Time Wrestling – 5/26/86

    As always, Prime Time can be found on the WWE Network!

    0:00 Heenan is very sure Ventura will win an academy award for Predator. Monsoon marvels at how quickly Heenan recruited Harley Race. So he is in the Family!

    11:00 Monsoon claims Heenan has been distracting Tony Atlas to cost him against Bundy. Atlas doesn’t need that much help to get distracted.

    25:00 Monsoon thinks Heenan needs glasses because he keeps denying what he sees on commentary, haha. Heenan makes fun of Lanny Poffo.

    28:00 Heenan and Monsoon agree Bret is the most improved wrestler in the WWF. Monsoon still gives Heenan a hard time.

    37:00 Heenan claims he is the host of the show. Monsoon corrects him and says he’s only a guest.

    40:00 Heenan claims the baseball players from MSG came to him for career advice.

    51:00 Gorilla asks Heenan why Jimmy Hart is not always at ringside with his men. Heenan says he’s not in charge of everybody and he has no idea, haha.

    1:01:00 Monsoon asks Heenan if he ever subs in for other managers. Heenan is very prickly about it and doesn’t want to tell him any secret details about what the managers do behind close doors.

    1:04:00 Gorilla puts over Danny Spivey as a big future talent. Heenan is bored by the idea.

    1:09:00 Heenan says Spivey’s wins don’t matter because his opponents are usually smaller than he is!!

    1:18:00 Heenan scolds Monsoon for being rude to Freddie Blassie. Monsoon is not apologetic. Heenan says he told Blassie to try to “help” Monsoon on commentary.

    1:26:00 Monsoon is disgusted when someone wins by pulling the tights. Heenan argues your hand can get caught in the elastic! Monsoon is disgusted as the show ends.

    BH: Now, on commentary you said you were six-six.

    GM: That’s right.

    BH: Boy, you look a lot older than that.

    Phew! I’d say this is the month that Heenan became inextricably woven into the fabric of the WWF. Between an explosion of commentary appearance and a probably permanent hosting gig on Prime Time, he’s essentially become the heel voice of the promotion. Again, thank god Ventura went off to film Predator, or who knows if Heenan would have gotten these opportunities? He’s also already displayed the amazing chemistry with Gorilla Monsoon that would become legendary. Meanwhile, he’s still heavily involved in his Family, moving to reposition Bundy & Studd as a tag team and recruiting Harley Race right out of the gate. Hogan may be out of his reach temporarily, but Andre has seemingly fallen victim to a fairly cunning attack via bureaucracy. It won’t last forever, but it may be a big development point in getting from here to that all important WrestleMania 3 main event.

    That’s it for today, humanoids! If you have any thoughts on streamlining the format, let me know. I don’t mind writing it all out as long as it’s interesting, but if there’s a consensus to cut back I can do that too, or switch up how I display it. Very curious to hear any thoughts on that point. I’ll be back soon with the next entry, until then don’t let the ham-and-eggers get you down, and stay awesome!

  13. #13
    Wet Dream Machine SkitZ's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Holy shit, that IS alot of content! By no means would I say scale it back though. Extra variety is never a bad thing. Plus it gives readers the option to pick and choose what interests them rather than only getting one short segment when Heenan's appearances were more scarce. For some reason, I always thought Ventura was this beloved figure amongst traditional wrestling fans (keep in mind he came way before my time). But it's quickly dawning on me that he sucked; both as a commentator and wrestler. Is that the general consensus? Also, I had no idea Heenan was after Andre for years prior to serving as his manager at WrestleMania III. I too am curious to see how they ended up on the same side.

  14. #14
    The Brain
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Skitzoid!! I dig your idea of letting people pick and choose what they read. Unless I hear differently, I’m gonna leave it all in going forward! I wonder though, did I say something bad about Ventura as a commentator? He is pure ass as a wrestler, there can be no question, but on the mic and in the booth he’s thought of very highly, and I would say rightly so. Yeah, the Heenan/Andre stuff is heated as hell and is around for years and years before WM3. Heenan’s men are the ones who cut Andre’s big afro off, for goodness sake! Time will tell that story, for sure. Thanks for the feed man, I greatly appreciate it.

    EDIT: Oh, I figured out what you meant about Ventura! The Prime Time co-hosting gig is what threw you off, I'd imagine. I'm sure Ventura was fine in that role, but it was only under Heenan and Monsoon, and the amazing chemistry that they developed, that the show changed from basically a clip show of matches to an amazing comedy/story vehicle that happened to feature wrestling matches between amazing segments. Ventura is still cool in the booth, but nobody is as cool as Heenan!

    On with the show!

    June ‘86
    Segment of the Month

    Bobby Heenan and the challenge to Paul Orndorff!
    Mid-Hudson Civic Center, Poughkeepsie, New York
    June 28th, WWF Championsihp Wrestling

    Everybody knows gay people have one black eye and severe sunburn at all times.

    If you want to watch along, you can do so here:

    This segment is found at about 25:00.

    It’s the Flower Shop! Adrian Adonis is the latest WWF wrestler to get his own interview segment. Man, they sure had plenty of these back in the day. They honestly make sense and allow for some unique interactions, it’s strange that they are used on such a limited basis these days. Probably doesn’t help that ever segment is a minimum of 15 minutes nowadays.

    Adonis and his manager Jimmy Hart are your hosts, and they are having Heenan on as their guest. However, Heenan barely starts talking when Orndorff suddenly appears on the set! Heenan is disgusted to see him and calls him “Hulk Jr”. Orndorff is here to talk some trash to his former manager, so Heenan tells him to get his friend Hulk Hogan and sign for a tag match against Bundy & Studd next week. Orndorff rips the mic away from Heenan and he says it’s no problem, he’ll call Hogan right away and it will be on!!! Orndorff storms off. Heenan predicts Hogan won’t even take his call.

    This feels like a big deal because not only is it a significant interaction between one of the most significant Heenan Family opponents, but it has all the markings of moving this feud to a climactic moment after simmering for so long. Stirring the pot further, if we peek just slightly ahead, Orndorff will indeed find himself unable to reach Hogan, which also continues one of my favorite themes of this era, that Hulk Hogan is a shitty friend. Will Heenan be able to drive a wedge between these allies? Will he finally be able to take Orndorff out? Time will tell, but something is definitely brewing here.

    Heenan Quote of the Day:

    He’s gonna go make a call to his so-called buddy Hulk Hogan, and I’m gonna tell you what’s going to happen. Hulk Hogan is probably so tired of that loser right there, “Hulk Jr”, calling him, begging him to be his pal, wanting to run around and hang with him, he probably changed his number three days ago!

    Comedy Segment(s) of the Month
    Bobby Heenan vs. The Phone
    June 23rd, WWF Prime Time Wrestling

    Heenan and his true arch nemesis.

    If you want to watch along, and I recommend you do if you can, you can do so on the WWE Network.

    So I’ll be covering all the Prime Time episodes in the big block below, but I had to put an extra focus on this very special episode. The week before, our man Heenan got worked up about the footage shown on the program (i.e. anything not flattering to his men), and introduced a phone at the desk that he would use to call the USA Network and fix the problem. He was put on hold at the end of the last episode and promised to give an update this week! Let’s get right into it, running diary style!

    0:00 As we join our hosts, we see that Heenan is STILL waiting on hold to have his complaint addressed! Comcast has got nothing on the USA Network, apparently. Monsoon can’t stop laughing about it, and Heenan keeps cracking him up with wisecracks about the situation.

    15:00 Heenan has hung up the phone and takes a little time to put down Dan Spivey for being directionless. Monsoon pokes fun at the Family a little and wonders what happens with Heenan’s call. Heenan warns him that the president of the Network will be calling him back!

    23:00 Heenan has taken to reading the paper while he’s waiting for the phone. Monsoon pokes fun of him a bit more and scolds him to pay attention, but Heenan’s not interested until someone addresses his complaints.

    31:00 Heenan runs down the referees of WWF for being biased. Monsoon asks him about owing money to the people who have slammed Studd recently, and Heenan gets mad, claims he doesn’t owe anyone and these people should beg on the corner if they want money!

    35:00 The phone rings!!! Heenan is unbearably smug. AND IT’S A WRONG NUMBER!!! The reactions of both men are absolutely priceless. This is a must if you want to see some of the best stuff between these two.

    41:00 Heenan is upset. Turns out people keep calling him for pizza delivery! Monsoon finds this hilarious. Monsoon pokes him about his history with Andre and says WWF is seeking opponents for Bundy & Studd.

    47:00 Monsoon says Okerlund is in Japan looking to bring back two huge wrestlers that have been recruited to the WWF. Heenan tries to blow him off and appear unworried.

    1:01:00 Heenan claims he fixed the phone, and it rings again! Heenan is, once again, very smug. He picks up the phone… and it keeps ringing in his hand!! Holy shit, these are too damn funny.

    1:04:00 Monsoon says Lanny Poffo is tough competition. The most Heenan can say for him is that he certainly exists, haha.

    1:18:00 Monsoon says he’s not impressed by Harley Race because he only tries to punish his opponents instead of finishing them in good time. Heenan says Harley Race is the man to take out Hulk Hogan! Monsoon doesn’t believe it and makes fun of his broken phone. Heenan claims it’s not his fault the phone is broken!

    1:29:00 Heenan thinks both George Steele and Lou Albano need psychiatric help. The phone is still broken and Heenan storms off at the end of the show. OH MY GOD, as soon as Heenan leaves the phone rings again. Monsoon picks it up and it really is the president of the USA Network!! He tells them Heenan just stepped out and ends the call as the credits roll!!

    Following individual Prime Time segments isn’t always the easiest thing to do, scattered as they are through each episode, but man is it ever rewarding. The kind of banter they do on commentary is magnified ten times over in this setting, and they can do some spectacular comedy stuff that they could never do in the booth. I especially love when they weave some kind of thread through the show from start to finish, it adds so much to the characters and also provides even better laughs as jokes build up over the course of the episode. If you get a chance, I strongly recommend checking these out, they really are too funny.

    Match of the Month
    Harley Race vs. Lanny Poffo
    Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
    June 14th, WWF MSG

    If you want to watch along, you can do so here:

    This match begins around 1:40:00.

    Heenan is doing commentary for this one instead of managing at ringside, but I suspect the 8 time NWA Champion will be able to take out Leapin’ Lanny Poffo on his own. But as Vince likes to growl, anything can happen in the World Wrestling Federation!

    Prior to the match, Poffo shates a poem about how Race has had a great career but but is in fact NOT handsome. Not that it’s a dud or anything, but “Handsome” Harley definitely feels like an idea that got pulled out of someon’s butt at the last minute, as far as gimmicks go. Getting to the match itself, it’s no surprise that after being a dominant force in wrestling for almost two decades prior, he’s got a wealth of major offense to dish out, and Poffo is pretty good at not only bumping around but also getting his hope spots in. This is far from a total squash, that’s for sure, it’s actually turned out to be a pretty nicely competitive match. Race hits a devestating piledriver at one point, but curiously it’s not his finisher. It’s strange that a move looks that good but isn’t considered strong, in an era where a simiple clothesline or leg drop will often get the job done.

    Speaking of powerful moves, good god, Harley ends up taking Poffo on the outside and giving him a freakin’ brainbuster on the concrete floor!! Good god, that looked murderous. And somehow it’s still not the end of the match! In the often underwhelming world of 80s WWF matches, this has gone all the way to the other end of the spectrum and is pushing towards something like PWG-esque overkill. Not that guys are doing flips left and right (though Poffo actually does have a few), but just in the fact that this over the top offense isn’t enough to take a man down! Regardless, Heenan is laughing hysterically at Poffo’s injury at ringside and Monsoon scolds him for it. Poffo still has some fight in him back in the ring but Race does a super cool counter to a delayed flying headscissors attempt, then does an awesome Fisherman’s-Buster to get the win.

    Overkill aside, that was actually a really, really good match. Despite his shaky modern reputation, Poffo showed some really progressive moves, he would have been right at home in the cruiserweight ranks that took the world by storm some 10 years later. Race also looks awesome again here, showing no signs of the poor health and conditioning that plagued his brief AWA stint. All in all this would have been even stronger if the really powerful offense had a more logical effect, but still this turned out great, especially compared to what you might think on paper.

    Awesomeness Rating: ***¾

    The Rest of the Month

    Please feel free to click on the bolded headers to watch along with anything that sounds interesting!

    Ricky Steamboat vs. Terry Gibbs – 6/1/86 WWF All Star

    Heenan & Monsoon on commentary for this one. I think All Star is another of these “matches from all over” shows, so we get random commentary teams popping in all through the show. Heenan still finds it hilarious that Steamboat’s wife was so worried after Jake DDT’d him on the concrete. Steamboat puts Gibbs away without too much trouble, but on the plus side he gets way more out of him than Santana did. That’s not a knock on Tito, it’s really hard to get something decent out of Gibbs. I admit I derive a weird hipster-ish pleasure from knowing which 80s WWF jobbers were good and which ones sucked.

    Awesomeness Rating: **½

    I heard they gave Steamboat a brain scan when he got to the hospital and found nothing.

    WWF Prime Time Wrestling – 6/2/86

    0:00 Heenan is angry that his name hasn’t been added to the credits yet! He’s not wrong, either. Ventura hasn’t been here for a while now. Get on that, production team!

    13:00 Monsoon tries to go to the next match, and Heenan takes great pleasure in scolding him for not explaining it is joined in progress.

    25:00 Heenan says Tony Garea should retire and park cars. Don’t say that Brain, I love that Kiwi!

    29:00 Heenan suggests getting drunk first if you have to wrestle a guy named “pyscho”. No sign of Sid yet, thankfully.

    35:00 Heenan says it would be no contest if his men fought the Bulldogs, because little guys can’t beat big guys! Do I smell a tag feud on the horizon?

    44:00 Heenan makes fun of the island of Tonga.

    You know the island of Tonga is 40 miles long and 3 feet wide? Their main export is dental floss.
    48:00 Heenan predicts the Bulldogs will lose their tag titles by this Thursday or Wednesday. Any day now, really.

    This segues directly into a match with Heenan & Monsoon on commentary! From the 5/17 All Star show.

    Davey Boy Smith & Dynamite Kid vs. Bret Hart & Jim Neidhart – 5/17/86 WWF All Star

    On paper this sounds like a bit of a dream match, doesn’t it? It does indeed seem to be shaping into a very good match, Bret Hart especially looked worlds better than he did against Brunzell. Unfortunately it’s spoiled by a complete bullshit ending, as the referee DQs the Harts for a simple double team. Both Heenan and Monsoon find this stupid, and even the Bulldogs don’t seem happy about it. Come on ref, get with the program!

    Awesomeness Rating: **¾

    Back in the studio, Heenan is disgusted that the referee is biased against the Harts, and I’m not sure he’s wrong about that. He thinks the Bulldogs should be stripped of the titles and they should be given to Studd and Bundy. His argument might not be a as strong on that point! Monsoon shows a clip of a WWF “dating game” segment. Heenan thinks the woman is so ugly that the losers should have to go on two dates instead of the winner getting one.

    1:06:00 Monsoon marvels at Neidhart’s bizarre laugh. He also thinks Jimmy Hart would gladly throw his clients under the bus for a date. Heenan says even if it looks that way, Jimmy Hart is just joking.

    Can you imagine if the Anvil and that woman got married? Neidhart’d be so nervous he’d probably take his pants to bed and hang her over the chair all night.
    1:15:00 Monsoon imagines Heenan on the dating show with Bundy and Studd. Heenan offers Gorilla bananas to do it instead.

    1:24:00 Heenan and Gorilla argue about whether Ted Arcidi could slam Studd.

    1:31:00 Heenan calls Arcidi “Yolanda” and reconfirms he can’t slam Studd. Monsoon warns Heenan he may not get to come back to the show if he keeps being a pain, but Heenan insists that he will.

    I don’t like you talking all the time about me cheating. I know a lot about cheating, I’ve had 3 very successful marriages.

    WWF Superstars – 6/7/86

    Is Adonis trying to compete with Ventura for weirdest outfit? Because he’s going to lose that one.

    Monsoon & Heenan, on commentary! For part of the show, anyway. Soon Superstars, the new flagship show of the company, will be regularly hosted by McMahon and Ventura, but they clearly haven’t quite settled into that rhythm yet.

    Jim Brunzell & B Brian Blair vs. John K-9 & Brian Mackney

    Not much to this one, kicking off the show. I’ve got to say, Brunzell seems to have lost a step and Blair doesn’t bring all that much, so the Killer Bees are not really inspiring me at this point. The High Flyers beat them around the block and back so far, where’s the underrated Greg Gagne when you need him? The Bees get the win, and Heenan jumps off commentary to say they cheated by using a double team to win. Well, the Harts did get DQ’d for that after all! Blair says Heenan, Studd, and Bundy can’t beat the Hulkster even if they all tried at the same time. That’s not what Heenan was talking about, Blair!

    Awesomeness Rating: *½

    Paul Roma & SD Jones vs. Neil Carr & Don Kolov

    This one is at about 16:00. Monsoon is extremely high on Paul Roma and predicts he will be a future star. I mean, I guess compared to the other WWF jobbers we’ve seen he’s ahead of the pack. Heenan thinks he cares too much about how he looks. The match is mostly nothing, as you might expect, but it does leave us with this bizarre commentary gem:

    GM: Didn’t much care for Kolov’s ring attire. Reminded me of one of those guys who cut your head off, an axe-man.

    BH: Struck some fear into your heart?

    GM: Well, reminded me of some things from… the past.

    BH: I don’t think we should discuss your personal life.
    Awesomeness Rating: *

    Randy Savage vs. Ivan MacDonald

    This one is at about 24:00. It’s a squash, but a fun one. I’m actually really enjoying seeing how much some of these guys can get out of short matches like this. Case in point, during this match Savage does a creative spot where he sneaks under the ring to creep up behind Ivan and start beating him to a pulp before he even know he’s there. Heenan doggedly calls Ivan “Ronald”. Savage gets the obvious win.

    Awesomeness Rating: **

    That’s it for commentary on this show, but at about 29:00 we’ve got another edition of Adrian Adonis hosting “The Flower Shop”, with Jimmy Hart. He brings on Heenan as his guest, and Heenan compliments him on all the flowers. Heenan brings Harley Race with him, and calls him the next world champ! Race says he keeps flower shops in business because of the way he pounds on people! I see what you mean Harley, people have to buy get-well-soon flowers for the people you injure. Race puts over Heenan as a great manager and says now he has the best client of all. I’d be quite interested to see a Harley/Hogan match, and I’m pretty sure we’ll get the chance at some point!

    Hercules & Big John Studd vs. Jim Powers & Robert VanWinkel – 6/7/86 WWF Championship Wrestling

    This one pops up at about 23:00.

    Both Heenan and Freddie Blassie are managing this team at the same time!!! I find this really exciting. All that devious knowledge in one place. They hardly need to be there though of course, they just sit by and let their monsters pulverize these guys. Heenan seems to be expressing an interesting in Hercules… perhaps another addition to the Family is pending?

    Awesomeness Rating: *¾

    George Steele & Junkyard Dog vs. John K-9 & Don Kolov – 6/7/86 WWF All Star

    Another appearance for Heenan and Monsoon on commentary together. Surely it’s only a matter of time before they get a regular slot together in the booth, in addition to Prime Time? Unfortunately this is mostly a shit match. One cool point (as my man JCool might say) for Steele’s finisher, which is this really nasty elevated hammerlock submission, so it’s not a complete loss. We also get a chance to see Heenan and Lou Albano yell at each other during the match, since he’s managing Steele. After the match, Steele dances strangely with JYD.

    I don’t have a stable, that’s where you keep flea infested horses. I have a family, a close knit group of people.
    Awesomeness Rating: ¾*

    WWF Prime Time Wrestling – 6/9/86

    This one can only be found on the WWE Network, so check it there if you’d like to follow along!

    0:00 Monsoon marvels at the strange people in the World Wrestling Federation, like George Steele and Adrian Adonis. Talk turns to the Family before the match, and Heenan clarifies there is no reward for slamming Bundy. Not that anybody could, he says!

    Adrian Adonis vs. George Steele

    This week we’ve got a whole mess of matches that feature Heenan and Monsoon on commentary! Sounds good to me. We start with this bizarre pairing. Steele is straight up cheating again! He has almost as little regard for the rules as Hulk Hogan. Adonis takes a huge bump over the ropes and gets slammed outside, ouch. We get a ref bump and Adonis taps out, but when the referee revives Adonis is ready and rolls up Steele for the win. Perfectly fine match all things considered, Adonis is good stuff still and Steele is probably a little underrated. The best thing about this match, however, is the especially hilarious commentary. Feast your eyes on a whole pack of great quotes:

    Look at that fur on Steele. He looks like he should be vacuumed.
    GM: Well, Albano got the Animal psychiatric help.

    BH: He’s had HELP?? This man has had HELP?? You mean he was WORSE??
    BH: Look at George Steele’s eyes. There’s nobody home. The man’s a moron.

    GM: Maybe he heard you. I hope for your sake that he did not.

    BH: He probably doesn’t understand English! GEORGE! YOU ARE A MORON!
    Awesomeness Rating: **½

    Steve Lombardi vs. Tony Parisi

    Next up is the future Brooklyn Brawler, Steve Lombardi, taking on a guy who is even more of a jobber than he is! We don’t get to see the start of the match, which makes me weirdly nostalgic for AWA. Looks like I spot too soon, as Parisi picks up the win with a seated splash kind of move. Not a whole lot to this, but Heenan is complimentary towards Lombardi. Maybe Lombardi and Roma should have a match, the battle of the announcer’s favorite jobbers.

    Awesomeness Rating: *½

    Back in the studio, Monsoon tells Heenan the Rougeau Brothers are coming in, and they want to wrestle Bundy & Studd. Heenan says to bring it on.

    24:00 Heenan makes fun of Okerlund and Alfred Hayes for being afraid of snakes.

    30:00 Heenan says Lord Hayes stays two zip codes away from snakes. Monsoon retorts that Heenan manages a couple of snakes himself. Monsoon puts over the Rougeaus again. Heenan scoffs!

    Hercules & Terry Gibbs vs. Jacques & Raymond Rougeau

    Speaking of those French Canadians, here they are! To be honest I thought Herc stood out the most in this one, but the Rougeaus seem solid. My knowledge of them is very limited so I’m curious to see more. Gibbs sucks, of course. After the match Heenan makes fun of Jacques Rougeau Sr, a wrestling legend in Canada. Very solid match, better than many we’ve seen in a similar spot.

    Awesomeness Rating: ***

    54:00 Heenan makes fun of Billy Jack Haynes for always wearing his state colors.

    1:01:00 Monsoon says they will show an Andre match. Heenan says it should be taken off the air because Andre is suspended! Heenan eventually agrees to watch the “last” of Andre the Giant. Monsoon isn’t so sure about that!

    1:10:00 Monsoon predicts that fan outcry will bring Andre back. Heenan scoffs. Monsoon goes out of his way to put over the team of Paul Roma and SD Jones, haha. I seriously wonder if Monsoon would cheer for Roma over Hogan, if they ever locked up.

    1:17:00 Heenan insists Roma and SD are both ham-and-eggers. Heenan predicts Bundy will look great wiping the mat with Tony Atlas. Wait, what?? I have to watch yet another Bundy/Atlas match?? It’s never good!!!

    King Kong Bundy vs. Tony Atlas

    Awesomeness Rating: ¼*

    Yup, looks like I do have to watch, since this one is from Toronto, different than the MSG and Boston ones already covered. Of all the matches to make me watch three times, why this one?? Here’s something, I really hate Tony Atlas at this point. Heenan doing commentary is my only comfort, but it also means he doesn’t get involved, so it’s a net loss. Atlas is such an awful puncher. He’s honestly just especially awful at everything in this match, his timing is terrible, his hits are garbage, and he doesn’t sell worth a shit. Bundy wins a really awful match that couldn’t have been over fast enough. Much worse than their other efforts and frankly one of the worst matches of the series.

    Did you know Atlas is an out-patient at the home for the terminally bewildered?
    Back in studio Monsoon scolds Heenan to be impartial. Heenan says if dumb hick fans can cheer who they want, he can too. Monsoon promises to show more Andre matches. Heenan flips out on him and says he won’t take anymore garbage and if Monsoon isn’t careful, he’ll get suspended just like Andre!

    Jim Powers & Rick Hunter vs. Big John Studd – 6/14/86 WWF Championship Wrestling

    Before the match, Heenan specifically challenges the jobbers to try to slam Studd. King Tonga, also known as Hauk and later Meng, shows up and demands a chance to slam him! Heenan says he must wait his turn and shoos him out of the ring. Even together the jobbers can’t slam Studd! Studd basically runs through them with no trouble, some fun bouncing around on the way to a decisive victory.

    Awesomeness Rating: *¾

    BUT THERE’S SOMETHING ELSE!! Studd keeps attacking after the match, until suddenly King Tonga reappears, and he in a quick motion he decisively slams Studd!!! The crowd becomes unglued, they are living it as Heenan and Studd bail in a panic!!! Hell of a moment for a man in his rookie year. I look forward to seeing much, much more of this guy.

    WWF MSG – 6/14/86

    Big John Studd (w/Bobby Heenan) vs. King Tonga

    This one is at about 1:30:00.

    Very quick turnaround! Actually, the slam was aired on the same day this live event took place, so I don’t think the live crowd could have even known about the angle. Man, that WWF schedule is crazy in this era.

    Heenan insists during the introduction that Studd be called the “Giant Studd”, since Andre is gone. Monsoon tells the story about Tonga slamming Studd but not getting his money, so at least the people at home got to know what was up. Tonga REALLY gives it to Studd and pushes him to a pretty enjoyable match. He’s also crazy strong, he picks Studd up a punch of times like it was easy. They both give some really good shots to each other. In the end they both tumble out of the ring and get counted out as they slug it out like crazy. They fight all the way up the ramp as Heenan begs Studd to break it off. Tonga goes back to the ring and starts dancing, trying to bait Studd back in! Studd and Heenan finally bail. WAIT NO! Studd comes back anyway and pushes Heenan aside! Holy shit, they start fighting all over again!! They slug it out some more until a headbutt once again sends Studd out, and this time Heenan convinces him to get to the back. Pretty good match and REALLY hot as a segment.

    GM: Are you laughing about this young man falling backwards on the concrete floor?

    BH: Looks like a jet landing at LaGuardia without wheels!
    Awesomeness Rating: ***¼

    King Kong Bundy (w/Bobby Heenan) vs. Junkyard Dog

    This one is at about 1:55:00.

    Well, it was nice to have one good match on the card at least. JYD often sucks, popular though he may be. Interesting, this is in fact the main event of the show, so that’s something, perhaps a sign of Bundy’s continued use even after the big loss to Hogan. As suspected, this one is not good, but could have been worse. JYD actually threw some good strikes. Bundy is DQ’d when Heenan is caught tripping up JYD. After the match Bundy & Heenan try to attack further, but once again it’s the WWF’s new favorite spot, and Heenan catches an accidental splash instead. JYD clears the ring with his chain and the crowd cheers.

    Awesomeness Rating: *½

    King Tonga & Corporal Kirchner vs. John K-9 & Tiger Chung Lee – 6/14/86 WWF All Star

    The faces mostly beat up K-9. I was hoping for a little more King Tonga awesomeness, but what can you do? We do get a few commentary gems, at least.

    This guy Kirchner is wearing camoflouge, yes? There isn’t a tree in five miles!
    BH: I wasn’t in the military because I was too busy getting an education!

    GM: Well, it was a waste of time.
    Awesomeness Rating: *¼

    Bret Hart & Jim Neidhart vs. Lanny Poffo & Joe Marcus – 6/14/86 WWF All Star

    Leaping Lanny’s a LOSER! How’d you like a poem for that, jerk?
    Poffo reads another poem about Jimmy Hart’s underwear and implies he’s gay for Adrian Adonis. Heenan bemoans the reading of this piece. I find it funny that Poffo has pretty much exactly the same gimmick as rapper Cena. The Harts take ‘em apart in no time, of course, and pin Marcus with the Hart Attack.

    Awesomeness Rating: *¾

    WWF Prime Time Wrestling – 6/16/86

    The battle begins…

    0:00 Heenan is wearing black because he’s in “mourning” for the career of Andre the Giant, which is over. Monsoon is still not sure of that. Heenan is willing to bet, up to half a buck!

    15:00 Heenan wishes someone would break Lanny Poffo’s pencil.

    24:00 Heenan makes fun of Poffo. Monsoon promises to surprise the Brain, which Heenan doesn’t like.

    Roses are red, violets are black, I spent my whole match flat on my back. How’s THAT, Leaping Lanny!
    34:00 Heenan is paranoid Gorilla will try to make him look foolish with the “surprise” and theorizes it’s a pie in the face.

    42:00 Monsoon compliments Mike Sharpe on his conditioning. Heenan now theorizes there is no surprise and Monsoon is just messing with him.

    50:00 Monsoon says maybe Heenan was right, maybe there is no surprise. Heenan says he figured it out and he was never worried at all.

    53:00 Heenan says he and his men get stronger and smarter everyday.

    1:05:00 Heenan makes fun of Monsoon for trying to mess with him and failing. Monsoon reveals there IS a surprise after all! Monsoon is going to show the clip of Tonga slamming Studd! Heenan flips out at him!

    1:12:00 Heenan flips out about the clip and says Tonga did not officially slam Studd, he was not in the match and not selected for the challenge. Monsoon argues and Heenan freaks out further. He threatens to bring the Family into the studio to make sure clips like that are not shown. Heenan yells at Monsoon as he calmly leads into commercial, haha. When we come back, Heenan is on the phone! He says he is calling the president of the USA Network to take action about this. Heenan claims he is on hold and yells at Monsoon for introducing the next match while he is trying to make the call!

    1:30:00 Heenan is still on hold! He says he’ll talk to Ronald Reagan himself if he needs to. Monsoon laughs at him. Heenan fights with the phone and Monsoon finds it really hilarious. Heenan is still yelling at someone on the phone as they fade to black. This of course leads directly into the episode covered more extensively at the top of the month. I do want to take a moment to point out how great it is that they ran this joke between multiple episodes, and how much funnier it is because of that.

    WWF Maple Leaf – 6/21/86

    Heenan and his completely boss suit have a point to make.

    Monsoon & Heenan on commentary, for the full show!

    Iron Sheik & Nikolai Volkoff vs. Sivi Afi & Terry Morgan

    Awesomeness Rating: *½

    Sivi is competitive, Morgan is not. Just for good measure, Freddie Blassie canes him in the throat a couple times, and Sheik humbles him with that Camel Clutch for the win. Blassie goes to the commentary booth and growls that they should be the #1 contenders to the tag belts. Heenan claims the Russian national anthem is a “catchy tune”.

    Paul Orndorff vs. Paul Christy

    Man, we haven’t seen Paul Christy since 1972. Crowd is VERY hot for Orndorff. Heenan is very dismissive and claims Orndorff spends all his time posing instead of working on his craft. Christy is not very competitive but it’s really fun to watch Orndorff pick a guy apart. He piledrives him for the win to a big reaction. Heenan claims Orndorff has been ducking matches with the Family!

    Awesomeness Rating: **¾

    Dory Funk Jr & Jimmy Jack Funk vs. Scott McGee & Mario Mancini

    I find it seriously weird that Dory is around for so long after Terry is long gone. Not much competition in this one, as Heenan is happy to point out. Jimmy Jack does Matanza’s finisher, of all things, and Dory does the Texas Cloverleaf and Mancini is done.

    Awesomeness Rating: *½

    Jake Roberts vs. Jimmy North

    BH: What’s wrong with having Damian? Everyone is allowed to have who they want as a manager!

    GM: THAT’S a manager??

    BH: Lou Albano is a manager?
    Big reaction for Jake Roberts. North doesn’t have a prayer, Roberts runs over him with pretty simple moves. Heenan defends using Damian at ringside, and he’s got some good points. You hear some DDT chants in the crowd, despite Roberts being the heel. After the match, Roberts wraps Damian around the fallen jobber, much to Monsoon’s disgust.

    Awesomeness Rating: *

    Cowboy Bob Orton vs. Frank Marconi

    Orton runs over him no problem with the superplex after a bit of a fun beatdown. Commentary is bizarrely quiet for this match, they barely say a word. Weird.

    Awesomeness Rating: **

    Jim Brunzell & B Brian Blair vs. Iron Mike Sharpe & Larry Finnegan

    Heenan says the Bees wear masks sometimes because they are so ugly, haha. I’m really liking Iron Mike Sharpe. He’s ridiculously loud as he wrestlers, always yelling and crashing around. He’s also a good clubberer, as Dusty might say. The Bees pin Finnegan without too much trouble.

    Awesomeness Rating: *¼

    At the end of the show, there’s a special interview with Heenan. Heenan insults the fans and tells them not to send him fan mail. He promises that Bundy and Studd will take the titles from the Bulldogs and makes fun of their size. He also says Tonga will never see a dime of his money, and challenges Hogan to come and defend his title against any of his men. He takes a shot at the Rougeaus as well and the interviewer cuts him off before he can call out the rest of the roster!

    Heenan speak on Andre the Giant – 6/21/86

    This is a brief clip that continues Heenan’s trend of randomly joining commentary mid match to give an update on Andre. Vince asks Heenan if he’s worried about Albano appealing Andre’s suspension. Heenan says he’s not worried at all, but Vince says the charges Heenan brought against him were “shabby”. Heenan thinks Vince doesn’t know what he’s talking about and insults Andre some more, haha.

    WWF All Star – 6/28/86

    Bundy tries to actually look in a relevant direction, with mixed results.

    Hot damn, Heenan and Monsoon on commentary!

    Tom Urbanski & Gino Carabello vs. Junkyard Dog & George Steele (w/Captain Lou Albano)

    GM: Wise words from Captain Lou, the guiding light!

    BH: The guiding light… that’s a low beam if I ever saw one!
    Albano goes to commentary and says he has been trying to get Heenan to put up his men again Steele & JYD, and Heenan’s been ducking him. He also warns Heenan he hasn’t heard the last of Andre. Match is a lot of nothing, of course, JYD gets the easy win.

    Awesomeness Rating: *

    Jake Roberts vs. Mario Mancini

    GM: [Steamboat promises to bring something in a bag of his own to counteract Damian] He’s gonna bring a bag of his own, what about that?

    BH: Oh yeah, I’ve seen her. He had her at the show awhile back.
    Roberts gets an easy win, of course. Steamboat gets a PIP interview and says he will bring something to counteract Damian. Heenan makes fun of him anyway. Roberts ties Damian around Mario’s neck after the match!!

    Awesomeness Rating: *½

    Billy Jack Haynes vs. John K-9

    GM: You’re trying to humiliate Billy Jack Haynes!

    BH: Why should I do that? He’s going to do it himself, once the match starts!
    Haynes wins with the full nelson in an especially dull squash. Fortunately, Heenan and Monsoon are having a ball on commentary.

    Awesomeness Rating: ¾*

    Tito Santana & Pedro Morales vs. Don Kolov & Terry Gibbs

    BH: You have any of your wrestling trunks anymore?

    GM: No, I got rid of everything.

    BH: So did they get repossessed or…?
    Heenan and Monsoon argue about whether Andre’s suspension is permanent or not. PIP interview of Albano saying he will bring Andre back. Shocking how this will turn around in about 6 months time, between Andre and Heenan. Tito wins a very uneventful match with a Figure 4.

    Awesomeness Rating: ¾*

    Heenan brings Studd & Bundy onto the Body Shop with Don Muraco. Don credits Bundy as the people’s champion!! Eat your heart out, Rock. Studd gives the Family credit for being persistent and forcing out Andre. Muraco and Bundy reminisce about beating up Hogan before Wrestlemania 2. Heenan makes fun of Albano and his attempts to overturn the suspension.

    Harley Race vs. Tony Garea

    GM: Would you like to talk about Harley Race’s accomplishments?

    BH: I don’t think we have time. The list is even bigger than Albano’s appetite.
    Monsoon thinks Race is an ugly mofo. Heenan objects. Heenan says “a friend in need is a pest” for the first time! This is a competitive squash, emphasis on the competitive. These two could have probably done something really special in other circumstances, but even here it’s well above most of the card. Race puts Garea down with a Fisherman’s Buster pin.

    Awesomeness Rating: ***

    Mike Rotunda & Dan Spivey vs. Iron Mike Sharpe & John Rizzo

    Heenan says Rotunda & Spivey are the world’s shortest parade and makes fun of their patriotism, as they are the Windham-less version of the US Express. I will again say Sharpe is a really fun jobber, he really helps elevate this. In the end Spivey pins Rizzo with a nice bulldog.

    Awesomeness Rating: **¾

    King Kong Bundy (w/Bobby Heenan) vs. Hulk Hogan, WWF Championship – 6/28/86 WWF Philadelphia

    This one is at about 1:08:00.

    Far from their best together, but thankfully much better than their last Philly match, which was badly phoned in (or something?). They lay into each other decently well, and Heenan very active as well, getting punched out at one point and another time pushing Hogan down in mid slam behind the ref’s back. Hogan brings it down by doing a seriously silly version of the Hulk Up. It looked very, very much like he was orgasming. Late in the contest Heenan is thrown out of ringside by the ref! But when Hogan is about to win, Adrian Adonis appears (in a full dress) and attacks Hogan for the DQ. Adonis tries to beat down Hogan, but accidentally hits Bundy by after the match. Hogan rips off Adrian’s wig as he and Bundy end up bailing. In a particularly bizarre moment, Hogan decides to wear Adrian’s wig after the match.

    Awesomeness Rating: **½

    WWF Prime Time Wrestling – 6/30/86

    Gorilla Repellent, perhaps?

    0:00 Heenan is searching for his phone. Monsoon says he took it away and won’t allow it back! Monsoon tells him about the USA Network calling back right after he left the studio. Heenan refuses to believe him.

    14:00 Heenan and Monsoon argue about the rules of wrestling. Heenan says to make your own rules!

    BH: Every week, Kirchner comes up with these drab clothes.

    GM: Fatigues.

    BH: Sure, I’m fatigued with watching him!
    30:00 Monsoon theorizes Bundy & Studd must not be the top team, because they aren’t getting title shots. Heenan blames Albano and WWF management.

    38:00 Heenan defends the comedy of Muraco and Fuji. Monsoon says he might have considered Heenan for a manager when he was wrestling… for about a second, haha.

    GM: You can’t understand half of what Muraco says!

    BH: Well you listen too slow, that’s not my fault.
    45:00 Monsoon suggests Heenan take some time off, after he gives him another surprise. Heenan doesn’t want any more surprises. Monsoon hints it has to do with someone called “Giant Machine”. Oh boy, I think I know where this is going. Heenan reveals he has brought bee repellent to keep Brunzell and Blair away because they annoy him so much. He sprays some towards Gorilla, just in case it works.

    1:04:00 Heenan is fed up with Monsoon giving him a hard time. Monsoon says he’s not going anywhere!

    1:07:00 Monsoon mentions they will feature some of Heenan’s men. Heenan is defensive about certain subjects, and still argues he doesn’t owe Tonga any money.

    1:13:00 Monsoon says Heenan was a pretty boy rich kid who wanted to be a wrestler. Ouch, Monsoon! Heenan scoffs. Monsoon teases him about the Machines some more. Heenan thinks Monsoon is very rude.

    1:20:00 Heenan gets ahold of a wrestling magazine and goes hunting for mention of the Machines.

    1:31:00 Monsoon thinks Heenan is too scared to get in the ring himself anymore, and grills him about getting his men DQ’d. Heenan says he’s protecting his men and he’d do it again! Heenan can’t find anything about the Machines. Gorilla reveals it’s in a different magazine but won’t let him see it. Heenan is very flustered as wel close the month!

    Phew! That covers all the happenings in June. Between Prime Time and all these commentary gigs, Heenan is all over the product and I’m loving it. He’s clearly positioning Race as a potential Hogan challenger and Bundy & Studd for another crack at the Bulldogs, so he’s got his eye on the top prizes still and shows no sign of slowing down. Hogan still resists everything Heenan throws at him, but he may have found a weakness in Orndorff by playing on his insecurity, and with Andre temporarily out of the picture Heenan has got a lot of things going his way. Of course there are always new challengers coming up, with now King Tonga proving to be a major and unexpected thorn in his side! And there’s always the question of the growing list of people Heenan owes money too, as more and more people manage to slam Studd. And now the mysterious Machines have been mentioned as well… Heenan will need to rely on his men and his wits more than ever in the coming months!

    That’s it for today, humanoids. I’ll be back soon with the next entry, until then don’t let the ham-and-eggers get you down, and stay awesome!
    Last edited by mizfan; 05-16-2017 at 07:26 PM.

  15. #15
    Senior Member Oliver's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2014
    Man, these talkie bits between Heenan and Monsoon on Prime Time are so damned good! A mixture of brilliant comedy and perfect timing through them all. Heenan was a genius, dammit. Couldn't imagine two characters in WWE being able to do something quite so compellingly funny nowadays.

  16. #16
    The Brain
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Ollie! Fantastic to see you, sir. I couldn’t agree more about Prime Time, it’s quite frankly become the best thing about this part of the series, replacing TNT as that fades into obscurity. I think part of what makes it work so well is so much of it is clearly improv, or at least worked out in advance by Heenan and Monsoon themselves. You just know neither of these guys was ever handed a script in their life, and they’re so much better for it. Glad to hear from you, hope you’re enjoying following along!

    Let’s keep this thing ROLLING!

    July ‘86
    Segment of the Month

    King Kong Bundy & Big John Studd (w/Bobby Heenan) vs. Paul Orndorff & Hulk Hogan
    Mid-Hudson Civic Center, Poughkeepsie, New York
    July 19th, WWF Championship Wrestling

    If you want to watch along, you can do so here:

    This is the match that Heenan proposed last month. Just as Heenan predicted, Orndorff had a difficult time getting in touch with Hogan to get the match set up, but at last they are together and ready to take on the Family.

    We join Orndorff and Hogan in the back before the match. Hogan tells Orndorff to forget about the phone call that he didn’t return (because he was working out!!) and focus on the match at hand. Hulk Hogan is the worst friend in the world.

    At least we get an Orndorff match out of the bargain, so thank goodness for that! I’ve really missed Orndorff matches. The crowd is hot for the Hogan/Orndorff team. Damn, Mr Wonderful hip tosses Studd, that’s damned impressive. He’s about to slam him on top of it, but Studd flees. For a minute it looks like Orndorff is going to refuse to tag Hogan and try to win the match all by himself, but eventually he tags Hogan in. Hogan goes at it with Studd and successfully slams him! Orndorff looks pretty pissed off on the apron that Hogan stole his thunder. The fans are too busy raining down weasel chants on Heenan to notice.

    Hogan gets ganged up on by the big men, and Orndorff is itching to get the tag and clean house. Hogan tries to fight his way to the corner but cracks his head against Studd’s and falls backwards wildly crashing into Orndorff and elbowing him in the face! Orndorff goes flying off the apron! Studd & Bundy mercilessly double team Hogan and they end up taking out the ref in the process, prompting the DQ.

    That’s the match itself, here’s the rating:

    Awesomeness Rating: **½

    But what comes after is priceless. I really recommend watching it if you can, but I’ll give you the rundown as always.

    Hogan is getting beaten down and Orndoff comes baack to make the save… VERY slowly. He does end up chasing off Bundy and Studd though. He helps Hogan up and raises his hand in the air… AND THEN KNOCKS HIM THE FUCK OUT!!! He gives Hogan a huge piledriver and starts mocking his taunts!!! The crowd is losing their shit with this guy, it’s incredible!! Orndorff brings the Family back in the ring to celebrate over Hogan’s body. A bunch of midcard faces run out to protect Hogan, so Orndorff leaves with the Family! Yes! Yes! Backstage we see the Family meet up with Jimmy Hart and Adrian Adonis and they all congratulate each other! At some point this whole thing turned into a giant set up. Heenan starts a “wonderful” chant and all the heels join in as Orndorff continues to make fun of Hogan!

    This was so hot, some seriously nuclear stuff. I think this might be the first time someone ever turned on Hogan, and considering how many new viewers the WWF was brining in, it could have even been the first major turn a lot of fans ever saw. But more than that, it was really set up beautifully. Even though Orndorff had been a face for over a year, he had never really lost his ego or his edge. He partnered with Hogan consistently enough to form a real bond between them, and they cashed in on it beautifully with the fans. It’s so completely within Orndorff’s character to put aside his past issues with Heenan the moment he feels like he is being seen as second fiddle to anyone. Hogan’s failure to answer his call clearly had a big significance, and all the more so because Heenan needled him in the absolutely perfect way. Heenan was of course brilliant as well, knowing just how to bring Orndorff back into the fold when he got the chance and putting aside all his bad blood for a chance to really dig a knife into Hogan’s back. It reminds me a lot of when Sheik Al-Kassie nearly killed Nick Bockwinkel, and then a year or two later Heenan gleefully accepted a big payout and gave that same man the services of Ken Patera. Remember, no matter how furious Heenan becomes, no matter how vehemently he swears revenge, he’ll forget it all in a second if he sees an opportunity to benefit himself, ESPECIALLY if it will also hurt Hulk Hogan. Calling back to the Heenan/Jimmy Hart alliance was brilliant as well. So many moving pieces went into this, I absolutely love it. One of my favorite storylines of the series so far and just a spectacular moment.

    The sweet sound of betrayal!

    (Other) Segment of the Month
    Bobby Heenan vs. The Machine(s)
    July 23rd, WWF Tuesday Night Titans

    Is this TNT or Footlocker?

    If you want to watch along, you can do so here:

    Yes, TNT still exists! But now it looks different and is hosted by Okerlund instead of McMahon. It’s definitely given way to Prime Time and more stuff happening on the main shows, but I still love it. Okerlund has Monsoon & Heenan join him for this segment. In an eyebrow raising moment, Okerlund calls Heenan a jabronie! No mention of candy asses, though. Okerlund wants to talk about the relationship between Heenan and Monsoon. They show some Prime Time clips, like Heenan trying to get Monsoon fired over the phone. Actually Okerlund doesn’t want to talk at all, he just wants to give Heenan crap! He brings up King Tonga as well, and shows off Monsoon’s enormous shoes. Heenan thinks he’s worse than McMahon! He’s certainly keeping the spirit of Vince bullying all the heels alive.

    We get to the meat of the segment at last. Okerlund shows a clip of this mysterious new Japanese tag team, “The Machines”, being interviewed in Japan. It is, very, very obviously, Andre the Giant in a mask, along with another large man as his partner (who is, I believe, Bill Eadie, the future Demolition member Ax). They call Andre “Giant Machine”, and his partner is “Super Machine”. Andre even speaks English, and they explain he was educated in America (no explanation for his thick French accent!).

    Heenan flips out after this clip. He had already seen the team so he knew it was Andre, but what is really getting him worked out is that all the faces are feigning ignorance! He tries to get Okerlund to admit it’s obviously Andre, but he says who knows for sure! Heenan asks the crowd and gets a mixed response. Heenan apologizes for stumping the audience. Okerlund and Heenan both end up with mics and start questioning audience members individually. Everyone they talk to says it’s not Andre. Heenan gets more and more angry, and throws down the mic and stalks off!

    And so the Andre feud, which has been raging for years now, enters a new leg! I have no doubt Heenan will get a lot of mileage out of acting exasperated with all the people who are denying the obvious, and putting Andre in a team is not a bad idea either, as it will give him a chance to take it easy. In a nice touch, Andre and Eadie actually had used the gimmick in Japan previously for a period in 1985, so there’s some real history there. Who knows how far this will go? And how will it eventually lead into the Wrestlemania 3 main event? That’s my biggest question right now. Time will tell, but this is a fun development for the meantime.

    Heenan Quote of the Day:

    There are no Japanese people who are educated in an American school and wind up talking French!!!

    Match of the Month
    Randy Savage (w/Miss Elizabeth) vs. Ricky Steamboat – WWF Intercontinental Championship
    Maple Leaf Gardens, Toronto, Canada
    July 27th, WWF Maple Leaf

    If you want to watch along, you can do so here:

    Oh. Hell. Yes. Almost a full year prior to their all time ‘Mania 3 classic, just look what we are getting. Lucky me, Heenan is on commentary!

    Jesus Christ, these guys are so fast. There are plenty of underrated talents in the WWF, but it’s still clear these two are on a tier above most. On commentary, Heenan argues Monsoon never lets him talk, then when Monsoon gives him a chance he can’t think of anything to say. The ref is pissing me off by knocking Savage’s hand off the ropes when he’s trying to escape a submission. That’s a trope of some old matches but I’ll be damned if I know one. Savage ends up hiding behind Elizabeth after a while, which is classic Macho Man. Steamboat almost looks like he wants to blow right through her! He may not be a heel, but Steamboat can be very grumpy, haha.

    Savage does a lot of stalling in the middle of the match, but it’s done masterfully and it drives Steamboat completely nuts. He can’t hold things up forever though, and Savage ends up taking a big bump over the rail. But goddam! This fucking ref! He holds onto Steamboat’s leg when he tries to go out of the ring and get him! This ref is a serious asshole. Steamboat goes out anyway, and drives Savage hard into the ring post. Savage starts bleeding all over. Steamboat has got Savage dead to rights, so Savage pushes Steamboat into the ref and everybody goes down in a heap! Steamboat gets the visual pin but the ref is still down. Savage blinds Steamboat by raking his eyes with a foreign object. Even blind, Steamboat won’t go down, and he throws Savage back out of the ring where he takes a very nasty bump! Savage drags Steamboat to the outside after him, with the passion of a demon out of hell. They fight like lunatics on the floor. The ref starts the count and Steamboat realizes it at the last moment. He makes it back to the ring at the last second but he’s too late to drag Savage in after him.

    Holy crap, what a match! Completely different that their ‘Mania match, but quite frankly very nearly as good, and from me that’s high praise. This was completely awesome, if you have love for these guys then you owe it to yourself to check out this match! I’m not sure if it’s better than the Santana match from earlier in the year, but it’s a strong contender for WWF MOTY without a doubt.

    Awesomeness Rating: ****¾

    Heenan Family Match of the Month
    $50,000 Battle Royal
    Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
    July 12th, WWF MSG

    If you want to watch along, you can do so here:

    This one starts at about 18:00.

    It’s a $50,000 battle royal!!!! BRING OUT THE ROSTER!!! Your participants are King Tonga vs. Greg Valentine vs. Davey Boy Smith vs. Lanny Poffo vs. Harley Race vs. Tony Garea vs. King Kong Bundy vs. Jimmy Hart vs. Iron Mike Sharpe vs. Pedro Morales vs. Sivi Afi vs. Big John Studd vs. Moondog Spot vs. Moondog Rex vs. Johnny Valiant vs. Junkyard Dog vs. Dynamite Kid vs. Billy Jack Haynes vs. SD Jones vs. Tony Atlas vs. Brutus Beefcake vs. Bobby Heenan himself!

    I almost feel bad for calling this a “Heenan Family” match, because literally the first thing that happens in this match is everyone ganging up on Studd and Bundy and immediately throwing both guys out!!! And sadly Heenan is thrown out right after them. Still, Heenan gets his word in as he yells into the commentary mic that everyone is afraid of the Family. The match continues, sans Family, but it’s still a lot of fun so we’re going to just keep rolling with the coverage.

    Jimmy Hart is hiding under the ring, Hornswoggle style. Monsoon and Lord Hayes make fun of him, saying even if he waits til only 1 is left, he’ll still be thrown out with ease. Some standard battle royal action, but I enjoy that as far as it goes, so all good there. Valentine is the last heel (besides Jimmy) and gets ganged up on by no less than five babyfaces, but in a really awesome moment for me as a big Greg Valentine fan, he fights them all off! My god, Valentine eliminates three of the faces all by himself. No, now four as he throws Lanny Poffo to the floor! Come on, Valentine! JYD and Valentine are left and I don’t have a good feeling about his chances. JYD takes time away from Valentine to drag Jimmy back into the ring, haha. Haha, my god, Valentine and JYD eliminate each other, and Jimmy Hart wins!! Even he can’t believe it.

    This is a super fun battle royal and a great way to take a quick and easy look at some of the guys from this era. I definitely recommend checking the fun out!

    Awesomeness Rating: ***½

    The Rest of the Month

    Please feel free to click on the bolded headers to watch along with anything that sounds interesting!

    Adrian Adonis (w/Jimmy Hart) vs. Mario Mancini – 7/5/86 WWF All Star

    Monsoon starts us off by making fun of Adonis’ clothes. Why you gotta be such a bully, Monsoon? Adonis goes after this guy like he’s trying to make appoint, and I’d say he succeeded. He plasters the guy from pillar to post and slams him on the concrete before simply walking back in the ring to win by countout. He didn’t even take off his scarf. Is there a case for Adonis as the first gay badass in wrestling? Monsoon scoffs at that kind of win, but Heenan says winning is all that matters. After the match Jimmy Hart gets Adonis a mic. Jimmy Hart blows smoke up his ass and says he’s the greatest and most beautiful. Adonis thanks him for his honest opinion.

    Awesomeness Rating: *¼

    Bret Hart & Jim Neidhart (w/Jimmy Hart) vs. Frankie Lane & Terry Morgan – 7/5/86 WWF All Star

    GM: Neidhart tossed that man like he was a bag of garbage!

    BH: You’re being too kind to that man.
    Monsoon gives Heenan a hard time about Captain Lou Albano and their ongoing issues. Meanwhile it’s an easy victory for the Harts of course, winning with the Hart Attack.

    Awesomeness Rating: *½

    King Kong Bundy & Big John Studd vs. Bob & Joe Marcus – 7/5/86 WWF All Star

    Heenan sticks to the booth for this one, confident in his men. Monsoon gives Heenan more grief about Tonga slamming Studd, Heenan doesn’t want to hear about it. This is prior to the big Orndorff turn, so Monsoon is busy putting over Hogan and Orndorff as great friends! Heenan questions that friendship, and you have to wonder if he had already made a deal with Orndorff or if that wasn’t done until later. We get some picture-in-picture comments from Orndorff, and he promises as soon as Hogan answers his call, HE will lead them to tag team victory. I love how carefully this stuff was set up in hindsight, with enough hints but also enough doubt so that you couldn’t be sure. Heenan puts over Orndorff as better than Hogan in another telling moment. Already hyping his client, or still trying to lure him? Monsoon is amazed Heenan would say anything nice about Orndorff, but he’ll understand soon. The commentary is more interesting than the match, as the big men crush the crap out of the two jobbers, of course.

    Awesomeness Rating: *½

    Davey Boy Smith & Dynamite Kid (w/Captain Lou Albano) vs. John K-9 & Steve Lombardi – 7/5/86 WWF All Star

    Heenan is getting very flustered by all the different things he has going on. He’s worried about Andre, Albano, King Tonga, Paul Orndorff, and more. Albano comes on commentary and claims Andre was told not to show up at the match he didn’t appear for, and he will bring Andre back one way or another. Albano calls Heenan a devious halfwit! Bulldogs are actually semi-competitive with these guys but win in the end with a unique double team, Bulldog puts one jobber on his shoulders in a fireman’s carry and Dynamite jumps off his back to headbutt (kind of) the other guy.

    Awesomeness Rating: **½

    John K-9 vs. Cousin Luke – 7/6/86 All American

    GM: Don’t go messing with a country boy, huh Bobby?

    BH: Well, the reason you don’t mess with them is because they’re not too durable. They don’t seem to last too long.
    This one is around 3:00, and features Heenan on commentary again.

    Apparently Cousin Luke is returning from injury. He’s another goddam hillbilly, so I wish he’d have stayed away. Neither of these guys looks very good on the way to a Cousin Luke win, so we’ll just have to thank god for that excellent commentary.

    BH: Do you think Studd is an idiot? That Bundy is some kind of buffoon?

    GM: Well I saw them the other day, both of them looked lost in a phone booth somewhere.

    BH: Neither one of them can even fit in a phone booth, so I know you’re lying.
    Awesomeness Rating: ¾*

    WWF Prime Time Wrestling – 7/7/86

    As always, Prime Time can be found on the WWE Network!

    Can you believe it? Being talked down to by a Gorilla!

    0:00 Heenan is ecstatic because he has finally been added to the credits of the program! Insanely, I’m pretty sure Monsoon hinted that Heenan will die soon as a response to this. Chill, Gorilla! They argue about whether Bundy & Studd deserve a tag title shot or not.

    8:00 They replay an old Bundy & Studd tag squash. Monsoon is disgusted that Heenan is so proud of such an easy win. Heenan has now seen the appearance of “Giant Machine” for the first time, and he insists that it’s Andre the Giant which, as we discussed earlier, they are making blantantly obvious.

    GM: Bundy actually stole a record from me, in Madison Square Garden.

    BH: Was that the Sinatra one?

    GM: Actually, the record for quickest pinfall.
    13:00 Heenan demands Monsoon admit that Giant Machine is Andre. Monsoon drives him nuts and says it’s very unlikely, and marvels at Giant’s thick “Japanese” accent. Heenan is going nuts with this.

    23:00 Heenan is still hung up on the Giant Machine. Monsoon teases him some more. Heenan wants to bring in a “voice expert” to identify Andre!

    34:00 Monsoon says Heenan is insecure. Heenan responds by saying WWF newcomer Billy Jack Haynes is not interesting.

    Frank Marconi vs. Billy Jack Haynes

    We segue directly into the match, and since it has Heenan & Monsoon on commentary I’ll go ahead and cover it. I regret this decision immensely, because Haynes does everything he can to prove Heenan right. We actually get a boring chant. Do you know how boring you have to be in 1986 to get a boring chant?? Thank god for Heenan on commentary.

    Billy Jack Haynes wears the colors of Oregon, and he’s got the word “Oregon” all across his trunks. What is he trying to tell everyone, that he’s from Oregon?
    Awesomeness Rating: ½*

    Back in the studio, Heenan is checking out the new WWF magazine. Bundy is on the cover, and they argue about what prompted him to seemingly be screaming in that photo, haha.

    43:00 Heenan calls Harley Race “King” for the first time. They rewatch Race/SD Jones from Maple Leaf in May.

    51:00 They argue about whether Race was worried about SD Jones.

    1:00:00 Heenan makes fun of Pedro Morales a bit. Monsoon wonders if Heenan has the guts to tell his Family about Giant Machine.

    1:08:00 Heenan theorizes George Wells was one of the Little Rascals. You lost me there, Bobby. Monsoon mentions John K-9 makes the symbol from 1984’s Big Brother before each match. Weird.

    1:28:00 Monsoon again says Heenan is insecure. Heenan jumps all over Monsoon and says there is a conspiracy against him. He says everyone knows Giant Machine is Andre. Heenan rants as the outro music plays.

    Heenan’s new Korean clients – 7/7/86 WWF All Star

    The Great Bag Heads!

    This segment comes at about 5:00.

    Heenan is on the Body Shop with Muraco, and he brings on his new KOREAN clients. My god, it’s Studd & Bundy with paper bags over their heads! Heenan claims these are brand new mysterious wrestlers, before of course revealing he is just trying to make a point about Andre and the “Giant Machine”. Heenan promises they will take care of Andre and take his mask if he tries to get in their way. That was a hilarious gag, bravo sir.

    King Kong Bundy & Big John Studd (w/Bobby Heenan) vs. King Tonga & Sivi Afi – 7/12/86 WWF MSG
    Harley Race (w/Bobby Heenan) vs. Tony Garea – 7/12/86 WWF MSG

    First match starts at about 47:00.

    This of course builds off the Studd/Tonga stuff that has already gone down. Some really great stuff from Tonga in this one, he believably takes Studd apart early on and even slams him again! Sivi Afi ends up playing FIP, being the doomed jobber in a match full of stars. The ending seems completely botched though, Bundy makes a pin on Tonga but Afi pulls Bundy partially off from the apron, but the ref still counts it as three and nobody seems to quite know what the hell happened. Strange, and a shame because it was a very decent match otherwise, even though Heenan was little more than a cheerleader.

    Awesomeness Rating: **¾

    Second match is at about 1:31:00.

    This could be pretty fun. Heenan scolds the crowd to be quiet during Race’s introduction and tries to hold up proceedings until the crowd stops booing! Gonna be waiting a long time if you try that. Race starts the match by hitting Garea when his back is turned and beats the living crap out of him outside the ring, including bashing his head into the commentary table. Garea makes it back into the ring but doesn’t have a prayer but Race kills him with a great fisherman’s buster cradle pin. The ref doesn’t seem to know how the hell to count it, but eventually counts the pin. What the heck is with the referees on this show? It’s like they’re all lost or something. Anyway, this was highly effective to put Race over, but I would much rather see a real match between them, I bet they could easily crack three stars and keep going.

    Awesomeness Rating: *½

    One last segment at 2:23:00.

    Backstage, Lord Hayes grills Heenan about the “new Japanese” team that has joined the company. Heenan flips out again and says he isn’t dumb, he knows it’s Andre and so does everyone. He promises to unmask Andre. People are having a lot of fun baiting Heenan about this stuff!

    Greg Valentine & Brutus Beefcake (w/Johnny Valiant) vs. Lanny Poffo & Jose Luis Rivera – 7/13/86 WWF All Star

    Poffo reads a poem about why Heenan should be kicked off of commentary! Monsoon applauds while Heenan is royally pissed off haha. Heenan gets very touchy and really flips his lid at Monsoon about the Andre thing. I love how pervasive that is. Valiant walks over to commentary and says his team is worth a million bucks and the tag belts are coming back to them from the British Bulldogs. We see a PIP interview with the Bulldogs and Albano, who say they are ready for anything. Heenan won’t stop flipping his lid about everything, he’s really been set up! Meanwhile, Dream Team wins a semi-competitive match by making Rivera submit to Valentine’s Figure Four. The Lanny/Valentine segments were especially good, I’d love to see them go at it one on one. Heenan is still flipping his lid after the match is over, haha.

    Awesomeness Rating: **¼

    WWF Prime Time Wrestling – 7/14/86

    As always, Prime Time can be found on the WWE Network!

    0:00 Monsoon is still poking Heenan about being insecure. Heenan hopes they show lots of Giant Machine clips so he can use it as evidence that it really is Andre. Monsoon thinks the team of Mike Rotunda and Danny Spivey could give Bundy and Studd trouble. Heenan scoffs.

    16:00 Monsoon teases Heenan about Andre, Orndorff, and basically everything. Heenan tries to blow him off. Heenan makes fun of Tito and Pedro for being former champions, meaning they lost the belt at some point. Monsoon points out his men have never been champions at all!

    GM: You know, I don’t speak Japanese.

    BH: Well neither does the Machine, or the Giant Machine, or the… STUPID Machine.
    27:00 Heenan makes fun of Pedro Morales, but admits that he’s tough. Monsoon is amazed that they agree on something.

    44:00 Monsoon comments on the strangeness of Jim Neidhart. Heenan thinks he just knows how he likes to be. They talk vaguely about Race’s “credentials” without being specific.

    56:00 Monsoon wonders why Heenan wasn’t at ringside with Harley Race recently. Heenan won’t say where he was but says it was very important.

    59:00 Heenan agrees Billy Jack Haynes has good credentials. Monsoon is stunned that they agree so much this week.

    BH: You’re right, Billy Jack is very impressive.

    GM: …Why do you keep agreeing with me??

    BH: What, you want me to disagree with you?
    1:07:00 Heenan is confounding Monsoon by being so agreeable. Heenan promises to explain why he won’t pay Tonga for slamming Studd. Monsoon expects he will lie, and Heenan says Monsoon is lying about Andre, and he’s not wrong!

    1:15:00 Heenan explains very calmly that not only was Tonga not selected for the slam challenge, but he also pulled the tights and only did a rolling hip block, haha. Monsoon says he is LYING. Heenan says we’ll see who is lying after they watch another Giant Machine segment!

    1:22:00 Heenan says he will make an international incident if he has to in order to resolve this Andre situation. He says Andre will come back over his dead body!!

    1:29:00 We are not yet to the big turn, but Monsoon for the first time mentions he thinks Orndorff has been trying to dominate the camera and the ring when teaming with Hogan. Heenan says it’s because they are two singles guys trying to make a tag team. Heenan procures the tape of the Giant Machine, and says he will take it to RONALD REAGAN and have Andre banned from America for life!!

    WWF Prime Time Wrestling – 7/21/86

    As always, Prime Time can be found on the WWE Network!

    0:00 Monsoon & Heenan debate the good looks of the Family members. Bundy is very attractive, if you like that hard boiled egg look.

    10:00 Heenan claims he didn’t see any cheating in the last match they watched. Monsoon wants to get him glasses. Monsoon teases Heenan by interrupting him when he tries to share his thoughts.

    GM: You know, statistics just came in, since you joined as co-host of Prime Time, there have been more TV sets sold than ever before.

    BH: Well, I told you that would happen!

    GM: Sure, I sold my TV, most of my neighbors sold theirs…
    28:00 Heenan makes fun of Lanny Poffo for losing to Tony Atlas, as well he should.

    31:00 Heenan suggests swapping the ring posts for hydrants during British Bulldogs matches.

    52:00 Heenan thinks the Bulldogs are scared of his men. That’s still a match I’d like to see for real, without the quick DQ ending.

    1:00:00 Heenan doesn’t even want to watch a match with SD Jones and Paul Roma teaming up. I’m with you Heenan, no more SD Jones!

    1:07:00 Heenan scoffs at the SD Jones/Paul Roma team that Monsoon loves so much, and who can blame him?

    1:16:00 Heenan says Hogan always coasts on the tails of others. Heenan is very excited to show the Orndorff/Hogan vs. Bundy/Studd tag match, and that’s what comes next! Monsoon has not seen it yet and doesn’t know what happened. Heenan is careful not to ruin the surprise for him!

    1:24:00 Partway through the match, Monsoon notes that Hogan did slam Studd and is keeping track of how much Heenan owes everyone!

    1:30:00 Monsoon has finally witnessed Orndorff’s turn, and he finds it disgusting! Heenan says Hogan tried to upstage Orndorff and blew him off when he really needed him. Heenan even says Hogan hit Orndorff on purpose at the end of the match! Monsoon thinks it was a conspiracy going weeks back. Heenan doesn’t care what he thinks or what the fans think, because the old Mr Wonderful is back!

    Orndorff & Heenan, back in the Flower Shop – 7/26/86 WWF Championship Wrestling

    Before that, we have another segment at 7:00.

    My god, it’s the Ken doll that replaced Okerlund in the AWA, Ken Resnick!! HE FOLLOWED US HERE!! Nah, I’m cool with Resnick when he’s not trying to fill Okerlund’s shoes. He’s interviewing WWF President Jack Tunney. Tunney says he hated to suspend Andre but felt he had no choice after he no showed a match and then the subsequent hearing as well. Heenan appears and congratulates Tunney on his wise decision, and says he warned him about Andre! Heenan tries to tell Tunney about Giant Machine, but Tunney plays dumb. Ha! Tunney He says it could be Giant Baba!! Now that’s an out of the blue All Japan reference I was not expected. Also ridiculous, have you seen Giant Baba’s creepily thin arms? Tunney says if Heenan can PROVE that Giant Machine is Andre, he will suspend Andre for life. Heenan accepts this challenge. Tunney warns Heenan that he could be suspended too if he continues his behavior, and Heenan begs off. That was fun.

    EVERYONE is on notice now!

    We follow up with another segment at 27:00.

    Adonis & Jimmy Hart, in the Flower Shop. They have Paul Orndorff on, who gets a LOT of boos. Orndorff yells for the people to SHUT UP!!! He wants to introduce his new manager, and of course it’s same as the old one, it’s Bobby Heenan!!! Heenan reminds everyone about the OLD Mr Wonderful and what a force he was, and how he will return to that now that he is no longer a Hogan lackey. He says Orndorff will be the next world champion!! Orndorff says the fans are just like Hulk Hogan, they just never listen. Oh yeah, Orndorff is BACK!!

    Lanny Poffo & Terry Morgan vs. Bret Hart & Jim Neidhart (w/Jimmy Hart) – 7/26/86 All Star

    Poffo reads a poem about how Jimmy Hart’s clients never win championships, haha. Poffo continues to impress in the ring, with not only some progressive high flying moves but also just plain really good punches. Bulldogs have a PIP interview, they say they think the Harts at the #1 contenders. Ok then. Heenan on commentary is still fuming about Andre. The Harts run over Morgan as soon as he’s tagged in for the easy win.

    Awesomeness Rating: *½

    Jim Brunzell & B Brian Blair vs. Moondog Spot & Rex – 7/26/86 WWF All Star

    The Moondogs attack at the bell. PIP interview from the Bulldogs, they will fight either team. Well if you want to fight everybody, why don’t you fight Studd & Bundy? The Killer Bees put masks on, because… I dunno. I don’t really like the Bees, you guys. I miss Greg Gagne. Heenan gets up in arms about the masks, says they are trying to confuse the ref. Sure enough, the Bees do a switcheroo with the masks and the illegal man wins with a surprise small package. Heenan points out they cheated, Monsoon blows him off! Monsoon, you hypocrite. This is why people become heel supporters. The action is not very good, but look at who is involved. Poor Brunzell.

    Awesomeness Rating: ¾*

    Greg Valentine & Brutus Beefcake (w/Johnny Valiant) vs. Bob Marcus & Cousin Luke – 7/26/86 WWF All STar

    GM: Cousin Luke, returning from a broken leg.

    BH: How’d he break leg anyway? He fall out of that little outhouse with the half-moon on the door?
    PIP of the Bulldogs. Davey Boy quotes Sting, not the wrestler but the singer, every step you take, every breath you make, they’ll be watching. Who? Everybody, I guess? Heenan thinks they have big mouths. Valentine looks really, really good and makes Marcus tap the Figure 4. Brutus was ok, but he’s incredibly outclassed even now, probably the peak of his career.

    Awesomeness Rating: *½

    WWF Maple Leaf – 7/27/86

    Heenan & Monsoon on commentary, for the whole show!

    GM: I understand Jack Tunney was looking for you today.

    BH: If Jack Tunney wants to give me money, he knows where to find me.

    GM: No he wants to know why you haven’t paid the money that you owe already.

    BH: I owe nothing. I do not owe a soul.

    GM: As president of the WWF, he certainly has the power to garnish your wages.

    BH: Let him try, and I’ll not only be host of this show, I’ll be the promoter. I’ll be president of the WWF, I will change the name of the WWF. It’ll be called “The Brain Enterprises”.
    Hercules vs. Scott McGee

    Herc, impressive with the power. Haha, trash talking too. McGee’s not bad either. Man, Herc with some nice strikes as well. He’s really knocking McGee around. Monsoon pokes Heenan about the Machines. Heenan insists it’s not a problem, the only problem is everyone else being stupid and trying to fool him. McGee gets some nice hope spots but mostly it’s Herc doing fun offense. Herc wins with the rack. Decently good fun.

    Awesomeness Rating: **¾

    Jake Roberts comes out and grabs the house mic, in street clothes. He says he’s not interested in wrestling in Toronto until he gets Steamboat to face him in HIS kind of match. He was meant to wrestle Sivi Afi, but forfeits the match! OR DOES HE??? Just when Sivi turns, Roberts is all over him! He beats the shit out of him and drops him with a DDT! The ref makes Roberts leave and the match never even starts, but Sivi is destroyed. That was great fun. The Rougeaus come out and help him to the back. Heenan says Sivi probably has neck damage and the Rougeaus are dumb for moving him.

    Jacques & Raymond Rougeau vs. Moondog Spot & Rex

    Heenan compares Jacques & Raymond to Batman and Robin because they are nosy goody two shoes. He calls them a pain in the turnbuckle, haha. Heenan reveals he used to wrestle on cards with the Rougeaus’ father when he was young. Monsoon doesn’t believe him, but I think it’s true. The Rougeaus do a nice arm wringer. Rougeau is about to do a fancy move, but gets punched right in the dick instead, haha. Ref doesn’t see it apparently. They talk about Paul Orndorff on commentary and Heenan says he simply explained to Orndorff that he had been carrying Hogan, and that Orndorff was the sole reason Hogan became so popular!! Monsoon says he’s always lying, so Heenan asks him about Giant Machine!! Monsoon dodges the question. In the end one pair bumps out to the raised ramp, and the other Rougeau skins the cat and rolls up the remaining Moondog. Crowd pops big for the hometown win. Rougeaus beat the hell out of the Bees, I’ll say that much for them.

    Awesomeness Rating: **½

    Iron Sheik vs. Billy Jack Haynes

    Sheik has credentials. What does Haynes have, besides a stupid looking hat?
    Sheik screams something about American and Canada before the match. Billy Jack is proud to be an American… in Canada. Hooray? Sheik jumps him before he’s even taken off his stupid hat. It’s a very, very stupid hat. Sheik is actually still in shape in this era and is actually pretty fun in the ring. They discuss what Sheik’s hand gestures mean on commentary. Monsoon thinks he should be fined for rude gestures, Heenan argues he doesn’t understand what Sheik is trying to say, haha. Haynes does have decent power, if nothing else. Haynes gets the Full Nelson on, and Volkoff comes down to make the save. Volkoff tries to kick Haynes but hits Sheik by mistake! The ref allows the match to continue, for some reason, and Haynes gets a pin off the kick. Huh?? Sheik got pinned by a kick to the torso? Weird ending, if you think about it. Sheik & Volkoff are tense afterwards, but I don’t think anything ever comes of it.

    Awesomeness Rating: *¼

    Mike Rotunda & Dan Spivey vs. Dory Funk Jr & Jimmy Jack Funk

    Monsoon is horrified by Heenan’s suggestion that there is such a thing as too much flag waving. The new US Express comes out hot and knocks the Funks out of the ring. Dory even takes a bump onto the announce table! Rotunda somehow puts Funk in a headlock and starts clapping at the same time. How the heck did he do that? A VERY long test of strength grinds the match to a halt, thanks Jimmy Jack and Spivey. Heenan promises to control all of wrestling in one year’s time, titles, hosting, commentary, even president, and relishes the thought of everyone needing to come to him for favors. That statement was kind of a thesis for Heenan’s entire character. All he really wants is for people to be lower than him. Rotunda has some nice technique, and my god, Dory’s uppercuts are intense. The Funks do a double team I’ve never seen, an assisted clothesline type thing that looks really good. The Funks get the win! Didn’t see that coming. Probably the best match of the night.

    Awesomeness Rating: ***

    King Kong Bundy vs. Junkyard Dog

    Heenan moves out of the booth to manage his client on this one. Haha, JYD chases Bundy out with his headbutts, and then pokes his head through the ropes to crack Heenan one too! JYD really does have solid strikes and a certain charisma, I’ll give him that. Heenan trips him up to slow him down, then distracts the ref while Bundy chokes JYD. The Dog is about to win regardless, so Heenan jumps in and causes the DQ. They try a double team but Bundy ends up clocking Heenan once again! JYD gets Heenan alone, and Heenan runs like hell before he can catch a beatdown!

    Awesomeness Rating: *¾

    WWF Prime Time Wrestling – 7/28/86

    As always, Prime Time can be found on the WWE Network!

    0:00 Monsoon wonders if Heenan is still proud of the Orndorff turn, which everyone else finds disgusting. Heenan doesn’t care what others think.

    6:00 They replay the Race/Garea squash. Heenan is very smug. Heenan hints Harley may be the next world champion.

    16:00 Heenan makes fun of Pedro Morales. Monsoon can’t help it, he cracks up.

    19:00 Heenan says Orndorff has seen the light. They replay the Flower Shop with Orndorff and Heenan. Heenan says Hogan is nothing without Orndorff.

    29:00 Monsoon thinks Adonis doesn’t know anything about flowers. Heenan makes fun of women’s wrestling a little.

    41:00 Heenan says Moolah is his “friend” and Monsoon gives him a hard time. Heenan plays with a King Kong Bundy action figure.

    44:00 Monsoon pokes Heenan about the Machines. Heenan flips his lid about it accordingly!

    50:00 Monsoon admits Bundy is very agile for his size. Heenan wants to introduce the next match. Monsoon cuts to the match just as Heenan is opening his mouth, haha.

    GM: How does Bundy weigh himself? Where is there a scale around here that goes over 300 lbs?

    BH: Well, he weighs himself twice.
    59:00 Monsoon pokes Heenan about owing money to everyone. Heenan says Monsoon must buy his clothes at Basking Robbins, what with all the garish jackets.

    1:12:00 Heenan and Monsoon argue about whether Steamboat’s “karate” is real wrestling or not.

    1:30:00 Monsoon asks Bobby what he has in store for the Family, then cuts to commercial before he can answer. When they come back, Heenan is mad and refuses to show footage of his new “Korean” star, presumably the same joke from the Body Shop earlier in the month. Monsoon is glad to not have to see it, haha.

    And that wraps up July! Obviously the big news is that Orndorff is not only back in the fold, but now has a major physchological victory over Hulk Hogan. This angle seems to be blazing hot, and I can’t wait to see what comes of it. The Andre situation is also very hot again, though it has not yet hit the ring. Something to keep Andre in the conversation without him having to do a lot of ring work might be really ideal, though, and Heenan is really going all out to show how much this is getting under his skin. Meanwhile, the rest of the WWF is moving along quite nicely, and we get to see a whole lot of it now that Heenan is so present in the booth. He and Monsoon have really formed a phenomenal team already and have years and years of great material ahead of them. Even though he is plagued by Hogan, Andre, Tonga, Albano, and more, Heenan is looking like he might be right on top of the world right now. Let the year roll on!

    That’s it for today, humanoids. I’ll be back soon with the next entry, until then don’t let the ham-and-eggers get you down, and stay awesome!

  17. #17
    Good fucking times in the WWF! The Bulldogs, the Hart Foundation, Steamboat, Savage, Orndorf, Jimmy Hart, Jake the Snake. Really digging the prime time clips and glad to see the remains of TNT. The Orndorf Betrayal of Hogan could have been written by Shakespeare. I can hardly imagine Vince booking that with the stuff I see nowadays. It's execution has always been one of my favorite things in wrestling history and the way you put all the pieces together gave it justice. That part where you put it alltogether may be the defining moment of your series thus far. I think your right when you say Monsoon and Bobby had been working on their shtick. What a team. Adrian Adonis' pot stirring during this time is underrated.

    Great stuff as always, man.

  18. #18
    Wet Dream Machine SkitZ's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Who knew Savage and Steamboat went at it prior to WrestleMania III? Well probably plenty of people but I didn't! Your analysis of that match in particular is hilarious. That ref sounds awfully crooked to me... I didn't realize some of them stooped to such lows. Based on the praise you gave that match though, I'll have to give it a looksy. The Orndorff turn on Hogan was indeed beautifully executed. I found it even more enjoyable since, in later years, it was usually always The Hulkster doing the turning. Your breakdown of these segments is so damn detailed, Mizfit. I've conceded to reading this in portions haha. It's a heaping helping of Heenan! Your narration always makes it fun though.

  19. #19
    What else is on? JSR-13's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2016
    Higher Definition
    Finally catching up to you, Mizzie!

    Goodness gracious, what a lot of content to cover here! I once complained about the addition of 205 Live, but man, there was like ten thousand hours of content for WWF back then! The big difference however, is the quality of story telling, even if today's matches are better.

    Going from month-to-month, aside from the never-ending genius that is the Brain, I noticed that everything just flowed. It didn't matter if it as Prime Time, the Flower Shop, Superstars, or whatever- the narrative, taking all its twists and turns- never was disrupted. This is what made the WM 2 match a big deal, and what made the Orndoff turn a big deal.

    Yeah, Hogan is a terrible friend. Even worse than Eddie Edwards. It must be a babyface thing.

    Orndoff's turn reminded me a lot of what's going on with EC3 right now. Not saying that the story telling is comparable, but Ethan never lost his heel edge as a face either, and his return to being a heel came by way of his thunder being stolen and being screwed by someone who is supposed to be a good guy. If I watched WWF back then with a portion of the mind that I have now, I would have been rooting my butt off for Mr. Wonderful.

    Reading all of Heenan's zingers and one-liners are so great!

    I have no clue as to what Vince's obsession with Hillbilly Jim was either. And Uncle Elmer? Hey- fat people are funny! Just like midgets!

    It's funny that we are just now getting into Heenan as commentator, as it feels like he's always been in the booth. If it's true that he and Gorilla were pushing to work together for a time, I hope Vince kicked himself after finally giving the green light for not doing it sooner.

    Lastly, I'm impressed with how well Bundy actually moved around in the ring. Some of these guys are blurs from my childhood, and it's cool to see them in their prime. The guy wasn't half bad, and I'm amazed that he never managed to win the title at least once off of Hogan. Shame that he fell to the level of Studd before it was said and done. Heels like this really made Hogan, and I hope the dude has gotten around to sending each of them a thank you card at least.

    Glad to finally catch up, and I'll try not to fall so far behind again! You are an encyclopedic writing machine, Mizzie. Lots of great stuff covered here!
    Don't Touch That Dial!

  20. #20
    The Brain
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Benny Butts! Your continued feedback is just lovely to see. It’s honestly a stacked roster, not necessarily in terms of churning out great matches but in having dynamic and memorable performers it’s absolutely top notch. Kind of the opposite of today, you could argue. I could so see a Shakespearian production of “The Orndorff Betrayal”. It’s sad because today no character in WWE really has a strong enough emotional connection with any other character to really cash in on something like this. The idea that this may be the defining moment of the series to date is an awesome one, and I think you. Adonis is underrated, full stop! Love the conversation man, you have been golden as of late.

    Skitzoid! Always great to see you around these parts. Savage and Steamboat actually had a number of matches before this, but I only covered this one due to it being Heenan-adjacent. I’m very sure more of them are worth checking out though! If you think that ref was crooked, wait til you see some of the stuff they do THIS month! If you do watch the match I’d love to hear your thoughts. Maybe break it down Indygestion style? Yeah, Hulk is a dick face or heel, it’s always nice when someone actually realizes it! Read what you can and don’t get bogged down in the minutiae! Your feedback makes things fun too, so keep it up if you can my friend.

    Mr Thirteen!!! I thought I’d lost you!! I recognize it’s probably my own fault for putting out such a heap of material, but even so it’s wonderful to hear from you. The amount of material to cover is really enormous, but it helps that except for the televised house shows and Prime Time, these are all 1 hour shows so they can feed you the characters in compact, efficient installments. There’s something a little Lucha Underground about it in a weird way, the characters are so distinct and well defined, and every match has a purpose, even (perhaps especially!) the squash matches. And YES, you are dead on with the way things flow. Without having to churn out a new feud every month to fill the needs of a new PPV, stories could play out organically over as many months or even years as they needed to, and people rarely just forgot their feuds out of hand (and NEVER their characters). Hogan is indeed a dick, and I chalk it all up to a little thing called babyface privilege.

    I can actually see some distinct similarities between EC3 and Orndorff. EC3 is more dynamic but they have a similar style in the ring and both are clearly motivated to push beyond the normal limits that people would put on them, and make something great out of whatever’s in front of them while still keeping a strong tie to the character that brought them to the dance. I honestly wonder if EC3 has watched any take of the guy…

    The humor of Vince McMahon remains a mystery. Katie Vick remains his crowning acheivment in that department.

    Bundy is another guy who has revealed himself to be very underrated. He’s thought of as a fat lug, barely mobile, but just as you say he actually sprints around the ring very impressively and really knows what to do with his weight, which is SO important. He’s definitely way better than I’ve ever seen Studd be, though I don’t necessarily mind him in a tag team with the guy. People falling off the face of the earth after losing to Hogan is all too common, and I wish I could believe Hulk thanked everyone who helped keep him so popular, but I’m not betting on it!

    Thanks for popping in man, it’s really great to have your comments again. Never hesitate to stop by!

    And now, back to our show…

    August ‘86
    Segment of the Month

    Bobby Heenan and the War on Hulkamania
    August 11th, WWF Prime Time Wrestling

    Size does matter?

    If you want to watch along, you can do so on the WWE Network!

    We’re talking about this episode a little out of order, but the way it builds to the biggest match of the month (and quite frankly the year) is just perfectly done. I’m still covering the whole show now because it’s just too confusing to take it apart, but pay special attention to the Hogan stuff.

    0:00 We open with Heenan in black, to mourn Hulkamania. Monsoon scoffs at this affectation. They will later in the show hear Hogan’s first public reactions to the Orndorff turn. Heenan predicts he will make excuses, cop out, and whine.

    5:00 Heenan makes fun of the Rougeaus after we watch a clip of them waterskiing, of all things. Monsoon muses Bundy would need a freighter if he wanted to take part in water sports!

    11:00 Heenan is very relieved they are done with the Rougeaus for this week. He predicts Bundy & Studd would whip them in no time. They argue about whether the Family deserves a tag title shot.

    20:00 Heenan likes to nap during Tony Garea matches. How could you Bobby! Monsoon refuses to call Orndorff by the name “Wonderful”.

    33:00 Heenan makes fun of Steamboat. Monsoon admits he’d rather host with Heenan than with Slick, who has recently come on the scene!

    36:00 Heenan says Hogan will come in and spread his propaganda. Monsoon thinks it’s highly unlikely.

    42:00 Heenan is excited to hear Hogan’s excuses later in the show. Monsoon says Orndorff is the Benedict Arnold of wrestling, haha. They discuss Slick’s arrival in the company, and the fact that Freddie Blassie sold him half of everything he owns! Monsoon thinks Blassie is trying to swindle Slick, Heenan’s not so sure about that and thinks it’s all on the level.

    48:00 Heenan is ignoring Monsoon while reading a magazine. Monsoon taunts Heenan and says he has a magazine showing the Machines unmasked and Heenan gets very worked up about it!

    56:00 Heenan is playing with wrestling figures and has put the little toy belt on Orndorff. Heenan talks about all the great stuff he had as a kid. He firsts lists toys then starts listing women’s name and Monsoon cracks up.

    1:06:00 Heenan is impatient for the Hogan footage to roll, he can’t even be bothered to watch the matches.

    1:17:00 Heenan demands to see the Hogan footage now. He predicts Hogan will apologize to Paul Orndorff haha. Heenan throws away the Hogan toy, and Monsoon produces one that is like 10 times as big!! As seen in the picture above. My god Monsoon, how long were you sitting there with that??

    1:26:00 Hogan’s reaction is, of course, to get really fired up, and he threatens Orndorff and Heenan with retaliation. Back in the studio, Heenan gets furious and cuts an awesome promo on Hogan, which you can check out below in case you’re not able to view it yourself. When we come back from commercial, Heenan has stormed out of the studio! Monsoon closes the program by himself by telling fans to tell the truth, unlike Heenan, so they won’t end up like him. Awesome episode, especially that final speech by Heenan. This feud is so crazy hot right now!

    I don’t want you or anyone else to be concerning themselves with “dolls”, I don’t care how big or small they get. You keep telling me, Monsoon, how I’m worried, how Orndorff’s worried, how we have a lot to worry about? Here’s the heavyweight champion of the world, soaking wet in his own sweat! He even said to you, out there, to the people, where were you, Orndorff when I needed you? That’s the history of your life! Where was Orndorff? You constantly looked to Orndorff for help! And now you talk about a generation of fans that are gonna live on with you, and how you are determined you’re gonna stop Paul Orndorff and myself and everything? Hulk Hogan, you’re running on fumes! You’re operating without a net. It’s over! Hulkamania is over!

    Match of the Month
    Paul Orndorff (w/Bobby Heenan) vs. Hulk Hogan – WWF Championship
    Exhibition Stadium, Toronto, Canada
    August 28th, WWF The Big Event

    If you want to watch along, you can do so once again on the WWE Network! This big match starts at about 1:37:00.

    So, what is the Big Event? The WWE Network lists it as a PPV, though it was never actually broadcast as such. What it is, in fact, is a big, big, BIG event, just like it says on the label. How big? It drew a crowd of over 64,000, for a start, and some reports have claimed even higher than that. That’s higher than most Wrestlemanias and blows away all non-Mania PPVs in history, with the exception of Summerslam ’92. And how, you might ask, did they draw this gargantuan crowd, which set an outdoor attendance record not just for wrestling but for the world that would stand until Wrestlemania 3 knocked it off the top a year later? With three names: Hogan, Orndorff, and Heenan.

    As we open on the scene, we get a sense of how ridiculously jam packed this event really is. Orndorff and Hogan can barely get their way to the ring, as the people have filled every inch of the floor and hardly left any space at all for the entrance way. One wonderful touch in this feud, that we’ll talk about in more detail below, is that Paul Orndorff has, on Heenan’s advice, co-opted Real American as his own theme music, claiming it was actually written for him and Hogan stole it! This allows the classic theme to blast through the entry of both participants, in a great moment for fans of the song. There is a HUGE big fight feel in the air. The WWF has booked this pretty much perfectly and people have completely bought into it. You can really feel this as a trial run for Wrestlemania 3, and a tremendously successful one at that.

    Before you know it, Orndorff clobbers the shit out of Hogan before he’s ready to begin, and we’re off! He’s grounding and pounding the shit out of him! Jesus, Hogan gets on top and goes to work with matching intensity!! Good god, this is heated. The ref actually pulls Hogan’s hair to get him off, keep your hands to yourself ref! Man, they are really pounding away at each other, this is some of the stiffest stuff I’ve seen in this era. Even Hogan is throwing some really good looking punches. Orndorff gets knocked out of the ring, and he’s so pissed he pushes Heenan!! That’s no way to treat your manager, Paul.

    The image of them fighting against the backdrop of a sea of people is one I can’t get over, it’s pretty incredible. Oh shit, Heenan slaps Hogan in the face when the ref is not looking! Hogan chases Heenan around the ring but it allows Orndorff to get back control. Orndorff punches Hogan so hard he bumps straight out of the ring! Orndorff, with the suplex on the floor! Orndorff is really clobbering the shit out of Hulk. He is looking for the piledriver, but Hogan counters out to a big pop. Orndorff remains in control and almost gets the big win but Hogan gets his foot under the rope.

    Hogan is back up and hits a huge knee into Orndorff’s back which knocks down not only his opponent but destroys the referee! Hogan seemingly gives no shits about the ref. What a babyface, am I right? In a really interesting moment, Hogan essentially recreates the moment of Orndorff’s betrayal, lifting his arm up like he won something then hitting a big clothesline. Hogan follows this up by doing… a weird dance, for some reason, and then he’s looking for a piledriver of his own! Heenan clobbers Hogan in the back of the head with a stool!! Orndorff covers Hogan and the ref groggily taps Orndorff three times and Orndorff thinks that means he won!

    Heenan jumps in the ring and brings Orndorff the title, but Finkel announces Hogan wins by DQ, which makes no sense at all because it was Hogan’s attack that took out the ref in the first place. Orndorff is furious, he pushes Fink out of the ring and tries to clobber Hogan with the belt, but Hogan fights back and beats him up! Heenan and Orndorff retreat and Hogan celebrates along with that massive crowd…

    Seriously, that was one of the best Hogan singles matches I’ve seen. Hogan was extremely motivated, maybe as much as I’ve eve seen him, and he really toned down his usual obnoxious tendencies and treated this like a big and very serious title defense. Orndorff brings the goods in the ring like very few in the WWF can at this time, & Heenan’s interactions with both men were solid gold. I can’t even tell you how much I marked out when Heenan rammed that wooden stool into Hogan’s head, what a moment. I don’t often recommend Hogan matches, but this is one you should seek out.

    Awesomeness Rating: ****

    The Rest of the Month

    Please feel free to click on the bolded headers to watch along with anything that sounds interesting!

    WWF Prime Time Wrestling – 8/4/86

    As always, Prime Time can be found on the WWE Network!

    Heenan wants YOU (to recognize his genius)

    0:00 Heenan says he will show off his “Korean” star this week before making fun of the Rougeaus.

    6:00 Heenan admires Jake Roberts for knocking out Sivi Afi at the recent Maple Leaf show. We hear about Slick for the first time! The big news is that Freddie Blassie has sold half of each of his wrestling contracts to him!

    16:00 Monsoon wonders why Blassie would sell off so much to Slick. Heenan thinks Blassie is very shrewd. Holy shit, Monsoon basically straight up says Slick is a pimp. There are kids watching, Gorilla.

    20:00 Heenan makes fun of the new US Express and their credentials, which mean very little to him.

    40:00 Heenan says he had his Korean wrestler “shipped” to him from overseas!! I hope they remembered to put some airholes…

    46:00 Monsoon teases Heenan about the Machines. Heenan says he is biding his time to expose Andre.

    56:00 Monsoon muses that Blassie may end up taking all of Slick’s money, and pressure Heenan about everyone who is coming after him. Heenan isn’t worried.

    1:01:00 Heenan makes fun of SD Jones. Too easy. Monsoon puts over the Rougeaus, Heenan isn’t impressed. Haha, Heenan lists all the things about the Rougeaus that he thinks is overrated, right through the commercial break! ARMBAR!

    1:17:00 The hosts discuss the Moondog Spot’s rope belt. Heenan complains about WWF politics when it comes to who gets title shots.

    GM: Why is a Moondog wearing a rope in the ring anyway?

    BH: It’s what he uses to hold his pants up!

    GM: Well, that’s his problem!

    BH: It’d be everyone’s problem if his pants were down!
    1:31:00 Heenan says it’s not enough to win, you should look like a winner too. Monsoon says Hogan will make a response to the Orndorff situation next week. Heenan hopes Hogan will admit that Orndorff carried him and he was jealous the whole time. As seen above, that’s not exactly what happens…

    King Kong Bundy & Big John Studd (w/Bobby Heenan) vs. Brickhouse Brown & Frank Lane – 8/9/86 WWF All Star

    A squash of course, but a slightly extended one that allows the big guys to show off what they can do. Heenan doesn’t have to do anything much at ringside, but he does have a PIP promo that’s a lot of fun.

    Imagine this! Captain Lou Albano has written a book called “The Wit & Wisdom of Lou Albano”. Now, can you imagine this? There’s probably over 300 pages, pictures galore, hardcover, beautiful binding, this and that. But if you turn to it, you’re gonna find nothing on those pages, not one word, cause there is no wit to that half-wit. There’s no wisdom to Captain Lou Albano. I should write a book, it’d be bigger than the Encylopedia Britannica, and you can bet on that.
    Awesomeness Rating: **

    Paul Orndorff (w/Bobby Heenan) vs. Mario Mancini – 8/9/86 WWF Championship

    This is the debut of Orndorff using Real American as his entrance theme, and I gotta say the first time I heard it, it struck me as a really awesome touch for this feud, and a great move to troll the crowd who think they’re about to see Hogan. Orndorff really goes all out, making fun of Hogan’s movements and taunts and everything. Vince McMahon is mortally offended on commentary. Orndroff blindsides Mancini to start the match! I’ve missed this man being in the Family. Orndoff turns this guy into paste, abusing him mercilessly to remove all doubt about his turn. He keeps teasing the piledriver, but he won’t deliver it, he wants to drag the match out and mess with the fans. Basically, he is being a huge dick. Big Hogan chant goes up. OH, he piledrives Mario on the arena floor!!! Orndorff just lets him get counted out as he mocks Hogan in the ring. That was a lot of fun. After the match Heenan gets on the mic and asks if the crowd wants Hogan. Big cheer goes up. Heenan says SO DO WE! Man, this was built up fantastically. No wonder they drew such an enormous gate.

    Awesomeness Rating: **¼

    Heenan, on parentage and manners

    Ken “Doll” Resnick is backstage grilling Studd & Heenan about King Tonga’s reward for slamming Studd. Studd insists he was only hip tossed, dammit!! He challenges the fans to try to slam him if they think it can be done. Heenan tells Tonga he should either earn his money or go to the unemployment line. Fun little segment.

    Heenan: You have a mother and father?

    Resnick: Of course.

    Heenan: You should have them teach you some manners, you’re very rude.

    Terry Gibbs vs. Billy Jack Haynes – 8/16/86 WWF All Star

    Heenan and Monsoon on commentary. We get a PIP of Poffo doing an odd poem about Billy Jack. Heenan compares the quality of the poem to burnt toast. Billy Jack sucks and does a sucky job of squashing Gibbs.

    Awesomeness Rating: ¾*

    Mike Rotunda & Dan Spivey vs. Les Thorton & Gino Carabello – 8/16/86 WWF All Star

    Still on commentary. Monsoon gives Heenan shit about Orndorff. Heenan isn’t ashamed of what he’s done! In the ring, Rotunda shows himself to be fairly slick on the mat before an easy win for the new US Express.

    Awesomeness Rating: *¼

    Paul Orndorff (w/Bobby Heenan) vs. Jose Luis Rivera – 8/16/86 WWF All Star

    Orndorff, still using Real American, and me still loving it. He jumps Rivera, but Rivera is more prepared for the old Mr Wonderful, and is ready to put up more of a fight! He’s got some decent dropkicks, and bumps well too. Heenan does a PIP interview telling Hogan he will have no choice but to put the title on the line against Orndorff. He also says Orndorff has the best music in wrestling, haha. Orndorff beating down guys never gets old. Orndorff kills him with a nice piledriver, that was fun. Orndorff screams at Monsoon at the commentary table. Monsoon insults him and Heenan has to hold Orndorff back from taking a shot at Gorilla!

    Awesomeness Rating: **½

    Super Machine (w/Captain Lou Albano) vs. Ivan MacDonald – 8/16/86 WWF Championship Wrestling

    They have finally arrived! The Machines are here, and Vince is very excited about it on commentary. He can’t say for sure if Giant Machine is familiar or not. Vince, you babyface liar! Heenan appears at the entrance with a camera, and tries to approach the ring! He’s gonna get that proof, dammit! Albano notices him and runs him off. Super Machine, who is the future Demolition Ax, wins very easily. Andre doesn’t do much more than stand at ringside, which was probably best for his body at that point.

    Awesomeness Rating: *

    Heenan, on expert morons – 8/16/86 WWF TNT

    Heenan and Okerlund on opposite sides of Maui.

    Clip of Heenan and Bundy on TNT with Okerlund. Bundy has an enormous Hawaiian shirt on. Okerlund says “experts” dismiss Heenan’s claims about Andre as wild speculation. Experts are morons, it seems!

    WWF Prime Time Wrestling – 8/18/86

    As always, Prime Time can be found on the WWE Network!

    So as to remove any doubt.

    16:00 Heenan was absent for the start of the show! He comes blustering in after the first match, complaining that Monsoon started without him. He says he was working with Jack Tunney on the Machines situation, but Tunney’s office had him waiting on hold! For some reason, Heenan tries to hustle Monsoon along to start the next match. Oh my god, he just wants an excuse to turn around and show off that he has the word “HOST” taped all across his back. Heenan, you wonderful man.

    23:00 Heenan is very smug about his jacket. Monsoon can’t see it from his angle but he figures something is up.

    26:00 Heenan keeps trying to rush the show along so he can turn around and show off his jacket some more!

    33:00 One of the crew quietly lets Monsoon know about what’s up with the jacket, so he has the crew fix Heenan’s mic and secretly take the letters off his back. Heenan is distracted by the thought of his mic not working and people not being able to hear him, and doesn’t notice. Haha! They left just the letter O so that it looks like a zero on his back.

    41:00 Monsoon wonders what Albano would do if the Machines fought the Bulldogs, since he manages both. Heenan doesn’t care, he claims the Machines don’t want titles, they only want to give trouble to his men which is proof that Giant is Andre!

    44:00 Heenan is still showing off his jacket at every opportunity, unaware that he is proclaiming himself a zero!

    47:00 Heenan thinks Adonis’ Flower Shop has made Piper’s Pit old news, and blames Piper for going on vacation and letting someone better step into the role. Monsoon thinks the Pit was a highlight of the company, even if he didn’t always like Piper himself. Heenan thinks Piper is unstable, even though he likes him.

    59:00 Heenan and Monsoon argue about Giant Machine some more. Heenan makes fun of Salvatore Bellomo.

    1:02:00 Monsoon and Heenan wonder about a Jim Neidhart sex tape?? Is this a kids show or what??

    1:09:00 Monsoon ponders the shady legality of double team moves. Heenan wants to start a conversation, then remembers his jacket and wants to skip right to turning around for the match!

    1:24:00 Monsoon implies if Slick has money, he got it through nefarious means. Pretty sure he’s calling him a pimp again. Heenan talks down Hogan and says they’ll nail Hulkamania in a coffin. Monsoon says he knows what Heenan has on his jacket. Heenan is very smug and says he is indeed exactly what his jacket says he is. Monsoon agrees and Heenan is incredibly pleased. He calls him “Bobby O” and Heenan doesn’t get it. God, these guys are fun together.

    King Kong Bundy & Big John Studd (w/Bobby Heenan) vs. Tony Garea & Jimmy Jackson – 8/23/86 WWF Championship Wrestling

    Our match is at 9:00.

    Vince laughs his ass off at a mocked up doll of Bundy that someone in the crowd brought. Like, he can’t get over it. Garea holds his own briefly but Jackson can’t do ANYTHING against these guys. I am very surprised to see a PIP of former WWF Champion “Superstar” Billy Graham, who wants to get into a fight with Studd apparently? How random. The weasel chants ring out as the squashy squash squash wraps up.

    Awesomeness Rating: **

    Don Muraco vs. Bob Bradley – 8/23/86 WWF Championship Wrestling

    As Muraco beats up a jobber, Heenan gets a PIP interview of his own! He reveals he has received permission to inspect the Machines next week on the Flower Shop. He promises to prove one of them is Andre and reveal the identity of the second Machine, whoever it may be. Good luck, Bobby! Muraco kills the guy with a kind of scoop Tombstone, almost a Michinoku Driver. That’s unique for the era.

    Awesomeness Rating: *¾

    Harley Race (w/Bobby Heenan) vs. Frankie Lane – 8/23/86 WWF Maple Leaf

    Our match is at 7:00.

    My god, Monsoon is on commentary with Slick, of all people. It seems Heenan is the man who sent Slick out to “help” Monsoon! Monsoon doesn’t seem very grateful. Jesus, Frankie does an incredible rotation on a back body drop. Heenan appears at ringside partway through the match. Why he wasn’t there in the first place is a mystery to me! Harley drops a flying headbutt off the apron to the floor. Piper has a PIP where he refuses to comment on basically anything but he says when he’s good he’s good, and when he’s bad he’s better. Thanks for that, Roddy. Heenan yells into the commentary mic that he has something for Harley that will shock everyone. Race does a delayed Fisherman’s Buster for the win. That was actually fun, Lane is a really good bumper and Harley looks about 100 times more energetic than he did in AWA.

    Awesomeness Rating: ***

    We’ve also got a segment dropping at 24:00.

    It’s Muraco and the Body Shop, and he has Orndorff and Heenan on. Orndorff tells the fans to SHUT UP! Orndorff says he betrayed no one. Muraco agrees it was all about Hogan’s jealousy. Orndorff says Hogan stole his idea for entrance music! Heenan declares Orndorff will be the next world champion and Orndorff gets FIRED UP!!! Haha, that’s a pretty fun one.

    Paul Orndorff (w/Bobby Heenan) vs. Junkyard Dog – 8/23/86 WWF Philadelphia
    King Kong Bundy & Big John Studd (w/Bobby Heenan) vs. Big & Super Machine – 8/23/86 WWF Philadelphia

    Segment at 33:00.

    Orndorff is rocking that Real American theme! Heenan insists on introducing Orndorff himself and gives him a grand introduction. Kind of slow match, JYD doesn’t have much besides a few good strikes. JYD gets the visual pin but the ref was bumped. Orndorff clocks him with brass knux from Heenan and he gets the win. Passable but nothing special, I almost prefer to see Orndorff just smooshing jobbers.

    Awesomeness Rating: **¼

    And the second at 54:00.

    Holy shit, the Machines have awesome music! Also holy shit, there are suddenly three Machines! I think it’s an excuse for Andre to not wrestle, he’s probably in pretty rough shape by now. Joining the future Demolition Ax under the max is our old friend Blackjack Mulligan, says the internet, billed here as “Big Machine”. Very creative. Andre beats up Studd when he gets knocked outside, which is some pretty blatant cheating. That’s just the tip of the iceberg though! Soon after Andre actually joins the match! Just switches out with one of his partners! Jesus ref, you really, REALLY ought to be able to tell the difference. But no, Andre is now just part of the match. He participates for a little bit and then things breaks down into too much chaos, and the ref calls for the bell to throw the match out. The Heenan Family, including the man himself, all mob Andre and they’re going for the mask! Unfortunately for them, Andre sends Heenan crashing into his men and clears the ring with the help of his fellow Machines!

    The action of this was not all that, and I have to admit Andre cheating so much bothered me. You’ve got them outsized AND outnumbered, Andre. At some point you just look like a bully.

    Awesomeness Rating: **

    WWF Prime Time Wrestling – 8/25/86

    As always, Prime Time can be found on the WWE Network!

    Two men and their favorite prop.

    0:00 Heenan has found out about his “HOST” tag being changed last week, and he’s very mad. He’s wearing a big H on his front this week and says it stands for HOST. Monsoon is laughing at him.

    GM: Are you insinuating that I changed the word on your jacket last week?

    BH: You were the only one out here!

    GM: Did I touch you?

    BH: Well… Gorilla’s have got long arms!
    12:00 Heenan refuses to turn his back on Monsoon, who thinks this is hilarious. Heenan claims he is bringing the phone back to the set!! He is going to call Jack Tunney about the Andre situation. Heenan is too concerned with Gorilla and the phone to watch the matches!

    48:00 Heenan bets that Orndorff will be champion before the year is out.

    GM: I wouldn’t bet with you, you never pay when you lose!

    BH: Well, I never lose!
    50:00 Heenan makes fun of JYD. Too easy.

    58:00 Heenan makes a personal call and Monsoon is offended. Monsoon lists all of Heenan’s troubles, and Heenan adds one more, sitting here with Monsoon!

    1:01:00 Heenan is flustered about Andre, as always. Monsoon gives him a hard time.

    1:06:00 Heenan is really, really hung up on Andre. Monsoon says Heenan’s just confused.

    1:09:00 Phone rings, it’s Paul Orndorff! He wants to talk to Monsoon! Monsoon tells him off over the phone before slamming it down, and crushes Bobby’s fingers!! Delightful. They argue about whether Heenan should be allowed to make any more calls or not!

    1:16:00 Heenan wants an apology for his fingers, Monsoon isn’t having it.

    1:31:00 Heenan disappears briefly and returns with a bag of ice for his fingers. Heenan doesn’t care what Monsoon is saying, and he says he may bring Orndorff to the studio to make sure things like this don’t happen. He shows off his injured hand and thinks he may bring litigation! Heenan’s ice bag starts leaking all over the desk, haha. He’s about to call his lawyer but he can’t tie up the line in case Jack Tunney is trying to call. He tries to run off to a payphone and we hear him crash out the door as Monsoon laughs his ass off. Of course, the phone rings as the show ends!!

    Paul Orndorff (w/Bobby Heenan) vs. Corporal Kirchner – 8/25/86 WWF MSG
    King Kong Bundy & Big John Studd (w/Bobby Heenan) vs. Big Machine & Super Machine – 8/25/86 WWF MSG

    First match at 59:00.

    Big weasel as we get into this one, and of course Orndorff still using Hulk’s music to troll the crowd. God, but I love that. Heenan yells into the commentary mic and claims Real American was written specifically for Orndorff! He also says Monsoon can’t give him grief here like he does on Prime Time. In the ring, Kirchner doesn’t bring a lot to the table but he’s being carried by a superior talent. He hangs in there for a while but Orndorff crushes him with a big piledriver. Orndorff is shouting for Hogan after the match.

    Awesomeness Rating: **½

    And follow it up at 1:15:00.

    The three Machines are back! It’s another tag match. The non-Andre Machines are in the match again, but we’ll see if that lasts. Andre cheats ridiculously again from the outside. At one point, Heenan enters the ring to try to stop a slam attempt, but then turns to flee in one beautiful smooth motion when the Machines look his way. God, what a talent he is. Oh boy, Studd & Bundy get frustrated and start getting in each other’s way! Heenan has to cool them down before they start going after each other!! Meanwhile, Andre enters the match again. Oh come on, the ref is staring right at all three of them cheat this time, come on!! He just lets them do whatever they want! This is a terrible abuse of babyface privilege. Andre pins Studd for the win despite not being in the match at all! Some of the action was good, but seriously how annoying. Heenan screams that they would allow 50 Machines in just to beat up his men, and quite frankly I’m pretty sure he’s correct. Andre traps Studd and beats him up while Heenan and Bundy are too scared to go back in.

    Awesomeness Rating: **

    One last segment, at 1:48:00.

    Heenan is back out and he’s very agitated. He’s fed up with Machines! He challenges Albano to team up with two Machines in a match, and he will put the tights on and be the third man with Studd and Bundy! Oh Bobby, that might not be wise.

    Bobby Heenan, King Kong Bundy, & Big John Studd vs. Captain Lou Albano, Super, & Big Machine – 8/28/86 WWF The Big Event

    The Big Event can be found on the WWE Network!

    A brain floats alone in a sea of humanoids.

    Hop to about 42:00 on the Network!

    This is part of the undercard for the big Orndorff/Hogan main event. First we’ve got Okerlund interviewing Heenan and we get a look at the enormously big crowd. Heenan promises the Family will take the mask off Andre AND the title off Hogan. Heenan is paranoid about Okerlund calling him weasel, and the crowd gets going with the chant right on cue. We go directly into the match!

    Andre is the Machine on the outside, of course. He must be really struggling physically by now, sadly. Amazing that just a year or two ago he was still doing pretty well. Someone in the crowd sings “pop goes the weasel” and Heenan bellows for them to shut up, so the whole crowd starts up the weasel chant. God damn, if Heenan were around today wrestling crowds would literally never do anything else but sing when he was out. Heenan is very paranoid about Studd getting slammed. Side note, these ring ropes are tight enough to lose an ear on. Bundy is fun when he bumps, though he’s smart enough to do it seldom. Heenan comes in when they have the advantage and tries to rip a mask off, but he gets clobbered to a big pop! Heenan ends up in the ring with Albano and begs off beautifully. Lou dares him to take a shot and Heenan slaps him, Lou punches back and the crowd is popping HUGE! Oh man, Heenan rakes the eyes and they trap Albano in the corner! The Andre Machine charges in! And the ref FINALLY bothers to DQ the Machines for cheating. Andre smashes all three Family members around the ring, and punches Heenan who goes flying! Not nearly as good as some Heenan matches, but a lot better than the past Machine matches. I love how many years they got out of this Andre feud. How the heck is he gonna join up with Heenan soon?

    Awesomeness Rating: ***

    King Kong Bundy & Big John Studd (w/Bobby Heenan) vs. Rick Hunter & Aldo Caranci – 8/30/86 WWF Maple Leaf

    This one is at 30:00.

    PIP of Albano, who says he has a surprise for Heenan next week. I hope it’s not another cheating Machine, unless it’s actually called Cheat Machine or something. Heenan yells at Monsoon from ringside that Albano will choke on all his Machines! Studd & Bundy clobber the guys, of course. Bundy pins Caranci without much trouble.

    Awesomeness Rating: *¾

    The Return (or first appearance) of The King – 8/30/86 WWF Championship Wrestling

    Hail to the King, Baby!

    Heenan has gathered a huge number of heels in the ring. He reads from a scroll and proclaims there will be a coronation! He introduces Harley Race in a big purple robe, and has a midget carrying a huge crown. Heenan declares Harley Race the true king of professional wrestling! Heenan leads the heels in a chant of long live the king! All hail King Booker, erm, King Harley! Studd & Bundy triumphantly carry Race out on their shoulders! Race has finally got his signature WWF gimmick, because “NWA Champion” wasn’t a gimmick they would use until Flair jumped ship a few years later.

    Phew! Lots of stuff going down this month. Biggest feud is obviously the enormous clash between Orndorff and Hogan. It’s honestly amazing how much that feud drew, the records it set. Also amazing that Orndorff is hardly mentioned or remembered today. I guess that’s WWE politics. While the Family may have failed again to capture the title, you can bet neither Orndorff nor Heenan will be willing to let the issue rest, and neither will WWF if they’re smart. There’s lots of gas left in that tank. Speaking of which, it’s becoming unfortunately clear that not much gas is left in Andre’s tank. He can still get in there and do a bit, but there’s only so much he can manage. Still, they’ve found a very clever way to keep that feud raging hot, and Bundy and Studd remain the natural opponents considering their past attacks on the Giant. Where will it go from here? Only time will tell. Also of note is Harley Race really solidifying himself as part of the group by embracing the “King” gimmick and allowing Heenan to crown him. I have a feeling we’ll see a lot more of Harley, and I’m feeling very good about that. I’m glad he got a chance to redeem his lousy appearances on the AWA section of the set. Heenan’s work on Prime Time is just getting better and better, those shows are a huge highlight of what I’m watching, and I’ll say again that I hope you guys get a chance to chase a few down and see what the fuss is all about. Things are very hot for the Family right now, and I’m digging it!

    That’s it for today, humanoids. I’ll be back soon with the next entry, until then don’t let the ham-and-eggers get you down, and stay awesome!

  21. #21
    Wet Dream Machine SkitZ's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Hahaha I love when you give the referee's shit for overstepping their boundaries. That Hogan/Orndorff match sounds damn good for the time period and holy shit, what a crowd on hand for it. I laugh when the faces are at fault for something but the official ruling goes in their favor and it's supposed to be okay because hey, it's the good guy. Which naturally makes one think "you guys do this for a living and thought that finish would make sense to people?". Ah logic in wrestling is sometimes too much to ask for.

    Heenan dissing everyone outside of his Family never gets old (and neither does this series). Let the good times roll, my friend.

  22. #22
    What else is on? JSR-13's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2016
    Higher Definition
    The "host" on the jacket and the caption "brain in a sea of humanoids" were both hysterical.

    I don't know if you notice, or are intentionally posting these to bring about such modern comparisons, but nearly every time you share something here, I think to the present day. Orndoff's trolling of Hogan reminds of none other than Miz and Maryse doing the most excellent Cena/Bella parody ever. As a former Hulkamaniac in my youth, I could only imagine the heartbreak of not seeing the Hulkster after hearing Real American (Eye of the Tiger is still better. HA! You stopped beating that dead horse, and I just came back to kick it a few more times!).

    The sad part of that thought is that now Miz has been separated from Cena, we are no longer going to be treated to such trolling, and it was far from stale. When you talk about why the feud led to such huge gates, it had me shaking my head, because how much money did WWE leave on the table by not allowing a more satisfying conclusion to Miz/Cena? And I know I'm pretty much repeating myself here- but how much money was left on the table back then by not allowing either Bundy or Orndoff (um- not Studd) actually capture the title and put Hogan in chase mode? I mean - I guess they made enough dough doing it the way they did. Just thinking out loud here.

    I don't think I was supposed to laugh at the thing about Slick being a pimp- but I did. Am I a bad person?

    Last thing I'll leave here is how consistent a performer the Brain was. You are going from month-to-month, year-to-year, and I'm not seeing a single bad moment from the Brain. Whether it's his promos, his selling and bumping, or his hosting- and now announcing- the guy was just always on. I mean always. Everyone else really is a humanoid compared to this man.
    Don't Touch That Dial!

  23. #23
    The Brain
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Skitzoid! These 80s referees can be as shady as shit!! I really do wonder if you’d dig that Orndorff/Hogan match, if you get a chance to watch it let me know what you think. Loving the feedback, awesome to hear from you man.

    Mr Thirteen!! Congrats on the MP spot my man, well deserved! I hope you won’t be a stranger down here, your feedback is invaluable not just to this series but to the whole CF. Thanks for the kind words on that caption, I was particularly glad about that one!

    Modern comparisons are often far from my mind these days, but comparing Orndorff/Heenan to Miz/Maryse tickles me in a great way! It’s not a perfect comparison of course but you have really touched on something there, especially with Miz/Maryse not really getting a chance to fully pursue. I feel like 80s Vince would have never missed a chance to at least try that match on top of some shows to see if it did good business. It’s a different company now though, sadly.

    I’m less ure about someone taking the title off Hogan. They say the money is in the chase, but from everything I’ve seen that’s not really the case most of the time, as WWE did their best business under long reigns from Hogan, Austin, Cena, etc. While I absolutely think Orndorff is a world title caliber wrestler, it would have been a big and frankly unnecessary gamble on Vince’s side. Eventually he would ride the Hogan train too long, but at this time it was chugging at full power and raking in record breaking profits. Gotta be careful of offing that golden goose, you know? It’s a fascinating idea though, and who knows how it could affected the business?

    And YES YES YES to Eye of the Tiger!! I still think that to myself all the time, it’s just so obviously true!

    You are no better or worse a person than Gorilla Monsoon for making such unbased accusations in the first place! It is funny to see WWF trying to find the right balance with Slick. At one point he talks about being proud to be the first black manager in the WWF and it’s actually pretty inspiring. Yet, they also pretty consistently imply he got rich by pimping. Yet he still somehow seems more progressive than the happy go lucky black wrestlers who ran around headbutting everything and were somehow racially impervious to pain. He’s very… complicated. I would actually love to read something from you on the man and his career, now that I think of it. Something to consider anyway, he’s definitely a semi-forgotten figure.

    And you’re not lying about Heenan, it’s astounding how the man can do it all. He was a true performer. You can almost understand why the older generation rolls their eyes sometimes at younger wrestlers who can’t keep kayfabe for 5 seconds, when there’s guys like Heenan out there who make it look so effortless to literally live a character.

    Love your feedback man, awesome stuff. Keep up the great stuff!

    September ‘86
    Match of the Month

    Bobby Heenan, King Kong Bundy, & Big John Studd vs. Super Machine, Big Machine, & Hulk Machine
    Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
    September 22nd, WWF MSG

    If you want to watch along, you can do so here:

    First up, a pre match promo at 1:28:00!

    Monsoon is backstage with Bobby, and he wonders if Heenan is a mastermind or the opposite for getting in the ring in a six man tag against the Machines. He mentions the third Machine appearing in the six man tag is the “Hulk Machine”. Heenan says he doesn’t care what kind of Machine it is, and he will take them apart himself! Bundy & Studd appear. Bundy puts over Heenan as the best technical wrestler of all time! Well there you go, the debate is solved. Studd says they are ready to rip some masks off.

    The match itself is at about 2:07:00, so jump ahead!

    The Machines come out to Real American, very subtle! Hogan is, very, very obviously “Hulk Machine”, and of course they’re not really trying to fool anyone, just get under Heenan’s skin. A fan is wearing a mask with “I’m not Andre” written on it!! Good idea guy, Heenan might have gone for you otherwise! The match breaks down into a brawl immediately and things are really heated, the crowd is way into this. Hogan actually ragdolls Bundy around, wow. Super Machine’s got a lot of pep in his step too. Big weasel chant goes out as the action unfolds. Jesus, Studd actually does a move off the top rope! It’s a simple forearm but still. He doesn’t break his leg or anything either, SID. Heenan tags in when one Machine is very worn down, but he tries to use a a headbutt and nearly knocks himself out! Hogan Machine gets in and the place goes crazy! He bounces Heenan around the ring in ridiculously awesome fashion, and ends up beating up Studd and Bundy for good measure. Damn, this is seriously fun. Heenan getting pulverized is a joy to watch. In the end Hogan pins Studd with the big leg drop. Seriously fun match, as Heenan matches almost always are. This one is well worth checking out.

    Awesomeness Rating: ****½

    Segment of the Month
    Bobby Heenan vs. The Phone: The Saga Continues
    September 15th, WWF Prime Time Wrestling

    We’ve really got to agree on a dress code, guys.

    It’s always tough to pick the best episode of Prime Time for each month, but this time it’s a clear winner. If you want to watch along, and you really should, you can do so on the WWE Network!

    0:00 Heenan still has the phone on his side of the table! Heenan claims he is the one who drew the crowd at the Big Event, haha. Heenan promises Orndorff will reveal more about his side of the Hogan split.

    13:00 Heenan makes fun of Pedro Morales, which is easier than you might think.

    21:00 They talk about how the Big Event was the largest crowd in history to that point. Heenan reiterates that he and his men drew it. Monsoon mentions King Tonga has asked to be called Haku from now on! I wondered when that would happen.

    33:00 Monsoon wonders if Heenan will get a cane so he can use it to cheat like other managers.

    43:00 Heenan theorizes Haku said something nasty to Mr Fuji and deserved to be hit with a cane in the last match they watched.

    51:00 Monsoon thinks Ted Arcidi has developed a nastier side, and wonders if Heenan had a hand in it. Heenan complains that Monsoon blames everything on him.

    Amateur wrestling is my second favorite thing to watch. Everything else is just about tied for first.
    1:01:00 They debate about whether Iron Mike Sharpe is really Canada’s greatest athlete, as he claims to be. Monsoon gives Heenan a hard time about the Machines. Heenan changes the subject and theorizes Piper is jealous of Adrian Adonis and the Flower Shop.

    1:05:00 Monsoon argues that Piper’s Pit needed to be reinstated. Heenan scoffs and doesn’t see the need.

    1:08:00 Heenan says his Orndorff interview footage should be the main event of the show. We get to see it, and it’s a clip from TNT, which is still around albeit much less important. Okerlund and Heenan are sitting in with Okerlund, who says Orndorff sucker punched Hogan. Heenan says Hogan is a sucker, so it was only natural. Orndorff says Hogan can point the finger if he wants but it doesn’t matter. Orndorff WILL be the next champion. Heenan talks about how scared Hogan is, and Okerlund objects. Back in the studio, Monsoon makes fun of Heenan for thinking they can just roll over Hogan even after the Big Event. Heenan starts messing with the phone again, thinking there’s something wrong with it. He keeps fiddling with it and making it worse, and Monsoon is cracking up.

    1:22:00 Heenan gets a phone call. He tries to answer but it keeps ringing in his hand!! Monsoon laughs at him.

    1:32:00 Heenan is still having problems with the phone. He starts tearing the phone apart and Monsoon is literally wheezing with laughter! He says the telephone has scored a major victory over the Brain. Heenan is distraught as the show closes. Forget Andre and Hogan and Verne, that phone is Heenan’s greatest rival. You really just have to watch this stuff to get the full effect, and I hope you all get a chance to do so.

    The Rest of the Month

    Please feel free to click on the bolded headers to watch along with anything that sounds interesting!

    King Kong Bundy & Big John Studd (w/Bobby Heenan) vs. Corporal Kirchner & SD Jones – 9/6/86 WWF Superstars

    We start at 35:00!

    We first get to see a clip of Heenan getting his chance to inspect the Machines on the Flower Shop. Heenan looks at Super and Big Machines and remarks that they seem to understand English very well, but they don’t seem to be Andre. He sees Giant Machine and he knows it’s Andre of course, but when he turns his back Andre leaves and another Machine switches in. Heenan gets flustered and furious and is no closer to unmasking Andre!

    We cut to the ring and Heenan has brought Bundy & Studd to the ring for a match, and hopefully to work out some frustration. Ugh, I groaned to see SD Jones. Kirchner actually lays into Studd until he’s staggered, but Bundy breaks up a slam attempt. SD tags in and loses INSTANTLY, like in mere seconds. On the plus side I don’t have to watch SD Jones do anything, but holy shit SD Jones, you suck.

    Awesomeness Rating: *¾

    King Kong Bundy & Big John Studd (w/Bobby Heenan) vs. Big Machine & Super Machine – 9/6/86 WWF Boston

    Who wouldn’t love that devious face?

    Start at 2:04:00!

    First, we’re backstage with Monsoon interviewing Heenan. Heenan complains that the Machines are favored by Jack Tunney and the WWF. Monsoon trips him up around his own words, haha. Heenan starts to insult Boston and Monsoon smoothly ends the interview! Man, they are so fun.

    BH: The Machines are put right in against Studd & Bundy, and do you know why? Because the WWF President Jack Tunney wants to do damage to Studd & Bundy.

    GM: I thought you demanded this match?

    BH: Uh… I asked for a match LIKE this but I didn’t know it would be coming this soon!
    We move right into another Machines match, this time without Andre at all. I wonder if it will be better since there won’t be such rampant cheating? Bundy tries a sneak attack but he gets bounced, then one Machine bodyslams Studd before Heenan can jump in the ring!!! Heenan literally collapses to his knees, he’s so unbelievably upset. He looks like his dog just died or something. Heenan recovers himself and goes to commentary to claim once again Studd was never slammed, but he’s so flustered he has to rush back to ringside to try to help his team regroup. Big weasel chant on top of everything! Studd and Bundy are really out of sorts, they are crashing into each other and they end up nearly coming to blows! Heenan begs them to get on the same page! Haha, the crowd boos tremendously when they make up. The heels try to trick the Machines into banging into each other, but the Machines are too much in sync. Studd goes after one of the masks, but isn’t successful. The Machines really get rolling and Studd is about to get pinned, so Heenan jumps in and knocks the referee aside and starts attacking the Machines himself! Once he’s extricated his men, they all retreat to ringside. The Machines win by DQ, of course. Actually better than most 2 man Machine matches, probably because the only people trying to cheat were the heels! Heenan gets on the mic post match and says this time he will team with Studd & Bundy to fight three Machines if needed! Oh Bobby, that won’t go well, as seen above.

    Awesomeness Rating: ***

    Paul Orndorff (w/Bobby Heenan) vs. Troy Martin – 9/7/86 WWF Challenge

    We’re at 22:00!

    It’s the first ever episode of Wrestling Challenge! Spoiler alert, we’re going to be seeing a LOT of this show. Orndorff still using Real American. Monsoon complains, and Johnny Valiant on commentary points out that Orndorff is indeed also an American!! Wonderfuly point, Johnny V. Oh hey, Troy Martin is Shane Douglas!!! How random. He also takes a big bump out of the ring. Honky Tonk Man makes his first appearance on the set in a PIP, challenging Orndorff. I’m not sure how to feel about it but it seems he’s debuting soon. Orndorf is murdering this kid, and he is bumping like a goddam champion. Orndorff finishes him with a piledriver. That was a blast, obviously too short to be a “great match” but one of the most entertaining squashes I’ve seen on the set.

    Awesomeness Rating: **¾

    WWF Prime Time Wrestling – 9/8/86

    As always, Prime Time can be found on the WWE Network!

    0:00 Monsoon wonders how Heenan’s injured hand is after it got crushed by the phone last week. He notes he didn’t get anything from Heenan’s lawyer. Heenan says to check the mailbox! He’s only interested in talking about Orndorff this week. He says he may have a surprise for Monsoon.

    16:00 Heenan is ignoring Monsoon as he reads WWF Magazine, which has a big article about himself. Monsoon wonders if it mentions Orndorff as a backstabber.

    BH: I’m just reading this great article, the greatest article about professional wrestling ever written, “A Talk With Bobby Heenan”.

    GM: I already explained that you were the feature!

    BH: See how important you are? I didn’t even know you were here. When you’re reading about Bobby Heenan, everything else is secondary.
    24:00 Monsoon wonders if Heenan will even participate this week. Heenan loves that article.

    The last time I read something this good, it was War and Peace.
    27:00 Monsoon says Orndorff has a warped brain. Heenan wants an apology from Monsoon for all his rude behavior. Heenan graciously says he can give it to him after the show, haha. They discuss the Blassie/Slick relationship. Heenan thinks Freddie is sitting back to enjoy his wealth, Monsoon says he’s too cheap to enjoy anything!

    55:00 Heenan gets a phone call and turns the phone over to Monsoon. He thinks it’s someone to force him to apologize. Turns out it’s Gene Okerlund, who tells Monsoon he has some juicy secrets about Heenan’s past to reveal if he doesn’t behave!! Heenan gets another call and Monsoon promises to eliminate the phone forever.

    1:06:00 Heenan complains about Kirchner and claims he wears illegal combat boots to wrestle. Monsoon gives him grief about using Real American, Heenan insists Hogan stole it!

    1:13:00 Heenan gets another call and claims it’s Time Magazine to compliment him on saving Prime Time’s ratings. Heenan is surprised that the new US Express even know how to get their shoes on before a match.

    1:31:00 They discuss the tag division in the WWF. Monsoon makes fun of Bobby for the coronation of Harley Race, saying it was silly. Heenan complains about not getting to say anything at the end of the show, and as if to prove his point Monsoon cuts him off as the credits roll!

    Paul Orndorff (w/Bobby Heenan) vs. Sivi Afi – 9/13/86 WWF Superstars

    We start at 2:00.

    McMahon is so very, very disgusted that Orndorff would use Real American, but Ventura is just gloating that the real Orndorff is back. Orndorff also gets a PIP interview and says Hogan wouldn’t even be champion without him! Orndorff says Hogan won’t walk away next time. Sivi gets a little flurry in but misses a jump off the top. Orndorff is back in control and piledrivers him into defeat.

    Awesomeness Rating: *¾

    We get another segment to wathc at 20:00.

    Heenan & Race, with the Ken Doll To End ‘Em All, Ken Resnick. Race says he’s going to step on Tito Santana in an upcoming match like a rung in a ladder. Ooh, hope to see that one. Also, it seems “Piper Machine” has joined the Machines for another six man tag! Heenan scoffs at this and warns Piper directly to stay out of his business before something happens to him.

    King Kong Bundy & Big John Studd (w/Bobby Heenan) vs. Paul Roma & Billy Jack Haynes – 9/14/86 WWF Challenge

    Jump to 31:00.

    Oh holy shit, they’ve got a lady ref. I mean that’s fine, but how often do you see it? Hey modern WWE, if your women have revolted so much, where’s YOUR lady ref?? PIP of Race who brags he became the King in no time at all, and promises himself he will rule wrestling with an iron hand. Billy Jack tries to slam Studd, but can’t quite get it. Billy Jack still sucks, if you needed to know. Roma comes in and picks the action way way up. However he’s lower on the pole, so after an assisted corner splash he eats the pin.

    Awesomeness Rating: *¾

    Paul Orndorff (w/Bobby Heenan) vs. Hulk Hogan, WWF Championship – 9/20/86 WWF Philadelphia

    Jump to 12:00.

    Lesser version of their Big Event match, a lot of the same sequences even. Hogan even takes out the ref in the exact same way. This time when Heenan tries to get involved, Hogan punches him out, nice bump of course. Damn, Orndorff really pounds the shit out of Hogan. Hogan starts bleeding. Ah, Orndorff has got brass knuckles from Heenan! But Hogan steals them away! Jesus, the ref tries to get the weapon away and Hogan just mauls him! Hogan, you’re such an awful person. The ref calls for the bell because OF COURSE, and a bunch of wrestlers come out to break up the fight. Hogan just starts fighting them too, even the faces! Hogan, calm the fuck down and stop throwing a tantrum! Heenan and Orndorff retreat. Hogan is DQ’d, obviously. Good god, Hogan! Watch this one if you want to see Hogan flip his shit way out of proportion to what’s going on.

    Awesomeness Rating: ***¼

    Three times the Heenan, three times the fun – 9/21/86 WWF Challenge

    One snake or three?

    Three Heenan segments on the show! First one is at 16:00.

    Heenan has got a PIP interview during a Machines match. He is so fed up with freaking Machines! He insults them and Albano as well.

    You show up with one Machine, then you show up with two Machines. Now there’s three Machines! What, do you got a factory that just spits out Machines?!?
    Next, at 26:00, it’s the first set appearance of The Snake Pit, with Jake Roberts. He’s having Orndorff and Heenan on. Jake says Orndorff is like a snake, in that he’s never satisfied. Orndorff said whenever he took Hogan to the gym, he knew Hogan wanted to be something he couldn’t be, and that is A MAN!! Heenan says Orndorff can’t be satisfied until he is world champion.

    Last but not least, at 40:00 Heenan is with that mustachioed mannequin Ken Resnick. Resnick thinks Hulkamania can’t be stopped, but Heenan says that’s over and now it’s Wonderful-mania. Orndorff appears and says Hulk Hogan likes to use people. Haha, he says when he and Hogan went to the gym, he would have to help Hogan with his weights. Orndorff claims he came up with the music, the shirt ripping, even the listening hand motion! Heenan chants “wonderful” as the segment closes.

    WWF Prime Time Wrestling – 9/22/86

    As always, Prime Time can be found on the WWE Network!

    Do we really need a third stooge? Feels like it’s been done.

    GM: Everyone’s put on this earth for a reason, even if it’s just to be a horrible example.

    BH: Oh, don’t be so hard on yourself.
    0:00 Monsoon hints there may be surprises this week. Heenan claims he’s aware of everything that could possibly happen.

    12:00 Someone is lurking in the background. Gene Okerlund appears out of the darkness. He wants to use the phone! Monsoon has it on his side for once. Heenan says he hates phones now, haha. That deadly arch enemy. Heenan is grumpy that Okerlund just walked onto the set. Monsoon said he was invited. Heenan threatens to invade the show Okerlund hosts, All American Wrestling. Oh my god, Okerlund has a full list of everyone who has slammed Studd, and it comes to $120,000!!! Heenan sputters that he has no idea what Gene is talking about! I love it.

    22:00 Heenan scoffs at the invoice and says nobody is going to get a dime!

    25:00 Heenan says he’d pay if someone was actually owed. He’s grumpy about a women’s match being on next.

    36:00 Heenan is ignoring the match and getting nervous about the bill Okerlund gave him.

    47:00 Monsoon wonders why the Heenan Family has no women. Heenan says women should be in the kitchen, oh boy. Heenan wants his phone back.

    54:00 Heenan thinks the Bulldogs are brainless for taking high risk maneuvers.

    GM: I wrestled bears plenty of times.

    BH: Without trunks on?!?
    1:00:00 Monsoon thinks back on wrestling bears. Heenan can’t think of anything interesting to say about Jose Luis Rivera.

    BH: Jose Luis Rivera is certainly… a wrestler.
    1:13:00 Heenan promises to bring some footage to light next week that will dazzle Monsoon.

    1:16:00 Monsoon wonders if Randy Savage thinks he’s better than Paul Orndorff along with everyone else. Heenan is sure Savage doesn’t inclue Orndorff in that thought.

    1:31:00 Monsoon does not appreciate the antics of crooked referee Danny Davis. Heenan says he doesn’t like ANY referees, haha. Heenan reveals he will show footage of the worst wrestler of all time next week. He hints that it’s Monsoon himself!

    Harley Race (w/Bobby Heenan) vs. Tito Santana – 9/22/86 WWF MSG

    Our match is at 1:33:00!

    Tito vs. Race! This could actually be quite good. Pretty sure Race is using the same music Jerry Lawler will pick up many years down the road. Heenan is starting to yell something into the commentary mic when Race takes a big bump out of the ring, and he sprints over mid thought to try to help, haha. Some nice outside the ring brawling. Race is a super fun bumper. Heenan puts his hand on the apron and Tito stomps his fingers! Race plants him with a piledriver a bit later on. Tito works his way back to a very solid comeback. Race tries to grab the ropes to break up a hold, and the ref kicks Race’s hand away! These damn dirty 80s refs, you guys!! Race escapes near defeat by doing a super sneaky low blow to get out of the sleeper. Haha, Heenan is great in this, he looks so worried about how Race is doing that he seems to be physically in pain. Tito is about to execute a Figure 4 when Heenan jumps on the apron. Tito roughly grabs him but Harley rolls him into a desperation pin and sneaks out the win! Tito is furious to lose off a distraction after getting so close and tries to keep the fight going, but Race & Heenan retreat. That was about as good as I hoped, I think they could do even more with a rematch sometime but that was really good.

    Awesomeness Rating: ***¾

    Harley Race (w/Bobby Heenan) vs. Mike Kelly – 9/27/86 WWF Superstars

    Our match is first up, right at 2:00!

    Race is gonna kill a fool. Oh hey, it’s Shane Douglas again, sporting a different name no less! Weasel chant goes up. Race hits some nice offense and finishes with that sweet Cradle Buster he’s been using, bridging directly into a pin. Heenan applauds his man. I love this Harley Race, you’d think he was 10 years younger here than he looked in AWA.

    Awesomeness Rating: **

    Another segment at 12:00!

    Heenan with Ken Resnick, whom I’ve decided to stop making fun of because he’s really not that bad. Heenan is sneering at the Machines. He’s pissed at Piper for helping them out and calls him a sissy! Studd & Bundy appear and make fun of Piper, they think he’s become both stupid and a wimp. Heenan promises to remove some masks at long last when they meet next!

    WWF Challenge – 9/28/86

    Heenan and Monsoon are on commentary at the start of the show! That’s going to become the norm for many, many years on Challenge, which is more or less the precursor to a non-brand split Smackdown. Superstars is the new flagship but lots of stuff happens on Challenge, so we should start to get an even better picture of the company as a whole at this time.

    Koko B Ware vs. The Gladiator

    BH: So his last name is Ware? Probably has a brother named Tupper.
    Our first look at the future Hall of Fame member. Maybe we’ll find something to redeem his reputation? Gladiator is our old jobber friend Rick Hunter in a mask. Heenan wonders if Frankie the parrot is a boy or girl, then decides he doesn’t care. Koko sure loves to dance around. At least he’s not headbutting, like most black wrestlers were reduced to doing in this era. JESUS, Koko murders his opponent with a brainbuster for the win.

    Awesomeness Rating: *¼

    Heenan leaves commentary after this, but only so he can be the manager for…

    Paul Orndorff (w/Bobby Heenan) vs. Luscious Brown

    Brown is the future Virgil! Fun to see random stuff like that. Heenan does a PIP interview and lists the ways Orndorff is wonderful, and inclues how wonderful his manager is, haha. In the match itself, Orndorff always brings such great intensity. He beats Virgil up and kills him with the piledriver. Heenan is extremely pleased.

    Awesomeness Rating: **

    Honky Tonk Man vs. Terry Gibbs

    I know how you can solve the world’s oil crisis. Just drain Honky Tonk Man’s hair.
    Heenan is back on commentary, and brags that he can do it all, manage, wrestle, commentate, everything, and he’s absolutely right. This is HTM’s first ever TV match with WWF. Holy shit, Hogan does a PIP interview and says Honky Tonk is amazing, and he eats his vitamins and says his prayers. I don’t think they had a single clue what they were going to do with this guy. I’m also not sure Honky knows what the hell to do in the ring. He wins by flailing off the top rope. Holy shit, HTM sucks at this point.

    Awesomeness Rating: ½*

    Lanny Poffo is backstage with Ken Resnick. Poffo cuts a very good natured promo and seems genuinely likeable. He definitely missed his era, I think he could have been upper midcard in New Generation. He does a very nice poem about the Special Olympics. Nothing to do with Heenan, but since Challenge is kind of becoming Heenan’s show, I’m checking out these segments aas well and might comment on them if I feel like it.

    Butch Reed (w/Slick) vs. Mike Kelly

    Butch Reed! I loved this guy in the Legacy Series. Doom rules. Here he has blonde hair that he claims is natural, which reportedly Vince thought would make him a mega heel for some reason. Mike Kelly, AKA Shane Douglas, is gonna die for sure. Reed does a PIP interview where he calls out Hogan! Monsoon wonders if Heenan tried to get Reed into his stable. Heenan reminds him it’s not a stable, it’s a family. Reed has a nice power game, and wins easily with a unique backbreaker.

    Awesomeness Rating: *¾

    We see a clip of Sika, the father of Roman Reigns(!!!) in the jungle, eating leaves or something. Holy shit, the Master of the Dungeon of Doom is here in the jungle and he’s bellowing nonsense just like he’d do in WCW 8 years later. Seriously, he’s mental here, screaming about cannibals and sin. We cut to later that night, he’s still screaming insane shit. I know there’s a great Reigns joke in here somewhere… at least he didn’t mention Looney Tunes?

    Davey Boy Smith & Dynamite Kid vs. Iron Sheik & Nikolai Volkoff (w/Slick & Freddie Blassie)

    A non title match for the Bulldogs. Bulldogs do a PIP saying they are looking forward to the match. Strong words, guys. I always forget Sheik was actually a very solid wrestler at one time. Jesus, Vokoff does an insane elevated single hand choke. Later, Bulldog sends Sheik soaring on a backdrop. Heenan thinks the Bulldogs are ugly and are lucky to be champions. Volkoff gets the surprising win when Slick pulls the legs out of Dynamite when he’s attempting a slam.

    Awesomeness Rating: **¼

    So ends the first of many Heenan/Monsoon hosted episodes of Challenge. Feedback on the format is welcome, and if you’d like to hear about more of the non-Heenan segments (mostly short interviews), let me know and I’ll add them in!

    WWF Prime Time Wrestling – 9/29/86

    As always, Prime Time can be found on the WWE Network!

    Bobby Heenan’s picks the worst wrestler of all time.

    BH: Week after week you make a fool out of me, and I don’t need you people to do that!

    GM: No, you do that by yourself.

    0:00 Heenan is giddy about his secret footage of the worst wrestler of all time. He’s once again hinting that it’s Gorilla himself, haha.

    7:00 Heenan is scribbling in a magazine and claims he’s doing “homework”. Monsoon compares Orton and Piper with Orndorff and Hogan. Heenan doesn’t like a man who wears a skirt, haha.

    19:00 Monsoon is disgusted at how Piper was attacked recently by Adonis and his cohorts. Heenan says if Piper wants to come in and judge Adonis and insult his lifestyle, he deserves what he gets. Damn Bobby, that’s nearly progressive.

    30:00 Monsoon says he has to make an important call. Heenan talks again about showing the worst wrestler ever, and reveals he wrote Monsoon’s name on a sheet of paper and shows it to the camera, as seen above.

    33:00 Monsoon is annoyed that Heenan’s men always bother him. Heenan blames Monsoon for messing up the phone and other problems they have had, haha.

    58:00 They argue about who can give Bundy & Studd a tag title shot, the champs or the committee. Heenan is gobsmacked when Monsoon calls Pedro Morales “Mr Everything”. Monsoon means that he has won every title in the WWF, World, IC, and Tag.

    1:13:00 Heenan teases his surprise, but won’t let them roll the footage yet.

    1:16:00 Monsoon thinks Roberts is a little strange, maybe got one too many hits with a snake. Heenan is just so damn excited about his surprise.

    1:28:00 Heenan says his surprise is better than Christmas. Heenan finally rolls the footage… but it’s footage of Hogan beating the living spit out of Heenan at Wrestlemania 2! Heenan FLIPS HIS SHIT. Monsoon agrees the footage shows the worst wrestler of all time. Heenan is having a serious meltdown. He’s begging someone to roll his footage, which was from Monsoon’s career. The ‘Mania 2 footage starts rolling again, haha. Heenan storms off the set, enraged. During the credits he comes back to the darkened studio to try to get his footage reel, haha. That was a lot of fun.

    Phew! Another month in the can. These shows are so fun to watch, but there’s so much of them! And now with Challenge being added as well, it’s all the more to go through. It’s well worth it though, Heenan really hasn’t had a bad day yet, and I’ve really enjoyed getting to know this world of the 80s too. Heenan seems to be mostly tied up with Andre and Hogan, as is often the case during these years, but he’s also quietly priming Harley Race for a bigger run, and expanding his influence onto more and more shows and appearances. He is becoming really inextricably linked to the product and has a ton of irons in the fire. What will come of his plots and plans next month? Only time will tell, but I can’t wait to see it!

    That’s it for today, humanoids. I’ll be back soon with the next entry, until then don’t let the ham-and-eggers get you down, and stay awesome!

  24. #24
    The Brain
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    October ‘86
    Match of the Month

    Paul Orndorff (w/Bobby Heenan) vs. Hulk Hogan – WWF Championship
    Richfield Coliseum, Richfield, Ohio
    October 4th, WWF Saturday Night’s Main Event

    We are FABULOUS, and we are coming for you Hogan!

    If you want to watch along, you can do so on the WWE Network!

    First up, at 1:00, amongst clips of all the big people featured on the show, we see Heenan and Orndorff in front of a mirror. Heenan is psyching Orndorff up to finally beat Hogan!

    Next up, at 7:00, Okerlund finds Heenan and Orndorff in the back. Heenan says Hogan’s claims about Orndorff being the original of Hogan’s gimmick is just a pack of lies. Okerlund is horrified that they would steal Real American. They don’t care, and now it’s time for the match!

    Hogan roughly pushes Okerlund aside on his way to the ring!! Hogan is the world’s worst friend. How did it take him so many years to turn heel? On the plus side these guys show all the same hard hitting energy of their previous matches, and kick things off by throwing down hot and heavy. Heenan jumps on the apron and then has to jump right off as Hogan comes charging at him. Heenan goes back up and tries to retrieve a weapon, and Hogan punches him off! Heenan takes a huge bump to the floor! But it allows Orndorff to take control. Hogan gets knocked to the floor and spills into some chairs, then Orndorff chokes him out with the mic cord and hits him in the throat! This is really intense honestly.

    Hogan actually hits a nice high knee to start a comeback attempt. He’s getting fired up when Heenan grabs his ankle! Orndorff tries to run in but Hogan ducks and Orndorff goes to the floor! Holy shit, the ref calls for Heenan to be thrown out, and a bunch of rent a cops pick him up and drag him out!! Heenan throws a shit fit as they physically carry him out of the arena to a huge pop. Orndorff looks panicked and tries to stop them, to no avail. Heenan screams to be let down, haha. After he disappears, we see him in the back, where he been locked in a room!! He pounds on the door to be let out, but nobody does. That is absolutely awesome and the crowd freakin’ loved it.

    Don’t send him away! He’s the best part of this era!

    Orndorff does his best to carry on and regains the advantage. Orndorff again does a nod to his original turn by hitting an arm trap clothesline. Hogan counters the piledriver attempt however, and starts the usual hulk up routine. Hogan teases a piledriver of his own when Adrian Adonis runs in from the crowd and attacks him, and the match is finally thrown out. A little disappointed at the DQ finish but it protects Orndorff and I love that Adonis is still involved in this, it’s an awesome callback to how this feud actually started. That might have been the most fun singles match I’ve ever seen Hogan in, complete with the Heenan removal sequence which really was just spectacular.

    Awesomeness Rating: ****

    Roddy Piper hobbles down to the ring, on crutches from a recent attack by Adonis, and he starts swinging wildly! The heels clear out. Piper almost swings at Hogan but stops short. Hogan almost attacks Piper but also stops himself. Piper turns away in disgust, but doesn’t fight Hogan. Now THAT’S a good face turn. What a spectacular scene, with so many moving parts. Amazing how much story and character they did in this time, it was simple at times but it was really, REALLY consistent and effective.

    Segment of the Month
    Bobby Heenan and the Legacy of Wrestlemania’s Past
    Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
    October 20th, WWF MSG

    Legends in the Pit

    If you want to watch along, you can do so on the WWE Network!

    Heenan: These are called slacks.

    Piper: Oh, they’re called slacks? I have four sisters who wear slacks!

    Heenan: And YOU wear a skirt!
    This one’s at 51:00, and it’s a dang good one!

    Time for Piper’s Pit! He is insanely over in the Garden. Roddy says he’s not used to people cheering for him, and hopes everyone knows he’s still a no good son of a bitch, haha. This is a damn good face turn. Jesus, he’s swearing and getting bleeped. I sometimes wonder if this guy wasn’t about 10 years too early. Piper calls out Heenan and Orndorff as his guests, but Heenan comes out alone. Heenan trolls the crowd about baseball right after Piper amped up the crowd about the Mets. Oh boy, Piper bets him $10,000 that the Mets will beat the Red Sox! The crowd is eating this up, great energy, and it flows so well. Two masters at work.

    They take shots at each other and Heenan says he won’t bring out Orndorff until the right moment. Heenan gives a big introduction while Piper sits back, unimpressed. Real American hits, and Orndorff appears. Piper talks about their history and Orndorff getting pinned at ‘Mania I. Orndorff gets pissed and wants to start a fight. Piper is game but Heenan manages to keep them apart. Piper makes fun of Orndorff using Real American, and Orndorff repeats his claim that it was written for him. Piper says he was on the Wrestling Album and he knows who the songs were for! Crowd loves that too. Piper says he told everybody when they were cheering Orndorff after his face turn that they were going to get burned. Awesome bit of continuity there.

    Heenan warns Piper he won’t be responsible for what Orndorff does if he doesn’t back off. Heenan defends Orndorff as a tag partner and says he can name 100 people who would team up with him. Piper asks him to name one and Heenan gets flustered, and the crowd pops big. Look carefully at that. They popped because Heenan got flustered. THIS is timing, THIS is working a crowd. They’re in the palm of their hand. Heenan comes up with Harley Race as a possible partner, and tries to grill Piper about what kind of partner he could get. Piper makes a big show of conferring with an imaginary manager, then brings a fan up on the apron and asks him who to pick. The fan says Hulk Hogan! Piper seems willing to consider it, under the circumstances. Heenan and Orndorff get pissed as Piper ends the interview, but before he goes Piper pokes Heenan in the eyes and sends him stumbling headfirst into Orndorff!

    Man, what a beautiful segment. Pure art, to keep a crowd engaged like that, to keep things flowing, to have them popping over the most subtle things. Just a wonderful piece of booking, you have to love it, and it sets up Piper as a potential opponent for Heenan and the Family very organically, playing off events from over a year and a half ago perfectly. This was a great one. Plus, those great burns!

    BH: You know very well that every time this man is in a tag match, he ends up doing 98% of the work!

    RP: Uh huh, and he also does 100% of the losing!

    Prime Time of the Month
    Bobby Heenan vs. The Box
    October 13th, WWF Prime Time Wrestling

    Oh, it’s a special day indeed.

    Ok, I admit I couldn’t choose just one segment this time, so I’ve actually picked three and given them mildly different labels. They are all worth checking out for different reasons, so if you want to watch along, you can do so once again on the WWE Network!

    0:00 The phone is back!! Heenan made a promise the previous week (covered below) to show Monsoon that he was indeed included in the latest line of action figures, contrary to Monsoon’s claims. He says that his secretary will call him when the action figure is here. Heenan gets a call and pounces on it like a cat killing a mouse. Monsoon is already cracking up.

    10:00 Heenan orders the crew to bring him the action figure as soon as it arrives, no matter what. Monsoon is skeptical but amused.

    30:00 Heenan receives a giant package. Monsoon finds it hilarious that the word “host” is crossed out.

    33:00 Heenan refuses to open the package yet, he wants to make Monsoon wait. He makes fun of Honky Tonky’s hair some more in the mean time.

    38:00 Heenan is still making fun of Honky Tonk, haha. Monsoon wonders why his figure has such a big package. Heenan says it has to be packed in a certain way so it doesn’t get stolen!

    45:00 Heenan loves how curious Monsoon is about the package. Holy shit, that package is like wiggling around all by itself!!! Heenan doesn’t quite know what to think of that.

    58:00 Heenan gets a call! He’s put out when they want to talk to Monsoon. It’s one of the production directors, who demands them to open the box or get rid of it. Probably that damn Kevin Dunn. Heenan is offended.

    1:01:00 Heenan promises he will start getting ready to open the box… soon, haha.

    1:12:00 Monsoon wonders if Heenan will get a cane like other managers. Heenan says he walks just fine. Heenan tries to start opening the box but finds himself having a lot of trouble.

    GM: You can’t open a box? You’re supposed to be “The Brain”!

    BH: Yeah, but I’m not “The Average Day Laborer”!!

    GM: It’s a simple cardboard box.

    BH: Well then you open it!

    GM: I will open it.

    BH: NO YOU WON’T! [Hugs box protectively]
    1:19:00 Heenan has got a paper cut and he’s very upset. Monsoon gives him a pair of scissors but Heenan continues to struggle, haha. We see a clip of the rebuilding of Piper’s Pit. Heenan finally gets the box open but is still trying to draw this out. He starts throwing the extra packing over at Monsoon, haha.

    1:30:00 Heenan is worn out from searching through the box and is trying to recover himself, haha. Heenan can find other figures in the box but not his own. He keeps finding Hogan dolls, lol. He finally reaches a note which says Heenan dolls are sold out!! Haha, I love this stuff. This is one of the best Prime Times I’ve watched, and if you have a chance to check out the host segments, you simply must.

    The best laid plans of brains and humanoids…

    Comedy Moment of the Month
    Bobby “Diehard” Heenan
    October 12th, WWF All American

    Can’t stop the Brain!

    If you want to watch along, and you really, really should, you can do so here:

    We’re at 44:00, right at the very end of the show.

    Gene Okerlund, who hosts this show from a video control room, is wrapping up the show and mentions to the crew that they were trying to keep Heenan away from the control room. Hey, you invited him to come Gene! I saw it on Prime Time! And lo and behold, Heenan appears! With a dusty jacket and a big story about how difficult it was to get in, haha. Okerlund is quickly fed up and tells Heenan if he wants in so bad, he can close the show. Heenan takes the mic but can’t figure out what camera to speak into or what’s coming up next. He starts harassing the other people in the control room, who are seriously cracking up at this point. This is classic Heenan bluster, honestly hysterically funny, and so highly recommended. It’s such a small moment but it really feels like genius. You really get the sense that Okerlund, Heenan, and Monsoon were just coming up with stuff like this backstage, and in the much looser environment of the time they were just allowed to run with it, and my god the results are great.

    GO: Bobby Heenan was around here earlier, but we haven’t heard anything from him, have we?

    BH: [Offscreen] AHA!!!

    GO: What in the world is… NO!

    BH: YES!

    GO: NO, Heenan!

    BH: YES! [Comes onscreen]

    GO: I SAID NO!

    BH: It takes a better man to outsmart me! I had to go over two fire escapes, jump over a rooftop, and crawl through the air conditioning unit, BUT I’M HERE!

    The Rest of the Month

    Please feel free to click on the bolded headers to watch along with anything that sounds interesting!

    Paul Orndorff (w/Bobby Heenan) vs. Dan Hastings

    Match at 23:00.

    PIP of Orndorff, who is getting very upset that people still don’t realize Real American is his music. Orndorff kills a jobber and finishes him with a piledriver, as Heenan looks on approvingly.

    Awesomeness Rating: *¾

    Bobby Heenan, King Kong Bundy, & Big John Studd vs. Piper Machine, Super Machine, & Big Machine – 10/4/86 WWF Boston
    Harley Race (w/Bobby Heenan) vs. Tito Santana – 10/4/86 WWF Boston

    Heenan risks being squished flat, all for the love of Family.

    We start at 31:00!

    Piper has a mask and is “Piper Machine”, and he’s made even less effort than Hogan to hide his identity, haha. He keeps flashing his face at Heenan, then bowing like a Japanese person when the referee turns around! The crowd loves it and Heenan is throwing a fit, haha. Okerlund and Monsoon discuss the identity of the Machines on commentary as the fans chant weasel. Piper has his leg taped up, though considering he was on crutches just before he’s doing quite well. Studd clobbers Bundy by mistake! While they are distracted, Piper attacks Heenan and chases him around! He ends up dashing through the ring and diving outside wildly to get away. Piper is ambushed by the big men and they work on the leg. Heenan comes in legally to get revenge on Roddy but Piper ends up cracking Heenan’s head, causing him to retreat. Heenan comes again when they have control, but this time Piper tricks him into conking his own head! Pretty funny spots. Piper rests a bit and comes back in, and gets fed up with his mask so he picks it up and throws it in Studd’s face! WOW, he slams Studd! Heenan and Bundy try to make the rescue but they can’t get it done, and the Machines take the win. Studd and Bundy argue after the match, Heenan has to cool them down. They actually come really close to fighting. Feels like they are thinking of a Studd face turn, but nothing comes of it for now. That was enjoyable, but not as fun as the Hogan six man tag. It pains me a little to say it, but while Piper is an enormous charisma and personality, he’s really not much in the ring, and Heenan does best bumping around for a big guy like Hogan.

    Awesomeness Rating: ***¼

    Jump ahead to 1:12:00!

    BH: There’s nothing going on with Studd and Bundy!

    GO: You can’t tell me that!

    BH: Well, I I just DID tell you that! There’s nothing wrong, they’re in the back right now talking like a couple of old war buddies!

    GO: I went to the back during the break and they were at each other’s throats again!

    BH: That was related to an entirely different matter!
    Weasel chants go out big time before Race vs. Tito. Heenan seems dejected, which is rare, but his Family is having big problems after all. Okerlund and Monsoon call Heenan to commentary and grill him about Studd and Bundy. Heenan insists there’s nothing wrong. Meanwhile, Race takes a bump down the ring steps, ouch. Monsoon and Okerlund shoo Heenan away when he comes to ask them to get on one knee if Race wins. Race starts working on Tito’s face, possibly with the help of a foreign object. Heenan keeps going to the commentary booth to bother Monsoon & Okerlund, haha. At one point Tito manages to smash Heenan and Race’s head together. In the end Race does a back suplex pin, but his own shoulders stay down while Tito gets one raised, so Tito sneaks out the win. Tito goes after Heenan after the bell and Race fights him a bit more before the heels retreat.

    BH: [Storms up to the commentary table] Somebody just told me you’re talking behind my back! If you have something to say to me, say it to my face!

    GM: Ok, you’re a weasel!

    GO: He called you a weasel!

    [Heenan is taken aback and slinks away without responding.]
    Awesomeness Rating: ***¼

    WWF Challenge – 10/5/86

    Harley Race (w/Bobby Heenan) vs. Allen Martin

    Heenan starts at ringside on this episode. PIP for Race, he demands fans get down to one knee to honor him, haha. Race murders this kid with extra vigor, just lays him to waste with some really good offense. CradleBuster gives Race the breezy win.

    Awesomeness Rating: **¼

    Jacques & Raymond Rougeau vs. Bob Bradley & Steve Regal

    Heenan is back on commentary, and remains there the rest of the show. It’s pretty clear Monsoon is pushing for Heenan to become his permanent partner, and he’s got the backstage clout to make it happen. In the match, Bradley takes a big bump to the floor early on. PIP of the Rougeau’s speaking French. Obviously, I have no idea what they said. Jacques hits a sweet headscissors kind of thing and Raymond goes on a slamming spree. These jobbers and bouncing around pretty damn well, even if the Steve Regal is not the good Steve Regal but the crappy one from AWA. The Rougeaus do a Doomsday Device-ish move with Jacques doing a seated senton in midair that looks sweet, and they pick up the win.

    Awesomeness Rating: **½

    Kirchner does a promo backstage with Ken Resnick. Supposedly people are saying he should be IC champion. Gonna go with no. Kirchner’s not much of a talker. He says alligators in the swamp don’t look like Miss Elizabeth.

    We get a clip of the segment where Piper’s leg was injured. It’s Piper doing the Pit right next to Adonis doing the Flower Shop! Adonis is having Piper’s old backup, Orton, on and they now have an alliance. Orton says the Flower Shop is the best segment on TV. Piper comes to their set and calls Adonis ugly and says Orton couldn’t hold his jockstrap. Piper says he invented this kind of segment and makes fun of both men. Piper lures the camera back to the Pit and says the boss is back. Piper says he’s not nice, he just thinks Adonis is bad for wrestling. It’s a wee bit homophobic but nothing really overt, so we’ll take what we can get. Piper has Muraco on his show, and he’s sporting a lot more beard than usual. Piper makes fun of Muraco, and says he doesn’t want his children watching an idiot like Adonis and calls both men fat. This leads them to attack him, and quite frankly not without cause. That’s Piper though.

    Dick Slater vs. Tiger Chung Lee

    GM: Listen to Slater’s music, I wish I was in the land of cotton!

    BH: I wish you were too, Monsoon.
    Slater is very southern, and gives a PIP interview says he will give anyone an attitude adjustment. Heenan suggests Monsoon needs one. Slater encounters a bit of resistance, but goes over pretty easily.

    Awesomeness Rating: *¼

    Greg Valentine & Brutus Beefcake (w/Johnny V) vs. Don Hastings & Jerry Allen

    GM: A shot to the esophagus like that should be illegal!

    BH: Oh, all of a sudden you’re a medical doctor, you know where the esophagus is?

    GM: …I know where the esophagus is, yes!
    Heenan thinks Piper deserved to get beat up for what he said to Adonis. PIP of the Dream Team saying their manager is the greatest commentary prospect in wrestling. Not while the Brain is around, you shmuck. Monsoon points out that Danny Davis is the referee, and he seems to be leaning towards the side of the heels. Beefcake actually does an impressive, albeit somewhat sloppy, power move. Color me surprised. Valentine comes in and hits a nice looking elbow, then puts the jobber away with the Figure 4. The other jobber tries to fight Beefcake after the bell, but Beefcake just awkwardly ignores him.

    Awesomeness Rating: *½

    Jimmy Jack Funk vs. Junkyard Dog

    You can’t hurt the Dog by hitting him in the head. It’s hard as a rock and there’s nothing in it.
    JYD PIP that is literally unintelligible. Seriously, I don’t know if Junkyard Dog actually speaks English. This match is not too promising. Heenan starts bragging about the Family and Monsoon claims they are dodging the Machines. Bullshit Gorilla, I’ve seen way too many Family/Machines matches already. JYD wins with a delayed slam, not much of a match.

    Awesomeness Rating: *

    After the match, Heenan is backstage with Resnick. He says his hand is sore for signing his men up for so many matches. He thinks the Machines are afraid. Studd & Bundy show up and talk about their history with Andre and Hogan and everyone. The Family is willing to fight anyone and everyone.

    WWF Prime Time Wrestling – 10/6/86

    As always with Prime Time, you can watch along on the WWE Network!

    0:00 Monsoon says he feels bad when he has a good time at Heenan’s expense. Heenan says he’s a nice guy, and Monsoon even agrees!

    GM: Did Liberace have a garage sale for you to get that jacket?

    BH: Hey buddy, I own this. What time does that suit have to be back?

    GM: 4 o’clock.

    BH: You’re running late.
    13:00 Heenan and Monsoon debate the degree of cheating a guy like Jimmy Hart will do.

    31:00 Monsoon marvels at the way young people jump around these days. Heenan says one day one of them will land in a different building they aren’t careful. I’m pretty sure that day is close in 2017. Monsoon wonders why the Family doesn’t pursue the IC title. Heenan says Savage is just too busy so they leave him alone, haha.

    34:00 Monsoon is disgusted about the recent attack on Piper. Heenan says Piper tried to make a fool of one person too many and paid for it.

    38:00 Monsoon warns Heenan that Piper may come after his men. Heenan isn’t worried.

    44:00 Heenan talks about why winning is all that matters. Heenan warns Monsoon he may stop talking altogether if Monsoon doesn’t show him more respect.

    51:00 Heenan is making good on his promise to stay quiet! Monsoon doesn’t seem to mind too much. Monsoon claims Race stole his crown and cape from a theater costume shop. This draws Heenan immediately back into the conversation and he starts ranting about the cape. They cut to the break and when we come back, Heenan is still ranting!! It’s the precursor to “armbar”!! Heenan claims Monsoon made that up just so he would talk, because he was losing viewers and his grip on the show without Heenan’s help.

    1:11:00 Monsoon gives Bobby a hard time about helping Race in MSG against Tito a little while back. Heenan blusters and makes excuses.

    GM: You were pulling something out of your tights!

    BH: I was pulling up my under-tights! What goes on between me and my under-tights is my own business!
    1:13:00 Monsoon makes a weird joke about dogs at ringside. Heenan tells Monsoon to stop giving them tickets.

    GM: The Moondogs seem like they are on a downslope lately, don’t you think?

    BH: Who, the Bulldogs?

    GM: No, the Moondogs.

    BH: Eh, you see one mutt, you’ve seen ‘em all.
    1:30:00 Heenan is offended that there is no action figure being made of him. Monsoon suggests one with a tail, haha. Heenan promises to bring a doll of himself next week and he will bring the phone back as well, haha.

    King Kong Bundy & Big John Studd (w/Bobby Heenan) vs. Dick Slater & Rick Hunter – 10/11/86 WWF Superstars

    Our match is at about 20:00.

    Slater goes to town on Studd with punches. The tables start to turn so Slater tags. That’s a big mistake, never tag in the jobber! Machines do a PIP and claim they have brought factories to make new Machines in America. Well then. Rick Hunter is getting obliterated of course. A “We want Machines” chant goes up… really?? That’s… new. Bundy squahes Hunter into paste, goodnight everyone.

    Awesomeness Rating: *¾

    WWF Challenge – 10/12/86

    Randy Savage (w/Miss Elizabeth) vs. Billy Jack Haynes

    BH: What a devastating clothesline from Savage!

    GM: Yes, it was a nice clothesline.

    BH: I didn’t say NICE, I said DEVASTATING.

    GM: And now Billy Jack! Talk about clotheslines and devastation!

    BH: It was a nice clothesline.
    Heenan doesn’t care to discuss Elizabeth or how Savage treats her, he wants to focus on the wrestling. Macho hides behind Elizabeth and Monsoon is disgusted. Elizabeth PIP, she is making excuses for Savage’s behavior and then, HAHA, Savage runs in and stops the interview because he doesn’t like her talking to other men! Savage is getting something decent out of Billy Jack, who gets the full nelson on. Savage kicks the shit out of the referee instead of tapping out, haha. Billy Jack releases the hold to check on the ref, and Danny Davis runs down and… awards Savage the win by DQ? Strange. Heenan claims Haynes pushed Savage into the referee, haha.

    Awesomeness Rating: *½

    Steamboat backstage. He is incredibly grumpy about managers. He says nobody needs a manager. Steamboat is such a grumpy character.

    Orton and Muraco, who is wearing a kilt and a midriff shirt for some reason, are acting slightly gay backstage and thinking about the time they injured Piper’s leg. We see a clip of them attacking, and then a follow up clip of Piper hobbling back out and beating the living shit out of the Flower Shop set with a baseball bat. It’s actually an incredibly intense segment. Muraco and Orton downplay Piper’s chances against them. Muraco is actually pretty intense. He says just because Piper suddenly likes the crowd on his side, he can’t just try to embarrass his old friends and the people who helped him along the way. That’s actually not a bad point at all, Don.

    Resnick backstage, with the Super & Big Machines. Blackjack Mulligan under the mask says the name of a bunch of Japanese brands in lieu of Japanese. Not sure if this is funny or racist.

    Jim Brunzell & B Brian Blair vs. Barry O & Butch Cooper

    You know, I like it when the Killer Bees come out with the masks on. That’s a little less time I have to look at their ugly faces.
    PIP of the Bees talking about their masks. They cut a really weird promo justifying their masks as an “equalizer”, though against what it’s not clear. They say it’s “masked confusion”. Well good job Bees, I am confused as hell. Heenan and Msonoon argue about whether Barry O’s weight gain is muscle or not. The Bees are actually looking fine in the ring tonight, even Blair. Brunzell gets the win with that beautiful dropkick.

    Awesomeness Rating: *½

    Harley Race backstage with Ken Rensick. He says he was a king long before he wore the crown. He says he’s done everything and Hulk Hogan is just a little bit short of his ability. He says to keep feeding him people because he’s bored of just winning, he wants to hurt people.

    Bret Hart & Jim Neidhart (w/Jimmy Hart) vs. Mario Mancini & Nick Kiniski

    Monsoon puts over Bret Hart already even though he’s a heel. Feels like they’ve already pegged him as a possible future contender, though I doubt they saw face of the company in the cards. PIP of Bret and Neidhart, discussing whether they get along outside the ring. Long story short, none of your business. Heenan says after Studd & Bundy, the Hart Foundation is the best team in WWF. Hart Atack gives the easy win. The Foundation picks on the jobbers a bit after the match and Danny Davis ignores it. Monsoon is disgusted.

    GM: Look at Danny Davis! The wrestlers are still in the ring and he’s leaving!

    BH: What’s he supposed to do, get a wheelbarrow and cart them out?
    Awesomeness Rating: *¼

    The Snake Pit, with Hulk Hogan! Hogan talks about his muscles. Hogan claims he’s not from the dark side. Roberts said it’s worse to deny fear than to run away. Hogan says he’d never turn his back on a man he was afraid of… then turns his back on Roberts and leaves. Roberts is mad. Nothing will come of this because, famously, Roberts would DDT Hogan at a live event and actually get cheers, so they scrapped it for fear of damaging Hogan’s momentum.

    Tito Santana & Pedro Morales vs. Steve Lombardi & Ken Glover

    PIP of Tito and Pedro speaking Spanish. No idea. Heenan is annoyed that they didn’t speak English. Monsoon runs down all the money Heenan owes and gets so carried away that the end of the match catches him by surprise. Pedro pins a jobber pretty easily.

    Awesomeness Rating: *½

    Footage of George Wells at the zoo. He yells at animals and generally annoys them. He compares a buffalo to Andre and feeds carrots to a bear he calls Volkoff. That was a bit weird.

    Tama vs. Moondog Spot

    Heenan makes fun of Tama’s gear. Tama is one of the Islanders, for anyone not aware. PIP of Billy Graham in the desert. Graham says Heenan and his Family should watch out?? I didn’t expect that, I must admit. Moondog Rex comes and attacks Tama. Haku appears and clears house.

    Awesomeness Rating: ¾*

    Paul Orndorff vs. Hulk Hogan, WWF Championship – 10/18/86 WWF Philadelphia

    This one is at 2:04:00.

    I was excited when I saw this coming up on the set, but MAN what a huge letdown after their earlier matches. There’s a stipulation that Hogan can lose the title on DQ, so they waste a LOT of time on that, with Orndorff trying to get Hogan to hit him with a chair, and it all just feels like a waste of time, because why the hell would Hogan ever do that?? And even putting that aside, there’s a truly ridiculous amount of time wasted on other things in this match. At one point Orndorff gets the advantage and then yells at the referee for, I swear to god, two full minutes while Hogan does lousy convulsions. Then, when Hogan does his bog standard hulk up and has Orndorff beat with the leg drop, he throws Orndorff out of the ring instead so he can hit him with a chair when the ref isn’t looking. Why???? And then Hogan wins by countout, because he apparently doesn’t care about actually beating Orndorff decisively. Just so stupid. By and large this was extremely lame, and Heenan had essentially nothing to do. Big disappointment.

    Awesomeness Rating: ¾*

    WWF Challenge – 10/19/86

    Heenan is probably baking in there, but it’s all worth it for the STYLE! Also, the Bulldogs have a dog or something.

    Steve Lombardi vs. Koko B Ware

    PIP of Koko cutting a hyperactive promo with Frankie. Heenan would rather eat the bird than listen to it. Jesus Christ, I don’t know about Koko but his brainbuster honestly does deserve to be in a Hall of Fame somewhere, it looks like it could kill someone. He uses it to get the win.

    Awesomeness Rating: *

    We see Orndorff in a salon, getting his hair and nails done perfectly. Orndorff horribly bullies everyone who works there and it’s pretty hilarious.

    Paul Orndorff (w/Bobby Heenan) vs. Tony Parks

    Heenan leaves the booth to manage Orndorff. Orndorff murders the jobber, of course. Heenan is pleased. What more can I say?

    Awesomeness Rating: *½

    Tito Santana with Ken Resnick. He wants to say something in Spanish, so he does.

    Dick Slater vs. Bob Bradley

    PIP for Danny Davis. He says people know nothing about being a referee and he doesn’t care who complains, he will do the job as he always has. Bradley takes a big bump to the floor before Slater gets the easy win. I don’t much care for Slater, and neither does Heenan.

    Awesomeness Rating: ¾*

    Greg Valentine & Brutus Beefcake (w/Johnny V) vs. Rick Hunter & Jerry Allen

    PIP of Johnny Valiant but I honestly have no idea what he says, he’s being very weird. I think he was trying to say he and Heenan are similar. Fuck off Johnny, you’re ok but nowhere near that league. Heenan praises the Dream Team. Valentine pulverizes Hunter and taps him out with the Figure 4.

    Awesomeness Rating: **

    Jose Luis Rivera vs. Sika (w/The Wizard)

    GM: I wonder who does Sika’s hair?

    BH: Probably Jake Roberts’ snake. But it’s his style, no reason to make fun of him.

    GM: I wasn’t making fun of him… only the way he looks.
    Heenan praises the Wizard as the most well travelled manager. He’s been somewhere, that’s for sure. Wizard gets a PIP interview and he is BELLOWING NONSENSE. No fucking idea. Sika wins, too bad he completely sucks.

    Awesomeness Rating: ½*

    Earlier that day, Heenan accosted the Bulldogs with their new pet Matilda. He makes fun of the dog, so Davey threatens to have it rip his leg off. That’s not very proportional, Davey. Heenan beats a hasty retreat.

    Davey Boy Smith & Dynamite Kid vs. Steve Regal & Rudy Diamond

    Rudy is not wearing shoes, for whatever reason. Heenan makes fun of the Bulldogs and says they never putting the title on the line. Davey slams Rudy like a sack of potatoes. Dynamite jumps off Steve’s back as Davey holds him, and headbutts Rudy into defeat.

    Awesomeness Rating: *¾

    Paul Orndorff (w/Bobby Heenan) vs. Hulk Hogan, WWF Championship – 10/19/86 WWF Sam Houston Coliseum

    This is another one you can find on the WWE Network, if you’re interested. Start at about 29:00 for this one.

    Orndorff attacks at the bell and chokes out Hogan with his shirt while he’s still wearing the title. Orndorff takes the title and wears it, haha. Hogan regains the advantage, Heenan up on the apron and Hogan punches him off… wait, this seems very familiar. Oh god, they are doing the DQ title change gimmick again. Oh crap, this is an exact clone of the Philly match!! They are really closely following the formula of that match. They are even doing the stupid shit where Hogan refuses to get the win off the leg drop. It’s even stupid this time, as Hogan threatens to use the chair and then just doesn’t, because DUH, obviously he’s not going to. After a pointlessly convoluted sequence, Hogan eventually does use the chair when the ref isn’t looking. Fucking dumb. This stip completely RUINED this match up. Yeah, it’s an exact clone, except somehow worse.

    Awesomeness Rating: ½*

    WWF Prime Time Wrestling – 10/20/86

    As always with Prime Time, you can watch along on the WWE Network!


    0:00 Monsoon questions Heenan about his action figure. Heenan insists he will still produce it! Monsoon is skeptical.

    14:00 Heenan is back on the phone, trying to get ahold of his action figure. He has an Orndorff figure that keeps falling over, he claims it’s from too much muscle.

    27:00 Monsoon shoots some shade at Danny Davis. Heenan defends him.

    You know what they say about Lombardi. It’ll take a good man to beat him, but it won’t take him long.
    30:00 Heenan hopes to never hear the Killer Bees talk again. I concur. Monsoon puts over the team of Paul Roma & SD Jones as being bound for big things, haha.

    BH: Have you ever seen that name, Nick Kiniski? It’s like an eye chart at the DMV! Say Nick Kiniski 4 times fast.

    GM: Get lost.
    37:00 Monsoon is so optimistic about the Roma/SD team. Heenan doesn’t care but he says Monsoon will one day have to call Orndorff world champion. Monsoon wonders how Heenan got him to go bad. Heenan says he just helped Orndorff see that Hogan was hanging on his coattails, haha.

    50:00 Heenan and Monsoon argue about if anything good comes from Scotland.

    BH: Piper’s not a normal human being. He’s from Scotland.

    GM: A lot of good people originally came from Scotland.

    BH: Name me one.

    GM: Davey Crockett.

    BH: Name me two.

    GM: Jim Bowie.

    BH: Name me three.

    GM: Sam Houston. They were all at the Alamo, actually.

    BH: Yeah, and they did real good there huh?
    53:00 Monsoon thinks Adonis is a piece of garbage. Heenan thinks Piper shoots off his big mouth.

    58:00 Heenan says if Piper ever came after him, he’d show him what for. He promises to call the president of the toy company to find out where his action figure is.

    If Piper ever tried something on me, I’d stuff that skirt down his throat and he’d be coughing up plaid for six months!
    1:10:00 Monsoon admits Orndorff has a good physique but says he’s just smaller copy of Hogan. He talks about muscle sizes. Heenan defends his right to use the phone. He actually does show a picture of a Bobby Heenan action figure! Monsoon says it’s the Honky Tonk Man, but he must be fucking blind, because it’s a blonde figure with BH on the jacket. Monsoon gives him a hard time anyway.

    Paul Orndorff (w/Bobby Heenan) vs. Lanny Poffo – 10/25/86 WWF Superstars

    Jump to 37:00 for this one.

    Poffo has a poem before Heenan and his man show up. Orndorff is good looking but can’t get a date and can’t beat Hulk Hogan, haha. PIP of Hogan who says it’s ok if Orndorff copies him and lies to the fans, but what he really hates is Orndorff using his music, lol. Hogan, your priorities are dumb. Orndorff comes out hot and Poffo is really bumping, he goes all the way to the floor! Haha, Ventura says he should think twice about writing a poem about Orndorff again. Orndorff murders him with a piledriver and that probably took less than a minute. Heenan is very pleased.

    Awesomeness Rating: *¾

    WWF Challenge – 10/26/86

    Heenan says he has a surprise for Hillbilly Jim tonight.

    Don Muraco & Bob Orton (w/Mr Fuji & Jimmy Hart) vs. Nick Kininski & Mike Kelly

    Orton comes out with Piper’s music and is wearing a kilt, lol. Both Fuji and Jimmy Hart are at ringside for this, which impresses Heenan and annoys Monsoon. PIP of Mike Rotundo saying Dan Spivey is out with an injury but will be back soon. Muraco tombstones Kelly, who is actually Shane Douglas, and specially dedicates the win to Heenan, haha.

    Awesomeness Rating: *½

    Promo from Heenan and Race. Heenan is pissed that people don’t bow to the king!

    Al Navarro vs. Hillbilly Jim

    It’s time for Heenan’s surprise! Oh my god, he shows a PIP interview with actual pigs and chickens and says it’s the fan club of Jim. That was pretty fun. Apparently Hulk Hogan bought Jim’s boots for him. Hooray. Hillbilly wins an extremely shitty match with a bearhug.

    Awesomeness Rating: ¼*

    Butch Reed (w/Slick) vs. Don Driggers

    PIP of JYD who says “people like Reed” are not natural, and some other stuff that is straight incomprehensible. Reed is looking pretty good, he takes out Driggers without much trouble with a clothesline off the 2nd rope. Heenan seems impressed.

    Awesomeness Rating: **

    Resnick again, who is with Honky Tonk Man. HTM says he has been up for 48 hours because he’s been partying so much. He wants to dance with Peggy Sue. His favorite song is Great Balls of Fire. Is… is Honky Tonk Man naming PPVs in 2017?

    Vignette of the Machines trying to buy a car, for some reason. They can’t fit in a small car. That was… strange.

    Dino Bravo (w/Johnny V) vs. Sivi Afi

    Heenan says he would like to have Bundy & Studd jam the Machines into a little car and pack them off. PIP for Bravo and Johnny Valiant, his manager. Johnny says he will manage Bravo to the top. It’s semi competitive but Bravo wins before long with a pretty nice back suplex. Not sure how I feel about Dino though, Sivi was more impressive to be honest.

    Awesomeness Rating: *½

    Jim Brunzell & B Brian Blair vs. Jimmy Jack Funk & Moondog Spot

    Heenan really wonders what the heck the point of the Bees’ masks are. Monsoon says it’s a weapon in their arsenal. Weak sauce, Monsoon. PIP of Dave Hebner, of all things. He thinks Danny Davis should be up for review. Heenan says Hebner just wants to thin out the referee pool so he gets more work. Jimmy Jack gets pinned after an atomic drop/dropkick combo. Heenan complains it was a 2 on 1 assault.

    Awesomeness Rating: *½

    Ricky Steamboat wants you to know DRUGS CAN KILL! Just say no!

    Kamala (w/The Wizard & Kim Chee) vs. Tony Nardo

    GM: What kind of language does Kamala understand?

    BH: Lunch.
    Monsoon and Heenan think Kamala is over 500 lbs. Come on, guys. Kamala throws the jobber around a bit. Kamala pats his stomach and they act like he wants to eat the jobber! He splashes him for the quick win. Heenan shows a clip of Kamala with feathers around his mouth, Monsoon is disgusted.

    Awesomeness Rating: ¾*

    WWF Prime Time Wrestling – 10/27/86

    As always with Prime Time, you can watch along on the WWE Network!

    Well, this relationship has taken a turn.

    0:00 Monsoon reveals he called the toy company and they confirmed they DO have a Heenan figure!! He says they tried to send it to Heenan’s house but Heenan refused to pay the 12 cents postage. Heenan says it never happened, haha.

    20:00 Heenan gets a call and hands if off to Monsoon. He says there’s a package being held with Heenan’s name on it. There is a pumpkin on the desk, Monsoon says they are close to Halloween. Heenan sends an assistant out to get his package and painstakingly gives him exact change, haha.

    28:00 They marvel at the weirdness of the Wizard. Heenan claims he never made a jackolantern as a child. They talk about different looks and Monsoon says Bundy looks like he got his face hit with a shovel.

    31:00 Monsoon has a knife to carve the pumpkin. Heenan sees the knife and FINALLY agrees Monsoon can be the host of the show, haha!

    48:00 Heenan is frustrated that his package hasn’t arrived. Monsoon promises to make the pumpkin look like someone Heenan knows. Heenan gets a call from the assistant, who is lost and he harasses him so much that Monsoon almost chokes laughing. After the break Heenan is alone at the table, and the pumpkin has been stabbed. He says it’s like Friday the 13th. He steals Monsoon’s notes, which he claims are his own, and intros the next match himself.

    BH: That assistant already ran through all the money I gave him!

    GM: All 69 cents?

    BH: 80 CENTS!!
    1:01:00 Heenan looks pained. He is very frustrated by everyone being incompetent around him.

    1:07:00 Heenan makes fun of Hillbilly Jim’s home and family.

    1:15:00 Monsoon puts a paper crown on the pumpkin and says it’s Harley Race. Heenan is offended.

    1:18:00 Monsoon added a cape to the pumpkin, haha. Heenan says if Race was here, he’d regret it.

    1:28:00 Heenan and Monsoon actually agree JYD should not bring a huge chain to the ring to use as a weapon. Monsoon is shocked they agree on anything. Heenan and Monsoon agree to try to switch roles next week, holy crap!! Heenan finally receives his package… just as the lights are going down, haha. Poor Bobby.

    Hail to the king, baby?

    Phew! That wraps up October, another month in the bag! The main story is still Orndorff pursuing Hogan for the belt, but there is no doubt Heenan’s chances of managing a champion are getting slimmer as Hogan gets the win again and again. Still, as long as they ditch the stupid DQ title change stipulation, I think these guys could have at least one more major battle left in them. Piper has also now emerged as an enemy of the Family, a far cry from the days when Heenan actually hosted the Pit as a sub for Piper when he wasn’t available. I love how the Orndorff turn helps fuel the turn, as they have leftover beef from the first ‘Mania and switched places pretty much effortlessly without losing the aspects of their character that make them special. How far Heenan will pursue a war against Piper remains to be seen. The issue with Andre and the Machines seems to have finally calmed down, as the actual Andre Machine hasn’t been seen for a while and the remaining Machines are appearing less and less, though they did get that weird car vignette. As this quiets down, my thoughts turn again to Heenan standing in Andre’s corner at ‘Mania 3. We know it’s coming, so we shall see how we get there.

    As for the Family members, Orndorff is still on Hogan’s tail and Race is still establishing itself, but it can’t be ignored that Bundy and Studd seem to be having more and more problems with each other. Is there a turn in the cards, a big defection from the Family? I’m not Studd’s biggest fan but he could certainly make the argument that under Heenan’s management he went from getting world title shots to being unable to even get a chance for a tag belt. He’s THE founding Family member in the WWF, but I could possibly see him splitting up. Then again, I know at some point he just quietly disappears, so perhaps nothing will come of it in the end.

    It’s also worth noting that this might be Heenan’s funniest month in the WWF to date. He got lots of chances to work with not just Monsoon but Okerlund as well, and he made the most of it. I still can’t get over how random and hilarious Heenan’s invasion of All American was. Seriously, if you didn’t go check that out, you simply must. Amazingly good stuff, and it’s getting better and better.

    That’s it for today, humanoids. I’ll be back soon with the next entry, until then don’t let the ham-and-eggers get you down, and stay awesome!

  25. #25
    Wet Dream Machine SkitZ's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Hahaha I watched the video where Heenan invades the control room all dirty and discombobulated. Funny shit indeed. It does seem like he, Monsoon and Mean Gene were creating this stuff on the fly back then but hey it worked. Their segments were definitely more hit than miss. The box bit is great and I also dig how they went about turning Piper face. As for the Hogan/Orndorff feud, I can only take so much of The Hulkster at once but let Heenanmania continue to run wild!

  26. #26
    The Brain
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Skitzoid!! I love when people have a chance to watch along with the best bits, makes me feel all warm inside. I would honestly argue that guys like Heenan, Monsoon, and Okerlund coming up with their own shtick is way more effective than the heavily scripted stuff they do today. It’s way more hit than miss and it feels organic, you can really feel the relationship between these guys, both the way they show it on screen and the feeling underneath. I prefer Brain-a-mania, and it will indeed run wild! Thanks for the feed man, I really do appreciate whenever someone has the time to drop me a line!

    November ‘86
    Segment of the Month

    Bobby Heenan and Slick make a deal
    November 8th, WWF Superstars

    ”Is that… is that an actual fat stack of cash?”

    If you want to watch along, you can do so here:

    This one is right around 17:00!

    We join Heenan and Slick, visiting a bank together. Heenan wants to buy the contract of Hercules! Slick will only accept cash, not a personal check from Heenan, haha. Heenan is acting friendly but also very cautious, and demands the contract before forking over the cash. Slick reaches into his jacket and Heenan flinches! Oh Bobby, you’re fine. The contract is delivered without incident, and Slick puts Heenan’s huge pile of cash into a paper bag, and the deal is done!

    And just like that, the Family grows one member stronger. Herc doesn’t have much of a rep these days except perhaps as a musclebound meat head, but as we’ve seen time and time again, the modern narrative often reflects anything but the truth. I really loved this little segment either way though. It’s not too long but it’s packed with character moments, and it’s so cool to see these guys interact when they almost never get a chance to do so. Lots of fun and way, way better than a lame announcement that Hercules has a new manager.

    Match of the Month
    Rick Martel & Tom Zenk vs. Barry O & The Gladiator
    Civic Center, Glens Falls, New York
    November 23rd, WWF Challenge

    If you want to watch along, you can do so here:

    GM: This team is exciting!

    BH: I bet burnt toast would excite you.
    This is, of course, a match with Heenan and Monsoon on commentary, and it appears at about 7:00.

    Martel is in the WWF!!! Sad for AWA, but I’m extremely happy to see him. One of the clear MVPs of the AWA set and a Heenan opponent for years, one more example of WWF lifting talent wholesale but I guess that’s the way the business was going. Heenan is immediately critical of the Can-Ams, and thinks they’re too concerned about being pretty but acknowledges their reputation, especially Martel! I love when Heenan makes subtle references to his pre-WWF past. We get a PIP of Martel speaking French, which is just as well because his accent is and will always be too thick for English consumption. Zenk talks too, he’s ready for anyone apparently. I made a lot of fun of Zenk in the Legacy Series for being really full of himself, and god knows he was, but I never thought he was bad in the ring, and a supporting player in a tag situation is ideal for him, as we would later see in WCW with Brian Pillman as well. As for the match itself, Randy Orton’s estranged uncle Barry O does some very fun bumping around and Martel is still bringing huge energy to the table, though not quite as much as he did in AWA. Then again he has a lot less time to work here! This is a crazy fun squash, lots of really enjoyable offense and bouncing around. One of the better Challenge matches I have seen so far, easily.

    Awesomeness Rating: ***

    Heenan Family Match of the Month
    Harley Race (w/Bobby Heenan) vs. Lanny Poffo
    Joyce Athletic & Convocation Center, South Bend, Indiana
    November 29th, WWF Superstars

    If you want to watch along, you can do so here, starting about 4 minutes in:

    And of course you know, I wouldn’t neglect featuring someone from the Heenan Family up here at the top of the column! Lanny Poffo first shares a short poem about how he’s going to beat Race, because he invented the gimmick John Cena would later use to get over. One more way Poffo was ahead of his time. Guess what? To the surprise of nobody, Poffo is still a really good wrestler and these guys still have good chemistry. This is way, way, WAY shorter than their previous matches, but it’s still a very fun quick match. Race gets the win with the cradle buster after some fast paced back and forth.

    Awesomeness Rating: **½

    The Rest of the Month

    Please feel free to click on the bolded headers to watch along with anything that sounds interesting!

    Harley Race (w/Bobby Heenan) vs. Jose Luis Rivera – 11/1/86 WWF Superstars

    Skip to 16:00.

    Heenan comes out before Harley and demands all the peasants get on one knee for the king! Haha, Heenan hands off the crown to a ring girl but checks her hands first. Can’t get commoner dirt on the crown! Race hits some extremely vicious knees to the back of the head and a delayed vertical, as Rivera does a good job bumping around. Cradle buster finishes it off, fun squash.

    Awesomeness Rating: **

    WWF Challenge – 11/2/86

    Randy Savage (w/Miss Elizabeth) vs. Billy Jack Haynes – WWF Intercontinental Championship

    BH: If I was Billy Jack, I would have given up during the instructions.

    GM: Well, you’re not Billy Jack.

    BH: Thank god for that!
    PIP from the champ. He says he will eliminate any controversy from last week’s DQ loss, and that he is the best in the world. Monsoon points out Danny Davis is the ref so there may be shenannigans, Heenan tells him to get over it. Haynes does a very spastic headlock. Savage has some nice stuff and Haynes isn’t all bad, I guess. He’s strong, I’ll give him that. In the end Billy Jack gets the full nelson on, and Davis is checking on Savage when Savage jerks around in the hold and hits Davis. Davis DQ’s Billy Jack, claiming he threw Savage into him. Savage is selling big but he is the winner. Monsoon is so disgusted.

    Awesomeness Rating: **½

    Hogan promo backstage. He says he can beat Orndorff in the ring and the fans love only him, but he’s mad that Orndorff and Heenan are still running around in the world. Do you… do you want to kill them, Hulk? You do, don’t you?

    Haku & Tama vs. Iron Mike Sharpe & Terry Gibbs

    You know who has gotta be the poorest person in Polynesia? Shoe salesman.
    Heenan questions why Monsoon makes fun of some people for wearing dresses but it’s ok for the Islanders. Monsoon says it’s their native dress. Nice try, Gorilla. PIP of the Dream Team trying to make fun of the Islanders, but they don’t do a very good job. This is actually a pretty good semi-competitive tag. Haku and Sharpe are especially good. Tama does a top rope splash for the win.

    Awesomeness Rating: **½

    Vignette of George Steele trying to order fast food. He screams EAT at the drive thru box. Ok then.

    Lanny Poffo, Corporal Kirchner, & SD Jones vs. Hercules, Iron Sheik, & Nikolai Volkoff (w/Slick)

    Kirchner interrupts the Russian national anthem so that Poffo can read his poem, which says the Sheik is a sick degenerate freak. He’s not wrong. He gets a USA chant going, because the 80s. If you were to re-program a wrestler in a video game so that every single button was a headbutt, you would have successfully created a flawless SD Jones. Lanny, on the other hand, has the skills. PIP of Slick who says Hercules is special and will take him to the top. Slick, you’re gonna sell that contract in like 1 week!! Heenan says Hercules could indeed get to the top. Maybe that’s where he got the idea to buy the contract? Hercules makes Kirchner tap out to the rack in short order.

    Awesomeness Rating: *¼

    Resnick backstage with the Killer Bees. Jim Brunzell is the best dropkick and the worst promo ever.

    Tito Santana & Pedro Morales vs. Bret Hart & Jim Neidhart (w/Jimmy Hart)

    PIP of Jimmy Hart saying he only uses the megaphone so everyone can hear his beautiful voice, haha. This is a surprising match, no jobbers. Tito is bringing crazy energy to this one. Everyone does well and they end up brawling on the outside and a double countout is the finish. Still, that was fun stuff.

    Awesomeness Rating: **¼

    The Snake Pit, with Piper as the guest. Roberts calls Piper old. Wait til you see him in WCW, Jake. Piper doesn’t like snakes, and indicates both Damian and Roberts resemble that remark. Roberts tries to lure Piper closer to the snake, Piper yanks him by the hair and says TALK TO ME, not the snake! Piper ends up kicking Roberts right into Damian’s pit! Roberts is pissed but Piper has already departed the scene.

    Jacques & Raymond Rougeau vs. Barry O & Tiger Chung Lee

    Heenan claims nobody has ever beat Bundy & Studd. I mean, maybe technically, as a team and talking only pinfall and submission? Jacques is a hell of a talent, by the way. PIP of Dino Bravo, who is sickened by lame Canadians like the Rougeaus. The Rougeaus win again with the doomsday seated senton thing, pretty cool.

    Awesomeness Rating: *¾

    Ricky Steamboat vs. Moondog Rex

    Monsoon and Heenan argue about whether Heenan ever kissed the hand of Harley Race. Heenan reminisces fondly about when Steamboat was DDT’d on the concrete floor. Steamboat hits some nice offense and does a quick victory roll type move for the easy win. Heenan correctly points out Steamboat was holding the tights. Monsoon said Rex deserved it… Heenan calls him a hypocrite, and he’s not wrong.

    Awesomeness Rating: *¾

    WWF Prime Time Wrestling – 11/3/86

    As always, Prime Time is found on the WWE Network!

    Bobby “Gorilla” Heenan admires his action figure… but wait, what’s that on the back?

    0:00 Heenan and Monsoon have switched chairs, because they are taking on each other’s roles as promised! Monsoon immediately starts insisting he is the true host, haha. Monsoon finally has a Heenan action figure on hand… and he’s attached a tail to it, haha. Heenan sputters and gets tripped up trying to do everything Monsoon usually does, haha. Great stuff.

    6:00 Heenan has removed the tail and found a pair of Monsoon sunglasses to wear. Monsoon wants to call Heenan’s secretary, Miss Betty. Monsoon keeps switching out different goofy hats. He says he’s keeping it casual, Heenan style, haha.

    19:00 Monsoon has brought a stuffed monkey and says it is the prototype for his action figure. Monsoon clues Heenan in on the fact that the show is only an hour this week. Heenan panics because he wanted to bring a guest. He calls his secretary in a huff to try to get them to the studio. Monsoon also has another new hat.

    They’re going to make a doll of you? If you put a tail on me, guess where I’m gonna stick a banana!
    26:00 Heenan says all the Bulldogs look the same, including Matilda. Heenan questions Monsoon about his latest hat. Monsoon says it’s plucked weasel. HAHA, Heenan claims he had a singing act planned for the show before he knew it was cut short this week!!

    33:00 Heenan keeps talking to the wrong camera, haha. Monsoon just laughs at him.

    39:00 Heenan declares his guest has arrived! He goes down on one knee, and it’s Harley Race! He demands Monsoon bow as well, and questions if he even can move anymore after retiring. Race is offended his action figure is not displayed. He threatens Monsoon for all his jokes. Monsoon keeps messing with his cape and Race and Heenan are very indignant. Monsoon is not scared. Oh man, another really fun week.

    You WILL hail to the king, baby!

    Hercules (w/Bobby Heenan) vs. Lanny Poffo – 11/8/86 WWF Superstars

    Skip to 19:00.

    It’s Herc’s first match with the Family! Poffo’s got a poem, of course. He says Hercules is big but brainless. I think Herc is basically a replacement for Studd, who quietly drops out of wrestling for a while somewhere around this time. I can’t claim I’ll miss him a lot but he does have a certain nostalgic quality. Poffo’s bravado doesn’t come to much, as Herc beats him up. Or did I speak too soon! Poffo skins the cat and dropkicks Herc in the back of the head, and gets a very convincing nearfall. Poffo also does a springboard plancha, jeez! Dude is really ahead of his time. Herc regains control and kills him with the Rack. Still, pretty good for a semi-competitive squash.

    Awesomeness Rating: **½

    WWF Challenge – 11/9/86

    Think you’ve got enough snake there, Jake?

    George Steele & Junkyard Dog vs. Joe Mirto & Al Navarro

    Heenan thinks Steele should be locked away. JYD fucks up a slam and does such a bad cover the ref has to wait forever for him to fix it. He finally gets the three and Steele rips up a turnbuckle and throws the stuffing around. Not too good there, guys.

    Awesomeness Rating: ½*

    Hercules (w/Bobby Heenan) vs. Scott McGhee

    Heenan goes to ringside and Johnny Valiant comes to commentary. I honestly dig Herc as a power guy. Herc knocks him around and gets the Rack for the win without too much trouble.

    Awesomeness Rating: *¾

    Ventura is backstage with Honky Tonk, and the body is wearing a giant wig for reasons of “fashion”, I assume. Ventura claims the fans don’t like Honky Tonk, and Honky agrees! He says he shook greasy hands and kissed stinky babies, and is starting to think the fans don’t appreciate good talent. Ventura challenges the fans to write in and tell HTM how they really feel about him.

    Johnny V sticks around on commentary for the next match, so we’re skipping it. It’s Hillbilly Jim, so thank god!

    Snake Pit is next, and Heenan is the guest. Holy shit, Roberts says something about children going to hell and paying in their flesh and bones. Jake, you’re a fucked up guy. Roberts compliments Heenan on obtaining Hercules. Orndorff comes in and Roberts praises him for “training” Hulk Hogan, haha. Orndorff says Hogan runs like a rabbit, but rabbit hearts are weak and they give out. Orndorff says you can even ask Hogan’s girlfriend who the better man is! Oooh!

    Butch Reed (w/Slick) vs. Jerry Allen

    Heenan back on commentary, which is a good thing. He comes back excited, saying he’s got a big scoop. He claims he has found out next week Lou Albano will retire! Monsoon doesn’t believe it. We shall see. PIP of Slick and Butch bragging about being undefeated. Reed clotheslines off the second rope again and gets the easy win.

    Awesomeness Rating: *¼

    Backstage, Albano is with the Bulldogs and he confirms he will be retiring soon. He claims Matilda the dog will take over for him. You might be selling yourself a little short there, Albano. Just for the record, Monsoon does not apologize to Heenan.

    Haku & Tama vs. Dave Wagner & Frenchie Martin

    Monsoon finally admits Heenan was right, though he still does not apologize for doubting him. PIP of Slick, Sheik, and Volkoff. They are not impressed by the Islanders. They probably should be, because Haku is really ahead of most of the roster in that ring. Tama wins with the top rope splash.

    Awesomeness Rating: **

    Heenan is now backstage with Resnick. Heenan brags about Orndorff leaving Hogan out cold back when he turned. He says Orndorff will still become the world champion and could win any sport he was in, including the Kentucky Derby. Orndorff shows up as well. He says for most people that would just be bragging, but for him it’s just the truth. Orndorff says he would sell his own family (Family?) to get to the top.

    WWF Prime Time Wrestling – 11/10/86[/URL]

    As always, Prime Time is found on the WWE Network!

    0:00 Heenan and Monsson are still in opposite seats! Heenan claims the people demanded he remain in the #1 seat. Monsoon thinks it’s unlikely, and since he’s friends with the director… the image flips and Heenan is back on his side. Heenan is furious and can’t figure out how Monsoon did that. He’s irate about it regardless.

    11:00 There is a Heenan figure and a stuffed gorilla on the desk. Heenan passes the phone to Monsoon, it’s his secretary miss Betty. Heenan thinks she’s going to tell him something bad but Monsoon ends up laughing with her! Monsoon passes the phone back and asks if Heenan really has a king sized water bed. Heenan sputters and Monsoon theorizes it’s called the dead sea, which I’m quite sure is another sex joke.

    19:00 Heenan is put out that Monsoon sometimes has different commentary partners. Oh Bobby, you know you’re his favorite. Heenan tries to reach some WWF higher ups to get Monsoon reassigned to do commentary in Guam.

    36:00 Monsoon is down on Danny Davis, but Heenan makes excuses for him. Monsoon has a book called “The Dictionary of Misinformation”. Heenan is dumbfounded that such a thing. By the way, this is a real book.

    40:00 Heenan reveals he has a new phone! He’s also really enjoying the book.

    52:00 Monsoon wonders if the book has information about weasels. Heenan denies it. Monsoon has pasted a picture of Heenan on the dedication page. Oh Gorilla. Heenan doesn’t want to read it anymore.

    1:00:00 Monsoon grills Heenan about his slam debts, and he offers to pay off everyone by check! Monsoon scoffs and says no one would take his checks.

    1:13:00 Heenan is very grumpy. He complains about Monsoon and the staff and the way he made fun of his action figure and everything.

    GM: Let’s go the match.

    BH: I don’t want to see that, I want a close up of my doll! I demand equal doll time!
    1:24:00 Heenan thinks Matilda the bulldog looks like Chief Jay Strongbow. Now that’s an OLD reference.

    1:30:00 Monsoon says he heard Bundy likes junk food. Heenan is offended. Monsoon squashes Heenan’s action figure under his stuffed gorilla. Heenan agrees to pay off his debts next week! Monsoon doesn’t believe it. Heenan wonders how much it would take to buy Monsoon off the show, and says everybody’s got a price! Someone backstage is struck with inspiration for a new character, no doubt. Heenan tries to argue with Monsoon and talk to Miss Betty at the same time as the show closes.

    King Kong Bundy & Big John Studd (w/Bobby Heenan) vs. Big Machine & Super Machine (w/Captain Lou Albano) – 11/15/86 WWF Superstars

    First, skip to 19:00.

    Heenan is backstage with Ken Resnick. He is annoyed that his men are not getting title shots recently. He says the Family wants Hogan. Orndorff appears and says there’s a conspiracy against him. He runs down JYD, whom he’s been booked against at an upcoming show.

    36:00 Studd & Bundy vs. Machines, one last time, and I do mean last because this will be the last we see of Studd AND of the Machines gimmick. This is also Albano’s last time managing, so this is definitely a match of lasts. Studd gets slammed with authority one final time. Heenan is distraught. Bundy wins kind of abruptly after Studd hits a diving… punch, thing. Too bad for Albano, I guess.

    Awesomeness Rating: *¼

    WWF Challenge – 11/16/86

    Randy Savage (w/Miss Elizabeth) vs. Koko B Ware

    Poor Koko. It’s a shame in life when your only friend is a pigeon.
    Monsoon thinks Heenan should go talk to Frankie instead of him. Savage jumps Koko as he’s getting in the ring, and he fights him with his ring attire still on! PIP of Savage saying his reign will go on for thousands of years. Koko shakes spastically as he revs up. At least he’s not doing headbutts. Koko with a really nice missile dropkick. Monsoon is very disdainful of breaking up a pin by grabbing the ropes. Real men kick out, I guess? Savage goes for the axehandle to the floor, Koko punches him in the gut on the way! Both men get counted out as they brawl. Elizabeth looks worried, and also crazy skinny.

    Awesomeness Rating: **¼

    Steamboat is backstage. He gets mad when Savage mistreats Elizabeth. He says Elizabeth should slap the grease off Savage’s nose. Ricky, that is SO GROSS, why would you say that?

    Harley Race (w/Bobby Heenan) vs. Corporal Kirchner

    Johnny Valiant to the booth, as Heenan goes to ringside. Race sneak attacks Kirchner! Kirchner tries to fight back with some bad looking strikes. I’m amazed how long Kirchner stuck around after falling from relevance. Race with a nice side suplex. Race hits a clothesline off the top. Cradle buster puts him away, thank goodness. The Corporal is pretty bad but Race is pretty good, so there you go.

    Awesomeness Rating: **

    Hogan backstage with Resnick and a… vacuum attachment. I swear to god, that’s what it looks like. Hogan says the weasel is responsible for everything between him and Orndorff. Hogan says he’s wearing his “war bonnet”. He says he’s been chasing bodybuilders out of gyms. He says he wants to break the necks of Heenan and Orndorff. Will someone PLEASE arrest this homicidal maniac, or at least get him some medication??

    We see our first vignette of Outback Jack. He’s very whitely sitting around with some black Aboriginals and stealing their culture.

    Tito Santana & Pedro Morales vs. John Jackson & Steve Regal

    Heenan mentions Albano will be participating in a six man tag in the main event, as his last appearance in wrestling. He bets Albano will be pinned within two minutes. PIP of Hart Foundation, who think Tito can eat more burritos than they can. Morales does a crazy backbreaker thing on the chubby Jackson to win.

    Awesomeness Rating: *¾

    Kamala (w/The Wizard & Kim Chee) vs. Kurt Koffman

    Look at Koffman, this guy couldn’t break an egg.
    Lot of Ks in this match. Kamala is with Wizard and Kim Chee. PIP of Wizard bellowing… something, god knows. Heenan would hate to meet Kamala in the street. Kamala kills Koffman and possibly eats him.

    Awesomeness Rating: *½

    Jake Roberts, in the Snake Pit. He finds time… very strange. He brings out Slick, who is wary of the snake. Roberts asks him how he could let a talent like Hercules go. Slick admits Herc is a good talent, but he always wanted enough power to buy and sell a man, so he sold Herc and bought Butch Reed, who comes out too. Butch says he’s a man with a bright future who can end the future of others.

    Iron Sheik & Nikolai Volkoff (w/Slick) vs. Nick Kiniski & Johnny Mann

    Heenan wants to hear more of the Russian anthem! PIP of Slick saying he will lead Sheik & Volkoff back to the tag titles. Sheik wins with the Camel Clutch without much trouble.

    Awesomeness Rating: *½

    Greg Valentine, Johnny Valiant, & Brutus Beefcake vs. Davey Boy Smith, Captain Lou Albano, & Dynamite Kid

    GM: Johnny V looks like a big red bee in those tights!

    BH: And Albano looks like an unmade bed.
    Final appearance of Albano. He gets a big ovation but Heenan refuses to stand for him, and thinks he should have retired a long time ago. PIP of Valiant who says it’s a pleasure to get rid of Albano. Bulldogs and Dream Team go at it very briefly, then Bulldogs clear the ring and beat up Johnny V. They let Albano come in and all he does is cover for the win. Heenan sarcastically congratulates him on his big effort, haha. Monsoon thinks Heenan is jealous. Albano goes to the back and George Steele and Kirchner drench him in champagne, and the Bulldogs join in. Valiant runs in and hits him with a pie, haha. Albano is unfazed and simply eats the pie. So long, Captain.

    Awesomeness Rating: **¼

    WWF Prime Time Wrestling – 11/17/86[/URL]

    As always, Prime Time is found on the WWE Network!

    Meeting of the Minds

    0:00 There is a present on the desk, and Heenan demands to know who it’s for. Monsoon says it’s for Heenan. Heenan is very mistrustful. Heenan also has an enormous briefcase with him, but won’t comment on it just yet.

    12:00 Heenan says his checkbook is in his case and he’s willing to pay those who have made claim to the slam money! Monsoon has the full list on hand, but Heenan says it’s all wrong and starts going over the list himself.

    26:00 Monsoon thinks the people on the list would prefer cash. They replay Heenan paying Slick for Hercules. Monsoon wonders if he even has any cash left. Heenan assures he’ll pay, as long as the figures are right. Monsoon wonders if Heenan would ever manager Roddy Piper. Heenan says no way, because he’s a backstabber.

    34:00 Monsoon is disgusted by the attack on Roddy Piper a little while back. Heenan is working away on the figures.

    GM: I wonder if Piper is marching to the beat of a different drum?

    BH: Well, he’s limping to the beat of a different drum.
    45:00 Heenan declares it’s all cleared up and hands over some checks to Monsoon, and says to hand them to Jack Tunney to distribute. He says Miss Betty wants him to accept the gift. Monsoon says just don’t open in the studio. Now Heenan thinks it’s a bomb!

    56:00 Monsoon scares Heenan when he’s trying to check out the package. Heenan now thinks it’s something that declares him the true host, then wonders if it’s something risqué. Monsoon just warns him again not to open it in the studio.

    1:09:00 Heenan makes fun of Pedro Morales and complains in general.

    BH: I should be doing commentary on these shows!

    GM: Did you ever think maybe you weren’t available?

    BH: Did you ever think I should have been called??

    GM: That’s not my job.

    BH: What IS your job???
    1:12:00 Heenan is arguing on the phone with Miss Betty about whether he should open the package or not.

    1:21:00 Heenan still fiddling with the package.

    1:30:00 Heenan has decided to open the gift in the studio. Monsoon asks him not to. Heenan says Monsoon has to beg, and decides he’s going to open it no matter what. It’s a jack in the box! It plays “Pop Goes The Weasel”! Monsoon says Heenan had a part in everyone’s childhood, and reveals that he put a Heenan doll inside the thing, haha. Heenan is irate, and says it’s Monsoon’s fault that he opened it on camera! Heenan hopes Monsoon chokes on a drumstick. What a wonderful show is Prime Time.

    Heenan and Some Family Business – 11/22/86 WWF Superstars

    First up, at 16:00, Okerlund has a special report on Orndorff. He shows a clip of Heenan and Orndorff reading WWF Magazine, where wrestlers predict Hogan will continue to beat Orndorff. Heenan rips up the magazine and says their opinions are just as dumb as anyone on the street!

    And two for the price of one! At 39:00 Resnick runs down an upcoming card. Heenan shows up and says he’s not concerned for any of his men. He says Pedro Morales was great in the past but now is nothing, and Race will take him apart. He also says Orndorff is having a “news blackout” after getting mad about the magazine predictions, haha. He is mad Orndorff is not getting a title shot. He says JYD is in the way of the Family, and they will drag him by his chain all around the arena if they need to. He says they will let Kamala, who is getting the title shot instead, destroy Hogan and they will pick up the pieces.

    WWF Challenge – 11/23/86

    Heenan promises a big surprise this week.

    Bret Hart & Jim Neidhart (w/Jimmy Hart) vs. Moondog Spot & Rex

    Is this heel vs. heel? I guess it is, more or less. The Harts rush the Moondogs at the start. They get turned around and Bret gets a bone in the stomatch. PIP of the Moondogs, who just wave their bones threatening. Heenan says Monsoon should use the same strategy and shut up. Monsoon tries to collect on a steak dinner bet they made over a baseball game, but Heenan conveniently doesn’t remember. The Moondogs are, bizarrely, completely dominating this match. Harts finally get back in control and hit the Hart Attack to win.

    Awesomeness Rating: *½

    Rick Martel & Tom Zenk vs. Barry O & The Gladiator

    Covered above! Very solid match.

    Awesomeness Rating: ***

    JYD is backstage with Resnick, but I think I understood Martel’s French better than Dog’s English. Resnick wonders if he will go after the IC title.

    It’s time for Heenan’s surprise! He demands to show a clip, “honoring” Lou Albano. It’s the finish of Studd & Bundy beating the Machines on Superstars in Albano’s last time managing. Heenan finds this absolutely hilarious.

    Paul Roma vs. Sika (w/The Wizard)

    BH: I don’t care who wins this one.

    GM: I’m sure you don’t!

    BH: I don’t care who wins any of ‘em, unless my men are involved.
    Roma tries to take the fight to Sika. Heenan thinks Albano should be remembered as a loser. Monsoon is disgusted. Roma hits a really nice dropkick, but Sika brings a solid Samoan Drop to finish him. I’m still tickled that this is Roman Reigns’ dad doing a cannibal savage gimmick.

    Awesomeness Rating: *¼

    Dino Bravo (w/Johnny V) vs. Mario Mancini

    Heenan is impressed by Dino’s size. PIP of Dino speaking French to Johnny V. Dino has some nice offense. Back suplex puts him away. Good squash.

    Awesomeness Rating: **¼

    Jake Roberts, on the Snake Pit, talking about Star Wars and children on drugs. Not kidding. Hogan is the guest and gets a big cheer. Hogan calls him big man about six times in a row, then calls him a fool. Big Hogan chant. Hogan runs with the Hulkamaniacs, not the devil. Hogan calls himself an old beat up car. I’m so confused.

    Iron Mike Sharpe vs. Dick Slater

    Heenan calls Slater illiterate. Jobber or no, Sharpe is clearly more talented than Slater. Slater picks up the win regardless.

    Awesomeness Rating: *¼

    Don Muraco & Bob Orton (w/Mr Fuji) vs. Jim Brunzell & B Brian Blair

    Oh, Jack Tunney’s a windbag. With all due respect.
    Monsoon says Heenan is a con man. Rude. Heenan denies it. They argue about Danny Davis. Blair ends up shoving Davis around and Davis DQ’s him, and honestly he’s pretty justified this time.

    Awesomeness Rating: **

    WWF Prime Time Wrestling – 11/24/86

    As always, Prime Time is found on the WWE Network!

    Heenan vs. The Bird

    0:00 Monsoon is alone at the start, but he gets a call on the phone from Miss Betty. She says Heenan’s on his way, but Monsoon doesn’t care! Heenan arrives in full pilgrim outfit! He gets an intro graphic, as if he were on his way to the ring, and it says “John Smith”. Heenan is very pleased with this look.

    GM: What are you supposed to be, a pilgrim?

    BH: No, I’m the Easter Bunny!
    16:00 Heenan places a call to Fabulous Moolah. He says he’s gonna throw a big Thanksgiving party but he’s only inviting his Family and other heel managers, haha. For some reason, Salvatore Bellomo is in the studio. Salvatore talks about Italian Thanksgiving and Heenan finds it ridiculous and boring, and he’s not wrong.

    23:00 Monsoon says all of Heenan’s checks from last week bounced!! He blames Canadian banks, haha.

    26:00 Monsoon is on the phone for once and Heenan is all bent out of shape about it!

    47:00 Heenan invites Monsoon to be the guest of honor at his Thanksgiving dinner! Monsoon turns him down and thinks he’s trying to make fun of Thanksgiving. Heenan laughs at the idea of poor people during the holidays! Now that’s a heel, right?

    55:00 Heenan wants to cook Koko’s bird for Thanksgiving, haha.

    GM: Did you bring some food, maybe a turkey sandwich?

    BH: Don’t need one, I’m sitting next to one.
    1:03:00 Heenan says he is wearing the outfit to remind Hogan that last year he spent Thanksgiving with Orndorff, and now he’s all alone.

    Hogan, do you remember last Thanksgiving? You spent it with Orndorff and his parents. You were brought into their home, like one of their children. She looked on you as a son. Where are you gonna mooch a meal this year, big mouth??
    1:11:00 Monsoon says they will have a guest who hates Thanksgiving more than Heenan. Heenan makes fun of the whole holiday. Heenan challenges Monsoon to think of a Thanksgiving song.

    1:28:00 Monsoon brings out a turkey on the set! He practically throws it and Heenan, and Heenan flees. Monsoon finds this hilarious. See how you feel when someone throws a giant bird at you!

    Hercules (w/Bobby Heenan) vs. Pedro Morales – 11/24/86 WWF MSG
    Paul Orndorff & Harley Race (w/Bobby Heenan) vs. Roddy Piper & Hulk Hogan – 11/24/86 WWF MSG

    The Resistable Force Meets The Obnoxious Object

    First off, skip to 19:00.

    Lord Hayes says Heenan told him not to call Hercules by that other name, Hernandez, anymore, because he simply is Hercules. Monsoon decides to only call him Hernandez, haha. Match is not that good, considering how long it goes, but it’s not all bad either. Herc wins by roll up after a Heenan distraction. Morales doesn’t seem too good but I’m sure he’s past his prime, to be fair.

    Awesomeness Rating: **

    And jump to 56:00 for the big tag match!

    Heenan tries to lead a dueling chant of ”wonderful” and “long live the king”. He is not successful. Orndorff attacks Hogan as he comes in! It breaks down! The faces clear the ring but then almost end up fighting each other! Hogan and Piper work on Race but are mistrustful of each other. Some good character work going on here. Piper’s not much of a bumper, I notice as the heels regain control. Hogan hits the hot tag and cleans house. Hogan smashes Heenan’s head into the apron. Piper gets the pin on Race after a simple clothesline from Orndorff, and Orndorff just stood there awkwardly, pretty messy finish. Piper wasn’t even the legal man but the ref counts it anyway, and Piper bails immediately on Hogan, which is a nice touch. The Family tries to attack Hogan but he singlehandedly beats up all three men, which feels like overkill. Heenan gets to do a crazy corner bump though. This didn’t click like I hoped it would. Was ok, but nothing special like it maybe could have been.

    Awesomeness Rating: **½

    Hercules (w/Bobby Heenan) vs. Hulk Hogan, WWF Championship – 11/29/86 WWF Saturday Night’s Main Event

    As always, SNME can be found on the WWE Network!

    First up, at 19:00, we see Okerlund backstage with Heenan and Herc. Okerlund gives Heenan a hard time about Slick demanding cash for the contract of Herc. Heenan defends his credit in the whole free world. Herc declares he will be the champion and Heenan demands Gene refer to him as the champion.

    And a little bit further on, at 23:00, it’s the title match! Test of strength, complete with Hogan making some truly stupid faces at the camera. Heenan goes up on the apron later in the match, and Hogan gives chase! Heenan sprints through the ring and takes a crazy trip to the floor. Herc is able to do a few cool power spots on Hulk. He racked him!!! But Herc is no Luger, and Hogan doesn’t give up. Hogan is REALLY hammy in this one, even by his standards. Hogan gets a relatively easy win with the leg drop after a hulk up. Not terrible or anything, but Hogan by the numbers with extra cheese.

    Awesomeness Rating: *¾

    WWF Challenge – 11/30/86

    Slick promo where he claims his arm is broken because Matilda chased him and he fell. Damn, sorry Slick!

    George Steele & Junkyard Dog vs. Dave Wagner & The Raider

    Heenan says Steele doesn’t belong in wrestling. Steele wants to unmask the Raider out of curiosity. Steele tears apart a turnbuckle pad. JYD slams a guy for an easy win. JYD and George dance with a kid after the match. I could do without this team existing.

    Awesomeness Rating: *

    Ventura with Honky Tonk backstage. Ventura says people have written in their feelings on HTM, and virtually nobody liked him by a ridiculous margin. Honky is pissed, he wants to go find Jack Tunney and see if it’s true.

    They show a long clip of Steamboat’s throat getting injured by Savage! He crushed his trachea on Superstars, my god!

    Haku, Sivi Afi, & Tama vs. Greg Valentine, Dino Bravo, & Brutus Beefcake (w/Johnny V)

    PIP of Danny Davis saying he will call matches just the way he sees them because he has a license and the fans don’t. Heenan puts over Johnny V as one of his closest associates. Valentine/Haku is a very fun combo. The match breaks down towards the end. Dino drops Sivi with a back suplex and Davis does a fast count to give the heels the win.

    Awesomeness Rating: **

    Resnick is with the Wizard. He bellows about Hogan being a tiger and eating dogs. At least I understood him, I guess?

    Blackjack Mulligan is on a horse. I guess he’s done being a Machine. He’ll run you down on a horse if he has to.

    GM: Mulligan, he looks like he’ll be something to be reckoned with!

    BH: He looks like his horse.
    Kamala (w/The Wizard & Kim Chee) vs. Moondog Spot

    Heenan says some wrestlers just quit wrestling altogether when they find out they are booked against guys like Kamala. Spot clobbers Kim Chee with the bone, then hits Kamala with his own mask! Kamala is too tough though. Wow, he does a cool leapfrog. He does a top rope splash to win. Spot is taken out on a stretcher.

    Awesomeness Rating: *½

    Jake, in the Snake Pit, with Hillbilly Jim. Jim mumbles about his dad beating him when he was bad. Roberts says the only people who live in Kentucky can’t afford something better. Jim extols the virtues of milking cows. Weird.

    Jacques & Raymond Rougeau vs. Jimmy Jack Funk & Gino Carabello

    Heenan sneering calls the Rougeaus Batman and Robin. The Adam West version, I assume. PIP of the Rougeaus talking more French. They are pretty fun though. They pick up the win with the seated doomsday senton for the win.

    Awesomeness Rating: **½

    Okerlund is consulting with a doctor about Steamboat. The doc says Steamboat’s injury could have been life threatening and says he should quit wrestling. I wonder if he will???

    Hercules (w/Bobby Heenan) vs. Jack Foley

    Jack Foley is exactly who you might expect! Not yet a Cactus or a Mankind or a Dude Love, what he is right now is ridiculously svelt, it’s crazy. Heenan has gone to ringside. Herc really stomps the living crap out of Foley’s head. He kills him with an especially big clothesline, then racks him for the easy win. See you in a few years, Catcus!

    Awesomeness Rating: **

    A bit of a quiet month for Heenan here. He has acquired a new Family member in Hercules, but he’s already lost to Hogan so that avenue to the title isn’t looking too promising. He has also quietly lost his original client, Studd, but we won’t count that as a big loss. I do wonder what Bundy will get up to now, and I’m sad they never got a bigger tag title match together. Them with the Bulldogs in a longer bout could have been really interesting. Meanwhile Orndorff is still on Hogan’s trail and the new issue with Piper is still up in the air, but Andre seems to have receded from the scene again, so we’ll see what comes of that. Race nearly exists in his own world at this point, just doing his own thing and not getting too involved with the normal Heenan antagonists. I have a feeling that will change with time, but here we are for now. On the plus side, Heenan and Monsoon have already reached untouchable levels of awesome on Prime Time and are doing great work on Challenge as well. Heenan may not be winning titles at the moment, but he’s all over the product and doing incredible work regardless.

    That’s it for today, humanoids. I’ll be back soon with the next entry, until then don’t let the ham-and-eggers get you down, and stay awesome!

  27. #27
    Wet Dream Machine SkitZ's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    The banter between Heenan and Gorilla really puts it over the top in the best way possible. They play off one another so well. Then there's Jake who seems far too dark for that era of wrestling haha (perhaps any era for that matter). Roberts has always intrigued me though. If I were to go back and retrace any old wrestler's footsteps, it would hands down be The Snake. Hmmm you better watch out, Mizfit... I might just throw together a carbon copy of this series and replace Heenan's name with Jake's! (scribbles down idea for said parody). You know I'm not above ripping off another writer's ideas.

  28. #28
    The Brain
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Skitzoid!! I’m loving your feedback man, keep it coming! The Monsoon/Heenan chemistry is legendary for all the best reasons, it’s true. Jake Roberts is a fascinating guy. One of the best promos ever and hugely charismatic, to the point where he was infamously pulled out of a potential feud with Hogan after getting cheered for DDTing the Hulkster! WWF decided not to risk killing their golden goose and redirecting Roberts to another feud, but I still like that story, it tells you something about how magnetic the Snake was at his peak. The only drawback to a full Roberts series is, well, once the guy gets in the ring he’s never as good as you’d think he’d be. He doesn’t stink up the joint or anything, but it’s like he’s perpetually stuck in 2nd gear, even before his personal demons started taking a toll. But hey man, I’d love to see you tackle the Snake! If you want any recommendations, you know where to find me!

    December ‘86
    Match of the Month

    Hercules (w/Bobby Heenan) vs. Tito Santana
    Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
    December 26th, WWF MSG

    If you want to watch along, you can do so here:

    Jump to 1:55:00 to get this one started!

    The ref asked Tito if he could continue, and Tito said I’m going to wrestle. That shows you the guts, courage, and stupidity the man has.
    Just prior to this match, a newly heel Honky Tonk Man had just completed a squash match and was busy dancing and “entertaining” (i.e. annoying) the fans at ringside. He stayed down there for ages, so Tito came out for his next scheduled match and acted annoyed and dismissive of HTM. Honky responded by attacking him from behind and battering his knee so badly that he can hardly stand up!

    Heenan has been on commentary for this whole show, but at this point he jumps into the ring and gets on the house mic. He declares that Hercules, Tito’s scheduled opponent, should be awarded the match on the spot, but the referee asks Tito and he confirms he does want to try to compete regardless. Heenan returns to commentary, but not before directing Hercules to go out and attack Tito a little more before throwing him in the ring to start the match!

    As we get into the match, Tito is doing an awesome job selling that he can’t even stand up but still hanging in there and trying to figure out a way to fight back. Even Monsoon thinks he should give up though, and you know it’s serious when even the face commentator doesn’t believe in the power of heart. Heenan brags that he trains Herc by having him run through the Colorado mountains. Sounds very nice, I wonder if he goes by the White Caste of Fear? These guys are really working well with the unique dynamic of this match. Tito is especially good, but Herc is bringing something to the table too.

    Finally, Tito fights from the ground up and manages to put some hurt into Herc’s own knee! He gets him on the mat and Tito slaps on the Figure 4 Leg Lock! Herc can’t escape! Heenan panics, leaves the booth, and rings the bell to make Tito think he won! Tito releases it and Heenan rushes back to the booth and insists he didn’t do anything. Finkel announces the match must continue! Tito goes right back on the attack on the knee, still fighting from the mat but desperate not to lose his hard fought advantage. Heenan can’t believe it and stops even pretending to do commentary, he is in full manager mode. As a last ditch effort Heenan goads Tito to trying to grab him through the ropes, which allows Herc to barrel into him from behind and knee him hard in the back of the head. This is the last straw, and Herc is able to get the final win.

    Poor Tito, that was a hell of a performance, and possibly Herc’s career best match. Seeing Heenan try to contain himself to the booth but ultimately ditch his responsibilities to help his man was very cool as well and added well to the story of the match, which was very well told. If you are only cherry picking matches to watch in this series, I seriously suggest giving this one a look.

    Awesomeness Rating: ****¼

    Segment of the Month
    Bobby Heenan said WHAT about Andre???
    December 13th, WWF Superstars

    If you want to watch along, you can do so here:

    Jump to about 33:00 for this one!

    Jesse Ventura is backstage, with Heenan. The Body is wearing weird glasses and fake hair, because of fashion I guess…? The word is out that Andre is finally going to be reinstated, after a closed door meeting involving Heenan and WWF President Jack Tunney. Ventura grills Heenan to try to find out what happened at the meeting and what his feeling are. Heenan refuses to give any details on the meeting, but he says Andre deserves to be back in wrestling.



    What the heck is going on here???

    I hope nobody sees this as a comical overreaction on my part, because I was nearly bowled over the first time I heard this comment. For YEARS, going back even farther than Heenan’s WWF tenure, Andre has been one of his most despited opponents. I still vividly remember Andre tearing through the entire Family in AWA, and that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Remember when Heenan had the Family cut Andre’s hair? When they held him down as Bundy splashed him some 5 or 6 times in a row? When they tied him up in the ropes and bashed a table into his head? Hell, it was Heenan who lobbied to get Andre suspended in the first place! And Andre using the Machines gimmick to nearly drive Heenan to a rubber room! What made this stand out even more is Heenan gave very little sign of his usual bluster, he kept it very simple and direct. I have an idea we are finally seeing the first sign of the build to ‘Mania 3, but as of right now I still have no idea how we will get from here to there! Awesome segment though, so brief yet so completely shocking, I can’t even imagine seeing this drop in real time. It feels like it goes against everything I know!

    But I think that’s what makes it so good, if I’m being fully honest. WWF had booked these guys to be so well defined, both in themselves and in their longstanding rivalry, that they had built up a tremendous amount of capital which they could cash in and drum up huge buzz with just a simple statement like this. That’s what happens when you take time to really establish characters and gain the trust of the fans, so that when they are presented with a mysterious twist like this one they are hooked in to see what happens next, instead of rolling their eyes at yet another last minute change which would probably never be explained. When Heenan dropped this bomb, it MEANT something, it was a moment of consequence that the WWF couldn’t pave over or forget about, but would be forced to address in the coming weeks and months. I can’t wait to see how this plays out.

    The Rest of the Month

    Please feel free to click on the bolded headers to watch along with anything that sounds interesting!

    WWF Prime Time Wrestling – 12/1/86

    As always, Prime Time can be found on the WWE Network!

    0:00 Monsoon and Heenan discuss the Steamboat throat injury. Heenan thinks it’s pretty funny, to Monsoon’s disgust.

    18:00 Monsoon isn’t so sure about the way Heenan investing so much money into acquiring Hercules. Heenan says Herc is now better than ever, thanks to Heenan’s influence.

    24:00 Monsoon thinks Savage was trying to outright maim Steamboat. Heenan has no “sympathy cards” to give, which I take it was the 80s way of saying “fucks”.

    27:00 Heenan says now Steamboat’s wife will have to get a real job, haha. Heenan pretends to try to call the Steamboats and claims they can’t afford their phone bill!

    37:00 They argue about whether Heenan cheated in a recent match. Monsoon thinks Heenan will get clobbered in the near future. Heenan pretends to be Steamboat by wheezing.

    BH: Do you think Steamboat is doing therapy, learning to speak with his hands?

    GM: Well, whatever it takes, I’m sure.

    BH: I hope Savage breaks his fingers, so he can’t talk with those either.
    52:00 Heenan is trying to get Steamboat’s number for real, he really wants to rub this in!

    1:00:00 Monsoon tries to talk to Heenan about Andre coming back. Heenan refuses to say anything about it at all and keeps changing the subject.

    1:11:00 Monsoon says Steele was recently almost taken to the hospital after fighting Kamala, but he escaped the ambulance and ran through Central Park. I guess he wasn’t too hurt then? Heenan claims Studd is “away on business”. That’s gonna be one long business trip.

    1:29:00 Heenan is still dodging the Andre question. He’s finally ready to answer… and the credits roll, haha.

    Heenan wants YOU (to respect the King) – 12/6/86 WWF Superstars

    Jump to 7:00.

    Gene Okerlund has a special report on the fact that Race and Heenan feel they deserve more respect. Cut to a promo and Harley Race says the fans need to take a bath and all his opponents wish they could be king, just for a day. He is horrified at the idea of signing an autograph. I have no idea why this merited a special report, but it was fun.

    WWF Challenge – 12/7/86

    We start with a “Special Report” from “London”, which looks pretty damned green screened to me. This is officially confirming that Andre the Giant has been reinstated by Jack Tunney. Andre is there and he says he’s happy to come back, I think, I love the guy but I can’t tell what’s he’s saying most of the damned time.

    Tito Santana, Pedro Morales, & Hillbilly Jim vs. Iron Mike Sharpe, Barry O, & Brian Costello

    Tito, Jim, and Morales. Nobody on that side of the ring can speak English.
    Monsoon is quick to question Heenan about the Andre situation, but he still refuses to make any comment. Not much to this match. Costello taps out to a Hillbilly bearhug, of all things. Poor showing from the faces on offense, to be honest. Then again I’m pretty sure only Tito is worth a damn.

    Awesomeness Rating: ¾*

    Promo backstage from Heenan and Race. Heenan is very upset. He feels Race should be on the WWF magazine cover. Race doesn’t say anything but pulls some pretty funny eye rolling faces.

    Honky Tonk Man backstage. He counted the fan votes himself and is disgusted that the fans didn’t support him, after he kissed their puking babies and shook their greasy hands. He says now he will slap some babies!!!!! Holy shit Honky Tonk!!!!

    Jack Foley vs. Kamala (w/The Wizard & Kim Chee)

    Awesomeness Rating: *

    Oh shit baby Foley again! OH MY GOD HE’S GONNA DIE! Yup, Kamala wins pretty quickly, ending in the top rope splash. Foley gets stretchered out as Heenan and Monsoon call him “Kurt Hoffman”. Oh, the indignity.

    Heenan is backstage against, now with Ken Resnick. Resnick still wants to know how much Heenan paid for Herc’s contract. Heenan once again says it’s nobody’s business!!! Resnick says Hercules seems more vicious now that he’s in the Family and Heenan agrees, he says all he had to do is open the door. Heenan shows off Herc’s body and somewhere Vince has a boner.

    KR: Let me ask you point blank, how much did you for the contract of Hercules?

    BH: Well, I’ll tell you, I’ll be honest. It’s none of your business! Do I go out and ask the 8 to 5 humanoids how much they get paid to push a shovel or a broom down the street all day?
    Okerlund does a special segment with Steamboat’s wife. She talks about how hard it has been since his larynx was crushed.

    Don Muraco & Bob Orton (w/Mr Fuji & Jimmy Hart) vs. Mario Mancini & Max Blue

    Muraco & Orton come out to the bagpipes and wearing kilts, to make fun of Piper. PIP of Jimmy Hart and Mr Fuji saying they are a great manager duo. Monsoon says he can barely understand either one, Heenan tries to translate for him. Muraco and Orton kill their guys in short order. Muraco wins after a tombstone.

    Awesomeness Rating: *¾

    Resnick is backstage with Billy Jack Haynes. He is the single worst promo not named Jim Brunzell. He mutters something about Danny Davis, god knows what.

    Blackjack Mulligan, sitting on a wagon. He says cholera can’t stop a Mulligan. Did it… did it try?

    Bret Hart & Jim Neidhart (w/Jimmy Hart) vs. Salvatore Bellomo & Bob Boyer

    PIP of the Bulldogs. Their dog is their secret weapon. Well, now you’ve told everyone, dummies! Heenan says he’s not scared of the dog. Bret wins easily after the Hart Attack.

    Awesomeness Rating: *¼

    Jake Roberts on the Snake Pit. He talks strangely about his parents and brings out Adrian Adonis. Adonis says Piper was just jealous. They give flowers to Roberts and to Damian too! How nice.

    GM: Well, believe it or not, Outback Jack is gonna speak to us this week!

    BH: Whoopee.
    Outback Jack is being very hard to understand in a vignette. He’s missing a bunch of teeth and he’s coming to WWF.

    Koko B Ware vs. Rick Renslow

    Heenan still wants to eat the bird. I’m discovering that Koko is actually very underrated. I don’t know about Hall of Fame, but he has an awesome missile dropkick and without exaggeration the best brainbuster I’ve ever seen. Heenan says you could break a man’s neck. You ain’t kidding.

    Awesomeness Rating: **

    Okerlund, backstage with Danny Davis. Okerlund says Dave Hebner was supposed to be the ref for the Steamboat/Savage match where Steamboat was injured, but he interjected himself. Davis tells him to mind his own business about that. He says he only does what he feels is the right thing and doesn’t feel at all bad about what happened to Steamboat on his watch. Okerlund is very stern about his attitude.

    Dave Boy Smith, Billy Jack Haynes, & Dynamite Kid vs. Butch Reed, Iron Sheik, & Nikolai Volkoff (w/Slick)

    Matilda chases the heels out of the ring. Heenan says the dog is rabid. Davey is fun but there’s not much to this. Reed pins Haynes after he gets hit with Slick’s cane.

    Awesomeness Rating: *½

    WWF Prime Time Wrestling – 12/8/86

    As always, Prime Time can be found on the WWE Network!

    0:00 Monsoon says this week he’s going to corner Heenan about Andre. Heenan is still doggedly changing the subject every time it comes out. Heenan says he could buy Monsoon out of retirement if he wanted, and offers him $35 to do so!!

    15:00 Heenan makes fun of Pedro Morales. Too easy.

    20:00 Heenan says he usually doesn’t care for referees, but he respects Danny Davis! Monsoon threatens to keep grilling him about Andre, and Heenan tries to call his attorney.

    29:00 Monsoon makes a very convoluted joke about Heenan’s secretary, the never-seen Miss Betty, being fat.

    38:00 Monsoon is ridiculously high on Paul Roma. Like, I think he wants to marry Paul Roma. Heenan is not impressed.

    42:00 Monsoon interrogates Heenan about Andre. Heenan doesn’t want to make a comment. He seems extremely nervous.

    45:00 Heenan tells Monsoon to call Jack Tunney if he wants to know about Andre. He is really talking his way around further discussion, not making jokes or excuses, just avoiding it at all costs. He takes to scolding the crew and tells them they will go blind if they don’t knock off the stuff they’re doing off screen, which cracks Monsoon up.

    55:00 Monsoon really, really wants to know what Heenan knows about Andre coming back. Heenan talks him in circles again.

    1:02:00 Monsoon wonders why Adonis would stuff flowers down the throat of people he beats. Heenan says it’s a message to Piper.

    I think Adonis is sending a message to Piper to go back to Scotland and sell bagpipes door to door.
    1:30:00 Monsoon is grilling Heenan like crazy about Andre coming back. Heenan puts on a police hat and says his buddy in the department says he doesn’t have to answer any questions.

    Harley Race (w/Bobby Heenan) vs. Junkyard Dog – 12/13/86 WWF Philadelphia
    Hercules (w/Bobby Heenan) vs. Billy Jack Haynes – 12/13/86 WWF Philadelphia
    Paul Orndorff (w/Bobby Heenan) vs. Hulk Hogan, Steel Cage, WWF Championship – 12/13/86 WWF Philadelphia

    First up, 1:22:00!

    Race vs. JYD, a Wrestlemania preview match, though I’m not sure if that was in Vince and Patterson’s mind yet or not. Heenan demands the people and JYD drop to one knee before the match. JYD is not amused. He intimidates Heenan out of the ring. Apparently Race is putting the crown on the line in this match! Race is really carrying this as far as he can. He takes a big bump to the floor at one point. They fight outside together and punch it out til the ref counts both of them out. After the match JYD steals the crown and prances around with it. He tries to grab Heenan but Race kicks his ass.

    Awesomeness Rating: **½

    Next up, 1:39:00.

    Danny Davis is the ref, and he has a TON of heat. The fans HATE this guy. That’s some pretty effective booking, I have to say. Haynes and Herc go at it for a bit until Billy Jack pushes Davis for no good reason. You suck, Billy Jack. Billy keeps pushing Davis until he “accidentally” hits him. Haynes tries to go after Heenan after Davis goes down, but Davis ends up calling for the bell. Not too good, and I’m not sure if I can really blame Davis for being a heel here.

    Awesomeness Rating: *

    Last but not least, 2:02:00!

    Orndorff and Hogan in a cage, escape only rules. I really hope this redeems their shitty title-changes-on-DQ matches and brings it back to form!

    Heenan and Orndorff hug before he goes into the cage! Shades of Heenan and Bock, right there. Sometimes I still miss those days. Orndorff attacks Hogan while he’s still getting in the ring, and whips him with the title belt! He chokes him out with his own shirt! This is starting hot as hell! Orndorff is half out the door with Hogan holding him back, and Heenan tries to pull Orndorff the rest of the way out. This doesn’t work, and the match rolls on inside the ring. Hogan tries to climb up but Orndorff low blows him. Heenan pushes aside the official and puts a lock on the cage door, so it’s over the top only, surely hoping the slightly smaller and lighter Orndorff would gain an advantage. Orndorff makes it all the way over the top but Hogan drabs him by the head. He hangs him halfway over the top and beats on him! Heenan sees his man is in trouble so he opens the door again and goes in himself! He tries to hold Hogan back, Hogan kicks him away! Heenan takes a wild bump against the cage! Hogan goes up and over! Orndorff tries to get out the door first, but too late! Hogan is the winner! This was way back to form. After the match Hogan busts Orndorff in the head with the title belt, even though he wasn’t doing anything aggressive. I mean he did betray you Hogan, but that was ages ago.

    Awesomeness Rating: ****

    WWF Challenge – 12/14/86

    Randy Savage (w/Miss Elizabeth) vs. Mario Mancini

    Savage beats up Mancini while Heenan makes fun of Ricky Steamboat. PIP of Savage saying even if Steamboat does make it back, he shouldn’t mess with him. Savage wins easily with the elbow. Fun squash.

    Awesomeness Rating: **¼

    The Wizard bellows that Kamala should be in Time magazine. Talk about sentences I did not expect to include in this or any series.

    Jack Tunney is questioned about Andre. All he will say is they had a hearing that Andre did not attend, but Heenan was there, and now Andre is reinstated. Very mysterious.

    Mike Rotunda & Danny Spivey vs. Steve Lombardi & Bobby Colt

    GM: Why don’t you tell us what happened at the hearing? Did you take a vow of silence or something?

    BH: That Steve Lombardi has come a long way.

    GM: WHO CARES about Steve Lombardi?!?
    Heenan spends the whole match dodging questions about the hearing. The new US Express picks up an easy win.

    Awesomeness Rating: *½

    Blackjack Mulligan is hitting something with a hammer on his farm, or ranch, or wherever Blackjacks live.

    Harley Race (w/Bobby Heenan) vs. Paul Roma

    Heenan heads to ringside and Johnny V takes on commentary. It seems the crown is on the line in every match now. Roma knocks Race to the floor and then puts the crown on at ringside! Race takes back over and kills him in a quick hurry. That was really fun for a second though.

    Awesomeness Rating: *¾

    Honky Tonk backstage. He doesn’t like babies or fat women anymore. He reveals he is now managed by Jimmy Hart! Jimmy says everyone is just jealous of HTM. And so it begins.

    Butch Reed (w/Slick) vs. Lanny Poffo

    GM: Why don’t you tell us what happened at the hearing?

    BH: You know, I think you’re gonna see Reed jump right down Poffo’s throat.

    Poffo reads a poem making fun of Reed’s hair and promoting his Frisbee sales. Apparently you can buy Lanny Poffo Frisbees. Heenan is driving Monsoon nuts by not giving answers about the hearing. Reed throws Poffo right onto some exposed concrete!! Poffo makes it back but Reed takes him out with the 2nd rope clothesline.

    Awesomeness Rating: **

    Jake Roberts, in the Snake Pit. He says in the future you will see his name when you look up wrestling. Roberts brings out a SOAKING wet Roddy Piper and says this is all that’s left of him. No explanation of why Piper looks like he just came out of a swimming pool. Roberts tells Piper that Adonis says he’s all used up. Piper just wants to know if Adonis is wrestling in the next match. Roberts finally says yes and Piper says Adonis’ time is up. Piper’s time is now!!

    Outback Jack sure is missing a lot of teeth. He’s here to tell us no worries. Ok then.

    Adrian Adonis (w/Jimmy Hart) vs. SD Jones

    Heenan likes the smell of Adonis’ perfume, which Jimmy Hart is shooting out of what I’m pretty sure is the same perfume gun that Martel uses much, much later. Crowd chants for Piper. Adonis wraps SD up in his coat and starts beating him up! Piper shows up at ringside, and the distraction allows SD to start making a comeback! Adonis does a fun bump and can’t maintain control. Piper is even more drenched than before, somehow. Adnois tries to continue the match but Piper suddenly leaps in the ring and wildly attacks him! The match is thrown out of course. The locker room empties to keep these guys apart. Both guys keep breaking away to take more shots! Very heated stuff. Adonis bails but Piper breaks away again and goes after him some more!

    Awesomeness Rating: *¾

    Tito Santana is from Mexico, but he feels right at home going to the library. Haha, what the fuck? Seriously? Not kidding, that was a real PSA. Even Mexicans can go to libraries, kids! Amazing!

    Ventura interviews Martel and Zenk. Ventura mentions how popular they are with the ladies. Even he finds them impressive. Ventura shows off his own muscles and says he’s got the prettiest face, and both guys laugh at him. Ventura is very put out.

    Sika (w/The Wizard) vs. Bob Boyer

    Heenan refuses to say a single word as Monsoon continues to grill him. Sika wins in no time with a Samoan Drop.

    Awesomeness Rating: *

    Hogan is backstage and he’s disgusted by Savage injuring Steamboat. He wants to beat Savage up. Back in the booth, Heenan laughs at how ridiculous Hogan is.

    WWF Prime Time Wrestling – 12/15/86

    As always, Prime Time can be found on the WWE Network!

    I like Bruno Sammartino. He always sounds like he has about 6 pounds of stromboli in his mouth.
    0:00 The set is decorated for Christmas. Heenan is still dodging the Andre question. Heenan wonders about Christmas in the islands, for Haku and Tama.

    20:00 Monsoon wants to grill Heenan some more, but he gets on the phone to avoid answering!

    28:00 Heenan says he prefers to have guys who are different in his stable, as opposed to all the same. Diversity is key, right?

    31:00 Heenan still finds the Steamboat injury very funny.

    33:00 Monsoon says things are actually looking up for Steamboat. Heenan doesn’t trust any doctor who would work on Steamboat.

    GM: I wouldn’t want to be in the shoes of Randy Savage.

    BH: I’m sure, you wear a 17 and he wears about a 12.
    40:00 Heenan defends Danny Davis with a bunch of excuses about his actions.

    53:00 Monsoon is relentless about this Andre thing. Heenan’s phone starts ringing but when he picks up, it just keeps going! Heenan uses it as a distraction to avoid more Andre questions.

    GM: You have more trouble than any six people I know, with telephones.

    BH: This thing is a piece of junk!!
    1:01:00 Heenan thinks Piper is a sick man and too dangerous for wrestling. Monsoon has brought a reindeer hat and calls it Roddy Reindeer. Monsoon says Piper paid SD Jones the difference for the winner’s share of the purse, for getting him DQ’d. Heenan sarcastically praises his generosity. Heenan throws his phone away because he’s sick of it!!

    1:15:00 Heenan makes run of Rotundo’s collegiate credentials, but refuses to talk about his own. Monsoon brings up the Andre thing, and Heenan immediately starts spouting about his college days, haha.

    1:27:00 Heenan says he will have a gift for Monsoon next week. He hints we might even see Miss Betty!

    King Kong Bundy (w/Bobby Heenan) vs. Steve Gatorwolf – 12/20/86 WWF Superstars

    Jump to 25:00!

    Gatorwolf is a Native American, apparently. Nice to see Bundy again, it’s been over a month! Bundy crushes this guy with ease. Heenan is pleased.

    The disappearance of Bundy is actually something of a sad story. Apparently, at some point during Bundy’s big push, he went out and did some computer ads. He didn’t involve the WWF or Vince, and when Vince found out he’d been “cut out” of the profits (which, again, he had nothing to do with), Bundy went to the doghouse for the forseeable future. I’m hoping he rebounds but I’m not holding my breath. Some things never change, especially the pettiness of wrestling promoters.

    Awesomeness Rating: *

    WWF Challenge – 12/21/86

    Lanny Poffo vs. Honky Tonk Man (w/Jimmy Hart)

    Heenan hopes we won’t hear a poem, but we do! Poffo makes fun of Honky for the fans not liking him and calls him a bad Elvis imitation. Poffo goes right after him when the match starts and as always he’s pretty good. PIP of Honky, he sures hates those babies and those shaking hands now. He still sucks on offense. HTM gets the win, more’s the pity.

    Awesomeness Rating: *¼

    Heenan & Orndorff do a promo backstage. They claim Orndorff should be on the WWF Magazine cover instead of Roddy Piper.

    Okerlund is speaking with two mustachioed doctors. They don’t agree whether Steamboat will be able to return to wrestling or not.

    Jacques & Raymond Rougeau vs. Dennis Stamp & Mike Luca

    BH: Look at the robes the Rougeaus have on!

    GM: What’s wrong with their robes?

    BH: Nothing! It’s amazing what you can do with a little ingenuity and some hefty trash bags!

    GM: Please… I don’t see any of your guys signing a contract to fight the Rougeaus.

    BH: No, we’d want to beat someone important.
    Heenan doesn’t care about Steamboat and says he should just retire. PIP of the Rougeaus, they say Merry Christmas and some French stuff. They win with an assisted senton thing.

    Awesomeness Rating: **¼

    Ken Resnick, with Hillbilly Jim backstage. It seems Resnick ate granny’s catfish. Jim says he is having Willie Nelson over for Christmas. Jim, you damned liar.

    Vignette of Blackjack Mulligan yelling at people while sitting on a horse. He wants to use a hot brand on King Kong Bundy, for some reason. He is a babyface.

    Hercules (w/Bobby Heenan) vs. David Gold

    Heenan heads to ringside as Johnny V hits the booth. Herc challenges Gold to a tug of war with the big chain that he carries. Herc wins the tug of war with one hand! Herc really tosses this guy in around. He racks him for the win! Fun squash.

    Awesomeness Rating: **¼

    Resnick, backstage with Tito. Ken congratulates him on not getting injured this year?? Seems like a really low bar. Tito wants another shot at Savage for the IC title.

    Ventura is interviewing Andre the Giant!! Ventura asks him point blank about the mysterious Heenan hearing and the reinstatement, but Andre says it’s none of your business!! Come on!!!

    Johnny V sticks around in the booth for a while and allows me to skip a six man tag featuring both Haynes and Hillbilly. Thanks, Johnny!

    The Snake Pit, with Heenan and Race on as guests. Roberts respects Race’s accomplishments. Heenan invites the fans to kneel. Heenan says any opponent that doesn’t kneel will be dispensed with immediately, and any fans who don’t will be summarily ignored. Race doesn’t deign to speak.

    A montage of wrestlers is shown with an annoying song overtop. It’s “Bad Boy” by Miami Sound Machine, if anyone wanted to know.

    JYD talks to Matilda the dog and licks her. Dude…

    Davey Boy Smith, Junkyard Dog, & Dynamite Kid vs. Greg Valentine, Moondog Spot, & Brutus Beefcake

    PIP of Johnny V. He doesn’t like any kind of dogs. Matilda chases Spot out of the ring. Heenan says the dog is vicious. Heenan promises to interview Savage about the Steamboat situation. JYD pins Spot after a slam pretty easily. Not too good.

    Awesomeness Rating: *¼

    Resnick with Lanny Poffo backstage. He reads a poem about George Steele then brings him out. George doesn’t like Jimmy Hart or Bobby Heenan, or their action figures. Lanny wishes everyone Merry Christmas. Steele wants to write a poem too.

    WWF Prime Time Wrestling – 12/23/86

    As always, Prime Time can be found on the WWE Network, but this time also by clicking the link!

    0:00 Lots of Christmas decorations in the studio! Heenan says he’s going to try to be nice. He’s not off to a great start.

    I usually go through the neighborhood on Christmas and tell the kids that Santa got lost, and they have to wait til next year.
    8:00 Heenan thinks everyone in Texas has a big mouth.

    20:00 Heenan thinks SD Jones needs all the help he can get, which cracks up Monsoon. Monsoon is even more tickled when he finds a present with the back half of a weasel sticking out and says it must be for Heenan!

    24:00 Heenan makes fun of Steamboat’s recovery process and says his career is over.

    26:00 Heenan makes fun of Blackjack Mulligan. We hear that Ventura is still trying to find out what happened at the Andre hearing! Heenan seems nervous about the prospect. Heenan says there are some things nobody needs to know.

    GM: Mulligan, he must be close to 350 lbs right now, an awesome athlete.

    BH: That’s why there’s no grass in Texas, he’s been out there grazing for the past six months.
    37:00 Heenan is paranoid about any gift Monsoon would give to him.

    46:00 Monsoon brings Gene Okerlund into the studio. Heenan wants a present but Okerlund says he owes him money!

    54:00 Heenan promises Miss Betty is bringing gifts for everyone, from him. Monsoon reveals the weasel doll that was sticking out of the present before is wearing a Bobby Heenan shirt! Monsoon is very tickled by this.

    GM: Weren’t you supposed to get gifts for the crew?

    BH: Well it was supposed to be a surprise but you blew it. Miss Betty is-

    GM: Miss Betty!!!

    BH: NO, she’s not the gift!!!
    57:00 Monsoon tries to persuade Heenan that the weasel doll is a gift from a fan. Heenan isn’t buying it.

    I don’t want a weasel doll because I’m not a weasel! Why don’t you get me a brain in a jar or something?
    1:04:00 Heenan and Monsoon actually agree about a mistake Kirchner made in his last match, and they are surprised.

    1:13:00 Heenan wants to give Monsoon a new Heenan doll, since he ruined the last one by putting a tail on it. Heenan says “Outhouse Jack” is coming soon.

    1:26:00 Heenan and Monsoon disagree about whether Hogan gave up to Hercules in their SNME match. The crew wants to know where the presents are. Heenan says Miss Betty isn’t here but after the show he will give everyone cash. The crew demands he do it on camera, Heenan refuses! Monsoon gives him his gift and it’s a fancy gold telephone! Heenan is awestruck but when Monsoon gets his hands on Heenan’s wallet, he finds out he has only one dollar to distribute amongst the crew! The show ends chaotically. What a fun pair these guys are.

    WWF MSG – 12/26/86

    And what are you bellowing about today, sir?

    Heenan and Monsoon are on commentary for the whole show! Heenan insists that he’s the host of this too, haha.

    BH: Nothing ruffles my feathers.

    GM: I remember a turkey that did!

    BH: You’re right, Hogan does a little bit.

    GM: I didn’t say Hogan.

    BH: Well, you said turkey.
    Paul Roma vs. Terry Gibbs

    Heenan is not impressed by Paul Roma. They argue about whether Bundy has an impressive body or not! Roma wins with a crazy looking sunset flip variation. Not bad.

    Awesomeness Rating: **¼

    Honky Tonk Man is supposed to wrestle Sivi Afi, but he attacks Sivi as he gets into the ring and drops him down with Shake Rattle and Roll! The ref says the match never started and there is no winner. Heenan thinks they should start the match once Afi is unconcious.

    Bret Hart & Jim Neidhart vs. Dick Slater & Corporal Kirchner

    Kirchner needs two things very desperately. One is to make the tag, and the other is a new career.
    Monsoon grills Heenan about why Jimmy Hart is not with his team. Heenan says he minds his own business, unlike Monsoon. Monsoon tries to ask him about Andre and suddenly he starts talking about where Jimmy Hart is!!! Haha, good stuff. Both guys put over Bret Hart as being a high level talent. Heenan and Monsoon discuss how terrifying it would be to see Neidhart’s face in various places. Foundation pins Kirchner with the Hart Attack. Not that good, sadly.

    Awesomeness Rating: **

    Leilani Kai vs. Fabulous Moolah – WWF Women’s Championship

    GM: How many years would you say Moolah has been wrestling?

    BH: Oh, about 6 or 7.

    GM: What?? Are you some kind of comedian?

    BH: Ok, 9. Tops.
    Heenan insists he is just “friends” with Moolah and stress he wouldn’t do business with her. Amen, man. Leilani pitches a fit, for some reason at the referee. Leilani is crazy fired up. Moolah is over 60 here but wow, they are actually really going at it. Jesus, Leilani gets slammed on the concrete! Heenan and Monsoon both hate this referee, who even physically throws Moolah off when she’s trying to cheat. Jesus, this referee really does suck, he keeps sticking his nose in for no reason. Moolah wins with a roll up variation. That was much better than I expected.

    Awesomeness Rating: ***½

    Dino Bravo (w/Johnny V) vs. Pedro Morales

    BH: I don’t know how Johnny V thinks.

    GM: Johnny V doesn’t know how Johnny V thinks.

    BH: And that’s why he’s so successful.
    Monsoon says hello to Pedro’s parents, on request of the former champ. Heenan scoffs at this and says to keep your business separate from family. Dino is trying to bore the world to death with a rest hold. Dino is fine with power spots but holy shit he likes to just sit in restholds. Dino hits the ref by what is clearly accident but the ref throws it out anyway. Dumb finish to a bad match.

    Awesomeness Rating: ¾*

    Kamala (w/The Wizard & Kim Chee) vs. Hulk Hogan – WWF Championship

    GM: So your theory is do unto others before they do unto you?

    BH: No, do unto others from behind.
    Heenan thinks Hogan will not be able to deal with Kamala’s unpredictability. Kamala is actually able to knock Hogan down. Pretty by the numbers from there though. Wizard and Kim Chee get into shenanigans and Kamala gets DQ’d. Hogan betas up everyone after the match.

    Awesomeness Rating: *

    Heenan has gone backstage. He was supposed to interview the winner but he hates Hogan, so he interviews Kamala and his entourage. The Wizard is bellowing on cue. Heenan says Hogan didn’t know how to fight Kamala and he can’t believe they they threw the match out. Wizard bellows that Kamala will chew on Hogan’s face. Hogan appears and blindsides Kamala and starts beating him up! Wrestlers jump in to keep them apart! Haha, Vince McMahon leaps right into the mix and starts shoving with the rest of them. I’m amazed it took him so long to get in the ring. Heenan says this kind of sneak attack shows you what kind of man Hogan is.

    Monsoon is also backstage now and he’s talking to Mr Fuji. Fuji says hillbillies don’t know how to think. He is wearing his finest tuxedo and apparently has a tuxedo match with Hillbilly Jim tonight. I love Mr Fuji but that sounds kind of dire.

    Monsoon is with Hillbilly Jim next. Jim doesn’t even own a coat and tie. He thinks it will be a treat for the people if he wears a tuxedo. You’re a fucking weirdo, Jim. He says the worst thing that ever happened was when Fuji ripped his overalls. First world problems, am I right? He thinks Mr Fuji is a polecat and he says Japanese people don’t wear underwear?!?!?!?!?! What the fuck!?!?!?!?!?

    Steve Lombardi vs. Jose Luis Rivera

    Nice guys finish last. And if you’re extra nice, maybe you don’t finish at all.
    Monsoon gives Heenan grief about not interviewing Hogan like he was supposed to, and they argue about the rightful winner of the title match. Lombardi attacks very aggressively off the bat. Rivera can’t even get his jacket off. Lombardi is on offense most of the match but Rivera wins with a backslide. Lombardi tries to attack after the match but gets sent into the post and the floor. More fun that you might expect.

    Awesomeness Rating: **¼

    Mr Fuji vs. Hillbilly Jim – Tuxedo Match

    Fuji looks very dapper but I’m not sure I want to see this go down. Heenan says Jim looks ridiculous in a tux, and he’s not wrong. Hillbilly stomps Fuji’s hat! You bastard! And my interest dies a painful death as the match goes on. This just isn’t fun. It’s boring and weird. Jim pantses Fuji in the end, and he runs off. Very dumb, I wish I never watched it.

    Awesomeness Rating: ¼*

    Sivi Afi vs. Honky Tonk Man

    BH: I don’t like Christmas. I like April Fool’s Day.

    GM: Why, because it was named after you?

    BH: What do you mean? I have nothing to do with April.
    Finkel announces Sivi Afi has recovered and has asked for the match to take place after all! Sivi is ready for the quick attack this time. Heenan now defends HTM. Monsoon says he’s trying to copy one of the greatest men of all time. Sivi throws some nice punches. HTM takes back over and wins with the neckbreaker. HTM hits it again after the match after “thanking” the fans. He shakes his butt a lot after the match. Immediately following this is that great Tito/Hercules match, but I already talked about that up above!

    Awesomeness Rating: *¼

    Blackjack Mulligan vs. Nikolai Volkoff

    Volkoff is singing the anthem but Mulligan storms the ring and starts punching him. Mulligan beats him with a back elbow in almost no time at all. I’m not sure Heenan even made it back to the booth after the drama with Herc in the previous match. Volkoff attacks after the bell but Mulligan runs him off again.

    Awesomeness Rating: ¾*

    Harley Race (w/Bobby Heenan) vs. Sivi Afi – 12/27/86 WWF Superstars

    Be amazed by this unbroken chain!

    Before the match, we’ve got Piper’s Pit at 30:00!

    Piper is having Heenan and Herc on the Pit. Heenan claims Hogan quit during the SNME match. Piper dares him to prove it. Heenan raves about how strong Hercules is. Piper dares him to rip the big chain he carries around. Heenan says NO, we’re not gonna do it for you, because you don’t deserve to see it! As always these guys are great fun together.

    Follow this up with a match at 39:00.

    Race vs. Afi. PIP of JYD who says he only bows to god. Race kills Sivi in no time flat, and Heenan brings him his crown to celebrate. Short and sweet.

    Awesomeness Rating: *¼

    WWF Challenge – 12/28/86

    GM: You’re a sick person.

    BH: I feel fine!
    Koko B Ware vs. Frenchy Martin

    Koko’s missile dropkick & brainbuster combo is to die for, good grief. Heenan still wishes he would fly out of here though.

    Awesomeness Rating: **

    Mulligan would trade his girlfriend for a bull. He draws our attention to the snot in his bull’s nose. I wish I were kidding.

    Adrian Adonis, Bret Hart, & Jim Neidhart (w/Jimmy Hart) vs. Mike Rotundo, Dan Spivey, & SD Jones

    Heenan puts Adonis over as vicious, and Monsoon even agrees. PIP of Jimmy Hart saying his team is the ultimate trifecta and laughing like a maniac. It breaks down into a clumsy brawl and then Adonis puts SD to sleep with his sleeper, Goodnight Irene.

    Awesomeness Rating: *¼

    Resnick, backstage with the Rougeaus. They love the WWF and hope you won’t drink and drive.

    Kamala (w/The Wizard & Kim Chee) vs. Bill Anderson

    PIP of Jack Tunney saying they may ban the top rope splash because Kamala is putting people in the hospital. Heenan and Monsoon discuss the official WWF Fan Club. Kamala eats this guy for lunch (literally?).

    Awesomeness Rating: *¼

    Resnick is backstage with Jake Roberts. Jake says he may do things he shouldn’t do but he’s never boring. Jake says he will never respect his opponent in the ring, and says it’s all a business.

    King Kong Bundy (w/Bobby Heenan) vs. Pedro Gonzalez

    Awesomeness Rating: *½
    King Kong Bundy vs. Pedro Gonzalez 12/28/86 WWF Challenge *½

    WOAH, Bundy and Kamala meet in the aisle! Bundy doesn’t want to back down and let Kamala through! Heenan has to talk him down! Wow, that’s kind of nuts. I don’t think it leads to anything sadly, but the crowd was very into it. Pedro looks like someone’s elderly uncle. Bundy kills him of course.

    Jake, on the Snake Pit, has Andre on as a guest! Andre thinks Damian is a garter snake. Jake wonders if he can find a snake big enough for Andre. Roberts asks him about the mysterious hearing. Andre only says it’s a mystery and won’t give any further garbled comments!

    Dino Bravo (w/Johnny V) vs. Alex Knight

    Heenan continues to dodge any and all Andre questions. Dino is more fun in squashes than long matches. Heenan tries to shrug off the Kamala/Bundy confrontation by saying the aisle was too narrow, haha. PIP of Dave Hebner saying Danny Davis is unfit to referee. Dino wins after a suplex.

    Awesomeness Rating: *¼

    We get to watch Outback Jack in the shower. Again, not kidding. What the fuck is up with this show?

    Haku, Tama, & Jose Luis Rivera vs. Butch Reed, Iron Sheik, & Nikolai Volkoff (w/Slick)

    Heenan wants to stand at attention for Volkoff’s anthem. I love how they always throw a jobber in there to take the pin. Sorry, Jose! Heenan thinks the Islanders have horrible fashion sense. PIP of Slick who claims he never interferes in matches. Haku looks great throwing Sheik around. He’s honestly looks like one of the best in ring guys in the company right now. Reed pins Rivera after a cool military press slam.

    Awesomeness Rating: **

    Resnick with Jimmy Hart backstage. He talks a mile a minute about Honky Tonky Man. HTM comes in and says the voting was all mixed up, and turns out the people actually liked him after all!

    Heenan and the best damage he’s ever seen – 12/28/86

    Gonna be a while til you get your hands on that belt, Bobby.

    Heenan does a special quick interview with Savage. He says the way he damaged Steamboat was the best he’s ever seen. He wonders if Savage felt any remorse. Savage says he only feels bad Steamboat had to wrestle Savage in the first place, and will feel even worse for him if he ever tries to wrestle him again!

    WWF Prime Time Wrestling – 12/30/86

    As always, Prime Time can be found on the WWE Network!

    Happy New Year!

    0:00 Heenan tries to get Monsoon to stop calling Hercules by his last name, Hernandez. Monsoon wonders if Heenan will turn into a better person in 1987. Don’t hold your breath, Gorilla!

    4:00 Heenan talks up Steve Lombardi! It’s no match for Monsoon’s overpowering love of Roma though.

    9:00 Heenan is mad at Jack Tunney, who is trying to garnish his wages to pay off all the money he owes people!

    12:00 Heenan is so tired of hearing about Ricky Steamboat’s throat.

    GM: I don’t think Steamboat is sounding too bad!

    BH: He sounds fine, if he’s doing a Donald Duck impression.
    14:00 Heenan makes fun of Steamboat’s attempts to recover. They watch a clip of Outback Jack. Heenan tells him to go to the dentist. He’s not wrong. Monsoon grills Heenan about the gifts he was supposed to bring last week. He says Miss Betty has gotten caught up in romantic entanglements and has not been available to deliver the gifts!

    27:00 Heenan is worried about his New Year’s party, with Miss Betty unavailable.

    30:00 Heenan talks about his great contributions to wrestling. Monsoon says they are supposed to talk about Andre!

    35:00 Monsoon tries to give Heenan a hard time, but Heenan ignores him, he’s on the phone planning his party.

    45:00 Heenan defends Jimmy Hart for not always being at ringside for his client’s matches. Monsoon scoffs at his excuses.

    54:00 Heenan brings out some champagne from his private stock. He says it’s “the best stuff from France”.

    1:03:00 Heenan is very focused on his champagne.

    1:15:00 Monsoon says if Heenan really wanted to be nice, he wouldn’t have his men beat up injured men, like Herc did to Tito. Heenan says he’d never turn down an easy victory.

    1:26:00 Monsoon presses Heenan about the way he got up from the booth and influenced the end of the Tito/Herc match. Heenan makes a bunch of excuses and blames the time keeper, haha. Heenan is very pleased about his victory. He wants Monsoon to celebrate New Year’s with him but Monsoon is mad at him. Monsoon won’t drink with him and calls him garbage! Heenan says ’87 will be the best year he ever had.

    And that brings us to the end of another year, dear readers! The Family has changed a lot in that time, hasn’t it? When the year started it was all about Bundy, with Studd as his sometimes partner and still a viable force on his own. Now Studd is out the door and Bundy is reduced to sporadic appearances for petty reasons. On the plus side, we’ve seen a lot of Harley Race and he’s really redeemed himself after his lousy AWA appearances, and Hercules has proved himself to be at least somewhat better than his reputation as a useless musclehead. The best and biggest angle of the Family though has got to be that historic Orndorff turn that yielded record crowds and profits for the company, and some of the best Hogan matches ever. Heenan himself has never been more a part of the product, between Prime Time and Challenge he’s all over TV and between his many managerial appearances and additional commentary gigs on the odd MSG or Maple Leaf show, he is arguably on screen more than anyone in the company, and he is really making the most of it. We all know ’87 is going to be an enormous year for Heenan, but just how we get from here to Wrestlemania III is not yet clear. Something is in the air with Andre, who is now back after the quiet end of the Machine angle, which was entertaining on Heenan’s part even if it didn’t yield many great matches. We have several months to go before we get to that enormous landmark show, but I can’t wait to get there. 1987, coming soon!

    That’s it for today, humanoids. I’ll be back soon with the next entry, until then don’t let the ham-and-eggers get you down, and stay awesome!

  29. #29
    Protector of the Oomph
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Love these images. Heenan, Monsoon, and the action figures, for instance.

    Been meaning to tell you a thing. Miz had a pretty good celebration on RAW.

    Here goes:

    When I see Miz with the IC title, it reminds me of WWF 1992
    WWF 1992 reminds me of Primetime Wrestling
    Which reminds me of Bobby Heenan
    Which reminds me that you are doing a series on Bobby Heenan
    Which reminds me you are also doing Primetime Wrestling
    Which reminds me of you and your sn: mizfan

  30. #30
    Wet Dream Machine SkitZ's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    With all the history between Heenan and Andre, that was definitely a peculiar way for Bobby to kind of mend fences with the Giant and help get him reinstated. If this were current day WWE, they would've just moved forward with no explanation whatsoever but I'm sure The Brain will clue us in soon enough. I love how he and Andre keep dodging the questions about their hearing at every turn. Shit, the whole thing's got me curious too. Another great part about rummaging through all this old stuff is the random tidbits you learn along the journey. For instance, I had no idea Foley had worked some squash matches in WWF under the name Jack during the mid 80s. Or that Roberts was a stud on the mic and a dud in the ring haha. Bring on 1987! Can't wait to see what the next year has in store for Heenan and his Family.

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