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Thread: The 16 Horsemen: Seven Days And A Whole Bunch Of Horsemen

  1. #1
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    The 16 Horsemen: Seven Days And A Whole Bunch Of Horsemen




    Yeah, you read that title right – it's a whole week of Horsemen! I'm going to pile as much Horse-nanigans into this week as humanly possible! So, it's multi-man matches galore. So much Arn! So much Arn! An unpleasant amount of Sid! And Mongo might even be back.....


    Oh no. Mongo might be back.


    Don't worry about that though because I have got an utter doozy of a match here. A sweet little gem of a thing that I actually found while looking for that Mongo shit-pile we all endured together. Whatcha got, Chopper?


    Dean Malenko

    Mr Perfect

    IN A CAGE

    LET'S HORSEMAN!!!!!





    0:01 – Right from the off we've got Mr Perfect and Rick Rude (Oh yeah, fucking Rick Rude is here as well!). Rude has a wonderbar moustache, the kind of moustache that only The Ravishing One can fucks with. Mr Perfect is tanned up, greased up, pumped up. YEAH! He is also wearing NWO sponsored shorts.


    1:02 – Malenko looks all serious. So he looks like Dean Malenko is the point. Commentary do a surprisingly good job of putting over his abilities in the ring, the personal nature of this thing AND the necessity of the cage to keep this a one on one match. Well done team!


    1:35 – Deano tries to climb in the ring and gets jumped by the dastardly but not unattractive Mr Perfect! I totally said that out loud. #lovewins


    2:17 – Hennig in control, tries the Irish Whip but gets reversed because “The Ice Man” Chuck...Errr Dean Malenko reverses. Cause he's a technical wizard, innit. So technical he sets about punching El Perfeto.


    2:28 – However! Silly rabbit forgets that Curt is a baddy, dammit! So he eats a thumb to the eye. No one thumbs the eye anymore. Probably in Lucha Underground. I bet they do it there. I don't know. I tried to watch it but the Dragon they promised wasn't even a real Dragon. It was just some flame effect. DON'T PROMISE DRAGONS IF YOU DON'T HAVE DRAGONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


    2:41 – We get our first cage escape attempt but Perfect meets the wrestlers greatest foe...A cage door. Why can't they ever get them open? While he ponders this, Dean just clubs him in the back. Some more technical wizardry there. Ooooo! Sweet back body drop! Oooooo! Sweet knee to the face thing! Oooo! Sweet Irish Whip reversal into Perfect kicking him in the Ice Face!


    3:11 – Hennig remembers that he's God Damn Perfect so does a pull up to the roof of the cage....then hangs there? Wait, something's went wrong here. Malenko, being all no nonsense as fuck, just jumps, grabs him and slams the silly fucker down. That looked like it sucked to take.


    3:42 – Malenko tries to run into Perfect and ends up smashing head first into the cage. They both move with great purpose, really makes shit look stiff without being stiff, y'know?


    4:08 – Now just slams Malenko into the corner – shoulder first! Ouch! Commentary are all over this match, selling previous attacks on Malenkos shoulder. Again, well done, team!


    5:06 – Son of The Axe has just spent the last minute fucking with Malenkos shoulder. Now he's using the ropes for some extra leverage because not only is he an awesome baddy, he's an awesome technically proficient baddy.


    5:23 – Some weird cut, commercial break? Or I just blacked out.


    5:27 – Curt just sort of shoves Malenko into the cage who manages to block, like he's on autopilot.


    6:15 – Perfect goes for the pin. It fails, he shouts at the ref. Up yours, ref. I'm Perfect!


    7:03 – Sweet. Hennig wrenches at the shoulder but, with his other hand, rake/gouges the eyes. What a dick!


    7:19 – Oh, Malenko tries to fight back! Whips the NWO man into the ropes...who rebounds and elbows the shoulder! What a fucking pimp! However, some minor, accidental, noggin-knockery there buys him some time!


    7:39 – Dean fighting back, trying to gain some momentum. Clubs and CHOPS! But Hennig cuts it off with a kick to the gut and club to the back!


    8:11 – Slapping him in the back of The Ice Head shouting at him. HAHA! “Come on, Malenko! Fight back!” Serial, what a total dick. “You wannabe Four Horseman!” Oh no he didn't!


    8:54 – Fans into the Four Horsemen chant now because motherfucking Mr Perfect tricked them into it.


    9:39 – Commentary, seriously I'm really impressed, are pushing how it's nearly a year since Mr. Perfect turned on The Horsemen. I am loving this. Keep in mind I've found this at random, so by rights I should have no idea what's going on. They've managed to build all this history into this match so someone watching for the first time knows why these guys are fighting, where they've been and where they're going.


    10:02 – Cross Arm Breaker on that funked up shoulder. Malenko blocks it somewhat though. TECHNICAL!


    10:32 – CHOP! Shoulder first into the cage! I can feel it now, my shoulder is twitching with the way they've been working that thing!


    11:03 – Dean tackles Perfect! FLIPS HIM INTO THE STEEL! Grabs him again! HEAD FIRST INTO THE CELL! GOES FOR THE CLOVERLEAF!! Aaaargh, Perfect crawls to the ropes!


    Writers Note: Look, I know that breaking the hold in a cage match, essentially No-DQ rules, is a bit iffy...BUT...the match has been built around the idea of keeping others out not around the potential brutality. So, I'm giving it a pass. Fuck Y'all.


    11:37 – Hennig reverses a Whip, scoops up Ice Bob Square Head and he bumps the ref! REF BUMP! Where do they get these fragile motherfuckers?


    11:51 – Oh no you do not, so called Mr. Perfect! You do not go for the Figure-Four! Oh, he doesn't as Dean kicks him into the steel! Middle of the ring....CLOVERLEAF!! CLOVERLEAF!!


    12:05 – That piece of shit Bischoff is running out! Although he does have luxurious hair! Dammit! Stevie-Ray is with him! No one cares! He's got a key!


    12:15 – They pile in the ring! Rude is all over Malenko! Throws him into that steel! As the ref wakes up and rings the bell! So Rude throws his fragile ass into the cell for good measure!


    12:48 – Rude counts the three on Malenko but it is bullshit! BULL SHIT! Oh I hate you NWO but I secretly thing you're so cool you have Rick Rude and Mr. Perfect for fucks sake fucks sake fucks sake I'm so confused how did you WCW watchers deal with all this confusion!


    13:15 – They're dragging Malenko out of the cage? Wait, setting him up at the door! This is bad news, they're going to slam the door on him while he's already spark out!


    13:32 – ARN FUCKING ANDERSON!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SMASHES PERFECT! SMASHES RUDE! CROWD IS SCREAMING!!


    13:42 – Stevie-Ray pauses to take his shirt off, rather than recognize the very real danger he is in. Arn, being salty and so very, very, very spoiling for a worthwhile scrap just lets him. In fact, taking off his own shirt to reveal a wife-beater because when Arn beats your ass he makes you his fucking bitch.


    13:45 – The Enforcer tells Bookers shit brother to bring his ass, who actually fucking does, and gets his head smashed into the cage! ARN OWNS ALL CAGES YOU PUNK BITCH!! CLUB! CLUB! CLUB! KICK! KICK! Literally kicks him out of the cage!


    14:03 – Now he's telling Rude, Perfect and every other motherfucker to step inside the real fucking world!


    14:30 – Arn just stares a hole through Rude and Perfect. Fuck Yeah. That's how you HORSEMAN!!


    You heard me, that's how you Horseman!

    Now, I've cheated a bit here, since Mr Perfect isn't actually a Horseman here. However, I couldn't pass up this match, could I? Not to mention that he was only a Horseman for about half a match and that ended with him turning on them! The shit.

    So we get to the question of the moment, was Curt Hennig worthy of the Horseman moniker? Of course he was. Despite his absurdly short tenure he's a man that embodies all the things we associate with them – excellence in the ring, quality promos and a respect for the business – Perfect had all that in spades. In some ways he's the biggest disappointment in Horseman history, purely because of just what a missed opportunity it was. Instead he became just another NWO guy, another famous face standing in the background.

    Malenko is a far more questionable Horseman to me. While he could obviously go in the ring, his promos were.....they existed. They were functional, I suppose. The Horsemen are known possibly more for their promos than the in-ring. That's not to say there isn't a long history of great matches, of course there is, but when I think of The Horsemen I think of those big group promos from the early days. When Arn, then Ole, then Tully, Then JJ, then Flair would be talking. Interjecting and shouting in support of each other. The idea of Horsemen is that they excel in every way. Better talkers, better brawlers, better technicians, harder partiers and they can go. All. Night. WOO!

    Malenko, had only some of that, he's half a Horseman. Which is more Horseman than me. Or fucking Paul Roma.

    Also, Arn Rules!


    Tomorrow, Barry Windham and friends!

  2. #2
    Senior Member SkitZ's Avatar
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    Given recent events, I clicked on this assuming it was another column about Lynch, Charlotte and Banks jumping to the main roster. Clearly someone didn't read the title carefully. I'm glad this turned out to be a week-long series on Four Horseman matches instead. My knowledge of WCW is at an elementary level and thus could always use some educating. I'm no Cult after all!

    Malenko was obviously a tremendous technician between the ropes but, as you explained above, his mic skills left much to be desired. He's like a stumpy version of Del Rio. Dean's vocal shortcomings are why his active career in WWE consisted mostly of wrestling for the Light Heavyweight Title on Sunday Night Heat.

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    Mr Skitz! Thanks for dropping by. My WCW knowledge probably isn't much better than yours but I do loves The Horsemen. So I'm having some fun stumbling on these little gems. The talent at WCW was insane! A Stumpy Del Rio, I wish I'd thought of that for this column! I always like Malenko in the Cruiser/Light Heavyweight scene. I liked the way he brought that technical side against all the high-flying, brought a great extra dimension to things. Cheers for th read.

    ONWARDS!!



    The 16 Horsemen: Sid Ruined It


    Day Two and I have another absolute stonker of a match!

    It's Barry Windham and Arn Anderson versus....The God Damn Road Warriors!! YEEES!!

    Let's not stand on ceremony.....Let's do the other thing.....

    LET'S HORSEMAN!!!!!!





    0:20 – Arn is here! And he is salty as a human being can be. Barry has the ol' heel ponytail going and Sid (Yeah, Sid is here. Sorry.) is wearing a tux, because he seemingly spent this entire period trying to look as much like a parody of a Horseman as possible.


    0:50 – People really like The Road Warriors. They run in the ring and the Horsemen get the fuck out of there! If Arn Anderson is running from you, you know you're bad news!


    1:13 – Sid apparently has something in his coat. JR foreshadows like a motherfucker!


    1:37 – The Enforcer starts out against Hawk. He's all, “Hey, lets have a nice, clean OH I PUNCHED HAWK IN THE FACE! ARN ANDERSON, SON!”


    1:45 – Hawk is, not surprisingly, unimpressed by this turn of events so grabs Arn, Irish whip! Rebound! Arn powders out the ring. He's so wily!


    1:55 – Feeling pretty smart, Anderson is doing the smarty-pants head pointy thing but a dark shadow looms....It's ANIMAL! He unceremoniously, for reals, lifts Arn and dumps him back in the ring. Meanwhile, in the background, Hawk is beating up Windham because he was bored. Powerslam to Barry and both Horsemen get the fuck out of there. Jesus, who'd wrestle Hawk and Animal? Gimme a minute, guys, eh!?!


    2:24 – Haha! The ref is telling Arn to get back in the ring, so he starts doing shoulders stretches, all like “be right with you, just got to work this kink out!”


    2:36 – Big Barry gets in the ring now, tells the ref he's the legal man and everyones just going to have to live with it. Then he gives Hawk a look like “the fuck I'm supposed to do with this guy?” Starts circling, all while doing a “calm down, fella” thing at The Road Warrior. Ha!


    3:05 – Animal is in, gets kneed in the back from the illegal Arn (YES!) and suplex by Windham! Bazza pops up, all impressed with himself but he's forgotten one thing. This is The Road Warriors, owner-operators of the world famous No-Sell Franchise: You Take The Hits, We Don't Take The Bumps. Anyway, Irish Whip, Press Slam, Flex! RAAAARGH!! Barry rolls his ass out the ring, wouldn't you?


    3:45 – While Cornette frantically pimps The Horsemens many credentials (faster, smarter, more technical), Animal just suplexes The Widowmaker back into the ring. It's a hilarious juxtaposition, whether Corny meant it or not.


    4:05 – Arn tries to stomp on Animals face but it does not go well. In fact, Animal simply grabs the foot, while Arn looks terrified, spin, Atomic drop, headbutt from Hawk back to Animal who plants a bear hug on him! Windham says, fuck all that noise and knees the big scary bastard in the back! HORSEMANNED!


    4:55 – Awesome slow powerslam from Windham! Slowed it down enough to show the weight of Animal but kept the pace up enough to make it look impactful. Windham can wrestle, yo.


    5:14 – Arns just stomping on his throat now, because if a man can't breath he cant fight! Picks up the big man and screams “gimme a knee!” at Barry, who obliges. Throws Animal at him but...REVERSAL....and Arn gets given a knee alright! Right in the face! Hah! See my joke!


    5:46 – Hahahahah! Right, so...Animal is on the deck, okay, and he's in trouble so he starts doing what I can only describe as a leaping headbutt. I'm dubbing it “The Drunken Salmon.” Barry gives it his own batch of No-Sell though. Animal gets the clothesline, buying some time but Windhams back with a slam.


    6:25 - Oh, Barry. You utter fool. He climbs the turnbuckle, that he may leap onto the prone Warrior. How do you think it goes for him? Guesses?

    Yup, Animal stands up and throws him halfway across the ring.


    7:11 – Animal with the slow suplex now! Crawls to Hawk! HOT TAG HOT TAG! Punches Barry! Knocks down Arn! FLYING SHOULDER TO WINDHAM!!! Kneckbreaker! Irish Whip! Nice drop-kick! Arn interrupts so Animal clatters him!


    8:03 – Sid stomps on in and clubs Animal, while the referee hilariously tries to hold him back. It's like a baby fighting a T-Rex. What's even better is that once the bells already ringing, DQ has been called, Sid pays heed to the referee and leaves the ring! THAT'S NOT HOW YOU HORSEMAN!!


    8:11 – Barry and Hawk play ring around the rosies for a minute before Barry gets thrown into the turnbuckle. Hawkward takes a runnie but Arn pulls Baz out of the way, because he's motherfucking Arn Anderson!


    8:24 – Fuck me. Windham goes for the pinfall, Arn holding the legs down but Animal kicks him in the face. More pressing, however, is THE DQ WE ALL KNOW HAPPENED! They're even talking about it on commentary! Wait, is that Ole in the background?


    8:35 – JR is claiming that Sid never made contact, let's go back and check.....

    8:03 – Sid stomps on in and clubs Animal
    YUP! Totally clubbed him. Twice. You're black lies disgust me, Jim.


    8:55 – Everyones fighting now and the crowd has reached an absurdly high pitch! Arn is fighting Animal outside! Spills in the ring! Ole and Sid pile in, stomping on Animal! Someone, I think Ellering, tries to get in and Ole just clatters him! Orndorff and Stinger out and it's fucking mayhem! The faces stand tall! Wait, Ole tries to get back in the ring and, is that JYD!! It is, The Dog gives Ole a slappin' and we are out!



    Well, boy howdy that was a fun match, not even Sid could ruin it. Although he did apparently completely fuck up the ending. The big freak.

    We ain't here to talk about Sid though (not yet), we're here to talk about one of the great Horsemen – Bad Ass Barry Windham.

    As you can see, I like Windham. I can't claim to be an expert in the guy, or that he's one of my all time favourites, but Windham is one of those dudes that everyone likes. He could work his ass off, strong on the mic and he just looks like a wrestler. He's fucking huge actually. Watching him in some of the matches I've covered you realise just what a big bastard he was, which brought something new and unique to the Horsemen. So he has all the quintessential Horseman skills and brings something new with his size. Additionally, there's a reality to everything he does. I mentioned the way he stalls on the powerslam, just long enough to sell the idea of it being a struggle. Or his reaction when he first gets in the ring, giving a look where he has no idea how to combat this guy. It's selling it with every move. Y'know, as if he's in a real fight and has to keep moving and adapting.

    So the question of whether he is a true Horseman is rather moot. Of course he is. Many consider him, Arn, Tully, Flair and JJ to be the perfect version of the group. Me, I prefer the original group but it's marginal. I certainly wouldn't argue against anyone saying it. What this match has done is make want to watch a whole lot more Windham and that can't be a bad thing.


    Tomorrow – SID!!

    Sorry.

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    Chop, I will tell you now I did not yet read the second entry. I'm exhausted, but was pleased to see this series make s return and forced myself to at least read the first before bed.

    You did not disappoint.

    I might be Malenko's biggest fan, and even I think he's a shit horseman. Not mongo or Roma shit, but whatever the level above that is. The horseman concept for me was running on fumes at that point and didn't feel as elite as it should have. To be honest Hennig would have been the perfect (pardon the pun) horseman, but instead they nWoed him because he once wrestled for Vince. It's a shame, he could have enhanced both his and the horseman legacy with a nice run.

    Either way this column made my day. I'm so happy to see this series back. Reading your stuff is one of the great pleasures of this forum for me.
    Read my latest. That's not a request.

    THAT'S AN ORDER, MAGGOT!!!!





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    The 16 Horsemen: Look, Let's Just Get Through This

    Ray, given your new baby status (CONGRATS!!) I think I can give you a pass on the second entry.

    Malenko is a great worker and rubbish Horseman. Although, the further I get into this series the idea of The Horsemen being "elite" is starting to get a bit shaky. Perfect is just such a missed opportunity, especially with him set to take the enforcer role. he would have nailed it. It's in keeping with the missed opportunity with the NWO/Horseman feud. The Horsemen should have been the people leading WCW against the NWO, with both sides competing to recruit people.

    Get some sleep!



    The 16 Horsemen: Look, Let's Just Get Through This


    When I was a child, there was a woman lived in our street. You know the kind, curtains were always closed and there were always rumours. She was a witch! She was a sooth-sayer! She was addicted to pain pills!! Being a precocious young thing I decided I was going to find out just what her secret was. Or steal her medication. My motivations are not the issue here, shutup.

    So I knocked on her door, bold as brass, and I asked her “the fucks with you, love?” and she grabbed my head, looked me in the eye and said “one day you will write a column about a giant man in a tuxedo. You will write of Sid, as all men must some day do. You will look into the void, you will commune with madness and you will emerge from the other side anew. Reborn in darkness.” So I kicked her in the shins and ran away. She died the next day.


    And here we are.....


    LET'S HORSEMAN!!!!




    Jim Ross interviewing....

    0:18 - “Watch out Sting and Robocop”

    Jesus Christ. I did not know it was a Robocop promo. I typed “Sid” and “Horsemen” into youtube and this came up and I thought “Oh, cool, a quick Sid promo and I'm out!” Then JR says Robocop and we're through the looking glass. Fuck yeah. Tell us about Robocop, guys!


    Woman replies first because, fuck it why not...


    0:20 - “Jim Ross, people, you're about to find out that the manhunt is over”


    When she says “Manhunt” she makes like a saucy face which I like but feels weird now, you get me? Moving on....


    This is where The Nature Boy steps in, alright let's go....


    0:28 - “SHOUTING SHOUTING SHOUTING SHOUTING SHOUTING”


    He's really shouting. I know that's part of his charm but he's REALLY shouting here, so what he's saying isn't as consequential as the fact that he is shouting louder than is really necessary. He is, however, rocking the douchiest ponytail I've ever seen. I mean that in a good way, it's heel-tacular.


    0:51 - “NOT ONLY IS HE GOING TO BLEED!! FROM COAST TO COAST!”


    The caps are very much required. I cannot stress how shouty he is here. It's actually hard to focus on what he's saying. BUT! That line is awesome enough to leap out. I've managed to gather together that he will be fighting Lex “ugh” Luger in a cage. He also refuses to even mention Robocop. Flair is no-selling Robocop!


    0:57 - “he is going to be the most embarrassed athlete alive because when you get beat in THE CAGE it's all over!”


    I've chilled with the caps. Either he's not shouting as much or my brain has done something to take the edge off. Anyway, I'm not sure I'm on board with his central thesis. Losing in a cage is embarrassing?


    Ric throws it over to Ole, so he can concentrate on cackling like a lunatic....


    1:09 - “Now we are at FULL STRENGTH” *Sid lumbers into frame*


    You're totally right, Ole. Sid is exactly what you're group has been missing all these years! Hahahaaa!


    1:25 – “Take a look at the man that's gunna take care of.....ROBOCOP”


    There is a moment where Ole takes a deep breath, where he steels himself to shout “Robocop” into the camera. Where everything he's ever done, every title, every beat-down. Every long car ride, the missed moments with his family. A moment where all that flashes in front of his eyes and he thinks “this is what I sacrificed it for, this moment.” Then he shouts Robocop into a camera while Sid Vicious makes his rapiest face.


    Sid takes over....


    1:30 - “ROBOCOP!”


    Just. What delivery, bravo you big freak. Sid has no pause. He has not seen what Ole has seen, he will challenge Robocop then sleep a long dreamless sleep. While Ole will call his wife and apologise.


    1:32 - “I'm 6'9! 320- Pounds!!” *Always pointing* “I AM THE REAL MAN OF STEEL IN THE NWA!”


    He is also very shouty. I'm wondering now if Flair dialled up the shouty so Sid might seem less shouty by comparison? Everyones been very shouty here. Even Ole, who I don't consider the shoutiest generally. He also seems to think that Superman and Robocop are the same thing. The fucking idiot.


    1:38 - “AND YA BETTA LEARN TO LIKE IT!!” *POINTING POINTING POINTING!!*


    As hilarious as Sids delivery is here, it's Oles over enthusiastic cackling that tips this into true comedy. He's smiling but the eyes are dead. Slapping Sid in the chest, trying desperately to not show his true feelings. The Ole we knew is gone.


    Ever the professional though, Ole steps back in....


    1:50 - “Can you believe it!?”


    No, I can't, Ole. I cannot believe any of this is really happening.


    1:51 – “Flair takes Luger! The Horsemen take Sting! And The Bucket a' bolts goes to Sid Vicious!”


    The broken Ole tries desperately to reroute this into a genuine wrestling promo, even refusing to say Robocop now.


    Ole brings in Barry Windham but he really doesn't say anything new or of note. He does look supremely fucked though. He raise his glasses at one point and his eyes just look bonkers. That man is off his ass. I suppose once they tell you Sid is joining the Horsemen to fight Robocop, you don't have any choice but to get fucked up.


    Save us, Arn Anderson, you're our only hope....


    2:23 - “If you think we're playing stack the deck in Washington DC, the most violent city in the country, where murder runs rampant – we're bringing the violence to Washington, my friend”


    God bless us and keep us, Arn Anderson. The Enforcer reminds me why I love him, reminding us that they are violent men. And all the stupid bullshit in the world can't change that.


    2:39 – “If you think R2-D2 and Sting on one leg! And Luger can buck these odds you are outta your noodle”


    ZING! IN your face, Robocop! Arn doesn't even know which stupid robot you are! He thinks you're one of the gay ones from Star Wars! Also, he makes “outta your noodle” sound baddass somehow.


    Naitch wants a piece now that Arn has things back on track....


    2:47 - “MORE SHOUTING SHOUTING SHOUTING!!”


    I actually think Ric is trying to out-shout Sid. He's annoyed that someone is louder than him!


    2:59 - “This guy is 6'10!”


    Sid has grown an inch in the last minute, apparently.


    3:03 - “He weighs 350 pounds!”


    And put on 30 pounds, because Ric knows how to sell a motherfucker.


    3:04 - “He's going to eliminate ROBOCOP!”


    FLAIR ACTUALLY SAID ROBOCOP!!!! I really thought he'd try to get through the whole thing without saying it.


    3:06 - “AND STING.....One, TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE!” pointing at each Horseman in turn “We're going to break. Your LEG. AGAIN!”


    There he is! There's my Naitch! Not many can beat him when he gets rolling. This has been a brutal fucking promo to watch but he's got a head of steam here and he's brought it back, just like Arn did earlier, to the harsh realities of fighting The Horsemen. They don't just want to beat you, they want to break you.


    3:19 - “Think about that Sting! When you walk that aisle! We're going to break your leg again! WOO!”


    If a threats worth saying, it's worth saying twice. Wooing afterwards is just the icing on the cake because it's important to let them know you're excited about their future crippling. Take pride in your work. That's the lesson here.


    Even if your work does involve pimping a future battle between Sid and Robocop.



    For fucks sake.


    No, Sid is not a Horseman, don't even ask!

    However! I will give Sid credit for selling the shit out of fighting Robocop. Everyone else here is barely keeping it together but Sid is professional as hell throughout. He takes this fucking absurd premise and lives it, he will fight Robocop and he will win!

    This is also an absurdly stacked group – Arn, Ole, Windham, Flair, Sid and Woman managing them! That's bonkers. I mean, I don't like Sid but I would also not like to fight him. I would not fight any of those people. Not even Woman, she looks like she'd rip your sack off.

    Basically, Sid isn't a Horseman but he maybe doesn't suck as much as I think. He has his place, certainly. He's a big, scary, unique looking monster of a man. And now that this is written, that old womans soul can rest and I can finally get some sleep.

    Also, Jim Ross has always looked like he was made of sausage meat.


    Tomorrow – PILLMAN!!

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    I read both of these and "if Arn Anderson is running from you, you know you're bad news" might be my favorite line you've written in any of these yet. I love Ric Flair, but when it comes to the Horsemen, Anderson is and always will be my favorite. That's part of what made Hennig's turn so bad, he was given ARN'S FUCKING SPOT. If he was going to turn he should have been a Horseman for awhile to show just how important that spot was.

    I also loved the way you handled Sid, that interview is the perfect way to do it. Just enough to get the point across without subjecting us to too much of him. God bless you and this series!
    Read my latest. That's not a request.

    THAT'S AN ORDER, MAGGOT!!!!





  7. #7
    I know I'm days late on this comment, but he's a real Dragon... I swear!

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    AHH!! There were Horseman riding and I almost missed it! I'm here now, and I'll never leave this series again, at least until this current batch finishes.

    THINKING THOUGHTS!!

    Malenko! More mechanical than Robocop (foreshadowing?!?) but still fun. He's not a Horseman in the best sense but I kind of liked when they ran with Benoit & Malenko, felt like they had a couple of stonefaced assassins on the squad. I'll give it some credit, anyway. Hennig is always amazing though, dammit Arn gave him his spot!! How could he turn his back on it??

    Windham! I once saw Windam do a goddam RVD karate kick jumping off the top rope. The man is the secret boss of all wrestling, he could do anything (except be a real main eventer, apparently). But it's almost not fair to put anything in with prime Road Warriors, because they will inevitably overpower everything with their LODness. Which is not a bad thing at all!!

    Sid! Sid? Sid...

    "he will challenge Robocop then sleep a long dreamless sleep" is perhaps the closest anyone has ever come to truly understanding Sid. I applaud both you for struggling through this promo and for Arn and Flair actually nearly pulling it up into the positive territory. Your treatise on Ole's pause before saying the dreaded "RC" word is perhaps the saddest thing I've ever read in a Chop column.

    In closing, how about 70 days of Horsemen? I love this series too much to even properly explain.

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    These were funny. I can't believe WCW used Robo Cop in their angles. A typical 80's promo was just shouting, so this doesn't surprise me.

    I didn't watch the video, but from what you wrote, Malenko/Hennig doesn't sound like the dream match it should have been.

  10. #10
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    The 16 Horsemen: Brian Pillmans Awesome Laugh

    Heyho!

    Ray - Bang on with the Hennig/Arns spot analysis, mate. He tosses it aside so casually it feels like it never mattered. Perhaps that was the aim, making it more disrespectful but it feels like we were robbed of something. A solid six months of Hennig Horsemanning would have been excellent, with him being slowly seduced by the dark side.

    Glad you were happy with the use of Sid. I had concerns people might demand a more complete Sid-centric column, but the prospect of watching one of his matches upset me. Of course, the issue with this series is that the worse the wrestler, the better the columns end up being!

    Murph - I call shenanigans! In fairness, I've literally only seen one vignette where he's talking to some oily dude (the boss guy?) and walks off and he disapears in a flame effect. I'll certainly be giving it another try and a column will follow!

    Mizbags! - I wondered where you were! I really wish I'd made that Malenko/Robocop connection. Would have been nice to have some connections like those running through these. Windham is the fucking boss in the ring and no one seems to talk about it. I wonder if it's just one of those unsaid things, we all know he was great so what's to talk about. His offense has great realism to it, similar to Streamboats in alot of ways, where you get the impression of a genuine fight as opposed to choreographed moves. i was very, very, very happy to find that LOD match! There's a few opponents I wanted to make sure I got in somewhere - Dusty and LOD, and I've done it!

    Sid, oh Siddy Sid. He's one of a kind, god bless him. Honestly, I like him more after watching that - he really goes for it and I can get into that. Ole looks dead in the eyes the entire time, it's heartbreaking.

    Ripper - I'm pretty immune to 80s shouting at this point but Flair was off his tits on this one. Just bonkers. If you have the notion, find the Robocop freeing Sting from a cage stuff, it's mind-bending. The Hennig/Malenko match definitely isn't what you'd expect from them, it's a random Nitro episode, in a match designed really to have Arn come out at the end, so it's clear they aren't going full bore. It's worth a watch though. Those two at half speed is still pretty good.

    Cheers all! More Horsemen!



    The 16 Horsemen: Brian Pillmans Awesome Laugh


    Yeah, baby, now we're cooking! I've done Sid, I've done Roma and I've done Mongo! It's plain(ish) sailing from here on out! I think we can agree we need to go big now though, after the utter madness of Sids Robocop Challenge we are going to need some prime Horseman. Gimme that good stuff, Mr Pillman!


    LET'S HORSEMAN!!!!!!



    0:11 – Jesus, what is Pillman wearing? Look, I know the nineties where a rough time for us all in terms of clothing but wrestlers of that time just take it to absurd levels. He's rocking some kind of flared blue denim shirt effort. Meanwhile, Arn is dressed like a semi-retired Irish gangster. The kind of guy that gets called twice a year to hit some guy.


    0:14 – Gene claims ”he is not one to be poli-pragmatic”


    I don't know what that means but I think he just called you an asshole.


    0:21 – Awesome Pillman laugh. It goes *raspy* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!


    0:25 - “ever since my man, Double A, walked that aisle at Fall Brawl”


    See how Pillman uses the Nature Boys own words against him. “walk that aisle” is a phase oft used by Flair in the past. It's not a big quote but if you know your Flair, your Horsemen, you'd hear it. Pillman is showing that he knows the history but that he also is comfortable using it for his own means.


    0:31 - “and beat The Man, The Dirtiest Player in the Game”


    Great line. Shows respect by calling him The Man but puts over Arn as the guy that beat The Man.


    0:35 - “The Nature Boy has reached an all-time low! He's grovelling! He's begging! On his hands and knees...”


    See what Naitch has become without The Enforcer? Brian sees it and he's not fucking impressed.


    0:47 - “Pan-handlin' for pocket change in the sewers of Times Square!”


    I'm just gunna leave that line there for a second. Just enjoy the poetry of it, the imagery. Pillman has shown respect for Flair, shown that he has looked up to him and now sees him as a let down.


    0:59 – “While my man Double A and myself will be exercising OUR RIGHT! To bear arms”


    He says “Our Right” like Flair there. I don't know if it's intentional or not but it's a good copy of classic Flair intonation. Throwing emphasis at words in THE MIDDLE of a sentence. Just WHEN you're not exPECTing IT! WOOO!


    1:06 - “our right to assemble” - *Flashes Four Horsemen sign*


    Fuck yeah. Flyin' Brian lets Flair know that there is a new Horsemen coming and The Nature Boy is on the wrong damn side of it!


    1:09 - “And our RIGHT! To hospitalise anybody that gets in our path!” *Flashes Horsemen sign again* “WOOOOO”


    The slow, derisive WOOOOO. Is it weird that I know what all different WOOOOOs mean? It is totally weird. I 'ont give a 'uck though!


    EVERYONE SHUTUP!! ARN ANDERSON IS ABOUT TO START TALKING!!


    1:34 - “I've known Ric Flair to act alotta ways in the past, I know you're flipped, Ric”


    I very much enjoy this acknowledgement that Arn has always know Flair was a mental-case. I mean, Naitch has always been mental, imagine being the guy that has to have his back. No wonder Arn was so grumpy all those years.


    1:47 - “Remember the formula, Ric, if ya jump on me, ya jump on us!”


    More historical call back, love it, echoing Flairs own words in promos past. It's the classic conundrum for all Horsemen. You live by that gang mentality and you die by it. Every man that's been with them and left has found that out the hard way. Naitch is next if he keeps this up.


    1:51 - “Now you're one of the greatest of all time but if you're gunna get in a tag team situation, this is where I excel”


    You said a motherfucking mouthful there, Mr. Enforcer, sir. Flair may well be the greatest World Champion of all time but there's few that can touch Arn when it comes to the Tag Team realm and Arn knows it. He's also clearly relishing the idea of it, of forcing The Nature Boy to step into his world.


    2:05 - “You would ask Randy Savage!? You smacked his 70 year old man in the mouth!”


    More history. Arn reminds Ric of all the havoc he has caused in his career, the enemies he has made and now he finds himself alone and surrounded by enemies. Another problem of being a FORMER Horseman, everyone remembers when you were one. Also, Flyin' Brian finds all of this just hilarious.


    BRIAN IS WEARING A FANNYPACK! I JUST NOTICED! Learn to dress yourself, you want to be a Horseman, son!


    Sorry Arn, you were saying?


    2:12 - “Then you turn around and you ask Sting!? Who four years ago you crippled and almost put out of wrestling and you wonder why!?”


    The level of incredulity on Arns voice here is priceless. STING!? You crazy!


    2:22 - “For 10 years, Ric, you ran over everybody but you had me to back your play”


    Here we come to the crux of this whole thing. How much was Ric Flairs success due to Arn Anderson? In Arns mind it is clearly significant. He feels let down, under-appreciated and maybe he's right. Arn did back Flair again and again. Flair made that World Champ money, had the fame and the woman that come with it but how much of that filtered to Arn? How often did Flair offer a thank you? Clearly not enough in Arns mind.



    Jiggers, I've ended up talking about Arn. Again.

    Still, we had some solid Pillman there. I don't think many would question Pillmans skills in the ring at that point in his career. In that regard, he is Horseman. Where some might have had pause is whether he can carry it on the mic and I think he holds up damn well here. He's hitting all the right marks. Building his opponent while simultaneously running him down. Building a personal narrative by implying his own hero worship of Flair and his subsequent disgust of who he is.

    Most importantly though, is that he hits a few great memorable lines. Great Horsemen promos always had those lines you remember. Equally important is the way Pillman creates his own persona in these promos. There's enough unique stuff in there that you could identify it as a specific Pillman promo and that is incredibly necessary. He also stands next to Arn, speaks before him, and he seems like he belongs. Arn doesn't overshadow him.

    Pillman is a God Damn Horseman and, much like with Windham, I want to see a whole lot more.

    Homeboy cannot dress for shit though.


    Tomorrow – A special surprise!

  11. #11
    this is my legacy
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    Chop -- Love you, brother, for representing NWA/WCW here in the CF. That Sid video took me back. Just the WCW logo and style. Not to get on my WCW-fucked-it-up-with-Luger rants, but it would have made sense here for Luger to go over Flair and enter a program with Sid. Would have been a way to elevate Sid's status, and it would have made a good 'first feud', as they could later move to Luger-Flair, Luger-Sting, whatever.

    Loved Ole's line, "Flair takes Luger, the Horseman take Sting, and the bucket of bolts goes to Sid Vicious!"

    Keep stylin', chopper.

    Edit: Goddamn, Pillman. He's good. The rhetoric, the voice, using Flair against Flair. So good. It seems people are so conditioned now that all they do when someone brings up WCW is talk about how stupid it was. You can even show them good elements and it's like, "But didn't WWE tell me that WCW used to..."

    So sad.
    Last edited by shane; 07-20-2015 at 10:08 AM.

  12. #12
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    Chop...Chop...Chop.

    Pillman is one of my favorite Horsemen, even if it was short-lived, I loved him. I thought he added the right amount of crazy to the proceedings. In a different world without injuries etc, maybe Pillman one day might have led his own band of Horsemen. That's how much I loved him as a Horseman, I thought that one day he could lead the charge when Flair was gone into a whole new era for the group. HHH tried hard with Evolution, and they were a fun stable, but they didn't have the "IT" that The Horsemen did, part of that was because Flair was past his prime, and the rest was because HHH couldn't be Flair. Pillman might have been able to get there, you could see it in his delivery here, he knew the buttons to push at the right times.

    I still believe that he is one of those guys who should have been a bigger star than he ever was. It's a shame he passed on so early...bless him, bless The Horsemen, and bless you for this brilliant work.
    Read my latest. That's not a request.

    THAT'S AN ORDER, MAGGOT!!!!





  13. #13
    LPW pYromania Head Writer
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    WE'RE GOING.

    TO BREAK.

    YOUR LEG.


    Wow. That was something. Luger looks like one of those menacing porcelain baby dolls all grown up. Yellow cherub hair on the skull of scary ass dude. His gaze is just... my lord. I shutter every time.

    Great thoughts on Pillman and Anderson in the latest entry. Wouldn't have been able to single out those lines you mentioned Pillman dropped as a tribute of sorts, but your logic makes perfect sense. So bravo on that. This is a fun series.

  14. #14
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    You can't not talk about Arn. Arn is the Horseman, even more than Flair.

    Ah Pillman, what a "what if" he sadly is. I almost want to resent him for helping to start all this "worked shoot" malarkey that still plagues the industry, but I can't stay mad at him. But honestly, my favorite thing about this promo is that it's all part of a giant plan to betray Sting, because Sting is the most betrayed man in all of wrestling history. Someday someone, perhaps me, will write a series about all the times Sting was betrayed. About 85% of them will have to do with Flair and all 100% of them will be hilarious, because Sting has a betrayal fetish and puts himself into situations where someone can betray him.

  15. #15
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    The Chops: DRAGONS!?!

    Shane, brother, even just from the videos I've been watching from around that time it's clear Luger was over as fuck. They should have ran with that as long as they could for sure.

    Pillman is excellent in this promo, and it's so unique to him but still has respect for the history. He was a smart talker, you know. It's not just "I'm gunna beat you up!" there's so much going on there. He's one of the lost greats for sure and so few people seem to know. Partly because of that "WWE told me...." mentality. They present him only as The Loose Cannon, Austin and the Hart foundation wierdo with a gun, but he had real skill. The interesting thing for me doing this series is realizing how influenced I am by the WWE machine. Luger was a big deal, especially in his early WCW run, but he's routinely presented as a failed Hogan. Frankly, when it comes to stupid shit I doubt WCW and WWE have much of a different record, but the winne writes the history and all that.

    Ray, old buddy - I'd love to see you write something on Pillman. I know you've carved a niche of writing timely, current affairs pieces but it's always good to show some back story on yourself. Interesting you say about him leading The Horseman as Jericho talks about that in his first group. Apparently, during his ECW run, Pillman talked to him about starting a version of The Horsemen with all young guys called Generation X Horseman. Pillman was a thinker. Agreed on Evolution, I enjoyed them but they didn't have that special something, specifically because no one in the group was special. More like a tribute band than anything else.

    Al - It's Lugers eyes. Black eyes, like a dolls eyes. He's speaking but nothings going on back there. I can't help but hear those lines, I've watched so many Flair promos I hear them in my sleep!

    Mizzleton - I know, Arn is overpowering. You know, I've never really thought about Pillmans role in the modern worked-shoot history but you're right on. I should also hate him but I don't. I suppose because in his case it was innovative and new and intriguing whereas now it's a cheap trick. Haha! Sting. I don't know enough about Stings career but he does seem to have a betrayal fetish. His best friend is Luger who must have betrayed him a good few times.

    Much obliged, y'all. And now for something completely different....



    The Chops: DRAGONS!?!


    Hello people! As you can see from the banner I'm taking a quick break from The Horsemen to discuss something else. See, in one of these columns I took a little pop at Lucha Underground (LU). All in good fun but it did prompt a response from our resident expert, The Masked Murphy (excellent name – go read his columns on LU. After you read mine, obviously). He insists that Drago is for sure a Dragon. So I felt it was only fair to take a proper look for myself. So I made my usual demands of Youtube and my sweet mistress delivered. So...


    LET'S HORS.......LUCHA UNDERGROUND!!!!



    0:06 – Hello, Kitten, what is your name? This lady sure is attractive. Weeeooot-wooo! I'm going to keep watching this show. HONK!


    0:18 – Right, those are some pretty bad-ass wings. I'm not convinced he's a freakin' Dragon but those are some big-time wings.


    0:27 – Dude, what is with your tongue? That is fucked up. Guys, what's the deal with this guys tongue, for reals? Also, I forgot Matt Striker commentated on this. Suck a butt, Striker.


    0:31 – That is a sweet mask. Mask, guys. It's not a his head is it? If it's really his head then he may be a Dragon.


    0:57 – Bad-ass overhead shot, catching the shadow of the wings and such. Sweet.


    1:01 – Oh, it's Hernandez? Is he in this too? Huh. Wait, he's taking his belt off. This just took a weird turn.


    1:10 – Oh, he's whipping him with it. That's better. Get him! He's not even a real Dragon! Hernandez is furious about him pretending to be a Dragon and rightfully so!


    1:55 – Generic Hernandez peaces out the ring and Not-A-Dragon is all “Fuck yeah, I still want to fight, I'm a Dragon!”


    2:25 – Mil Muertes is from beyond the grave?! HE's not the Undertaker! Is everyone in this not what they claim to be? His nickname is “The Man of a Thousand Deaths” that is just immense. Also, the woman with him is just tremendous. Have I mentioned I have a thing for Hispanic women? Because I do. Holy moly.


    3:31 – Muertes knows how to fucking dress. This robe/peacock deal is pimp.


    4:10 – Aztec Undertaker straight up launches Drago into the turnbuckle at the very moment Striker says he has the power advantage. No shit, homes. Rams him a cupla times then just punches him in the face. Which seems like a bad idea because that dudes face is super spiky, y'all. Like a Dragons?!


    4:24 – Drago uses some fast feet though to gain the upper hand and tries a delightfully old school waistlock from behind. How quaint! It does not work, but still.


    4:45 – The dead guy tries his own waistlock but he forgets that the guy he's fighting thinks he's a Dragon, so he does a nice flip off the turnbuckle and slams the big fucker. Who sits straight up. Aztec Undertaker, baby!


    4:55 – Drago tries a few kicks and a running kick to the head which are.....almost No-Sold. Respect to Mil (can I call you Mil?) for showing a little shake on them.


    5:07 – OHHH!! Big time belly to belly! HE's like The Aztec UnderLesnar! Big running clothesline! Knocked that Non-Dragon the FUCK OUT!! YOU AIN'T NO DRAGON!


    5:30 – (Not) Ivan Drago is tied up in the ropes with Muertes trying to pull his face off. Not his mask, his face right? That's the deal here?


    5:37 – Camera cuts to Katrina and I forget what I'm doing. And where I live. And the names of all my ex-girlfriends. She's hot is what I'm saying!


    5:45 – DeadMan just rattles the shit out of Drago in the corner, then pulls the ol' referee chase away. The ref does that pointing at the shirt thing, like that's going to stop a guy who claims to be dead and is currently fighting a Dragon. He's got bigger things on his mind, so called man in charge!


    6:17 – Tries a press slam and then, eh, doesn't. Sting is disgusted with this failure. So he runs at the ropes, purely so that Drago could kick him it seems. Bunch of moves happen but it feels like they're doing them just to do them. I'm not feeling any motivation or momentum here. The crowd is also pretty silent, is this normal for The Underground?


    6:46 – RUNNING TACKLE!!!!!!! That was big time! I have to stress it isn't a spear, as Muertes picks him up and runs a couple of steps for some extra momentum! You really felt the power of the big man there!



    Drago - "SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!"


    7:07 – Fucking loud DDT! I have to say, this match is far more interesting when Doctor Dead Guy is in charge. He's a big hard bastard.


    7:27 – Good, vicious knees to the back. Set him on fire, if you're a Dragon!


    7:45 – LOUD CHOPS! It's heartening to see that the crowd WOOOO's even here. Those CHOPS must suck to take though, fuckity balls!


    7:57 – Ooooo, Drago flips right over Muertes, the nippy wee fucker, Big Mil gives chase but he dodges and kicks him on the way out the ring......HE'S FLYYYYIIIIING!!! HE IS A DRAGON!!!


    8:17 – Worryingly, The Man of Hunners of Deaths gets up first because he is still part Undertaker, remember. Always remember.


    8:41 – He shows just how Undertaker he is by launching Maybe-Dragon into the crowd, who all leap out the way and let him crash into the chairs. The dicks. He took that bump like a champ, mind!


    8:49 – Wanna know how few fucks Mil Muertes gives? I'll tell you. He picks up one of those chairs and starts smashing them into the other chairs because he wants to murder Drago some more. Drago, wisely, stays his ass behind those chairs as long as possible.


    9:25 – Now Spiky-face guy gets the bright idea to crawl out of the wreckage and we're all like “well done, good for you” and Muertes goes “No, you're stupid, stay there” and spears him then jogs away.


    9:40 – Nope! He's back and he's smashing dudes head into a chair.


    10:01 – Crowd wants tables because wrestling crowds are just the biggest assholes. The mans just been thrown and speared into a pile of chairs!


    10:27 – The big scary dead bastard decides he also wants tables...ANNOUNCE TABLES! So he drags Drago (heh) over and Powerbombs him back to the womb. Or the Dragon egg as he would have us believe! Real talk, Drago is having a hard freakin' night!

    I should point out that the table does not break. Thems made of sturdier stuff!


    11:09 – Muertes just runs over and punches Drago when he tries to get up. Haha! That was awesome!


    11:36 – Oh, Drago grabs some room! Does the ol' Christian turnbuckle avoidy kicky thing! Off the top rope and it's a hard DDT!! So loud, I love how loud the impact is on the ring here.


    12:11 – Springboard, goes for some kind of ARM DRAG, no roll through? I do not know what the fuck he's trying to do. HAHAAHA!! Muertes gets tired of his shit and just starts clubbing him in the back. Drago takes the smart choice and just covers up for dear life. I love you, Mil Muertes, you big terrifying bastard.

    Do you think his Mum is call Milf Muertes? Wah-Wah!


    12:31 – Definitely Not a Dragon tries to crawl away but Mil just grabs his leg and launches him because Muertes is as bad as they come.


    12:39 – Drago, who cannot learn lessons it seems, throws a punch. Which is caught by the baddest man in The Temple. Them he punches him right in his stupid, spiky, fake Dragon face!


    12:45 – Muertes, who has clearly had enough of this shit, pulls Drago close. Then, I'm guessing, says something terrifying and slams the silly fucker face first into the mat.

    That's a three count you're hearing, Drago!

    13:09 – Wait, my night keeps getting better. Catrina is crawling in the ring and it's just ass and dirty eyes everywhere. As if that's not enough, she licks Dragos mouth because I LOVE HER!! Then Mil kisses her and licks his lips and it's gotten weird. It's weird now. And Hot.

    13:47 – Not to be left out, Konnan is here with some chump, who I assume is the champion. I hate him on principal because he is;

    a. Not Mil Muertes

    and

    b. Hanging out with Konnan. Who sucks.




    TWAT


    To the important business; none of these people are Dragons.

    I am, of course, having some fun with the Dragon stuff. This was a damn fine match. Not the best, and it's carried heavily by my love of big ass-kicker types. It was fun watching a monster heel just maul someone. Given that Drago appears to be one of the bigger names here, he was pretty roundly stomped which I like. I'm sure there's better matches out there, in fact I'm sure a few of you have told me of them and I've never gotten round to it. What I will say of this match is that it makes me want to watch more.

    I am also aware that LU leans heavily on the storytelling aspect, so it's hard to drop in on one match and really pick it up. That was clear here when Striker was prattling on about Aztec symbols and shit and I was just watching a large man beat up a smaller, non Dragon, man. However, I do like the what I've heard of LU. The idea that it is a self-contained world, much like any TV show. It's a problem that WWE or TNA have in that they are, essentially, their own world but they are often impeded on by the outside world (celebrity appearances and such). This in turn can lead to issues when trying to suspend your disbelief. It also encourages weekly viewing, in much the same way that episodic TV does. These are good things.

    In conclusion, LU seems to offer something truly unique in the World of Wrestling. So if you have the notion, take a look at it. It may not be your cup of tea but if you have 15 minutes or so, dig out a match if you haven't already.


    He's not a fucking Dragon though. Unless it's like a Were-Dragon deal. Is that it?


    Tomorrow – The Horsemen return with Benoit! Who is also not a Dragon!

  16. #16
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    I have a special mizfan request for you, Mr Chopper, one that I think you will truly enjoy fulfilling at some point especially if you like what you saw here out of Mil Muertes. THIS is the match that you simply must review at some point:



    As for this column, it's true, Drago is not a dragon... at best he is a kind of half dragon person, but that doesn't mean he can't be awesome! I would say he's probably at his best against smaller guys, though he's not bad fighting against the odds in a match like this. My favorite Drago match can be found by clicking here, if you're even more interested!

    I really dig that, like you mentioned, LU is able to operate in a self contained way with a lot of it's own rules, it's a little like CHIKARA in that way though the execution is different. They are also able to take guys who didn't necessarily turn heads in other places, like Hernandez for instance, and do something new with them, which is cool because Hernandez is this ridiculously strong old man who can still fly over the ropes somehow and that should definitely be something. Also, what's your beef with Matt Striker? LU is the perfect place for a guy like him.

    Honestly I loved this, when you're ready to break from the Horseman I'd love to see a string of LU columns (of course I'd be happy to make recommendations as well!). Keep rocking it man, you are owning this place right now.

  17. #17
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    The 16 Horsemen: *****STANDARD BENOIT DISCLAIMER APPLIES*****

    Mr Miz - That was the match I was trying to remember, a few people had recommended it to me. I'll certainly get to that, probably next month. I'm planning to take a month off the Horsemen columns then get back to them in September for the final few so have been thinking what to do in-between, a few LU's would do the ticket just nicely! I may also go back to that Chikara list you gave me. let's go INDIE ALL MONTH!

    I'm very into the idea of the self-contained universe. It's a big deal for me when watching movies/tv, that they adhere to their own rules. Which is obviously a problem for WWE and the likes who change the rules on a week to week basis. Striker just rubs me the wrong way. I don't buy anything he says, it feels like he's more focused on showing how smart he is than telling a story. There was a few instances of it in this match where he was prattling on and the other dude (Vampiro? I wasn't totally sure) had to drag him back to the match. Hernandez is an absolute beast but he needs careful booking for sure, can't be over-exposed.

    The Drago/Dragon stuff is just me amusing myself. It's not something that's going to work just dropping in on one match, it being a season long story based show. I'd need to have seen the progression of things. Mil Muertes is a fucking beast though. I really did like that they let him pretty much maul Drago, it was excellent and very refreshing. I like the idea that sometimes a guy, no matter how good he is, is just over-matched. It's why Cenas Summerslam match with Lesnar was so interesting, he just couldn't combat him and you just do not see that!

    Let's get to it.....



    The 16 Horsemen: *****STANDARD BENOIT DISCLAIMER APPLIES*****


    Hey guys! Guys! we are back and we are Horsemanning like mad. ONE. MORE. TIME! Remember when we were enduring that Mongo pile of shit and the commentary mentioned Hart-Benoit? Well it's here! Hart-Benoit! Although I don't think it's from the same Nitro, it's still pretty sweet. What should we do now....


    LET'S HORSEMAN!!!!!




    0:01 – Bret Hart comes out to some awful generic music. While The Brain says “here comes a guy nobody likes” because Heenan rules!


    0:28 – The stomping hooves can mean only one thing – it's a HORSEMAN!! Benoits here with the intense face. Commentary are pimping Harts destroyer credentials. Did he go on a rampage of crippling people at some point? I like the sound of that Bret.


    1:12 – Benoit gets in the ring and just boots Bret because he is always intense and terrifying. Bounces him off the ropes and bad news elbow, The Hitman bumps fucking beautifully and rolls straight into a beg-off. This match is going to be freakin' awesome.


    1:22 – As if Benoit can hear me he starts stomping and chopping the Canadian out of Bret! Sweet, tight suplex!


    1:55 – Hart tries to fight back with some punches but The crippler is on some next level shit here, practically rolling his eyes as he beats Bret down. Additionally, commentary are putting over how these guys both trained in The Dungeon and what a fucked up place it is. I give Schivone a lot of grief but he can do his business when he wants.


    2:38 – EYE RAKE!! Bret is such a pro, he knows the only way to stop a no-sell beatdown is to fuck with a mans eyes.


    2:45 – Bret just did a between the legs headbutt to Benoits stomach. It looked weird as fuck. The Pink and Black has really taken over here.


    3:21 – Fuuuuuuck! Bret just picked Benoit up by the hair and slammed him. Gawd n' Bennett that looked sore. Not least because Benoit is selling like crazy.


    3:40 – Okay, commentary have lost the thread again and are talking about Judy Bagwell getting beat up by Scott Steiner. Only in wrestling could I type that sentence and it not sound strange. Bring back Robocop, all is forgiven!


    3:54 – Heenan, because he gives zero fucks, just said “They've given Judy Bagwell a new name now, It's Bed-Pan Momma.” Hahaha! Oh, Bobby, you are just terrible! Tenay and Schivone just No-Sell that shit like the Legion of Doom and move on.


    4:05 – Now Schivone is apologising for not paying attention to the match. The first step is admitting you have a problem, Tone.


    4:12 – Of course, he then segways into talking about another match. So, the fuck? The second step is actually making changes, dude!

    Yes, I am aware I'm doing the same thing – ignoring the match to talk about the commentary. I KNOW!!


    4:16 – Getting back to it, Bret drags Benoits face across the top rope. You really do not see that anymore. Has it been banned? You know with WWE's policy of banning all the interesting moves. "This Curb Stomp thing is awfully over and effective, isn't it? BANNED!"


    4:21 – Bret is choking The Crippler! Don't give him ideas!!


    4:42 – Brets all “whatcha thing about that, crowd, eh?” The crowd is unimpressed.


    4:51 – Benoit looks fucking exhausted. I'm not sure there's anyone that's ever sold true exhaustion like him.


    4:59 – The crowd really is not impressed and Bret is not impressed with how not impressed they are.


    5:45 – Brets after an Irish Whip but its a REVERSAL! But he gets the foot up and boots Benoit in the mush. Mind your surroundings.


    5:53 – Mr Pink is going up the Turnbuckle but he's cut off by The Wolverine......SUPERPLEX!!!!!! THROAT CUTTY THING!! HEADBUTT! DIVING HEADBUTT!! CONCUSSIONS FOR EVERYONE!! KICK OUT!!


    6:41 – Not one to be deterred, Benoit CHOPS 'im, clothesline over the top rope... BASEBALL SLIDE! No, Hart dodges it. The wily Canuck!


    6:55 – Hart runs away (heehee) and grabs a chair. For he is a baddy!


    7:07 – YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAH!!! He turns around and Benoit just punches the chair in his face! That was fucking awesome! Ima watch that again.....


    7:09 – Even more awesome is that he's just standing looking down at Bret, Ice Grilling that motherfucker! Can I oversell how fucking terrifying Benoit is?!


    7:14 – Eurgh. The Rabid Fucker just cleared his nose onto The Hitman. I get it's like a fuck you, disrespect thing but it just makes me think he's unpleasant. Oh dear, get that man some wet wipes.


    7:22 – The mad bastard picks up the chair and Bret is begging for dear life. Smart move, he will break your skull, lad. Benoit swings it anyway, because mercy is not his way, but the referee decides this is where he draws the line. The Snotting was cool though?


    7:30 – Bret sees this as his opportunity to punch someone in the balls. It is well timed but I dear it will only anger The Beast (No Lesnar).


    7:34 – Haha! Bret is funny. He's all “uh, what happened, ref? He looks like someone just punched him in the balls, right?” Then he ruffles Benoits hair and picks up the chair.


    7:51 – Jesus Christ, ref. He's screaming “Don't do it!” as Hart sets about Crippling the Cripplers arm. Not getting involved this time!? Fucking wrestling referees, inconsistent fragile cock-baskets, every one of them. Apparently this is a DQ, whereas punching a chair into someones face and blowing your nose on them is totally cool.


    8:14 – Bruce Harts brother gets bored of the refarumpuses ineffectual whining and shoves him in the face. BADDY!!


    8:25 – Malenko!!! Look, i'm sorry I said you were half a Horseman! Don't hurt me! Oh, it's Bret he's after. Get him! Get him” But be careful, he's covered in snot! Anyway, The Ice Man stomps the shit out of him till he rolls out the ring and he is furious! I'm not sure what Bret thought was going to happen.


    9:08 – Commentary talking about the state of Benoits arm and Heenan goes “He may be crippled” and you can hear the smirk. Ha!



    So that was excellent. I know I spent a lot of time on commentary but that doesn't take away from the match. These two put on a very no-nonsense display here and it's hard to write about that without going full play-by-play. Which is like a real column thing to do, that's not how I roll!

    Where does Benoit fall on The Horseman scale though? Obvious answer would be that he is in the same spot as Malenko, great technician but lacked the mic skills. I would disagree though, while Benoit was never the greatest on the stick he was always able to get his point across. He had a no frills approach and such off the charts intensity that everything he said carried a lot of weight. Mizfan likened him and Malenko to “ice-cold assassins” and it's bang on.

    So it's possible I may have to revise my Malenko assessment, I'll give that some thought and I'd love to hear what y'all think, but for now I can say that Benoit was all-Horseman.


    ****STANDARD BENOIT DISCLAIMER APPLIES*****


    Tomorrow - Jeff HAHA Jarrett HAHA The worst dressed Horseman of them all!

  18. #18
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    A standard Benoit disclaimer is actually a great idea, and should probably be autoposted over every discussion of his wrestling career...

    See, the difference to me, is that Dean Malenko is like one of those robot arms that works on the assembly line, it does everything perfectly and in it's place, while Chris Benoit is like a goddam Terminator, terrifying and brutal. Malenko ain't got nothing on Benoit in my book, but then again I honestly think Benoit is the best in ring guy of all time so there's that. I loved how you talked about his selling, people tend to forget that because Benoit was so good at everything else but he's also just an incredible seller, nothing like an HBK goofball bounce around the ring, Benoit makes you believe everything that happens in there. He's so good it's scary.

    Also, I LOOOVE the rope-burn spot, I want to say I saw it in LU recently but I can't remember for sure. It's an amazing move either way.

    Psyched for Jarrett!!

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    Ah Benoit, the man who's horrific final days have rightfully turned him into a monster.

    For the purposes of discussion, since this comes well before that I'm going to treat it as such and discuss how at the time this match went down l was a rabid, pardon the pun, Benoit fan. My fantasy football team was called the Canadian cripplers. That's how much I loved Benoit. He was absolutely scary despite his small stature. He seemed like the type of guy who would do the fighting for his friends even if they were much larger than him, because he was that kind of bad ass.

    He was an entirely different breed. While I painted pillman as perhaps the next generation of flair, Benoit could have been the next generation of Arn. Given that Arn is my favorite horseman, a man who exudes everything I think of with the horsemen, I think that's the ultimate compliment. Like Arn Benoit was serviceable on the mic, but it was his ring work that shined. Everything he did looked and felt believable, and that's the thing that separated him from many of his contemporaries.

    Also, I accept your challenge, and I shall dive into a pillman centric column or series as my next project. I shall maybe do it in your horsemen vein with looks at his wcw, ecw, and wwe days. Then I hope to dive into some chikara as well.

    Bravo.

    Also in regards to your previous entry. Yep, not a dragon. But mil might be undead for realsies.
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  20. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by rayhagan1 View Post
    Like Arn Benoit was serviceable on the mic
    !!!!!!!

    SIR!!! We may have to have a duel over this point, Benoit's mic work is nowhere near as dire as some would have you believe, but Arn is perhaps the greatest mic worker of all time. His range was incredible, his subtlety nuanced, his choice of words often bordering on the most rough and tumble poetry you're ever likely to hear. Serviceable indeed sir, the man was an artist!!

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    I should rephrase Miz, I am a massive Arn fan. I think his quiet confidence in his promos are in the vein of jake Roberts(though Arn is more prone to being more animated than the snake); but for many he was considered average. I think that when some see him alongside Ric they find that he pales in comparison.

    I'm speaking more to the general perception rather than my own.

    I actually think Benoit was better on the mic than most give him credit for as well.

    Long live Arn.
    Last edited by rayhagan1; 07-22-2015 at 07:47 AM.
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    I love how Flair can freestyle a shouty promo about anything under the sun, but I think Arn easily wins on content and range. I believe Flair has even said Arn is the better talker when it gets down to it. Damn public perception, why don't you acknowledge the greatness of Arn??

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    Because Arn was content to do the dirty work while flair styled and profiled. The public saw flair and all he had and wanted to be like him, not like "his" enforcer. Arn is criminally underrated. He also has the best spinebuster ever and I'll fight anyone who says otherwise lol!
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  24. #24
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    Chop, I'm catching on to the series and so..

    a) The Pillman/Anderson promo column is impressive, given that you only had roughly 3 minutes to comment upon, and yet everything you observed is enjoyable.

    b) Benoit vs. Hart...that's a fantasy type match right there and we got it quite a few times in wCw before Hart's injury and Benoit's departure for WWF. Kudos on WCW for getting that right. Kudos on you for writing about it.

    Question: Do you think Bret "Hitman" Hart would've made a good Horseman?

  25. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by rayhagan1 View Post
    Arn is criminally underrated. He also has the best spinebuster ever and I'll fight anyone who says otherwise lol!
    Yes!!! Now we are best friends again. Only Bobby Roode comes anywhere close in the spinebuster and even he is a distant second.

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    That's for that Shane, even years removed from the ring, it's picture perfect!
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    The 16 Horsemen: Jeff Jarretts Terrible, Terrible Outfit

    First things freakin' first! Thank You Shane for that Spine-buster! I'll see that and raise you;

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0-RcSahbrjE

    Ray - Hagan, my man, you nearly wandered into tricky territory. Arn? SERVICEABLE!!? I liken Flair to the big finish, all fireworks and flash where Arn is so much more businesslike. However, Arn has so much more substance in his promos, they're incredibly densely packed. Think on it like this, Flair is Hogan/Andre - big and loud and flashy. Where Arn is Steamboat/Savage - crisp, smooth, far more substantive and far more appealing to a purist. Wrestling needs them both and it's our great luck that the universe put these two together. I'm so happy you clarified before I got here. Miz was on the case as he always is! Excited for your Pillman columns! AS I said, I want to see more of his stuff so look forward to your picks!


    Miz - I think every wrestling site should just have the Benoit disclaimer attached to them, so we can all stop having to clarify ourselves when we compliment his wrestling. Either that or ban any mention of him like WWE. Also, agreed on Roode. He gets a secial commendation for his spine-buster.

    Benoits bumping is intense, like everything else he does. It's such a hard quick snap. Unlike, as you say, the histrionics of HBK or, let's be honest, Dolph Ziggler. It's the difference between a fight and a choreographed wrestling match.

    J-J-J-J-Coooooool - Finding good stuff in that promo was easy, it's densely packed with gems. Real talent can say so much with a couple of minutes, while I watch others prattle on for 20 minutes and say nothing. I'll be hunting down more of the Hart-Benoit stuff after this. From what I've heard, it was some of the few times Bret was truly motivated in WCW.

    That's a great "what if." Brets promos may have been an issue, although he's at least as capable as Benoit. The only thing that might hold him back is that Bret couldn't be an effective group man, unless he's running the group a la Hart Foundation, which means he would be at odds with Flair for control of the group, which would mean Arn smashing the him! I'll say no on it but with the asterisk that he would have been a fantastic enemy for them, especially in the heyday. A Bret Hart-Horsemen Main Event Feud would have been real money.



    The 16 Horsemen: Jeff Jarretts Terrible, Terrible Outfit


    ONE MORE TIME! ONE MORE TIME! That's right, we have the final instalment ready and pumped for your eyes. It's The Greatest of All Time! It's J-HAHA-E-HAHA-We don't have time! Jeff Jarrett!


    LET'S HORSEMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!




    0:15 – It's Double J! And Debra! And he's wearing the worst wrestling gear in history! Debs has unfortunately not yet moved onto her “Dirty Businesswoman” attire so it's less good. Commentary are incredulous, she's Mongos wife! #scandal


    00:46 – Ahem. COUGH! IT'S RIC FLAIR!!!!!!!!!! This theme music, guys. Oh, me oh my. My boy, Naitch has on a stunning sparkling blue robe. Stylin' and Profilin' like only he can. I don't fancy Jarretts chances of keeping my attention here tonight. Flair is looking on form!


    2:15 – Bell rings and J Dub climbs the turnbuckle and does that double victory thing he does. Why? Because Jarrett was an awesome mid-card heel, that guy could cheap heat all day. Flair doesn't give a shit though and stays surprisingly calm during all this.


    2:25 – Tie-up, with a bonus WOO because when is it ever a bad time to WOO? Off the ropes and Flair hits a weak-ass shoulder (sorry, Man, it is. JOURNALISM!) then bounces off the ropes, Jarrett drops, off the ropes, leapfrog – BACK BODY DROP! I hate watching Flair take back body drops.


    2:45 – Jeff continues to be an awesome cheap-heating sum'bitch by doing the strutt. Silly tit forgot one thing though.....CHOP! NAITCHED, YOU SILLY FUCK!


    2:55 – Whip again but Jarrett slides under the legs, pops up and gets another CHOP for his troubles! Looks like they're running the quick footed youngster versus the wily veteran story. I approve. PSYCHOLOGY!


    3:05 – Speaking of wily veteranism, Flair throws Jarrett at the turnbuckle who leaps up, hoping Flair will run under. However, Ric being an old hand in this business just waits fr him to land and CHOPS!


    3:13 – Jarrett into the other turnbuckle but this time he bounces back with a clothesline! Then a drop-kick! Flair takes a messy bump to the outside. Haha! Naitch checks his head for blood and
    seems surprised to find it plasma-free!


    3:33 – The Roadies best pal tries to whip Flair into the steel barricade but is, unsurprisingly reversed. Rics a professional but those bumps are for you, rookie!


    3:41 – OH! Back body drop on the outside. Fuck that.


    4:14 – Flair whipped into the turnbuckle and he tries that signature flip over thing but manages to hurt his face. So Jarrett punches him in the mush. Into the other turnbuckle and he manages the flip over this time! Runs to the other side, tries coming off the top but it's a big-time drop-kick from the Shitty males-stripper looking guy from Tennessee! What a cool sequence, even if it did involve the classic, tensionless, Flair top-rope spot!


    4:31 – Ha! Jarrett poses, like he's just shown some kind of immense strength. What a dick.


    Nothing to do with anything but I wasn't not using it



    4:51 – Now he's choking Flair on the rope shouting “look at the teacher now!” because subtly is not welcome in a wrestling ring.


    5:09 – Up to the top rope and it's SUPERPLEX!!! I always pop for the Supes'Plex! Flair sells loudly.


    5:37 – Jarrett goes for the figure four! The shit! Kicked off! Tries again! Kicked off! Tries again! Rolled up! Someone needs to tell this motherfucker who Ric Flair is!! It's a kick out and Flair stands up and CHOPS the silly shit in the face! OOOoooooooooOOOOoooOOoooo, SON!


    6:05 – Double J, Haha, takes his straps down, tryna be all baddass, but it really just draws attention to how absurd his outfit is. The goon. As if to demonstrate this, The Nature Boy CHOPs him and punches him good! Then bounces off the rope, for no good reason I must add, other than to be all Flairy, then CHOPS the idiot again! NAITCH! NAITCH! NAITCH!


    6:19 – Backed up into the corner and it's punches and CHOPS galore til Jarrett collapses! Flair gives it the hip thrust at Debra and little strutt because everything is awesome and God loves me. In fact, Ric apparently gets so distracted by strutting that he's forgot theirs a match on.


    6:39 – The ref turns his back which reminds The Dirtiest Player In The Game who he is. By which I mean Double J gets punched in the crackers. Hilariously, this all happens in the background of the shot while the cameraman hangs out with Debra, who is demanding he stay on her. Who'd have this bint as their manager, Jebus.


    6:52 – The match continues to go on in the background of Debras insane monologue, with Jarrett managing to get a sleeper on Flair. However, boys been in this game to long to let that hold him for long.


    7:17 – Mongo is here. Can I have nothing nice? We had a fun little match with My favourite of all time and a guy, Jarrett, that I would say is a guilty pleasure somewhat. We had this funny Debra gimmick (I'm finding it really funny) and now Mongo is here. Mongo. Mongo. Mongo. Mngo. All ango. All Mongo make sad Mongo. Mongo. MONGERTHZXE! MONGFDGZAED! FGHSR! MONGSRHDDFOOOOO!! WHY MINGRO ALL TIME!! MOIRNMGORK!! WHYI IT WHY IS IT WHY IS IT WHY IS IRT! HNAAAAAARGFTGNHJ!! Help.


    7:24 – He's just shouting “you stabbed me in the back for that?!” Yes. She stabbed you in the back for a better, more talented worker you massive fud.


    7:30 – Meanwhile, in the background, THE NATURE BOY HAS THE FIGURE FOUR ON!! FIGURE FOUR! FIG...Mongo ruined it. He's stomping on Jarrett while Benoit hits the ring because he heard there was violence. Mongo is kneeing the shit out of Double J. And roaring! Quick Horseman tip, Mongers, you start the beat-down when you're losing. Not when your man is seconds away from winning the US Title, you big stupid worthless fuckwad. MONGOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!


    8:15 – Can you do nothing right, McMichaels? Jarrett sneaks out and runs away, ruining a perfectly good beat-down. Benoit has the look of a man that had a steak put in front of him only to have it snatched away. Flair is throwing up the four fingers because he's Flair.



    So, as I mentioned, Jarrett is a guilty pleasure of mine. For years I had no time for him, he was lost in the shuffle for me during the Attitude Era. Having to compete with Austin, Rocky, Foley, Bad-ass Kane, Ministry Undertaker, Vince and Shanes insanity, will do that. Who the hell is watching Jeff Jarrett when all that's going on!? Then his Main Event run in WCW soured me because he just does not convince at that level. However, looking back at some of his older stuff – this run and his Country singer deal in WWF – he shows a great aptitude for the classic cheap-heat mid-card heel. Guy knew how to make an audience boo, back when audiences booed things other than John Cena, Rusev and Seth Rollins. All that meant it was great fun watching his match between him and Flair. Especially when you work in that mentor/student dynamic they had going on.

    Question of the day is; was he Horseman material?

    Unfortunately, I have to give him the no on this one. He's a good worker, not a great worker. He's good on the mic, not great on the mic. I've always thought of Horsemen like this, while many of them were never World Champions, for them to be true Horsemen they have to give the impression they could be. Now while Jarrett held the World Title, I never bought him as one. Especially so, during his Horseman run. Too goofy, that outfit and just to middle of the pack for the big belt. So, sorry Double J. You don't quite make the cut. However, I'd be very interested in hearing from anyone that disagrees on this one. Speak up!

    And that, homies and homettes, is that. Seven Days, A Whole bunch of Horsemen and Bonus Lucha Underground! Cheers to all that have read and all that have fed, it's been a lark. We have only four more Horsemen left – Dillon, Luger, Sting and Ric God Damn Flair. The matches are picked, ready for my judgement! I'll be giving this series a breather for a moth or so, so look out for some Rumbles and a little LU! If anyone has some old nonsense or Indie business they'd fancy hearing on, do let me know – I'm rollin' these days! Rolling!


    SPINEBUSTER! SPINEBUSTER! SPINEBUSTER!

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    Chop you son of a bitch you. I've started the Pillman column(s). I'm in the setting the scene before I dive in stage. Now to the important issues. You know how I feel about Arn. I think that he is the greatest of all Horsemen, and that includes Ric. I think your Wrestlemania 3 comparison was dead on. I just pray to Arn that he understands what I meant, that the common (and incorrect) perception is that Arn was just ok on the mic. Instead, he is more than OK, if Flair was the sizzle, Arn was the steak. Forgive me Arn!!!

    Also, thank you for that spinebuster video. He does it better than anyone in U.S. history. I can't say world history in case there's some random guy in a foreign country who I haven't seen who...ah fuck it, it's the best in the world. I'm not chancing pissing the Enforcer off twice. It's picture perfect.

    Now to the column...I think you undersell Jarrett quite a bit. I get that you never took him seriously as a World Champion. I did. While Jarrett was never THE guy, I thought that in WCW & TNA he was the perfect guy to wear the title as a transitional champion. He was never going to be an all-time all-timer, but if Ole is horseman material then so is Jarrett goddamn it. J-E haha Double F, J-A haha Double R E Double T (there's always time Jesse Spano!) was legitimate. I'll give you that he's had some pretty shitty ring attire in his day, but so did Rocky Miavia, and well he eventually turned out ok. If you're saying that the Jarrett that was a Horseman wasn't quite up to snuff, I might agree...but I think that his post horseman time showed just how much he grew from being part of the group. For my money Jarrett isn't a top Horseman, but I like him better than Roma, Ole, Mongo, Malenko, Sid just off the top of my head. So there, I've argued for Jeff.

    Also if you're taking requests, I'd love to see you cover Arn & Tully in WWF, I remember as a kid hating them before I understood how awesome they were when I got older. I'd love to get your take on a part of their WWF run.
    Last edited by rayhagan1; 07-23-2015 at 09:35 PM.
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    Do NOT end this. I Repeat. Do NOT end this!

    Noooooooooooooooooo do NOT end this series! Let's have a full month of Horsemen, or a quarter, or, hell, a year of Horsemen!

    This was brilliant work, Chop! Love the humour, the writing, the matches, the layout! Superb. You have a great voice, which is very very unique.

    I have new found respect for AA, the double A (no, not Austin Aries, though he's pretty cool, but not Arn level badass), the only Anderson that matters (Ole, Mr., Jimmy, Cooper et. al. don't exist). What delivery, such confidence, and such great use of words and phrases that combine to send shivers down anyone's spine. It certainly did mine. I loved how he brought things under control in that shouty Sid-Robocop promo! Did you see how he entered the frame? It's like he just slid in like a wily snake, made his point, and slid right back out. Wow! Gooo Arn!

    (Also, what's with Gene Okerlund childish hand-slap-on-thigh thing during that Pillman-AA promo. Hahaha really funny!)

    Great work, Chop! More. More. More!

    - blahman

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    Ray - Both myself and Arn accept your apology. Just watch your ass! Arn hits the sweetest SpineBuster in town. Someone wants to come in here with some Japanese cat that does a better one I'll laugh in they face and show them some more sweet bustin' action!

    On Pillman, if you've a notion, hit me up for some of that collaboration, schedule permitting of course. I'm still baffled you have any time for this as a new parent! Saw my niece and nephew yesterday, had to take a nap when I got home.

    Interesting stuff on Jarrett. I just don't see it. Transitional champ is no real champ! I understand the why of it, in TNA especially they were lacking real name power in the early years so of course you go with him. His WCW run feels like a failed experiment. Well done to them for trying it out, as I've said he can work his ass off, but I think he's missing the intangible. I would absolutely agree he's more deserving than a guy like Mongo or Roma (obviously). Sid was missing the basics but had the intangible that Jarrett was missing. Malenko, I'd have them in similar positions in the hierarchy. They would have made a pretty decent odd couple tag team. There's a match I need to find! Ole was a bad motherfucker though, I cannot agree with you on that one!

    There will be a Brain-Buster column! Planning a kind of Horseman Legacy series once this is done. Talking about Horsemen away from the Horsemen, like the brainbusters or Evolution. or guys like Roode that were obviously heavily influenced by them. So will likely save it for that.

    Did you just throw a Saved By the Bell reference at me? God bless you, buddy!


    Blahblahman - First up, that's a great name. I could write about The Horsemen til the sun explodes but time is against me for the next wee bit, so dailies are out unfortunately. Fear not though, The Horsemen will return! I still have Luger to make fun of! Quick note on Aries, i love that he calls himself A Double. Fun wee nod to Anderson but shows respect by not out-right stealing it. I think you're underselling Ole, who was a n important part of making Arn who he is but it's okay, we all get carried away when Arn comes up! Interesting point on him entering the frame, the way he steps forward and then backs out. It's very much indicative of his career, lets others have the spotlight but will step forward and make his point when needed. Something I'm loving about these old promos is how these old-school guys get the point across so succinctly. God damn modern peoples need to pay attention.

    Gene is glorious in these things, he brings more to proceedings than people realize. His reactions are great for informing the viewers whats important and what isn't.

    Stick around, Mr. Blah, more good stuff a-coming!

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    Chop, quick reply before I leave work. Part 1 of Pillman will likely drop tonight or tomorrow, & part 2 is in the works but I'd love to collab with you if we can make it work on a part 3, or really on anything else. And you bet your sweet ass that was a Saved by the Bell reference! It's only the greatest program in the history of televisions!
    Read my latest. That's not a request.

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    Either way, we'll sort something out. Could use a big collaby finish on the Horseman series actually. THINKING THOUGHTS!!

    Zack Morris is my hair idol. 'Bell 4 Lyfe.

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    Haha, I did get carried away! But, yeah, I haven't had much exposure to Ole, but from whatever little I've seen, he does his job - no nonsense, straight to the point demeanour, and had an important role back in the days with the reformed Wrecking Crew, I'm guessing. My history is a little clouded, so I need to do a little deep dive!

    I'm a reticent reader, in that I usually comment very rarely, but read a lot of things on here, so much so that I forgot my old password and email id that I had given, so had to create this new avatar. I'm looking forward to more from you (not dailies, because I can imagine it being a chore!), be it the Royal Rumble entries, or Horsemen! I'll take anything.

    Thanks,
    - blahman

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    As I've said, it's easy to forget/dismiss Ole. Stand him next to Arn or Flair (or even Tully) and he seems fairly ordinary. I think that's important for the Horsemen though, next to all the histrionics you need someone a bit more sober. I think it's why found him so weird during that Robocop promo. He's screaming and shouting like a maniac, trying to keep the energy up, it's so un-Ole. Arn, as you point out, just freakin' nails it!

    I'm glad you enjoyed this so much it inspired you to re-register. Hopefully, you'll feel like commenting on some other stuff, some good bloody writers round here!

  36. #36
    Senior Member SkitZ's Avatar
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    Ahhh gotta love Jarrett's old mid 90's garb. It looks like someone took a referee shirt and cut out all the black stripes just to be an asshole. Don't get me wrong though... the outfit works on many levels. There's even been a few women wearing that in the porn that I watch. Case in point: Double J was a sexy bitch back then.

    Glad to see this series take off the way it did, Chopper. I remember being the first to leave feedback and knowing - once enough eyes were drawn in here - that it'd spread like wildfire. As hypocritical as its gonna sound, don't be a stranger!

  37. #37
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    Choooooooooop!! I am sadface to see this is over, but I will concentrate on the good, like the idea you gave me for a Hart Foundation vs. Four Horsemen Wargames Match!!

    As for Jarrett, seriously, what is up with those outfits he wore?? It's like someone TP'd him, and they persisted through multiple companies no less. I predict that if he'd switched to the normal attire sooner he'd be twice as well remembered from this period. Now, is he Horseman? Maybe like a back up Horseman, he wouldn't be on the starting line up but I think he could do well in a pinch, and actually now that I think about it that's pretty much what happened.

    I suppose I'll leave it at that for now, but two quick things at the end, firstly I absolutely love the sound Flair makes when he's selling, weird as that may seem, and secondly write more columns when you can!!

  38. #38
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    Skitz - You were indeed first off the mark and it is appreciated. When I decided to do the dailies I wondered how much interest there might be for so many fairly similar columns so stacked together. So the first bit of feedback was well-received! Jarretts attire was horrendous, the porn star comparison is apt and unpleasant. However, it does have a touch of the Gorgeous George about - when your attire gets heat you're doing okay!

    Miiiiiiiiiiiiiizfaaaaaaaaaan - the idea of a Horseman B Squad is amusing to me. In fact, I might fold that into my finale for this series when the time comes. I already had a notion of ranking them all, so it ties in nicely. More columns are a-coming.....soon!

  39. #39
    Senior Member American Mikey P's Avatar
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    I hate double J but his gear is vastly underrated IMO haha.

  40. #40
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    Under-rated in that it's awesomely heat-seeky? Agreed! Goofy as fuck though. It did suit his country singer schtick for sure!

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