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Thread: The Columns Forum End of Year Awards 2010

  1. #1
    @TRSOTP @MazzaLOP Mazza's Avatar
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    The Columns Forum End of Year Awards 2010

    Note from Maz: The only version I have of this has some bits missing, notably all of my cohosts bits bizarrely. Would be cool if anyone out there could find a full version.


    Mazza: Good evening ladies and gents and welcome to the 2010 Columns Forum End of Year Awards Ceremony, also known as the CFEOYACs. Uncle Joe is currently out of the country as he is attending a special STD rehab clinic in Switzerland so my co-host today will be one of those filthy Mancs that we have clogging up the forums. Which one are you again? The animal one or the Catholic one?

    Chris:

    Mazza: We will start of tonight to get the adrenaline pumping and that is...

    Columns Forum Columnist of the Year

    Chris:

    Mazza: Well, there were plenty of people who could have got the nod here, yourself included, but in the end we had a runaway victor.

    Winner: Shane

    In the course of 2010, I was both a junior and a senior in college. I lived in two states and four cities. The only constant community throughout the influx of change was the CF. Even when I wasn't writing a column, I was often visiting with a cast of unforgettable characters, and Maz.

    The constant complaint made against the CF is the politics involved. This claim is usually made by former members who don't like the new direction or by guys who just couldn't cut it on a consistent basis. First off, I would like to point out that bitching about politics is also a form of politicking. Second, while there are politics everywhere you go, there are three words that completely obliterate the "politics of the CF" argument:

    Post New Thread.

    Those three words and one click will open up a blank page where anyone brave enough and talented enough can change the climate of the CF with what they can do in the four corners of a new column. Before my HBK series, nobody other than BCR gave me the time of day, and that was only because I had written a TNA column. After I dropped the HBK series, I had an inbox full of collaboration offers. In this sense, the CF mirrors the profession that we are here to write about. Sure, a catchy user name, spending hours on AIM, or constantly feeding columns can gain you some attention here, but, at the end of the day, people want to know what you can do with a column and if you can do it consistently.

    That is where five-star efforts are developed and where you can truly live forever. It is where a guy like Bear can immortalize the great Granddad Tommy. It is where I can take you to the CF Underworld, and a new guy like jovan can take you to Japan.

    Despite any climate here, the CF becomes a blank slate any time you click the new thread tab. The greatest compliment I received this year was that one of my columns changed the way somebody thought about a professional wrestler. It made the reader view him in an entirely different light. A close second was when someone who isn't even a member of the CF added me and messaged me on facebook. She treated me like she was talking to a celebrity, and I thought, "what the hell kind of opportunity do we have here if we really understood it?"

    So, give it a shot, click that "post new thread" tab sometime. You just might enjoy it. Somebody else might, too. Hell, when it's all said and done, they might just make you columnist of the year.
    Mazza: Get the fuck out of here with that bold, sunshine! So Chris, you happy for your drinking partner?

    Chris:

    Mazza: Moving on, and our next catagory is for...

    Feedbacker of the Year

    Mazza: There is nothing quite like decent feedback to help make a columnist better.

    Chris:

    Winner: Current Big Thing

    Wow. Feedbacker of the year. This, despite the fact that I haven't even been here for a full six months yet. You know, it occurred to me to use the single word, "thanks", as my acceptance speech. I thought it would have been funny as hell.

    At first glance it appears that this is one award for which there really isn't anyone to thank, but that's not the case. I'd be remiss if I were to omit thanks to the Internet, who voted for me. I wasn't amongst you, incidentally-- I voted for ChrisBear.

    I also have to send an individual "thank you" to THE MONKEY. Had I not ever read his calling out of Todd-something-or-other for not feeding back, I'm not sure I'd have the same appreciation of the feeding back portion of our little corner of the internet here. I guess, then, I might also thank Todd-something-or-other for fucking up enough times for Doc Monk to call him on his shit.

    Lastly, I want to thank the nucleus of sorts who've fed just about every single column I've ever written. That would be (alphabetically, so as to avoid any sort of butt-hurtedness, although I don't think these particular gentlemen typically suffer from such ailments) ChrisBear, Mazza, Morpheus, and Shane. Thanks for the leadership by example guys.

    I can't believe I won a Mazzy!

    *Holds up his Mazzy for his wildly applauding Internet.*
    Mazza: Holy shit, that guy can talk. I also have no idea what a Mazzy is.

    Chris:

    Mazza: Moreso than anybody, it is the newcomers who can take away the most from the good feedback by the likes of CBT which gives us a nice segue into our next award...

    N00b Columnist of the Year

    Mazza: Sure, this is a bit of a shitty award, but it will brighten up some Ďtardís day.

    Winner: Chris Bear

    Mazza: Ok, give us your acceptance speech, and make it snappy.

    Chris:

    Mazza: Seriously, well done. We have had quite the influx of columnists this year and none have been better for the CF that you. Now that gay shit is out the way, letís move onto the next category...

    Most Improved Columnist of the Year

    Chris:

    Mazza: And the winner is... Oh hell no, what is this, a fucking Mancunian reunion...

    Winner: Priest

    The old 'you used to suck but now you're alright' award. I've actually won one of these during my football days, so it's nice to know what people think of me when I start a new hobby...

    In all honesty though I'm very honoured to have won this award. I've noticed a few people have been intrigued as to why I have improved at a rapid level over the last few months. I guess it comes down to how I knew nothing about writing a column when I started. I had no idea how important spelling, sentence structure and grammar would be. I had no idea how to 'engage' your readers. I just wanted to write about wrestling. But now I'd like to think I have a fair idea of what it takes to write a decent column. But I hope this is just the start, I want to be winning more awards by the time 2012 strolls by.

    I would thank people, but the people who have helped me know who they are by now. Thanks again CF, this award means more than you know.
    Chris:

    Mazza: I hope thatís the end of the Manunians winning things in 2011, but that Northern double makes it the perfect time to turn our attention to tag teams. First up us...

    Tag Team of the Year

    Mazza: This should be me and Joe, or me and you, or me and Priest... fuck, I have been more of a collab whore than SkitZ this year.

    Winner: Your Ayatollah and Degenerate

    Deg: So, dude, we've won the award for Columns Forum Tag Team of the Year. Are you surprised? Because I sure as hell am not. I mean, come on. Look at us. We're legends. We're in power. We're awesome. And - I'm going to throw this out there - we're some good-lookin' dudes, too. Who can compete with that? No one, that's who.

    I want to thank a few people. First and foremost, I'd like to thank Steve, for not only coming back and putting up with my HBK man-crush, but also for resurrecting the whole Power Trip concept just because my ego wanted to be stroked. And I'd like to thank myself for being part of this awesome combination. I think that's it.

    Steve: I'd like to thank Jah, God, Jehovah, Rah, whatever you wish to call the dude, for gracing me with the sheer talent, ability and aforementioned devlish good looks to be so much better than everyone else. I'd also like to thank him for the humility and incredible intellect to fully appreciate it.

    Real thanks, though, to D for being as rock solid a collaborator as I could hope for. Our interaction seems so effortless because, well, it is. Further thanks to everyone who took the time to vote. Especially for us. As though there were any other option. Finally, thanks to Maz for putting this together. You are a credit to this forum that I do so adore.

    Much love, kids.
    Mazza: A pleasure, bro. Now both of you get down to writing something on your own.


    Collab Column of the Year

    Mazza: Pft, fuck this award. I am going to get a drink. Deal with this Chris.

    Chris:

    Winner: Ultimate Missed Opportunity (Mavsman and Sean Taylor)

    Mavsman: Thank you, thank you CF! The CSI tournament was an all-time classic this year, and naturally, pure talent won out in the end. Sean Taylor couldn't be here, but he sent me a statement to help accept the award.

    Sean Taylor: Hoser. Toronto. 'Eh. Aboot. Maple leafs. Hockey.

    Mavsman: And that's enough of that. In all seriousness though, Sean was a great partner to have in the colab round. We were both extremely busy at that time with things in the real world, so to be able to throw a column together in spite of that was a miracle in itself, not even mentioning the reception that column received. A big thank you of course goes to YourAyatollah, who was the glue that held our colab together. A part of this award needs to go to him for his sheer brilliance. I will always be proud of being a part of Ultimate (Missed) Opportunity. I hope Sean enjoyed working with me as much as I enjoyed working with him... and I also hoped he enjoyed being handily defeated by me in the next round.

    Now I'll stop, before Mazza and J Boom slit their wrists because I'm making them relive their humiliating demise in the CSI tournament.
    Mazza: Get the fuck out of here. That defeat still stings to this day.

    Chris:

    Write a Fucking Column Already Award

    Mazza: This the one nobody seemed to want. Every time I received a nomination for someone, they seemed to post a column an hour later. It was quite bizarre.

    Winner: Plan

    What? I didn't get Best Column of the Year or whatever that one was called? I guess not and I can see why. Evidently, an entire column entitled Don't Tell Me What I Can't Do was lost on you all....

    Nevertheless, a genuine thank you to whoever voted. An award is an award, even if it does involve profanity. I take this as the best possible compliment I can be given and it certainly means more to me than any Columnist of the Month of Main Page run ever did.

    I'll get this over with before I become too sycophantic and brown nosed. Cheers people. I wasn't around much this year thanks to a lot of different shit that occurred but hopefully 2011 will see more from myself and, I hope, from all of you. Thanks again.
    Mazza: Didnít I kill him off in the Crumble? We have arrived at the point of the show where we pour out some liquor for our dead homies...

    Most Missed Columnist

    Chris:

    Mazza: And the winner is...

    Winner: Anonymous

    Hello and welcome to another edition of "Columnist votes for himself as a joke and ends up winning the award" . My name is anonymous and I'd tell you a bit more about myself but that would make my name meaningless.

    Anyway, it's an honour to win the title of "Most Missed Columnist" . I presume I mainly won the title because, when I was being a Nazi-mod, people kept firing bullets at me and missing. And yes, my jokes do still suck. And yes, I still overuse commas. See? But, since I have won this award, I guess it means that somewhere in the dark and dreary shadows of this forum, there's some guys who care about me and miss. Which is really nice to know and I appreciate the sentiment. If I could be missed by one group of people, I think "Wrestling geeks who beat off in their mother's basement" would definitely be my first choice. I'm kinky like that. Weirdly though, I do miss you all too. I miss being your nonymod. I miss bullying noobs and sticking up for the little people. I miss late night orgies with genny, panny and narcisskitzy. I miss reading columns and giving my views on them. And I miss writing.

    The bottom line is I miss you guys. Every single one of you. And I'm glad at least a few of you miss me too.
    Mazza: Before you run off on us again Nony, we have another one for you.

    Single Column of the Year

    Winner: Stan (Anonymous)

    Oh...I won column of the year too?! Fuck it must've been a bad year for columns. Really bad. I was legitimately proud of that column so I'm pretty happy to have won it. Weirdly, it also ended up being my last column on the board which is kind of fitting since I killed myself off in it. Obviously, I couldn't have won this award without the help and guidance of a few friends so, I'd like to give a few special thank you notes. Thank you to Eminem for providing inspiration and giving me the rights to his song so I could incorporate it into my column. Thank you to Rikishi for making me realize that love wasn't just the feeling between a man and a woman. It could also be the feeling between a man and a wrestler with a giant ass. I continue to love, worship and adore the way you make me feel and the happiness you have brought me. And finally, thank you to Dominos Pizza. Without you, I'd never have got full-time work in the summer of 2007 and would have never bought this snazzy laptop. And then, the column would never have been written. If you think about it, Dominos Pizza is more responsible for me winning Column of the Year 2010 than I was.

    Maybe not. It was all my work. Thanks to me for being awesome. And for my voters for realizing that. I love you guys.
    Chris:

    Mazza: Just like magic, we go from dissapearing to reappearing with...

    Comeback of the Year

    Mazza: Once again, this category wasnít even close. The winner here has come back from obscurity and become a major figure in the CF.

    Chris:

    Winner: Morpheus

    Comeback of the Year... Wow. I'm speechless.

    Nah, not really. Thanks for the award fellas. I'll put it right up there on my mantel, next to the four - count 'em - four COTM awards, the KOTC crown, the WriterMania Championship, and the golden kazoo I got for winning Winter's Weakest Link. I guess it was to be expected. I mean, returning as a pro for NXT, only to write my first columns in years and still manage to school all the chitlins here and win my fourth COTM almost six years after the last one? That's epic like H coming back from quad surgery to win the Royal Rumble, baby!

    All kidding and ego aside, I appreciate the sentiment behind this. I honestly wasn't sure if I ever intended to write again, and when I did, you guys made me feel like it was worth it, and made me feel like sticking around a bit, and for that I am truly grateful. It has been a hell of a few months here in LOP land, and I have been enjoying the hell out of it. Thanks for making it all worthwhile. I'll catch you fuckers on the flip side, and never forget that Metal is Forever.

    Monsignor Morpheus Classic the First, Ph.D.
    Chris:

    Mazza: Well we have almost reached the end of the evening and we have just two prizes left to hand out and they are both going to the same man. No offence to any of you fine writers on the MP or the CF, but one man has been head and shoulders above everyone this year. Taking home the...

    Main Page Columnist of the Year

    Mazza: and...

    Main Page Columnist of the Year

    Mazza: is...

    Winner: Hustle

    Mazza: Nice one Hus. That brings us to the end of this little awards ceremony. Did you have fun, Chris?

    Chris:

  2. #2
    Senior Member
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    What the fuck?!!?!

    My bits made this...

    send it to me and I'll write them again

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