LOPforums

LOPforums http://www.lordsofpain.tv/ This is a discussion forum powered by vBulletin. To find out about vBulletin, go to http://www.vbulletin.com/ . en Wed, 19 Jun 2013 17:14:16 GMT vBulletin 60 http://www.lordsofpain.tv/images/BP-Black/misc/rss.png LOPforums http://www.lordsofpain.tv/ MITB - WWE Championship: John Cena (c) vs. Mark Henry http://www.lordsofpain.tv/showthread.php?2220-MITB-WWE-Championship-John-Cena-(c)-vs-Mark-Henry&goto=newpost Tue, 18 Jun 2013 13:42:25 GMT Image: http://www.wwe.com/f/wysiwyg/image/2013/06/_TEMPLATE_EP_LIGHT_MITB_matches_cena-henry_C-hompepage.jpg One of the best swerves in recent...

One of the best swerves in recent memory gives us our title match for the Money in the Bank PPV. Reading The Doc's column, TripleR said it better than I ever possibly could have:

"Right now, in one segment, Mark Henry appears more of a threat to Cena than Ryback ever did in over a months time."

No chance in hell Henry wins (especially if we really are getting Cena/Bryan a month later), but what do you expect out of this? ]]> Pay-Per Views T.O. http://www.lordsofpain.tv/showthread.php?2220-MITB-WWE-Championship-John-Cena-(c)-vs-Mark-Henry ***The Results of The Official Prediction Contest for Payback 2013*** http://www.lordsofpain.tv/showthread.php?2219-***The-Results-of-The-Official-Prediction-Contest-for-Payback-2013***&goto=newpost Tue, 18 Jun 2013 11:58:45 GMT Well guys another PPV is in the books and what a PPV it was. It may have been a pretty predictable show as shown here in the contest but that didn't take away from what was some great action. As for our contest it was relatively tight affair with would looked like a tie for first place until the winner came from the last few people to put their predictions in, giving that person their second victory for the year.

Payback 2013

Match #1: A - 0 - N
Match #2: B - 1 - Y
Match #3: A - 1 - Y
Match #4: A - 1 - N
Match #5: A - 4 - N
Match #6: C - 1 - N
Match #7: B - 2 - N

Section 1 - Match Order

Match #1: IC Title
Match #2: Divas Title
Match #3: US Title
Match #4: World Title
Match #5: Punk/Jericho
Match #6: Tag Title
Match #7: WWE Title

Section 2 - Match Factors

1) Sheamus
2) No
3) First Fall
4) Wade Barrett
5) Yes

Section 3 - Weapons

1) Table
2) Steps
3) Crutch
4) Ambulance (door, Panel, light)

Section 4

1) King, Cole, JBL
2) It Won't
3) John Cena
4) It Won't
5) It Won't

Results

1st zzzorf - 60+15+11+3+11=100
=2nd Thomas - 56+15+7+5+11=94
=2nd The Hurra Duff - 56+15+7+9+7=94
4th tatew - 58+10+11+7+7=93
5th wfrw07 - 59+15+3+2+11=90
6th "Sick" Nick - 53+10+7+8+11=89
7th Visagra - 43+25+7+2+11=88
8th Crodus Blay - 52+5+15+5+7=84
9th Gooner - 50+20+3+8+3=84
10th Lunchbox1981 - 57+10+3+4+7=81
11th Happy Man - 56+10+7+5+3=81
12th RL Punk - 54+5+3+4+15=81
13th Deadman- 53+15+7+3+3=81
14th Hylton - 51+15+3+5+7=81
15th Wacco Zacco - 49+15+7+7+3=81
16th GetReadyToFly - 48+15+11+4+3=81
17th MachoMourn - 54+10+7+5+3=79
18th The Crusader - 50+10+7+5+7=79
19th TheSpirit88 - 50+15+3+7+3=78
20th SubhoRocks - 48+10+7+5+7=77
21st jcool29 - 41+25+3+1+7=77
22nd bando3186 - 49+5+7+7+3=71
23rd JTisCool - 40+5+7+5+7=64
24th StormDragonZ - 46+10+3-3+7=63 ]]> WWE PPV Prediction Contests zzzorf http://www.lordsofpain.tv/showthread.php?2219-***The-Results-of-The-Official-Prediction-Contest-for-Payback-2013*** The Bright Side: Seat Jumpers http://www.lordsofpain.tv/showthread.php?2218-The-Bright-Side-Seat-Jumpers&goto=newpost Tue, 18 Jun 2013 11:07:42 GMT Greetings, mizfan fans! So how about that Payback show, eh? And that Raw to follow up? Pretty good, right? Bet you wish you were there live and in... Greetings, mizfan fans! So how about that Payback show, eh? And that Raw to follow up? Pretty good, right? Bet you wish you were there live and in person! Well you weren’t, so it sucks to be you, but luckily your humble mizfan was in attendance for both of these excellent events. That’s almost as good as being there yourself, right? No? Why can’t you just be happy for me? How many question marks will I use in this introduction? All of them???

?????????????????????????????????????????????????? ???

That’s right dear readers, I’ve been doing the live show thing like a maniac for the past 48 hours. Both shows had downsides, but I think you know me well enough by now to know I’m not going to dwell on the negative. Instead, I’m going to focus on the top 10 moments of the past two days that had me literally jumping out of my chair and cheering my head off like the big ol’ mark that I am at heart. It doesn’t necessarily have to be the “best” moments, and it certainly won’t have to be the most critically acclaimed moments, but it’s the moments that got me feel legitimately excited to be a wrestling fan to the point where I literally couldn’t keep my seat anymore. If you’re incapable of having a few moments like that, why are you even a fan? So, ready to go on an adventure with me? Hey, there are those question marks again…

#10 Commentary Gawd

The only currency accepted in Mizfania.

Yup, an announcer makes the list, and fuck you if you don’t like it. JBL is one of my absolute all time favorites, both as a performer and as a commentator. In fact, I would say that only my love of Bobby “the Brain” Heenan and my slavish devotion to Tajiri rank above my JBLove. Both times he walked down to the booth I was up on my feet, screaming my love for the New York Cowboy. It certainly helps that his theme song still ranks among the very best ever produced by the WWE. While we’re on the subject of announcers, I’ve got to say, it boggles my mind how over Jerry Lawler still is. No wonder they won’t sack the man, no matter how disinterested he appears to be in the product these days.

#9 Cenaton Bomb

Like this one, but more.

I pretty much only have one positive thing to say about the entirety of the Payback main event, but for that one moment I will due credit. It would have been an impressive site even on a screen to see John Cena dive bomb the entire roster from the top rope, but live and in person? It was absolutely unbelievable. The “holy shit” chant that we followed it up with was well earned. No matter how dull a storyline WWE concocts around Cena, you can’t deny that the man will go above and beyond to at least make it a memorable experience. But don’t even get me started on that damn ambulance spot. Memorable for all the wrong reasons…

#8 Return of the Punk

In Jericho's defense, Punk did have to grow a Canadian beard to overcome him.

I bet you’re wondering why this moment isn’t ranked higher on my list. There were, sadly, a couple of things that dampened my excitement of the highly anticipated appearance of the hometown boy. First of all, it was immediately preceded by the mind boggling decision to put yet another world championship on Alberto Del Rio. I know a lot of rationale’s have been proposed to justify that decision, but it quite frankly hit me like a high speed kick to the balls. I never saw it coming, so I wasn’t braced for it at all. It would not compute for a few minutes after it happened, and I sat there feeling like I discovered a dead Santa Claus in my chimney on Christmas morning. So that sucked a bit of the wind out of me, and the crowd as a whole in fact. It took us a little bit to get over that. And secondly, I wasn’t at all convinced that WWE wasn’t about to pull some sort of horrible bait and switch with the Straight Edge Savior. Upon seeing Del Rio as champion I was convinced WWE was out to personally ruin my life, so I spent a lot of my energy bracing myself for the worst. When Punk’s music hit I leapt to my feet and cheered with the rest, but as I eyed the entrance my trepidation grew. Even when a hooded figure stepped onto the stage I had a queasy feeling in my belly. Fortunately, once he threw his hood back and I quickly determined that the beard I was seeing was not on the face of a subpar Hennig child, relief coursed through my body and I was able to relax. My fears aside it was still a fantastic moment, and the Chicago reaction to Punk was really excellent all night as was expected.

#7 Mizzed It By That Much…

Calm down people, they aren't that different...

Yeah, I’m gonna write about the Miz now, and I’m going to say good things, so just skip down to #6 if you’re not ok with that. For the one person still with me, I still love the Miz. I don’t talk about him nearly as much as I used to because honestly, what is there to talk about? Even I won’t try to say he makes for a very compelling face. There’s absolutely nothing about his abilities or his personality that indicates he would make an interesting good guy even under the best circumstances, and with WWE’s severe lack of attention to the midcard the problem is multiplied tenfold. However, I am still a big fan of Mike Mizanin, the guy who overcame an incredible deficit and survived a maelstrom of hatred and doubt from his peers to reach the top of the business, and I want to see good things happened to the guy. I knew from the outset that we would see McGillicutty walk out with the title, for better or for worse (the second one), but when Miz locked in that Figure 4 and the Genesis was nowhere to be seen, I was suddenly swept up to the moment. I was on my feet in an instant, screaming for Wade Barrett to tap the fuck out before anything else happened. He almost did it to, but unfortunately the original plan was still in effect and we got the slightly strange win for Hennig’s kid. I call it strange because I can’t figure out for the life of me why the pin didn’t count for Miz as well, but that’s neither here nor there. For a second I believed, and that’s what wrestling is all about.

#6 Swerving Is What He Do

A small army of clowns could live in that circus tent Henry is wearing. Just saying.

Admit it, you thought Mark Henry was retiring for real. Even I thought it at one point. There was a nagging doubt when John Cena was mysteriously hanging around, but as the segment seemed to be closing it appeared that it was just one of those things and Henry’s retirement was legit. I was literally in the midst of standing up to join the standing ovation for the long time veteran, but as I rose to my feet suddenly Mark Henry was crushing Cena like a bug and I was leaping up and down for joy. Mark Henry has by no means been a favorite of mine for the majority of his career, but in the last 3 years or so I’ve developed a high appreciate for his ever increasing skill set. I’m tickled pink that we got to see the big man lay out the poster boy, and I can’t say enough good things about Henry’s ability to work that crowd. We were so impressed that we even popped when Henry called us all puppets in his post attack promo. Awesome stuff, and while it’s no doubt a swan song for Henry in the very near future I’m so pleased that we get to experience just a little bit more of the Hall of Pain.

#5 William Regal Sighting!

Somewhere Chrisbear is climaxing.

You know, maybe Regal just likes to come to Grand Rapids, Michigan. I’m sure I don’t know why he would, it really isn’t all that great here, but he always seems to pop up in our town. He was there last time I went to Van Andel Arena for a Smackdown taping, and then out of the blue here he is again! Now I won’t pretend I think Regal is the most underrated wrestler of all time, and I won’t call him the greatest brawler and/or technical wrestler in history, but Regal is a guy I have always appreciated hugely and I think most would agree he never really got the opportunity to reach his full potential in the ‘E. There are a lot of reasons for that, some Regal’s fault and some not, but regardless it was an incredibly pleasant surprise to see the Brit show up. He even wrestled Cesaro, which put an even bigger smile on my face! It was a predictable loss of course, but you can plainly see that Regal doesn’t mind putting over the young bucks at this point in his career, and I’m happy to watch him do it.

#4 Christian! Christian! At Last You Have Come Hooooooome!

Thank god they waited two months to bring him back for this...

Speaking of unexpected appearances! As Vickie Guerrero screeched out that she had a big surprise (why the fuck is she playing a tweener GM anyway? And people complain about Hogan as GM on Impact…), I was racking my brain trying to imagine who it could possibly be. I never came up with Christian, but when his music started blasting I shot out of my seat and proceeded to lose my shit for several minutes afterwards. I’m a fairly big fan of Captain Charisma, and the sheer unexpectedness of his return added immensely to my excitement. I was a bit miffed at the fellow behind me who took it upon himself to shout out “Christian, you old!” as loud as he possibly could, but as if in answer Christian immediately afterwards sailed from the top rope down to the floor in one of the most excellent crossbody dives I’ve ever seen. Can’t be that old! But if I can take a minute to briefly complain about something, how rage-chokingly insane was it to see Triple H put down Vickie for not bringing back Christian sooner when it’s a well known fact (even in kayfabe!!) that Hunter could have brought him back almost two full months ago? WHERE DOES HE GET THE BALLS? Ok, ok, moving on…

#3 All Things Bryan

Also, yes.

Daniel Bryan is the kind of performer who is just so damn good that he doesn’t need a surprise return or a shocking moment to get me on my feet. Despite playing a supporting role on both nights he was definitely the overall MVP of my live experience. The energy he brings to the table is absolutely unmatched, and the crowd reacts to him in a way that is all his own. It was very interesting to watch him win over the crowds on both nights. At Payback he was up against the Shield, and of course the very subversive crowd was a bit torn between their indy darlings. However, it didn’t take long for the YES chants to win the day and the crowd quickly got squarely behind him, especially after he finally got his hot tag and began to clear house. The Raw crowd was even more interested, as there was a sizeable portion of the crowd backing Orton over Bryan. Don’t let anybody tell you Orton isn’t still incredibly popular, because he absolutely is! I even got in a shouting match with a little girl about who was better. I thought I had her beat, but she hit me with an RKO out of nowhere to get the win. Damn those Orton fans!

#2 Brock Freakin’ Lesnar

He's as surprised as you are.

I was hoping against hope we would see the freakish Lesnar appear to take Punk apart in the main event, but when Del Rio was chased off by Ziggler it seemed that the night would end without incident. Not so, as we well know! I know it may seem a bit hypocritical for a guy like me, so opposed to the overuse of part time wrestlers, to be so excited about seeing Brock Lesnar, but I’ve always had a big soft spot for this particular Paul Heyman guy (by the by, Heyman’s not on the list but it was damn good to finally see the man live!). You see, mizfan fans, Brock Lesnar was the very first WWE champion I ever saw, so I can’t help but be excited to 10 years later finally see the beastly man in person. With his limited schedule I thought I would have to put him on the list of guys I never saw live, but I got lucky and I couldn’t be happier. And hey, at least he’s working with a full time guy! I would have been much more conflicted if he had faced down the Rock (or, god forbid, Triple H).

But easily the biggest markout of the trip was…

#1 Seeing Is Believing

So, at WWE Payback, there was a diva’s title match. I’m told it was quite good for a diva’s match, but I didn’t see it because WWE has trained me not to give any shits. I was out in the hallway buying the latest Miz t-shirt (don’t you fucking judge me). I was standing in line and I turned around to say something to my friend.

But it wasn’t my friend standing there when I turned around.

It was motherfucking Dean Ambrose, about a foot away from my face.

Basically this, but more terrifying and closer to my face.

Apparently he, along with Reigns & Rollins, were getting in position for their entrance, and because somebody up there likes me I just so happened to be standing smack dab in the middle of the hallway they needed to use. Ambrose had his grimmest expression on as I leaped out of the way, and I watched in awe as the most feared faction the company has had in ages strode stoically past not two feet from where I stood.

I was a bit star-struck, as I’m sure you can understand. All I could do was thank my lucky stars I wasn’t doing anything unjust at that moment. I’m pretty sure they would have taken me out.

Fortunately I avoided the triple powerbomb and made it back to my seat, but I will always remember the time I was almost decimated by the Shield. And really, as a wrestling fan, what could be better than that?

I certainly picked a pair of good shows to go to, eh? Plenty to love, and I won’t even talk about what there was to hate, because I’m just enjoying the ride right now. Now if only TNA would come through town, then I’d REALLY have something to be glad for…

Do you know who he is?

So until next time, mizfan fans… stay awesome. ]]> Columns Mizfan http://www.lordsofpain.tv/showthread.php?2218-The-Bright-Side-Seat-Jumpers Money in the Bank General Discussion http://www.lordsofpain.tv/showthread.php?2217-Money-in-the-Bank-General-Discussion&goto=newpost Tue, 18 Jun 2013 03:19:01 GMT Wow, we could have quite the stacked card already. Only one match fully confirmed, but others heading down the pike: WWE Title: John Cena v. Mark... Wow, we could have quite the stacked card already. Only one match fully confirmed, but others heading down the pike:

WWE Title: John Cena v. Mark Henry
World Title: Alberto Del Rio vs. Dolph Ziggler
CM Punk vs. Brock Lesnar
#1 contendership: Daniel Bryan vs. Randy Orton
Money in the Bank Ladder Match

What do you plan on seeing at the PPV? ]]> Pay-Per Views T.O. http://www.lordsofpain.tv/showthread.php?2217-Money-in-the-Bank-General-Discussion Monday Night RAW: June 17th, 2013 http://www.lordsofpain.tv/showthread.php?2216-Monday-Night-RAW-June-17th-2013&goto=newpost Mon, 17 Jun 2013 22:23:05 GMT The Monday Night RAW Episode for the 17th of June, 2013: Metal Chains On Glass Jaws Image:...

The Monday Night RAW Episode for the 17th of June, 2013: Metal Chains On Glass Jaws

- Happy Birthday to my sister Tiffany, who turns 34 today.
- Happy Early Birthday to Justin Rocheleau, better known as Bam Neely, who turns 38 tomorrow.
- Happy Early Birthday as well to "Big" Vito LoGrasso, you know, he wrestled in a dress, who turns 49 tomorrow.

--- The Bitch That Always Comes Back ---

In case you were watching the fifth match in the best of seven series between humidity and some metal shoe tassels, you probably missed out on watching WWE Payback last night. Don't cry, it's okay. I'll be glad to let you know what you missed out on:

- Sheamus had the loudest boos of the night, but he managed to defeat Damien Sandow before the PPV even started.
- With the recent issues clouding Daniel Bryan and Randy Orton, they wanted to do nothing more than defeat The Shield's Roman Reigns and Seth Rollins for the Tag Team Titles. Unfortunately, they both couldn't get along very much at all and The Shield still claim ownership of the titles.
- Kane got his rematch against the other member of The Shield, Dean Ambrose, for the U.S. Title. However, using brains over sheer power, Ambrose managed to get Kane counted-out and retained the title.
- CM Punk actually showed up and went over twenty minutes against Chris Jericho. Sporting a new look combining Wolverine, Austin Aries and Hardcore Holly, Punk successfully defeated Jericho in his return since his match at Wrestlemania.
- Curtis Axel replaced a concussed Fandango to make a Triple Threat match with The Miz and Wade Barrett for the Intercontinental Title. Despite locking in a submission, Axel got a pinfall over Barrett before Barrett would tap out to Miz's Figure4 Submission move. Axel is your new champion.
- Them mind games finally paid off when Kaitlyn defended the Divas Title against AJ. In a match that some say was the third best of the night, AJ would successfully vanquish Kaitlyn to become the new Divas Champion.
- Dolph Ziggler defended the World Heavyweight Championship against Alberto Del Rio. Despite his valiant effort, the crowd knew Ziggler was not in the best possible shape or stability to be competiing. Del Rio held no candle for the champion, using brutal knee strikes and kicks to Ziggler's head as much as possible. In the end, Ziggler couldn't take no more and Alberto Del Rio is the new World Champion.
- John Cena and Ryback would need a match that has only happened a mere three times to decide the end of a heated rivalry: Three Stages of Hell. Ryback would secure the victory in the Lumberjack Match Stage, but John Cena would surprise Ryback and claim a point in the Tables Match Stage. The Ambulance Match would end things for good, which after performing the Attitude Adjustment to Ryback through the top of the ambulance, Cena remains the WWE Champion.

--- Today in Wrestling History: 2012: One of StormDragonZ's most disliked PPVs in the last five years. So disliked, whatever TNA did that month, they were doing better immensely, and I stick to that even today. It was No Way Out, which featured the final time we'd see the Vice President of Talent Relations and the Interim General Manager of Monday Night RAW...

--- Questions To Ponder ---

- With Ryback vanquished, who should be #1 Contender for the WWE Championship?
- Do you feel bad that Dolph Ziggler lost the World Heavyweight Championship?
- With Money in the Bank coming up next month, who do you want to see holding briefcases going into Summerslam?
- Should Kane get another shot against Dean Ambrose for the U.S. Championship?
- Will you feel sad that I'm missing tonight's episode of RAW to celebrate my sister's birthday?

--- Enjoy the show without me, everyone. Reeling like a top, spinning like patience... ---

Quote:

Originally Posted by StormDragonZ

You know, it just occurred to me... they could have called this PPV "Night of Champions" and it wouldn't be incorrect.

Quote:

Originally Posted by EB4

Nice for Axel to win that belt on Father's Day. Clever method, too.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sierra Bravo

Hmmm...his last run in TNA was god awful. But man it's RVD! But he was bobbins in TNA.

But fuck, it's RVD!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Allystare

But he's still with Ricardo. He needs to lose Ricardo if he's going to go full blown heel. Ricardo's too likeable to be a heel.

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheAman

I feel like in every lumberjack match, they do a dive onto the lumberjacks. And every time they say "I've never seen that before!"

]]> StormDragonZ http://www.lordsofpain.tv/showthread.php?2216-Monday-Night-RAW-June-17th-2013 Greatest Movie Tournament of All-Time (The Final 32!) http://www.lordsofpain.tv/showthread.php?2215-Greatest-Movie-Tournament-of-All-Time-(The-Final-32!)&goto=newpost Mon, 17 Jun 2013 17:06:52 GMT Well this is it. We’ve almost come to the end of the original eight brackets. So if you don’t see your favorite movie here (or in one of the previous... Well this is it. We’ve almost come to the end of the original eight brackets. So if you don’t see your favorite movie here (or in one of the previous seven brackets) then it didn’t make the cut. Other than the Shrek films which didn’t even get a nomination I can’t really think of anything that would be considered a huge glaring omission. However I am sure there are some because even though this was a super sized tournament we couldn’t include everything. Hopefully you are mostly pleased with the movies we did select.

Bracket #8

1) American Pie (1999)
vs.
32) Napoleon Dynamite (2004)

16) Star Wars IV: A New Hope (1977)
vs.
17) Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991)

9) Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back (2001)
vs.
24) X2: X-Men United (2003)

8) Home Alone (1990)
vs.
25) The Stand (1994)

4) Catch Me If You Can (2002)
vs.
29) Rocky II (1979)

13) Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)
vs.
20) The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad (1988)

12) Old School (2003)
vs.
21) The Sting (1973)

5) Django Unchained (2012)
vs.
28) Bram Stoker's Dracula (1992)

6) Fight Club (1999)
vs.
27) Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (2009)

11) Mrs. Doubtfire (1993)
vs.
22) Titanic (1997)

14) Rudy (1994)
vs.
19) The Hurt Locker (2008)

3) Boogie Nights (1997)
vs.
30) Almost Famous (2000)

7) Gone with the Wind (1939)
vs.
26) Cars 2006)

10) Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring (2001)
vs.
23) Unforgiven (1992)

15) Silence of the Lambs (1991)
vs.
18) The Dirty Dozen (1967)

2) Batman (1989)
vs.
31) Misery (1990)

It looks like a lot of good movies were left for this final bracket. Including some really good blockbusters, good comedies and my Nana’s favorite movie. If Star Wars can get passed Terminator (and that will be a close vote) I think it is one of the favorites to win the bracket but this is a wide open field.

Voting ends Wednesday. ]]> Lunchbox1981 http://www.lordsofpain.tv/showthread.php?2215-Greatest-Movie-Tournament-of-All-Time-(The-Final-32!) E3 Shitstravaganza http://www.lordsofpain.tv/showthread.php?2214-E3-Shitstravaganza&goto=newpost Mon, 17 Jun 2013 14:46:08 GMT Not one E3 thread guys? Jees. Thoughts: MAHCROSAWFT: Microsoft had some really cool looking games and some dope looking exclusives which... Not one E3 thread guys? Jees.

Thoughts:

MAHCROSAWFT:

Microsoft had some really cool looking games and some dope looking exclusives which had me impressed but, news that THEYRE JUST TIMED EXCLUSIVES really confirms my thoughts that the consoles will only be divided by 3 factors; online capabilities, first party games and bugs; more on that later. The used games bit is ALOT more important than people seem to be giving thought into, especially folks I know in major cities. I mean sure WE can say fuck used games but what about the others? Segundo, the INTERNET CONNECTION issue is going to fuck them in my opinion, because me being in New York and my internet STILL gives me shits, so I feel for those in rurual areas where the internet is spotty at best. Doesnt help matters that MS has gone on record saying "IF YOU DONT HAVE INTERNET WE HAVE A MACHINE FOR YOU AND ITS CALLED THE 360" AKA "I AINT SAYING SHE A GOLD DIGGER, BUT SHE MESSIN WITH NO BROKE NIGGAS".

Overall I give them a solid B+; they came out trying to make a statement and the games were cool. Especially Dead Rising 3.

Nintendo:
Alot of 3DS and some remakes and shit, not a fan of the wind waker bullshit BUT Bayonetta 2 and Sonic Lost Worlds aka Sonic Galaxy look BOSS BEYOND RECOGNITION. The new Donkey Kong game looks super ill too. Too bad no one else wants to make games for the WII U besides Nintendo and Sega.

Nintendo gets a B. awesome games catered to their crowd. Nice reveal on the Legend of Zelda LTTP 2 also.

SEWNEE:

Truth be told...Sony didn't do anything essentially, but they handily won E3 because they didnt have to do much because of the whole MS used games/internet debacle. I love how the games that are multiplatformed mostly used actual gameplay footage from the PS4 vs the XBOXONE, which is kind of a big deal. Sony also fired off some BIG salvos with the price reveal/used games/internet policies, as they had the crowd go insane, reminded me of a wrestling promo. Kudos to Sony for being in tune with the indy devs which will play a LARGE part in upcoming years of console gaming, believe you me. I just hope they dont shit the bed and reveal 90 dollar games because FUCK THAT. MOST Online (ie non free to play games) will require PSN+ to go online but if they use it to fix the servers and connection then hey Im all for it.

Sony A. Wouldve gotten an A++ had they shown more third party exclusives but fuck it, they didnt need to.

Overall this E3 was super entertaining so kudos all involved. ]]> Video Games unc le Joe http://www.lordsofpain.tv/showthread.php?2214-E3-Shitstravaganza <![CDATA[Oliver's Twist: On Britain - Speed King 2013 and Sundries]]> http://www.lordsofpain.tv/showthread.php?2213-Oliver-s-Twist-On-Britain-Speed-King-2013-and-Sundries&goto=newpost Mon, 17 Jun 2013 14:21:13 GMT Image: http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g159/ollib1304/OLIVERSTWISTBRITFLAG_zpsbcef150e.jpg Woof! Another terribly timed busy weekend has thrown...

Woof! Another terribly timed busy weekend has thrown me off course, and so I've only just got to posting the Speed King review. But fear not! Finally this week I think we should be seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. With a few more posts to make, we should be well on course to tie the series up in the near future. But now, without further ado...

It’s an odd one, is Speed King - Seven qualifying matches then an elimination main event to crown the champion. They even win a belt that looks like a crow between the big gold belt and the ECW championship, which then gets defended in standard matches across the year. It seems like a strange concept, and it is, but it works. It works damn well when the show is this good.

The night kicked off with House of Pain mouthpiece Harvey Dale in the ring for his Golden Tongue talk show segment. Before we get too far – House of Pain and Southside Wrestling Entertainment are embroiled deep in an interpromotional feud, one that I’m going to cover in a bit (promise!). However, with this event being under the SWE banner but in HoPs backyard of Nottingham, the crowd was split, and Dale soaked it all up. The guest for the night is Nigel McGuinness, coming back to the promotion he had his last ever UK match for. When we finally got down to business, McGuinness and Dale sparred verbally with each other for a while, until McGuinness revealed that it would be he, not Harvey Dale, taking the role of ring announcer and commentator tonight. With Dale mystified as to how his plans had gone awry, Mark Haskins snuck up behind him and nailed a superkick to the jaw, sending Dale rolling outside of the ring to resounding cheers and a meek cry of ‘I’ve wet myself’ from the show host. This warmed the crowd up really well for what was to come – but the star was certainly Dale, who is absolutely gold on the microphone. See?

Watching Robbie X vs Dean Allmark was a surprisingly early delight on this show. Though it started out technical, it soon became into a high flying contest, as both Allmark and Robbie took to the ‘sky’, as it were. The speed of both guys was phenomenal throughout, and as it progressed on neither let up on the tempo and both really impressed. Robbie X threw caution to the wind, throwing himself out of the ring onto Allmark a couple of time, and Allmark zipped around the ring with ease. Allmark finally got the win with the Spanish Fly off the top rope, and this started the show off terrifically.

Possibly the match I went into the event with the highest expectations for, Martin Kirby vs Jigsaw was really, really bloody good. Both guys went at it hard from bell to bell, with kicks and strikes raining down from each man. Kirby kept pace with Jigsaw throughout, and they matched each other move for move for the duration, soaring around the ring and hitting each other with what I believe Pat Benatar would call their best shots. Kirby would finally get the win and progress following a pair of savate kicks to the head, and whilst I’d have liked another five minutes on the match this probably stands as the second best match of the show.

With Zema Ion injured, Kay Lee Ray took on El Ligero in his place. Kind of a shame to miss out on seeing Ion, who whilst I’ve never loved watching with TNA I always thought could offer a lot more in on non-televised setting, but Ray was a good replacement to go up against Ligero, both having complimentary movesets. This started off being all about the storytelling, with Ligero reluctant to hit Ray with everything he had. Finally, Ray took matters into her own hands, striking Ligero hard and bringing out the fighter in the Mexican sensation. With both giving as good as they got, the match gained momentum towards the ending, where Ligero hit Kay Lee with a back to belly piledriver variation for the win in a good match, although the start did feel a bit stilted. I understand the story they were trying to tell, but it didn’t really come across as well as it could have done. But the match itself, after that opening section, was really good. After the bell rung, Martin Kirby would show his face and attack Ray, bringing Ligero out from the back to make the save. With the two building for an I Quit match in a month or so, it was nice to see the story progress even around a big tournament.

I can say very little about MK McKinnan vs Zack Sabre Jr except for 'holy shit'. This match was phenomenal and deserved the standing ovation it got from the crowd at the end. Zack Sabre Jr focussed, inevitably, on the arm of McKinnan, looking to lock in the armbar for the submission victory, whilst McKinnan seemed to spend as much time trying to avoid Sabre Jr as possible and create some space between himself and his rival. There was plenty of hard hitting, brutal offense, with Sabre Jr at one point bending back McKinnan’s fingers and cracking them which was absolutely nauseating to see. McKinnan hit a big somersault senton through the ropes to the outside at one point, but took a real beating, as evidenced by his bloody nose (at least, I think it was his nose) come the end of the contest, presumably a result of taking one too many kicks to the head. As the match went on, so the out and out warfare escalated until I thought one of them was going to literally need to knock the other out to get a victory. McKinnan escaped not one but two armbar variations and ended up taking what was, for me, a surprise victory following a combination of kicks to his opponent. As I said, the crowd gave this a standing ovation that was really well earned, and this was certainly the best match of the night, even if it may not stand as my favourite.

After the thrilling match before it, Marty Scurll vs Samuray Del Sol had a lot to match up to, and both guys seemed to come out with a point to prove. Scurll, accompanied by the lovely Shanna, played the heel well against Del Sol, who looked to hit a lot of his lucha libre offense and keep the space between himself and Scurll to allow him to hit it. This went back and forth a few times with a lot of momentum shifts, and whilst I really enjoyed it I sort of felt like it never really hit top gear and was stuck in fourth for a lot of the time. When it did hit top gear it was stupendous, with Del Sol hitting a particularly sweet looking springboard tornado DDT and a succession of crisp looking moves that pretty much explain why he’s reportedly been signed by WWE. Marty got the victory in the end by submission and, like I said, it was good, but never really clicked for me. I don’t know whether it was a style clash, but I’ve seen both guys perform better.

Having watched him since his days as Hydro in Ring of Honor over a decade ago, I was really looking forward to finally seeing Jay Lethal face Noam Dar. On paper, these two are a perfect match, and in the ring that’s exactly what it was. Although there were a couple of slip ups in the early stages, everything seemed to eventually come together and the two put on a great showing, with Dar working the knee terrifically and mocking his Black Machismo opponent mercilessly throughout the match. It really can’t be long before Dar moves on from this small stage. Lethal gave as good as he got, hitting a series of his signature offense and looked really impressive. To be honest, he was everything I could have wished for him to be in the ring on the night. Lethal eventually got the win after a hard fought match with the Lethal Injection and I after the slightly ropey start I couldn’t find a fault with the match which neared perfection. Lethal put Dar over on the microphone afterwards which was a really nice touch.

Mark Haskins vs Kris Travis was really entertaining, with both men working the hair of the opponent, resulting in Travis eventually saying ‘I’m going to tell Kirby’ which tickled me pink to hear. It was nice to get some more comical wrestling as a lot of what had come before was very straight faced and serious, so this was a breath of fresh air. There was enough in the match to suggest that the two are capable of great things – which I know they are – and that this could be a lengthy, enjoyable bout, but unfortunately as soon as it seemed to be getting going into a more they both took a bump to the floor and that resulted in a double count out. I don’t want to be down too much on a match between two of my favourites, but that left a really bitter taste in my mouth and took away from what had been hinting at something special and was certainly getting there. Fun fact: I have only ever seen Mark Haskins wrestle to double count outs. I should have known what to expect, I guess.

With Nigel McGuinness about to announce the main event, Stixx’s music hit bringing out the Heavyweight House of Pain. I love Stixx. There, I’ve said it. I can’t get enough of him, he’s charismatic and an absolute brute, so I was glad to see him show his face and continue the HOP/SWE Feud. Stixx said that he could take on anyone in the back and that it was a crime he wasn’t entered into the tournament. McGuinness, taking him at his word and flexing his matchmaking muscles, issued the open challenge that was answered by none other than Jigsaw…and to cap it off, Stixx’s shot at the SWE Heavyweight Champion was on the line!

This one started hot, with Jigsaw taking the offense to his opponent using his speed and agility. Stixx, wrestling in his civvies, didn’t get much of a look in in the early stages, as Jigsaw dominated proceedings. It quickly spilled to the outside, where Stixx was thrown into a chair and Jigsaw hit a big senton off the ring steps onto him in a fantastic spot. Back in the ring, Jigsaw looked to keep the advantage but Stixx finally got on top of the situation, beating down his smaller opponent with his superior power. Jigsaw would eventually wriggle out and gain some space, allowing him to hit some more high flying moves on his opponent and start to look to finish the match off, nailing a brainbuster on Stixx that only got two from the ref. However, Stixx would slip out of the ring and bail out of the fire exit, meaning he lost by count out but, because he wasn’t pinned, retaining his title shot. Bit of an odd ending (especially as in order to force him into the ring at the start a ten count had started) but a really fun bonus match that I enjoyed a lot.

The six man Speed King final (Dean Allmark vs Martin Kirby vs El Ligero vs MK McKinnan vs Marty Scurll vs Jay Lethal) started off hot as all hell - Martin Kirby attacked El Ligero with a chair before the bell had even sounded, and once it did Ligero submitted within ten seconds, much to the chagrin of my wife who loves him. From then on, this was a hard hitting elimination affair, with everyone hitting some big moves on each other. Kirby would also submit the injured MK McKinnan, still suffering the after effect of the beating Zack Sabre Jr gave him earlier on, for the second elimination and seemed to be on a huge roll. That was after a big spot in which all men took some offense from someone, Jay Lethal delivering a DDT to two guys whilst fallaway slamming a third yet being on the receiving end of a jumping reverse bulldog. Honestly, I can’t remember who was who in that scenario. With it down to four men, there seemed to be an allegiance formed between Scurll and Kirby, who tagged in and out to each other and worked over both Lethal and Allmark. Allmark was next eliminated, falling prey to Marty Scurll following a superplex, and that left the two heels in with Jay Lethal. Lethal would eliminate Scurll with the Hail to the King, and then nailed Kirby with the Lethal Injection quickly afterwards, to reign supreme as Speed King 2013 champion. I hugely enjoyed the main event, which worked really well, although I’d have liked to have seen more Ligero in it. Possibly that’s my only complaint, but never mind. Lethal winning was a surprise to me, as I honestly thought Kirby had it in the bag from the opening bell and never expected Lethal to win out of the six competitors. Nice to have a surprise, and the whole building left their seat to applaud his win at the end. Lethal also made good on an earlier promise to shake everyone’s hand, and made his way around the crowd to send everyone home happy.

I don’t think there was really a weak match on this show – having such a strong card from the get go helped, but paper and practice are two different things. Whilst there were bits that disappointed, like the double count out ending to Travis vs Haskins and a lack of Ligero in the final, everything was done for a reason, I guess – Ligero’s cheap elimination really adds fuel to the fire of his upcoming I Quit match with Kirby, especially. Stixx vs Jigsaw was a really enjoyable bonus match that stuck out for me, as did McKinnan and Sabre Jr kicking the living hell out of each other.

Speed King 2013 is available on DVD now for twelve of your English pounds - http://www.southsidewrestling.co.uk/...peed-king-2013

As with the Queen of the Ring review - some segments of this also appeared on discoverwrestling.com, where a few friends and I rabbit on about wrestling. ]]> Columns Oliver http://www.lordsofpain.tv/showthread.php?2213-Oliver-s-Twist-On-Britain-Speed-King-2013-and-Sundries 2013 Bound for Glory Series Prediction Pool http://www.lordsofpain.tv/showthread.php?2212-2013-Bound-for-Glory-Series-Prediction-Pool&goto=newpost Mon, 17 Jun 2013 14:21:06 GMT Last week on Impact Wrestling, we got our field of 12 for the highly anticipated Bound for Glory Series: Jay Bradley Samoa Joe Hernandez AJ... Last week on Impact Wrestling, we got our field of 12 for the highly anticipated Bound for Glory Series:

Jay Bradley
Samoa Joe
Hernandez
AJ Styles
Christopher Daniels
Kazarian
Bobby Roode
Austin Aries
Jeff Hardy
Magnus
Joseph Park
Ken Anderson

I'd like to have a little fun with this. Call it a mini-prediction pool, if ya weeeeeeeell.

Unless TNA throws a wrench into the mix, we know that only four of the 12 men will advance to a mini-tournament to determine the winner. I'm assuming this will take place on Impact a month or so before BFG, since No Surrender has surrendered after all.

Also, the scoring format:

◾Submission Victory: 10 Points
◾Pinfall Victory: 7 Points
◾Countout Victory: 5 Points
◾DQ Victory: 3 Points
◾Draw: 2 Points
◾DQ: -10 Points

What I'm asking people who are interested in playing to do, is pick the following:
- The final point totals for all 12 men. You get one point for getting within 3 either way for each participant, and a bonus 2 for getting any point value correct, on the dot. So theoretically, 36 points possible.
- What will the semi-finals and finals matchups be? Remember, it's not necessarily #1 vs. #4, as we saw last year. 5 points per correct matchup.
- Who will win the most matches in the BFG Series (counting the semis and finals as well)? Remember the point values - this could be different from who the #1 seed is at the end. 3 points for a correct answer. I will accept a tie for first as a correct answer, but you may only pick one wrestler.

Hop to it, gents. ]]> TNA T.O. http://www.lordsofpain.tv/showthread.php?2212-2013-Bound-for-Glory-Series-Prediction-Pool The Bigger Picture http://www.lordsofpain.tv/showthread.php?2211-The-Bigger-Picture&goto=newpost Mon, 17 Jun 2013 14:15:19 GMT The Bigger Picture

Hi everyone, it's been a while since I posted anything but with what transpired at WWE's latest ppv offering, Payback, and the subsequent furore, I felt the time was right to put my opinion out there once again. Overall i felt Payback was a very solid ppv that, despite the poor main event really ticked a number of boxes. However there is one thing that stood out last night which i want to discuss (no, not the return of a man with the same ponytail, moveset and singlet since the mid 90's, no thanks) it's rather along the lines of last nights other championship match, the World Heavyweight championship match between Dolph Ziggler and Alberto Del Rio, so let's get on with it.

I won't bore you with a recap of the match, we've already had Michael Cole's excruciating play by play so you sure as hell don't need another one, but by now you all know the big gold belt is back around the waist of a man who has less charisma than a bag of onions and that upset an awful lot of people. But not me and i'll explain why. Let's start with Del Rio himself. WWE has finally lost faith in him. Now i know what your thinking, how can WWE have lost faith in someone who has just been crowned a champion and that's a good point and a very valid one but look at the bigger picture. Del Rio is the apple of Vince Mcmahon's eye, his pet project, the man who will save his beloved latino demographic when Mysterio retires Right? He was nailed on to win the WWE title through the summer of 2011 despite CM Punk being the hottest thing in wrestling in years. Vince loves the guy and eventually wanted him to be a top level face on Smackdown at least. He has failed. That's the bottom line. Do you think Vince honestly wanted to sign off on him turning heel again just 6 months after turning face? He wanted more than anything for Del Rio to be a major face but has already admitted defeat and turned him back, giving Ziggler that mantle (which we will get to in a minute). For a man who has just capured his 359th World title in the last 3 years the future beyond looks bleaker than it has before. He will continue to win titles and go over more more deserving opponents night in and out but his backing appears to be fading, even slightly.

Now onto the show off Dolph Ziggler. The future, quite simply is his. Losing the title doesn't mean the end, Daniel Bryan anyone? Listen to that Chicago crowd. The out pouring of emotion and sympathy was overwhelming and i'm sure we have seen that before, Daniel Bryan anyone? By now you will have noticed where I am going here. let's travel back to Wrestlemania 28. That infamous 18 seconds when someone who was horribly unover went over someone who was. That was a complete accident by the WWE who gravely misjudged how over Daniel bryan was and the sympathy from fans who believed he deserved better catapulted him to the top with the biggest, most unamious vocal backing I have heard for a wrestler since Stone Cold Steve Austin. That was a complete accident, last night wasn't. Infact the events of Wrestlemania 28 was, in my opinion the blueprint for what occured last night. Much like the raw after WM28, listen to the crowd tonight, they will be screaming from the rooftops for Dolph, don't be kidded about that for a second.

I've already seen reviews on the main page call the title change a travesty and, yes at face value, Dolph losing to Del Rio in his first defense is, but this is just the beginning. The wheels are slowly coming off the pet project, the hungry underdog has suffered the setback he needs to propel him to stardom.

I know this column is very short but due to a) Time constraints due to work (wrote this in under an hour) and B) not wanting to make the same point over and over I decided to leave it as it is and i'll leave you with these words.

If you ever doubted me, you dont have a clue,
I'm here to show the world, I'm here to show the world,
Come on, Bring it on!!!!

Thanks for reading ]]> Columns SDougan1990 http://www.lordsofpain.tv/showthread.php?2211-The-Bigger-Picture Blitz Bomb #3 - Street Fighter and Pro Wrestling Part 2 http://www.lordsofpain.tv/showthread.php?2210-Blitz-Bomb-3-Street-Fighter-and-Pro-Wrestling-Part-2&goto=newpost Mon, 17 Jun 2013 05:07:01 GMT In the first part of this column (http://www.lordsofpain.tv/showthread.php?2139-Blitz-Bomb-1-Street-Fighter-and-Pro-Wrestling-Part-1), the Blitz had... In the first part of this column, the Blitz had embarked on his journey to face Big Van Vader and faced the challenges of Rollerball Rocco, Bob Backlund, and the Undertaker. However, he ran into major problems with Stan Hansen and his devastating Western Lariat. We now return to the action, already in progress….

I was clearly dazed by the Western Lariat and blood loss. There was the cover… ONE!… TWO!…. and just as the referee’s fingers were approaching the mat, my toe found the safety of the bottom rope. I could hear the crowd getting excited by the fact that the Western Lariat wasn’t quite enough to put me away. As I struggled to my feet in the corner, Hansen started raining huge rights and lefts on me and managed to break my nose. The taste of the blood mingled with sweat drove me into a second wind as we started brawling again. When the referee got in the way, both of us tossed him over the top rope and went back to each other, causing the ref to throw out the match. Blitz vs. Stan Hansen ends in a no-contest after the two combatants relieved the referee of his duties, but Blitz learned a very hard lesson about working with stiff opponents.

MATCH 5: CHARISMA

After seeing how effectively my opponents had whipped crowds into a frenzy, I knew I had to do the same. When a wrestler can harness the power of crowd reaction, he can become almost invincible. While Vader would never hit the list of greatest talkers, his sheer presence and stiffness was enough to get over with the crowd, and THAT is truly a sign of charisma. While sitting in the ring waiting for my opponent, I saw all the Hulk Hogan merchandise and knew I was in a WWF ring in the mid-to-late 1980s. With the sounds of the bagpipes and the fans cheering out of their minds, I knew instantly who my opponent was: “Rowdy” Roddy Piper.

As soon as the bell rang, Piper was all over me with punches, kicks, and even a thumb to the eye. It seemed that the dirtier he wrestled, the more the crowd was cheering. As he went for another poke in the eye, I caught his hand and tossed him clear across the ring so I could catch a breather. After hitting a series of bodyslams and elbow drops on him, Piper popped up with a knuckle-jab right to the bridge of my previously broken nose, busting me open again. Unlike in Japan, the referee was ready to stop the match before I grabbed his arm and roared that I was able to continue. With the taste of my own blood, I flew into a frenzy, beating Piper down in the corner and hitting a big Stinger splash. Adrian Adonis hit the ring to attack Piper, but I laid him out with one right hand to avoid a DQ finish and smashed Piper into the mat with a standing spinebuster for the three count. With the end of a short match, I learned the true essence of charisma.

MATCH 6: BRAWLING

Oh my, in all the hubbub of honing my skills, I didn’t realize that I had forgotten to take a crash course in brawling ability. While it’s second nature to me, I needed to be able to brawl in and out the ring with no thoughts of the referee stopping me or my opponent. I felt sufficiently recovered to take on this challenge, so after a brief stop-off in Stu Hart’s dungeon, I entered the Stampede Wrestling arena to take on my next opponent Abdullah the Butcher. I must admit that it was quite the intimidating sight to watch the sheer fear that Abdullah instilled into the crowd as he came to the ring, but I knew I couldn’t back down.

… Quite honestly I don’t remember much of the match because of the blood lost, but apparently I went into a blood frenzy and hit Abby with a piledriver through a table for the win after 20 minutes. I learned the mastery of brawling…I think.

MATCH 7: LARGER OPPONENTS

Now at 6’1, 315 pounds, I definitely wasn’t a cruiserweight, but against Abdullah the Butcher, I was absolutely tiny. I knew I’d look small next to Vader so I had to take on an opponent who was known for rarely going off his feet. Tsk, it looked like I had to go back to England for this challenge. Back when I squared off against Rollerball Rocco, I bumped into a guy with a massive 64-inch chest backstage and bounced off. I had to find him again and challenge him to a match. I stood in the ring waiting for this behemoth to show up when the crowd began to sing “We Shall not be Moved” and I got to see the man with the world-record (at the time) chest…BIG DADDY.

I knew my work was cut out for me from the bell when my shoulder block didn’t even budge him. He just stood there and absorbed multiple clothesline attempts before finally slamming me, much to the delight of the crowd. As I got up, I heard a loud group of old ladies in the crowd leading a chant of “Easy!”….embarrassing. I knew that much like with Undertaker, a direct approach simply wasn’t going to work. After avoiding Big Daddy’s simple but powerful attacks, I followed up each dodge with a kick to the legs to disrupt the big man’s balance. With every kick, Big Daddy wobbled more and the crowd’s chants of “YOU’S A WANKER!” to me, once again led by the sweet-looking old ladies, got louder. Finally I turned to the crowd and yelled “Well at least I’m getting some action!” before returning to the attack. Big Daddy slammed me down and went for his devastating Splashdown but I managed to roll out the way. This was the opportunity I was waiting for. As Big Daddy got up, still wobbly, I got a running start across the ring and smashed Big Daddy with a mighty Western Lariat, but it only sent him into the ropes. When he bounced off, I used the momentum to lift Big Daddy on my shoulders and smash him into the canvas with a mighty Samoan drop for the three count. As soon as the bell rang, the crowd was pelting me with empty beer cans, and I needed something to protect myself. Of course…they wouldn’t pelt me if it meant ruining something special. I quickly grabbed Big Daddy’s top hat and sequined jacket and put them on as I hauled my arse out of the arena to chants of “YOU SUCK BOLLOCKS!”. Good to know my lessons in charisma from earlier worked. Now there was one final test left… and he was in the WWF. The only clue I received was a letter saying that I was about to be left “snakebit”…

The Blitz has spoken. ]]> Columns Kblitzko http://www.lordsofpain.tv/showthread.php?2210-Blitz-Bomb-3-Street-Fighter-and-Pro-Wrestling-Part-2 <![CDATA[RVD's Whole F'n Thread]]> http://www.lordsofpain.tv/showthread.php?2209-RVD-s-Whole-F-n-Thread&goto=newpost Mon, 17 Jun 2013 01:05:28 GMT Return announced...

can't wait. Hopefully he will be motivated for his final run. ]]> Superstars MachoMourn http://www.lordsofpain.tv/showthread.php?2209-RVD-s-Whole-F-n-Thread 101 WWE Matches To See Before You Die ~ #23 http://www.lordsofpain.tv/showthread.php?2208-101-WWE-Matches-To-See-Before-You-Die-23&goto=newpost Sun, 16 Jun 2013 15:27:14 GMT _101 WWE Matches To See Before You Die 23_ The Rock vs. Stone Cold Steve Austin Special Guest Referee: Shane McMahon No Holds Barred Match... 101 WWE Matches To See Before You Die

23

The Rock vs. Stone Cold Steve Austin
Special Guest Referee: Shane McMahon
No Holds Barred Match
WWF Championship
Backlash
April 25th, 1999

Visceral: that’s the only real word suitable to describe the intensity that pervaded the entire Attitude Era, particularly the title bouts. There was always a sense of a time bomb waiting to go off whenever two top guys went toe to toe to close out a pay-per-view and I think this is a perfect example of that. The crowd are waiting for an excuse to get crazy as soon as Shane O’Mac enters. By the time The Rock is posing, there are fans swinging shirts in circles above their head…and then when the glass breaks, things hit fever pitch.

The action then starts thick and fast, and as typically simplistic as the time was. There are lots of strikes, lots of trash talk and the underlying story of Shane being the referee quickly comes into play, the official distracting the champ long enough for The Rock to attack from behind.

Immediately there’s an interesting comparison to other matches reviewed recently. Either side of this particular era that cheap shot would have quickly led to a prolonged heel beat down, with momentum comfortably settling on one side for a good five to ten minutes. Here though, again like the era, the tone remains frantic and instead the momentum continually shifts from one side to the other.

It’s not long before the action spills to the outside, as it often did. The two go up the ramp and the one dimensional action somehow manages to get even simpler, as strikes become the punctuation marks amidst a series of whips, some of which see wire fencing tumbling down to add striking visuals to an already tangible atmosphere. They mill around on the outside for the vast majority of the match and yet, somehow, despite my usual criticisms of psychologically light bouts, they manage to get away with it. We do eventually see a suplex, but the truth is that actual wrestling here is minimal at best. The execution, where the subject applies, is as mixed an affair as we eventually should have come to expect; some moves are done to perfection, whereas others look positively sloppy. Even the strikes sometimes betray the truth of the performance art, suspiciously landing wide of the mark.

The flaws are plentiful in honesty. It’s the kind of standard action we’d get from Austin centred main events at the time, and while the reasons why it became standard can be discussed endlessly and perhaps are linked back to issues discussed in a recent edition of the series, here the leeway lent by the referee at least makes sense – it is, of course, a no disqualification match, but even if it weren’t Shane isn’t going to disqualify Austin because his boy Rock would not then become champion.

The action makes heavy demands of you as a fan to postpone any semblance of common sense. Watching this kind of a match with brain engaged will do you no favours, as the plot holes are glaring and the action, if watched with a critical eye, oftentimes looks unconvincing. In fact, for the first third, as they battle to and fro near the entrance way, it borders on the downright repetitive. Yet the intensity evidenced in both men couples with the visceral emotion that bled through this entire age and, with a comparably hot crowd on top, help keep things infinitely entertaining. This is a match that doesn’t take itself too seriously, nor concern itself with pretentions above its station. It’s plain and simple and aimed at achieving only one thing – a fun time for the fans. The rest follows.

The kind of self-conscious intentions evidenced in the New Gen, and to a greater extent today, are nowhere to be found. Instead, we get a confidence in the performances of both men that what they’re doing, while excessively flawed, is still damn good. In its own isolated manner, it makes both men look like tough sons of bitches and gets over their desire to be champion. They go to extreme lengths to walk away with the WWF Championship, all the while staying within their incredibly different but well defined characters. The Rock in particular shows us why he was once so much fun to watch, talking trash on a Spanish commentator’s headset, stealing a camera and inserting a certain degree of slapstick comedy to proceedings. Even Austin’s response to a lot of Rock’s antics takes on a comic tone of its own, simply by virtue of association. The moment in which a Rock controlled camera turns to see a standing Austin giving him the finger, and hearing Rock’s “Oh shit!” on the directional microphone is a classic moment that should be remembered for all eternity.

But at what stage does confidence become arrogance? The match certainly has no sense of obligation and, while fun, it may make you long for a calmer and more complex approach, particularly if you’re a fan more conditioned to time periods bookending Attitude. It’s also notable just how little action actually takes place in the wrestling ring.

Perhaps because of that, coupled with the stipulation, the special referee angle never really comes into play a great deal until the closing act. That can, from a more analytical point of view, feel rather jarring. On further thought, there’s a great deal jarring about Shane’s inclusion. Was this stipulation added for the sole purpose of creating a specific finish? If so, it feels in danger of representing a company running short of original ideas. The addition of a Vince balancing precariously between heel and babyface is a largely unwelcome one too. His feud with Austin speaks for its own merits, and its influence can’t be denied, but it does represent the hardest indulgence at the time to forgive, as attention drifted from the intense coupling of wrestlers to the company’s ruling family. Even Shane accidentally knocking down The Rock with the belt and refusing to let Austin win is incredibly predictable and, perhaps worse, includes a direct rehash of a famous moment witnessed at the 1998 Survivor Series.

The referee is the largest flaw of the lot though. Any others are forgivable, simply because, for all its downfalls, it remains at its heart an incredibly fun affair. Very much a match of its time, this is twenty minutes of shameless, confident action that reads like less of a wrestling match and more of a Hollywood fist fight. These are two evenly matched gladiators quite literally tearing down the world around them in their quest to defeat one another. What’s not to enjoy?

That question, rhetorical though it may be, is really the point here.

As I have been constantly mentioning throughout, this match is enjoyable not in spite of its flaws but rather in lieu of them. I touched earlier on its self-assurance, on the fact that it doesn’t seem to concern itself with doing something impressive or with imagining for itself a future legacy. It focusses itself in the moment, centres itself on establishing the fact and presents a confidence that whatever happens after that will simply run its course. In that sense, it’s almost a reaction to matches from other times. The refreshingly honest drama of the Golden Age and the strikingly competitive athleticism of the Next Gen had been traded in for what was mentioned in my introduction today: visceral emotion. The psychological complexities of today’s product are certainly notable by their absence, but that’s exactly what makes the whole thing such a thrilling ride.

And there are lessons to be learned from this match as well, many of them. Most matches on this list were selected for a specific and easily identifiable singular reason. This match isn’t quite so straight forward, and the lessons for which it was picked are many in number. I want to touch on only a couple of the more important ones however, and it may not be surprising to learn both are rooted in history.

For all the criticisms the Attitude Era receives, the historical truth of it being the most successful period in company history cannot be denied, at least when taking an industry centric view of it. That’s not just coincidence; there has to be a reason. Whether it’s overt or underlying is for us all to decide for ourselves, but for this wrestling fan I dare say that, avoiding deeper discussions of the social climate at the time, it’s precisely for the reasons I laid out above. Today is a day in which the WWE obsesses over its own lineage and future legacies. In the days before Austin 3:16, it was a company that presented product obsessing over making history and leaving marks. The attitudes and intentions of wrestlers like Hulk Hogan, with his cross-media attempts to become an intrinsic part of American culture, and Bret Hart, with his own intense need for credibility and validation, had an impact on what was presented to the fan bases. That’s not to say said impact was a negative thing – indeed, most of time it was a very positive one – but it did run the risk of allowing the innocence of pro wrestling to vanish under the weight of self-imposed expectations. That kind of thing inevitably filters through into what we, as fans, are then presented. In the days of Rock and Austin however, it feels almost as if all of that was shed. Instead, here we have two guys wanting to put on a show. It’s that simple. They kept it that simple. Sure, their matches have plenty of pitfalls, some many more than others, but not only were Rock and Austin the top two guys of their age, their matches should be remembered as the artefacts of truth they are – the flaws of Attitude were, paradoxically, its greatest advantages.

Which sort of bleeds into the second and much more general point. Rock and Austin were two men in a much larger field, wrestling at the top of a roster that possessed a depth I am sure the company would kill for in this day and age. While various aspects of the roster provided different ideas and match design, needless to say what was happening at the top often cascaded down. There was always a great deal happening back then, with episodes of Raw packed with fast moving content that surged along at a break neck pace, much like this match does. It was an unrelenting and chaotic time period, providing an intensity we’d never had before and haven’t had since. The pay-per-views themselves would often provide a lot of forgettable action, but the moments that are remembered are, arguably, more memorable than any of their counterparts from other sections of company history. In short, while it rarely got anything horrifically wrong, when it got things amazingly right then we knew about it. The Rock/Austin feud was one of those things.

…and it didn’t just happen at Wrestlemania. That’s the clincher folks. There’s a dangerous trap we all may fall victim to, in which we seem to view major historical happenings in the company as only ever really occurring at Wrestlemania. So intrinsic to the fabric of pro wrestling has the reputation of the Grand Daddy become that we often forget things happened elsewhere in calendar years gone by. As I said, this was a period when a hell of a lot happened on a Monday Night Raw. The days of twenty minute monologues had yet to dawn. Of course we would often get prolonged segments to start the show, but they often involved huge groups of individuals, and rarely did things seem to happen between only two men. The entire approach was far less compartmentalised than it is now, that’s for certain. In short, he Attitude Era is the perfect era to use to prove that history goes beyond three months at the start of the year, given that most editions of Wrestlemania at the time were distinctly average affairs. Only twice did we get this pairing at a ‘Mania, and only once did it really blow the roof off.

Pound for pound, however, I dare say I would rate this match above their first two encounters at the Grandest Stage of All. X-Seven in particular is an example of when confidence became delusions of grandeur, losing, as it did, a sense of objective perspective. While here the two do indulge a little, it’s all in the name of simply having fun. It doesn’t take on the seriousness that their ‘Mania tangles would take on and that seems to have lifted their spirits a little, lent them some breathing room to portray what it was they became famous for – a good old fashioned fight. ‘Mania XV seemed to lose its way amidst the myriad of mitigating circumstances that had been thrown into the mix, and ‘Mania X-Seven went overlong because it showed some signs of that old school obsession with legacy when at its worst. XIX presented a match more in line with the increasingly psychologically nuanced outings at the time, and remains my own favourite for sentimental reasons, but here? There’s no sign of pressure, no indication of creative responsibility and the match benefits as a result.

Thus it becomes not only a historical artefact, accidental in its design to speak in defence of the Attitude Era as a whole simply by showing its worst excesses as its greatest attributes, but also transforms into a stark reminder of how wide company history really is and how important it is for us to not isolate our view to big name events. History happens all the time, and in an age where every moment of time was utilised to its absolute fullest extent, it’s no wonder we can look to it for one of our greatest lessons.

Finally, there’s one last reason why this match should be a must see for any fan worth their salt. Naturally, as you all know by now, I take wrestling seriously and, as a result, I enjoy it most when it takes itself seriously. Yet this entire era, perhaps through childhood sentiment alone - though I would like to think there are other reasons at play too - is a confession to me and to fans like me. It’s a confession from pro wrestling that she has a soul, and from that soul spilled its most tangible emotional experiences. When it’s boiled down to its simplest form, that’s what this era and this match, in the face of all its historical lectures, tells us – wrestling is and should be fun.

And sometimes, it’s ok to let it just be that.

Click here to watch Stone Cold Steve Austin vs. The Rock.

]]> Columns http://www.lordsofpain.tv/showthread.php?2208-101-WWE-Matches-To-See-Before-You-Die-23 Take Up Thy Wrestling Boots and Walk - How Superstars Can Save the WWE http://www.lordsofpain.tv/showthread.php?2207-Take-Up-Thy-Wrestling-Boots-and-Walk-How-Superstars-Can-Save-the-WWE&goto=newpost Sun, 16 Jun 2013 14:09:31 GMT Image: http://i1035.photobucket.com/albums/a438/primetimept2/sigs/Wrestlemania-6-hulk-hogan-ultimate-warrior_2069676-1.jpg Boy, been a while...

Boy, been a while since I’ve broken out that banner, huh? I promise I didn’t come up with a column just so I could admire my own handiwork. I usually reserve my original column series, Take Up Thy Wrestling Boots and Walk, for comments on the current product, with Prime Time on Wrestling taking a longer, more theoretical view of the industry. Given that I’ve been reticent to start writing about TNA, the product I watch and enjoy every week, with the WWE slipping off my radar there really hasn’t been much cause or opportunity for me to fire up the keyboard and bring TUTWBAW nearer to the 200 column mark.

In fact, this one came about sort of by accident, as the inspiration came from the series link function on my TiVo box. It usually records any WWE for me and, nowadays, quite often I end up leaving it on for a couple of days in a ‘will I, won’t I’ and then delete it for space without much of a thought. This time, though, I noticed that one of the shows that it’d picked up was Superstars.

Nostalgia is a funny thing, and I actually did play it. I think a great part of that is because of the series on the Monday Night Wars that I’ve been writing for the past 18 months. Not only does it fire up the memories of yesteryear, when Superstars was actually an important part of the WWE week, but I reckon it also gives a great opportunity to see differences in the product then as compared to now. You can pick out exactly how one event, one change, has had a knock-on effect on the rest of the show.

I watched Superstars far more readily than I would have watched, say, RAW. For a small number of you that won’t be surprising, as the idea of wading through three hours of WWE weekly programming in one go sounds about as appealing as having your teeth pulled out with a set of gas pliers. For others, though, the idea that I’d sit and watch a glorified ‘D’ show, featuring a collection of people near the bottom of the card in meaningless matches and highlights, over the flagship broadcast of the WWE, would be baffling. There is, naturally, very little at stake on a show that is so far down the pecking order.

The reason behind this choice is where the nostalgia comes in. See, while watching RAW back for this series I remembered that RAW wasn’t always the WWE flagship. Back in its early days, and even for most of the first year it was head-to-head with Nitro, RAW was at best only marginally more important than Superstars. The branding and associations conjured up by the name of this show and its ancestors runs back way before the debut of Monday Night RAW. Major storyline events used to happen on the show, and you’d often see some of the major stars appear. You go back to just January of 1996, and if you look over the show results you’ll see appearances from former WWF Champions Diesel and Yokozuna, the IC Champ Razor Ramon, WWF Tag Champs The Smokin’ Gunns, as well as former and future IC Champs in Shawn Michaels, Owen Hart, Jeff Jarrett and Ahmed Johnson. That’s without mentioning Jeff Hardy, who hardly counts because he was little more than a jobbing wrestler at the time.

RAW didn’t take on its dominant position with the company until it was clear that the WWF had to react to the NWO storyline. While at one time the shows were all kind of important and if you wanted the full story within the company, you had to watch or attempt to follow them all, the Monday Night War put convenience at the forefront. Everything started to happen on Monday Night. Missed the Sunday show? Doesn’t matter, you can just dive straight back in. More to the point, why would you spread your talent around when you were in a fight for your life on Mondays? It didn’t make sense, and RAW moved gradually from a one-hour show that was marginally bigger than its peers, into an absolute juggernaut that defines the industry.

But when Superstars came up in my list of recorded shows, it occurred to me that the WWE aren’t at war anymore. More to the point, it’s starting to look like a pretty old fashioned way of doing things.

In an age when everything about the WWE is so safe, so packaged and, frankly usually so easy to predict, ending the dominance of Monday Night RAW for the company is one of the few ways that you could actually inject some life back into the product. The ‘E have been reaching out into social media and the internet for new ways of connecting with fans and trying to extend beyond the quite confining boundaries a huge Monday Night megashow, but any attempt at this is surely doomed to failure if you can’t even get the most out of each of your shows.

I’m not talking about evening RAW, Smackdown and Superstars, and even all of their other shows, out completely here. There are still going to be some limits. RAW is still prime time, and as it is three hours, is going to take more writing and more stars to produce. That is just reality, and isn’t going to change. The extent of the changes isn’t that the shows will be completely egalitarian, but rather that you won’t be quite so sure of what – or who – you’ll see on each one.

Part of my thinking behind this is the repetitive nature of WWE programming, and the size of the roster. I’ve done my research and it looks like the WWE have about 85 people that they consider ‘on screen talent’ of one kind or another. Take the inactive people out of that, as well as the part timers, and we’re down to around 75. That wouldn’t be too excessive in the days of a brand extension, but those days are far behind us. A guy like John Cena only usually works Monday Night RAW, but plenty of people work RAW, and then work the following day’s Smackdown taping. I picked a week at random, and 9 of the 14 people who appeared on Smackdown (including those in the dark matches) also appeared on RAW the previous night.

On a similar note, I also looked up one or two of the smaller names on the roster and when they last got some exposure on one of the main shows. Now, I’m no expert in recent WWE history but it looks like Alex Riley – who was headlining PPV’s with Cena and Miz not that long ago - last wrestled a televised match on RAW back in August. It looks like a similar length of time since we’ve seen Curt Hawkins. I know he suffered a bad injury, but he’s been healthy for months and when, exactly, did you last see Ezekiel Jackson? Compared with some of these guys, Yoshi Tatsu’s recent exposure – a squash at the hands of Mark Henry back in early March – makes him seem like a movie star.

Cards on the table, I’m trusting a website for a lot of this and it might not even be all that accurate, but while you might be able to pick holes in one or two of the stats I think the underlying point is sound. The fact is that the WWE aren’t making the most of their talent. They’ve got a hugely stacked roster with a number of guys who could make it anywhere in the world, but instead they’ve got Cena wrestling on ¾ of the RAW shows in your average year, as well as guys like Orton working double, while guys like Bryan work triple, duty to fill in the rest of the card for RAW and Smackdown.

Ending this privilege for the top two shows, and in particular RAW, ends what has become a caste system in the WWE. If Randy Orton can headline an edition of Superstars, then David Otunga can wrestle on RAW. Some people will follow their favourite stars to the smaller shows, which could in turn increase their ratings. Others could well find that the top shows are more unpredictable and less repetitive, since they’ll encounter a wider array of superstars.

There’s an added bonus, too. More people will mean that there will need to be more angles. To fit them all in, there would have to be a slower evolution of stories and more long-term booking. Things would have to run side by side and come to a head at different points. You’d also probably see a lot more angles involving the belts themselves, since it’s a very easy way to make something matter, and that way you don’t waste a strong personal angle on something that already has a lot invested in it. For those of us who like the titles to mean something, and who think that they not only augment wrestlers but lend the product a certain weight, which can only be a good thing.

Obviously, this would require a disciplined approach. You’d have to have people not appearing on RAW or Smackdown for a week at a time, and you’d have to commit to that and ride out any discontent during the early days from people who are used to being spoon-fed the top stars in one easy to digest package. The thing is, though, that this actually makes sense. If someone like CM Punk, who’d been out of the spotlight for a while, were to come back into the title scene, surely it’d make sense for him to win a few matches on Superstars or Main Event? The mind-set that dominates at the moment, that these guys all just turn up on Monday Night and see what happens makes far less sense than the old-fashioned idea of the company booking you for a match on whichever show it sees fit.

Some of you will probably be reading this and will be thinking that the idea of seeing Curt Hawkins where you may once have seen Daniel Bryan twice doesn’t sound like a great trade, and in principle I’d agree with you…. But the ultimate thing working against the ‘no-names’ in the WWE isn’t a lack of talent, or a lack of fan interest, but the fact that very few have been given the chance to get themselves over. The WWE like to shift the blame for this onto the stars, and the higher-ups and creative then absolve themselves of any responsibility, but there is a pretty clear correlation between those people who get a reaction and those who are backed by the company. Ultimately, none of us can really know the ways in which some of the people we've dismissed might surprise us if only they were to be given a real opportunity.

Truth is, the roster they have is far too big for the product they put out. This repetitive crap could be done with 35 guys on it, because they only ever use about 20 at one time anyway. But since they aren’t at war, and they don’t need to worry about wrestling fans channel flicking - because lord knows the audience can’t get much smaller than it already is – why not try and be better? Why not use the talent at your disposal, and make every show as varied and interesting as it can be?

If a company were to try that, they’d have to start at the bottom – but if you move at the bottom of a pool, you’ll be surprised how far the ripples can go. ]]> Columns Prime Time http://www.lordsofpain.tv/showthread.php?2207-Take-Up-Thy-Wrestling-Boots-and-Walk-How-Superstars-Can-Save-the-WWE Boombox: The Book of Axel http://www.lordsofpain.tv/showthread.php?2206-Boombox-The-Book-of-Axel&goto=newpost Sun, 16 Jun 2013 13:18:30 GMT Image: http://i1063.photobucket.com/albums/t501/Dannokaboom/BoomBox_zpsa4eaea60.png ...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBSFJk0GDC0
Huge thanks to the girls for recording a theme tune for me. These girls are terrible singers but make up for it in other ways.

Today was a normal kind of day. It was very warm but not really sunny. It was getting towards lunchtime so I decided to clear up some of the mess and take it down to the skip. Something next to the skip caught my eye, a book, with a worn leather binding. I tossed the boxes into the trash and picked up the book, looking around for a potential owner. It was a fairly unremarkable looking thing from the outside, about 200 pages or so. But when I opened it and flicked through I could hardly believe my eyes, thousands of pages flicked in the wind, printed on a silk like material which disappeared in the sunlight, yet looked like paper when held like a book. I brushed the dust from the cover; revealing a title but no author: “The Lives of Axel”.

I took the book to my car and began to read through while eating my cheese sandwich. The foreword explained that this was a chronicle of the many lives of Curtis Axel. Axel was not of this world. His flesh, blood and hair were human but his spirit floated between dimensions, attaching itself to a new born and living that life. The spirit wasn’t self-aware; it couldn’t remember any of its previous lives and had no determination over its next host. It simply lived a life, died and then moved onto the next one. There were thousands of tales; here are just a few that I managed to get through.

The Hairy Hero

Axel in this dimension is seen as almost a God-like figure. He is a superhero in the truest sense of the word, using his powers to help all those in need. He goes by the name of Beard Man and protects his secret identity by wearing an eye mask made from hair. Beard Man uses his ability to grow his beard to extraordinary lengths, using his long face fuzz to help those who need it most.

Beard Man first came to prominence after a mine shaft collapsed, trapping over 100 men underground. All rescue attempts failed, with only a small hole to drop food and water down for the trapped miners, hope began to fade. Suddenly an unknown masked man appeared, claiming he could help. Onlookers were amazed when this stranger’s beard started growing, forcing its way down the supply hole, lifting boulders out as it went deeper into the fissure. Eventually the beard had cleared a big enough hole for the men to escape so it formed itself into a hairy ladder for the men to climb to freedom.

The world rejoiced at this miracle. He was heralded as a hero when he stopped a flood destroying a city, an animal rights lover when his beard mopped up an oil spill and a humanitarian by creating thousands of blankets for the homeless. The most amazing thing of all though, Curtis Axel never revealed his true identity, never feeling the need for the adulation that would come with such an act. Axel truly was a hero by letting Beard Man have all of the glory.

The Lonely Fish

The planet is underwater. All life has evolved to cope with the conditions and society has developed similar to the one we live in today. The fish people get on with their lives normally, raising families, getting jobs and socialising. Curtis Axel fish doesn’t do this. He keeps himself to himself, rarely talks to others and lives in that creepy shell on the corner of the street. The small fish are frightened to go trick or treating at Halloween, he doesn’t get invited to street parties and teenagers tell stories about how old fish Axel murdered his entire family and flushed them down the toilet.

The real reason for Curtis’s isolation is due to the breakup of his marriage. He used to be married to his high schools sweetheart, a seahorse named Beverly. They married early and had two kids, Scooter and DJ, and appeared to be the perfect underwater family. Unfortunately things weren’t as rosy as they seemed. The couple had clearly married too early and found themselves arguing more and more. The situation came to a head when Axel finished work early and decided to surprise Beverly with a bunch of flowers. He walked in the house to find his wife engaged in coitus with Arnold the Lobster from down the street. Now Arnold and Beverly live together on the same street. Scooter and DJ have started calling Arnold the lobster Dad as they rarely see Curtis anymore. Occasionally you see Axel, washing his car in the rain or painting his windows after sundown, but he never speaks to anyone.

The Unused Utensil

Axel lives in a dark place. He has company, Gary, Audrey and Philip to name a few. He doesn’t live in the well-used utensil drawer, with the forks and knives and spoons. No, Axel is a spatula, living with the rest of the seldom used equipment like Gary the whisk, Audrey the egg brush and Philip the potato masher. Occasionally he gets to see some light, but rarely gets used as the family don’t eat hamburgers.

Curtis is happy, yet he has noticed that he is being used less and less. He has also noticed he is starting to show some signs of age, a scorch mark on the blade and his handle is melting ever so slightly. One day, after seeing a few of his friends being used as he is left in the drawer, he can sense uneasiness as the others return. They are talking in hushed voices, so when Axel asks what is wrong he notices the concerned looks they are throwing one another. Just as Brenda the cheese grater is about to speak, the drawer opens and Curtis is lifted out. He feels so happy, he hasn’t been used in so long, but confusion washes over him as he sees another spatula take his place in the drawer. Axel is tossed into the bin, never seen again.

Con Air

Curtis Axel is a convict who has served his time. His wife has stayed faithful to him throughout his sentence just as he has kept in contact with his little girl every week. He is due to be released, but a plot twist sees him having to board a plane full of the country’s most dangerous criminals. Obviously the flight doesn’t go to plan, with John Malkovich taking control of the plane with the help of Ving Rhames and Dave Chappelle. Long story short, Axel stops Danny Trejo from raping a female security guard, gives Bubba from Forrest Gump his insulin, pushes a dead Chappelle from the plane with a handwritten note to John Cusack and crashes an airplane into Las Vegas with zero casualties. Oh, and Steve Buscemi was there too.

The Push to the Moon

Curtis Axel is a professional wrestler. He has ability, but seems to lack charisma. Most of the management have a high opinion of him, so despite lukewarm crowd reactions and an appalling win/loss record, they decide to give him high profile wins against the current champion and future boss.

Sorry, I’m stopping there, this is just too farfetched. ]]> Columns Dannokaboom http://www.lordsofpain.tv/showthread.php?2206-Boombox-The-Book-of-Axel